Anger

[Yawning Man]

I was inspecting all my plants this morning and found my dad had fucked around with one particular one and had removed a cover then fucking stepped on it. I fucking lost it. Smashing shit left right and center and i would have kept going if i literally didn't sit down and verbally tell myself to calm the fuck down. If dad had rocked up in the middle of my hissy fit i would easily have smashed his fucking face in.

One day i'm gonna kill someone or myself. Or i'm slowly killing myself with this bullshit. What just happend has made it clear i need help. I'll make the call later today for sure.

I guess i'm asking if other people go through this shit, so i can know i'm not a fucking lunatic. I'm usually a easy going person but my whole life i've been treated like an idiot by people, and my reserved quiet nature meant i didn't know how to respond. So i'd go away after and get angry about things. I really feel the only way i could ever resolve my anger issues is by going around to everyone who has ever wronged me and smash their wind pipe in. At least i'm sane enough to know this isn't the right way about it.

I need a fucking holiday or some shit.

[Torsten]

Psychologists can teach you really good tools how to deal with anger as it arises and also afterwards. You just have to find the right sort of psychologist who doesn't irritate you to the point where you want to smash his face in ;)

Ultimately it's a neurotransmitter issue, with a lack of GABA response being the most likely culprit. I had a couple of years of anger and anxiety issues and took sublingual GABA which pretty much eliminated all the rage attacks. It doesn't work for everyone though and the best way is to make sure your adrenaline levels are under control and you are generally a happy and fulfilled person [ie lifestyle changes might be needed]. Happy & content people don't get rage attacks. Frustrated people are much more likely to. But even at my happiest in life I still managed to do stupid things like splatter a 4L tin of black paint all over my room [furniture, carpet, mixing desk, and walls included] - the thing is to vent against replaceable things rather than people and at least you can laugh about it afterwards rather than living with guilt.

[incognito]

ur dad needs to man up and put his foot in ur ass for chucking wobblys ;P just jokes.

good to see you have made the realisation that you need some help and support managing your anger. takes alot of strength to do that.

i used to get pretty wild when i used to drink as a youngun. me and alcohol dont mix. my tolerance for "perceived" dickheads droppeds to below 0, and most nights would end with me in a fisty. I couldnt help myself, was beyond my control.

(hence the scarring lol) I truly regret every fight i was ever involved in, its true what the ay abou the stronger man walking away. Guess i can blame it to some degree on the culture in which i was spawned lol but thats a cop-out.

Thankfully, i grew out of both drinking (always hated the taste) and fistys. both where interrelated though.

So i guess my anger was released via alcohol, maybee a mix of high rate of testosterone, coupled with repressed anger and extreme immaturity.

Id recommend finding a good counsellor who u can work through your anger issues with. This can be povided for free through your local GP service. You get 5 sessions which can be reassesed after the 5,to see if u would benefit from more. Through the counsellor they may be able to put you in touch with anger management specialist, courses etc.

glad u r getting it under control, chucking a spaz over a plant aint sane, smacking ur old man even insaner, thinking of smashing windpipes insaner still. Thought forms like these result in..well prison, or sever injury or death.

dunno about holiday but gettin ur noggin in order might be a good (and safe) idea.

[bℓσωηG]

Practicing emotional discipline can be difficult. But in todays society one must simply stop and ask ''why am i feeling so upset'' ? Try not to judge it as right or wrong , learn to see it just is ,let it be. Anger is dangerous and can ruin your life...but if you have it and its building best let it out on a punching bag, and then get revenge by making a plan to free yourself from the situation once and for all... Plants come and plants go.

[botanika]

Be like bamboo and let it flow through you. Life's too short to get angry at people.

...or try jogging

[Yawning Man]

Thanks for the responses guys. Apoligies for the ah, graphic parts. Torsten, this is something that confuses me. I'm in a good place at the moment, there's no reason for me to be angry. Small things set me off which annoy me even further. It's ridculous. Thanks for the advice, i freak out at the idea that anger is slowly wearing down my body (which i'm sure it it) so i think GABA sounds like a great idea. Still unsure of where to get some? Every day pharmicists? Do you still take gaba? What does sublingual mean?

I'm not sure if venting is all that healthy. I've had moments where my venting has made me want to continue smashing shit. I need to find a way to vent healthily yet not feel like i'm bottling it up.

lol incognito i agree that most of what i said is insane. I get worried because i just DO NOT think when i get angry. But i know i wouldn't willingly do any of those things. Anger is one of my last big hurdles. And a psych is the most obvious choice.

