Jehovas Witnesses

[Magicdirt]

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Edited May 8, 2011 by Magicdirt

[Amazonian]

My mum liked a drink and when the Jehovahs would come to the door , she would invite them in. She would be in the middle of a drunken rant and the Jehovahs would try to leave but my mum would just keep on talking .For her any company was better than no company. It was funny.

I don't like them or any uninvited people knocking at the door either. I have said for many years that i will make up a sign at the font gate something along the lines of , 'If you are not invited, don't bother knocking'.

Edited February 28, 2011 by Amazonian

[Yawning Man]

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Jehovas witness on a sunday morning

[Alice]

My mum liked a drink and when the Jehovahs would come to the door , she would invite them in. She would be in the middle of a drunken rant and the Jehovahs would try to leave but my mum would just keep on talking .For her any company was better than no company. It was funny.

 

Reminds me of S1E1 of Black Books, when they come to the door and Bernard invites them in because he doesn't want to do his tax. At first they think it's a trick, because no one has ever invited them in before, lol. Fucking great episode.

 

Edited February 28, 2011 by Alice

[synchromesh]

Putting up a sign is definitely a good idea. I remember a time when a JW saw my sign... he told me that he saw it, and then respectfully told me that he wouldn't bother me. I was actually quite surprised by that. Good on him I thought...

[migraineur]

When I was a teenager some knocked on my mate's door early one morning. His big angry black dad marched down the stairs stark naked and goes "WHAT?!?!?!". They said they'd come back another time but they never came back again.

I've learnt a trick from my mum when I need to get rid of them. Because she has a friend who is a JW and who gives my mum books to read then I tell them that my friend already gives me the books. It gets rid of them quickly and easily. Normally they want to leave literature and then come back and talk about it later.

[Teljkon]

asdas

Edited December 19, 2021 by Teljkon

[Magicdirt]

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Edited May 8, 2011 by Magicdirt

[Evil Genius]

Last week they got me because i thought it would be the postman ringing on my door. Apart from the fact that they invade peoples personal space in a very unpleasant way, most of them are actually pretty nice people. I respect them for standing up for their religion but as the most unreligious person that ever walked the earth, it annoys the crap out of me. I can understand where they are coming from as i think that most people need something to believe in but i really hate that part when they come knocking at peoples doors in order to spread their word. To me thats very unpolite behaviour, no matter how friendly they may be. I see no diffrence to the manson family coming to my house in order to convince me of their truth or some nutjob Mujahedin trying to stome a woman in my garden for not wearing a face-curtain. When im at home, i dont want be called nor ranged out of the bed on weekends. Thats one of MY ten commandments and they break it on a monthly basis. bye Eg

Edited February 28, 2011 by Evil Genius

[dundee]

They got balls tho, I admire their courage and drive to deliver what they feel is truth

[nabraxas]

18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Matthew 28:19,20

Jehovah's take this (& similar passages) to mean that until all people in all nations have heard Jesus message the end ov the age cannot happen.

When they visit they have maps which they mark off. If someone is not home they will come back.

Their mission to give every person a chance to hear the Word is in effect immanentizing the Eschaton

[lofty86]

When I was nine years old a friends mother (a jehovas whitness) caught me playing dinosaurs with her son after school she told me that dinosaurs and cavemen were elaborate lies created by satan and that i was evil she continued to tell me that invisable angels with swords of fire will one day come down and behead my family and send us to burn in hell for eternity because my mother was unmarried and we werent alowed to play together again.

years later i ran into neil in a youth shelter and we spoke about the church he was ex-communicated and disowned by his entire family for trying to come forward about sexual abuse hed encountered from elders apparently its quite common place in the community and any child to come forward is labelled a demon (literally)

since that day i decided i want nothing to do with there doctrine i refuse to even accept a copy of watchtower and when they come to my door i make a point of letting them know there belief is a lie and tell them i hope one day they can see the truth.

Its my opinion not to pitty or humor them at all the more people they reach the more childrens lives will be destroyed.

[Rabaelthazar]

The Jehovas Witness, like its close relative the Mormon, is a relatively docile animal which can be baited with such treats as cookies. During a busy mating season, you may notice an unwelcome increase in the numbers of these vermin entering suburban areas.

One simple trick to rid your neighbourhood of these unwanted pests is to bait them with treats and mix in a healthy amount of cannabis. You only need one or two intruders to consume your treats as both Jevoas Witnesses and Mormons have a strong tendency to report the news back to their burrow discouraging further invasions. The secret behind this is that both species are irrationally afraid of any knowledge or thought that falls outside their dogma. The active chemical in cannabis, THC, can encourage radical thought and this is the thing they fear most.

An example of a successful end to a swarm of Mormons using this method can be seen below.

http://www.albazilla.com/wiki/index.php?title=Feeding_hash_cookies_to_Mormons&redirect=no

(and the more sensationalist Mormon version)

http://www.mormonstoday.com/991010/D2Hashish01.shtml

Edited March 1, 2011 by Rabaelthazar

[Evil Genius]

Dont think this would be legal, Rab. As much as i think all this religious rubbish to be bullcrap...i dont want some certain religions to be treated worse than others here. I dont give a shit about religious feelings but lets not get into a witchhunt vibe here. Religious believes are generally all pretty much ridicilous and messed up so lets just keep it with that and treat em all equally bad. And please dont advise someone to drug their local jehovas. I definately know people here who would be crazy enough to follow your advice and i dont know if we could be held responsible for that. Moral of the story: Dont drug your local jehovas or mormons.

Edited March 1, 2011 by Evil Genius

[etherealdrifter]

i can't believe the JW's are getting airtime here.lmao

rab..i know it's been done before but don't tempt the loonies

[Rabaelthazar]

Official Apology commences here:

I hereby apologize to all loonies of the Corroboree who may have been tempted to drug their local Jehovas Witnesses or Mormons. Just like the concept of sleeping with a goat, the concept of spiking your Mormon's cookies with hash should remain a fantasy and should not, under any circumstances, be acted out.

As EG so succinctly put it:

Dont drug your local jehovas or mormons.

 

[etherealdrifter]

Official Apology commences here:

I hereby apologize to all loonies of the Corroboree who may have been tempted to drug their local Jehovas Witnesses or Mormons. Just like the concept of sleeping with a goat, the concept of spiking your Mormon's cookies with hash should remain a fantasy and should not, under any circumstances, be acted out.

As EG so succinctly put it:

 

here.here.

[etherealdrifter]

lets all jump in the Tardis and fly away.

[santiago]

knock knock

hi were from blah blah blah

not interested but thanks for asking, have a nice day.

close door

[Neoshaman]

Jehovah's witness, I swear man ,I love em,

they're knocking on the door

I'm hanging, waiting above them

puncture wound victims, straight to my door

comeback motherfucker ..............I'll stab you some more

still stabbin by ICP

[synchromesh]

 

[Rabaelthazar]

and on this note, to make sure all loonies are clear on the matter:

Do not drug your local Jehovas Witness/Mormon;

Do not stab you local Jehovas Witness/Mormon.

The best thing to do is cover your eyes. If you can't see them, they can't see you.

[botanika]

I usually tell those guys 'what happens when you get to the pearly gates and there's a big fat smiling asian buddha' ... Usually stumps them...

[Neoshaman]

and on this note, to make sure all loonies are clear on the matter:

Do not drug your local Jehovas Witness/Mormon;

Do not stab you local Jehovas Witness/Mormon.

The best thing to do is cover your eyes. If you can't see them, they can't see you.

 

no drugging no stabbing god you know how to take the fun out of things don't you

[ubza_1234]

i went through a stage of going from religion to religion not to find the right one for me, because i am incredibly comfortable with my beliefs that dont seem to fall under a name, but to understand them so i dont start believing all those stereotypes from people who think they know all about everything, including religions they have had nothing to do with. i, as many people, was brought up good ol roman catholic. among the religions i visited were, born again Christians, budism, judaism, mormon, JW etc

JW was the most impressive organization/religion of them all. the whole organization run more like a massive international company then a religion. they know there target audience and are successfully grow every year and with a huge range of merch. the speakers know how to talk to you, how to read from the bible and keep your attention and how to relate that story back to your own life. real clever sons of bitchs ;) by doing this you start to want to hear more, like how a fortune teller starts telling you about your past and how it relates to your future, you want them to tell you the whole story. you think of JW, you think of a lil minority religion, but the reality is, that they are huge and most people have no f'n idea. they have alot of power, they know how to manipulate people for the good of the religion, and how to explain themselves when they fuck up.