I'm planning on taking some time off alone in the desert, really escape life. Thats gotta be good for me. I just don't wanna end up like Ned Flanders. "And if you really tick me off....i'll run you down with my car". lol.

cheers

[Chiral]

But even at my happiest in life I still managed to do stupid things like splatter a 4L tin of black paint all over my room [furniture, carpet, mixing desk, and walls included]

 

...sorry but that's just insanely funny...

sometimes life just has to have a larf back at you doesn't it...I mean it was prolly saying to it's self.." hey look, this will be fun, a tin of black paint near all that furniture and electrical equipment...lets splash it around everywhere and see what happens"

I struggle with short temperedness all my life and have to medicate against it, never lash out though, more verbal and vicious than any physical clatterbanging...these things that we get upset over are mostly objects that in the bigger picture are quite insignificant and easily replaceable.

Edited July 26, 2010 by Chiral

[Max Cady]

sublingual "under the tongue" refers to the route of administration of a substance, there the ones my clients at work always spit out can't say I blame them,

get a boxing bag out of the paper and go nuts on it as a short term thing it's a quick way to get it out of your system.

[Amazonian]

Hey Yawning Man, welcome to PMT. I know how you feel. Like attracts like, so anger only makes more anger . I try to think on the positive side of things. Be thankful that you have somewhere to grow plants , Be thankful that you have a father ,etc etc.Cheer up, tomorrows another day.

[ThunderIdeal]

i've let you know privately where to get GABA from, the big tubs from "NOW". mine has formed lumps from some water getting in there but T has said in the past that this is fine and it does last a good while. compared to other things it's very easy to ingest. there are threads here about how much to use and so forth. i hope it works out for you.

man i know how you feel sometimes, i don't think you're insane but we do all have issues. i'm usually pretty good but i've even been tripping and imagined myself as this spiteful energy that just destroys, forms into hyper drill bits and just annihilates everything. it's like temporarily being satan i guess, this guy that has cracked the shits for what the world has done to him and just wants to wreck as much as he can, that's rage and unless you're fighting for your life i reckon it's unhealthy... and like you say it's LITERALLY unhealthy.

needless to say you don't let your actions reflect those kinds of raging thoughts. you handled yourself okay this time and you will in the future too, you're not some asshole out to destroy EVEN IF you've been hard done by.

it's so beneficial (always) to just take a step back, let go of the shit in your head, breathe, and just be. even doing that for two seconds improves your overall day.

[bℓσωηG]

this saves doors etc...

 

[coin]

the Buddha said that getting angry at someone is like throwing hot coals at them...you definitely burn yourself first, and depending on the other person's sense/skill (and given that there's no punches thrown!) - they can "dodge" the fire anyway, choosing not to take it on. every time you re-engage with these reactionary habits - you just make it stronger, making it more likely to happen again & again.

it's awesome that you're not satisfied with the situation as it is -- you absolutely have to put in some smart practice...and then the habit weakens. personally, i'd recommend finding a counselor/psychologist that can teach you "mindfulness meditation" and/or CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) - the combination of these methods is sometimes called Mindfulness based CBT (MiCBT/MCBT). basically learning a no-nonsense, no-religion, etc, form of meditation.

I see you're in Victoria...if you feel like it, you can PM me and I can give you contact info for a psychologist...it's fairly easy to hook it up with your GP as incognito mentioned.

in Buddhist practice, the antidote for "hatred/anger & ill-will" is through intentionally cultivating its opposite - "compassion and loving-kindness." there are specific practices for this. as mindfulness develops, recognition of negative thoughts increases, and a negative thought is countered with a positive thought. this is very important from both psychological & neurological/neurotransmitter perspectives and requires a bit of skill & maturity but anyone willing & ready to change can start. it obviously feels a bit clunky when you begin but becomes more natural over time. the positivity starts to become the habit

Edited July 26, 2010 by coin

[incognito]

plus doing it through ur GP is FREE. psychs without GP referral is very expensive.

I have never heard of MCBT. I cant give CBT enough praise for the way it can change peoples lives. Only onus is you must be a commited, willing participant

[ThunderIdeal]

this saves doors etc...

 

 

that looks cool. it's so hard finding a place to string up a boxing bag. when you do find somewhere it's a carport or something and it sounds like it's gonna crash down on your head every time you throw a punch.

well, it would be good until you miss the wall-bag and punch the bricks.