the other thing that impressed me was how well they know there shit. they know more then just every page of the bible back to front, they also have understanding of it. most priests have nothing on your average 25+ yr old JW. the priest may remember the words and can make up a meaning on the spot for you, but JW understand what the messages are, or atleast one interpretation of it. i used to have an awesome time researching passages and finding ways to flip them into a contradicting way, so that one passage says this but then why does this other passage mean the opposite? then the clever bastards would usually say something along the lines of, "yes, i can see how you could interpret that one sentence like that, but if you read the paragraphs before that, then it's pretty obvious that it didnt mean that, it ment this" and sure enough, they got me and i was back were i started from. we both had a great time and it would usually finish with, "so i'll see you at kingdom hall this sunday?" to which i'd reply, "probably not". not the most fun religion i've been to, but they definitely have all the answers, as in, you'll never hear them say, "i'm not sure" when it comes to religions questions.

Judaism and born again were the most fun, but the barmitsfa i went to had amazing food, so clearly, wins hands down. and the Rabi was awesome. funny dude

my missus used to me JW, so i know a poop load about them from her too. mind you, i went thru my religious test drive stage long before i met her, to clear up any confusion.

EDIT:

i saw lofty mention about how there's sexual abuse, well, thats pretty much right on the mark. it's a religion that demonizes (littereally) homosexuality, asking questions that may affect the organization negatively, any relationship outside the religion, especially other religions, anything slightly demonic including all horror films, most heavy metal regardless of the message, books, movies or tv shows relating to super natural themes, (twilight!hahaha) as well as any physical contact between sexs before marrage, including sex, kissing and even holding hands. they are taught about the religion in such a "you know as much as me and we know everything sort of way, that because they think they have the answers, they have no need for questions. because everyone knows what everyone else knows, everyone trusts everyone else. researching about JW on the net is especially bad, and will make bad things happen to you because there is so many sites written by ex-JW explaining there lives and why they left the religion. they are taught in such a way that questioning anything is not as second nature to them as it is to you and i. because they are only taught one thing also due to the fact that they do not interact with people of other religions on a regular basis on purpose, they dont know better, and act towards other religions how we do to them; act like we know everything about them without actually knowing about them and not want to know any better.

also, like priests, the elders are starved of physical contact as they cannot marry there for, no contact. and like a plant starved of light, they reach out for any source they can get. it's almost not there fault, you starve anyone of anything they naturally desire, they will want it more; food, contact with people, friends, relationships, physical contact, sex etc. children are not only the most innocent and naive, but weak in every possible way.the elders spend alot of time with these kids so there desires and will power are pushed to the limit, like holding a piece of meat infront of a hungry dog and telling him not to eat it, to stay. it is disgusting and terribly sad, and dont any of you people think i'm for pedophilia, but it still isnt entirely there fault.

most people would say, they have free will, why do they choose to stay in a position that prevents them from there human desires and make them susceptible to doing horrible things like pedophilia? the fact is they dont. why do people stay in jobs that pay well but do the same thing? because they feel that is the the right thing to do. that being in that high position is what you are supposed to do and that they are very privileged to be in that position. everyone around them encourages this way of thinking, and everyone is happy to see them in that position. i had a lesbian friend who didnt realise her sexuality, but still had boyfriends and had sex with tem. everyone told her how lucky she is to be with the amazing men she was with, however she never enjoyed the experience and was so confused why. everyone tells these elders they are the greatest people because of who they have become, yet there soul tells them otherwise ald craves all the things they are not allowed to have but they not only dont know why, but often dont even realise what the problem is, in the same why my lesbian friend didnt know why she hated all her experiences with men. these elders should know better but they dont, just like priests. the difference between priests and elders is that everyone knows when a kid gets molested by a kid and the media makes sure everyone knows that not only is this wrong, but that this does happen amongst the religion. in JW it's covered up too well. and everyone is afraid to learn about them and be involved with them. if the media got in there, they would say they are all pedo's or that parents are willingly giving there children to these child molesters. when it's not all elders that go thru with the act, just a few. the fact is that these people are sick. simple as fucking that. sick people. maybe instead of saying that these people are wrong, someone should do something about it. i mean it is a fkn screwy friggin religion dont get me wrong, but the morel is: they're human like us, and we shouldnt believe second hand info like it's fact, research the fk outta it first!

END EDIT

there was also the time i did go to kingdom hall, and on there equivalent to easter mass, and got smashed drunk on my plum wine, but thats a story for another day...

Edited March 3, 2011 by ubza_1234