[incognito]

that wallbag looks cool as.

hitting a bag is probably one of the best exercises you can do. hit one for 3 minutes and you will find out why.

i used to combine a heavy bag with a speed ball. heavy bag for building strength and endurance, the speedball for hand eye co-ordination and hand speed. I have been beaten by the speedball though, gave myself a good shiner once, as well as having my hand pulled up and effectively 'thrown' by the ball. not a good look lol.

maybee a martial art or boxing may be another option? be a good place to let out the anger, learn how to control it, as well as getting uber fit and learning how to defend yourself.

[Yawning Man]

Again, thanks for the responses. I actually got a Mental health referal (is that what they're called) so visits to a psych are half price or something like that. Maybe the first few are free? Don't know. I'll focus on seeing the psych first, and explore other alternatives in my own time. The GAHA thing really interests me. Mainly because i'm lazy and the idea of replenishing transmitters that make me calm seems like an easy way out and then actually having an excuse for being so angry lol.

time you re-engage with these reactionary habits - you just make it stronger, making it more likely to happen again & again.

 

Dude thats actual proven science. It's something i'm careful of. And to be honest it has been quite a while since i flew off the handle like that. So i think conciously trying to correct my behaviour has worked. It's fucking annoying, something like this make all the hard work unravel and i have to start all over again. It's so fucking stressful.

cheers

[incognito]

if u got a refferal, the first 5 are free. you are assessed on the fifth to see if you would benefit from further sessions.

if you would benefit, you are alloted a further 5, so on and so on.

yay for the "system" in this regard.

bu yeah, if you are feeling like this most of the time, weed etc aint gonna help. if anything it will compound the feelings.

so yeah i dunno speak to your psych about that. might be a sign u need to slow up on things??? i dunno. but best of luck ay. make use of the mental health system. the government is really starting to do good things re. mental health IMO.

[ThunderIdeal]

before others pipe up about weed, i don't think yawning man has used it for ages (i could be wrong).

incognito, i hope you're right, in my area there is a general feel that the mentally ill (people with SERIOUS issues) aren't dealt with very well, for instance some that should be in institutions and probably want to be in one, are made to live in the wider community.

i ran into a guy once hanging in front of a fish n chips shop, who was talking to everyone. this was in an area where they are made to live about five in a house, with routine visits from an expert. i won't go into the whole bizarre story, he basically thought his ride had abandoned him (went chasing after a cop later on) and i felt guilty leaving him there, he was talking about places where people disappear at ipswich and stuff that made him seem potentially dangerous, and he was approaching unsuspecting children. when he spoke to the police they seemed to sent him back to the store to wait, or just told him to rack off i dunno. it was scary.

[coin]

I have never heard of MCBT. I cant give CBT enough praise for the way it can change peoples lives. Only onus is you must be a commited, willing participant

 

MCBT is where it's at, I reckon...incognito, you might be interested to look at the australian MiCBT institute website, and research into treatment of drug/alcohol dependence...you'd probably also be interested to have a look at how the MBSR (mindfulness-based stress reduction) programs are run, by Jon Kabat-Zinn, et al, and the results (these programs have a really solid history). the participants are people that *really* need it, and really get results. (I think his book Full Catastrophe Living might be the best to look at)

Yawning Man - amongst Buddhist meditation teachers (sorry to keep going on about Buddhism, if that's not your thing), they sometimes lump meditators into two groups, for the benefit of one distinction: anger types, and greed/sensory-craving types. It's just based on whichever habit is predominant. The meditation teachers *prefer* the anger types because they already realise how terribly shit anger makes them feel as it burns through the body/mind, and its sometimes tragic consequences, and so are much more willing & motivated to practice & change, whereas the sensory-craving types are still getting their little temporary "pay off" through their habitual tendencies, whether it be food, sex, drugs, whatever....so what am I rambling about?? Maybe that anger can be a good teacher? Perhaps it is far more valuable than complacency or despondency. Good luck

PS treating the neurotransmitter balance side of things is smart. habits will still remain. addressing that *and* the the psychological side of things is "super smart". and in my experience/opinion, looking primarily at neurotransmitters can often only take you so far and possibly won't provide the same opportunities. (i don't disregard that there are many people who may have some psychological issues due mainly to some underlying physical imbalance.) go at it from both directions is my encouragement

one last thing, if i may - be smart about your sensory impressions: music, tv/movies, etc. & the company you keep. those are easy things to adjust but definitely make a difference.

Edited July 26, 2010 by coin

[incognito]

cheers coin. looking at the site now. ur always so on the money you cool cat

[TheFriendlyPlanter]

Sounds like maybe you're just surrounded by idiots and you're at your wits-end. They'll get the better of you in the end, so you'd better work on an escape plan before you end up in jail or something.

Believe me, you don't ever want to place yourself at the mercy of a fool, they can be DANGEROUS! Don't let some idiot out-fox you, stay three steps ahead at all times.

good luck with it.

[incognito]

amybee not the best mind-set for YM to be in

[nabraxas]

Neurobiology is fun and interesting, but how does this help us fix our bad day? After all, even when we know a bad day is all in our heads, it can still be very convincing and real to us when we're having one. Here are a few steps that can help turn a bad day around:

1. Reflect on the negative feeling you have right now. Is it stress? Anxiety? Frustration? What caused it? Try to label it in one to three words, but no more! For instance, it might be "frustration with clients" or "anger from assholes." You know, something like that. Once you've labeled it, do not think about the feeling or events anymore. Move on and only refer back to the label if necessary.

Matthew Lieberman, an associate professor at UCLA, has shown that the simple act of putting our feelings into a word or two can dramatically reduce the effect of those feelings. When you're angry, simply attaching the word "anger" to your feeling makes you less angry. [5]

2. Re-evaluate the situation or events that lead to this stress. Find some conceivable positive outcome. Did you just lose a client? Figure out why, and you're left with a powerful experience from the school of hard knocks, which you can use to your advantage in the future.

Or if that fails, try to imagine some way it could have gone worse (your mileage may vary with this technique… I've just found that it works for me).

Reevaluation is often much easier said than done (it's the most difficult step in this list by far). There are a few tricks you can use to help you get in the right mindset to reevaluate your situation. These tricks rely on the fact that the brain responds to novelty by releasing dopamine, which puts you in a good mood can help to reset your outlook. [6]

The crazy thing is that you can trigger your brain's novelty response with seemingly small and trivial changes. The main idea is to simply change your environment in some small way so as to cause an out-of-the-ordinary experience. Some examples (which I've had a lot of luck with) include heightening or lowering your chair (or moving the seat in your car slightly aft or fore, but so as to still be comfortable and safe). You may also try listening to a different type of music; if you normally listen to rock, listen to some hip hop for the day. Go for a bike ride or walk in an area you've never explored (again, stay safe). For lunch, go to a restaurant at which you've never eaten.

3. Remember that the outcome of the previous minute is not indicative of the outcome of the next minute. Likewise, the last hour has no bearing on the next hour, and this morning is no indication of what this afternoon will bring.

4. There is no step 4, just get on with your life already!

You may also try talking to someone you trust, but beware. As stated in #1 above, thinking too deeply can cause you to dwell and can heighten your sense of frustration or anger with the events that have gone unfavorably, which may lead inevitably to the downward spiral otherwise known as "a bad day".

The Science Behind "Having a Bad Day" (and How to Solve It)

[hutch]

Mate I know where you are coming from in regards to an absolute outburst of anger that can be so bad you could very easily kill someone. Even my cows I have been nurturing a little acacia from seed to about 35cm high...this process has taken me two fucking years and I just went down my dam to take a photo of it for the seed giver and the bastards have pushed down the fence I had around it and ate it...roots and all lucky I don't own a gun....but one will suffer as the on farm butcher will be getting a call (he was any way)

I am prone to those same outbursts of anger as you described...luckily they are brief and I can generally pull myself back under control fairly quickly...I think with me though it is a build up of lots of things and at some point I need to vent it or have a seizure...the blind rage part can be frightening...Happened to me once in a board room of business people. One bloke, one of our franchisees had been pushing my buttons for months and he just happened to push the wrong one that day...I remember feeling my pulse as a pain race up the back of my neck and I started to physically shake and I don't remember what happened from there. It was like somebody else was in me and beating the crap out of this bloke. Happens rarely now but when I was younger....specially on Bundy rum...I think it is a good sign that you could tell yourself to sit down and calm down. Thats what I couldn't do when I was younger...the amount of holes I have had to fix in plaster walls when I was in my early teens...the broken knuckles (bloody wall studs) But I never would admit I had a problem....Well done..you do...

Deep breaths.......take care...

Hutch

Edited July 27, 2010 by hutch

[hutch]

plus doing it through ur GP is FREE. psychs without GP referral is very expensive.

I have never heard of MCBT. I cant give CBT enough praise for the way it can change peoples lives. Only onus is you must be a commited, willing participant

 

Google CBT and you come up with "cock and ball torture" could help with anger I suppose

Don't know if I could be a committed willing participant but

Cognitive behavioral therapy sounds pretty good though.....