relationships and the good/bad decisions we make...love is blind...?

[psychoshaman]

almost got married 9 years ago (phew almost...) broke relations with my partner 'bout 4 years ago (talk about a torrid relationship, people would actually say wtf when i tell the stories, funny what love can do, made me blind...) been single ever since...

think i'll stick with mother nature and hang out with plants and stuff...

hang in there dude...

[paradox]

.it's just that the last 12 months have been hell and I'm having difficulty finding that sweet place we used to be at when we first met...and in my opinion age is relevant in this topic as experience has everything to do with long term relationships and marriage and children.

H.

hunab surly you know the honeymoon period doesn't last. that feeling at the start of a relationship is all about the excitement of the mystery of this person. eventually you become extremely familiar with eachother & very familiar with eachothers percieved negative traits. it's at that point, when the honeymoon is over that you get a much more realistic view of the relationship & your own ability to make it last.

at that point you have to decide if it's worth it for you to put up with this persons crap...because everyone has crap, we're all human & we're complex monkeys & anyone you ever have a relationship with is gonna have some crap. it's just whether you feel your two particular personalities are conducive to dealing with eachothers crap & whether at the end of the day your love for that person transcends all the crap. basically i reckon if you really want it. if you truly love the person & want to make it work then you will knuckle down & deal with the crap & hopefully over time you will open up deeper lines of communication & respect along the way & learn to put up with the things which you don't see eye to eye with. either that or you decide that it just isn't a healthy relationship & you give up.

if you can somehow develop your communication & come to a mutual understanding about specific things which you both can't stand about eachother & both deliberately make an effort to work on it &/or put up with it. if you both really love eachother & really want it to work then you'll just keep stickin in there & giving it your best shot. if you don't then you'll give up & start anew.

not sure how useful any of that is. is just what popped out

[Chiral]

yeah possibly as I am a bit of a cunt to live with...but I am not selfish or lazy and only need small amounts of respect and reciprocation...when you get none it's painful...perhaps I'm just going through a painful patch again...

almost got married 9 years ago (phew almost...) broke relations with my partner 'bout 4 years ago (talk about a torrid relationship, people would actually say wtf when i tell the stories, funny what love can do, made me blind...) been single ever since...

think i'll stick with mother nature and hang out with plants and stuff...

hang in there dude...

yeah I can relate to this...I should have taken time after my first marriage and taken time out for myself and reflection...instead I felt like I had to have someone and felt lonely and jumped at a new full on relationship before my head stopped spinning from the first one.

H.

Edited June 13, 2009 by Hunab Ku

[AndyAmine.]

Sounds like one thing you may like to try is reinvigorating the relationship.

Try going on some 'dates', going to new places, try acting like you just met each other, maybe look into some 'swinging' or making the relationship some what 'open'.

Maybe try having a night a week where you take turns in sharing something each of you like?

Basicly, it sounds like you have both fallen into a rut and that one of the things that could help is to have more sex with each other as having sex releases oxytocin which in return strengthens the bond you both have and the love you feel for each other.

The longer a couple goes with out sex the faster their levels of testosterone etc will fall, this along with the natural decline felt in the 40's/50's results in a major slump both personaly and in the relationship.

Something a friend said to me recently that put a smile on my face.

If girls (boys) didnt have pussies (dicks) you would throw rocks at them. :D

Edited June 11, 2009 by AndyAmine.

[SayN]

Try going on some 'dates', going to new places, try acting like you just met each other, maybe look into some 'swinging' or making the relationship some what 'open'.

Maybe try having a night a week where you take turns in sharing something each of you like?

Great idea, but will only work if both partners accept there is a problem and want to fix it. Having said that, you will need to approach your partner and express your concerns and listen to hers (if she has any).

The longer a couple goes with out sex the faster their levels of testosterone etc will fall, this along with the natural decline felt in the 40's/50's results in a major slump both personaly and in the relationship.

And i take it masturbation doesn't count?

[incognito]

i think this comment needs alot of analysing on your behalf Hunab.

yeah possibly as I am a bit of a cunt to live with...but I am not selfish or lazy and only need small amounts of respect and reciprocation...when you get none it's painful...perhaps I'm just going through a painful patch again...

i just hope ur not blaming all of ur 'issues' onto your family.

maybee you need to address the issues u carry around re. problems with ur dad, anxiety, drug intake. maybee u would benefit from a good councellor i dunno man....~~~~ u just sound really fuken scattered lately-

edit~ i dunno how else to say this but im really worried about u man, and ur family.

sucks when children are involved, and hope they aernt copping to much backlash from ur said problems (and chron psychadelic, substance use!((abuse?))

fuck i dunno, but i think these problems are serious, and would be best dealt with with a professional in the field than on an ethnobotany forum.

Hope everything works out, guess in a way, im projecting my own losses onto you, seems my relationship wasnt as bad as yours when my ex had enough and fucked of (and rightly so- ive dealt with that)- and when ur standing there alone, you realise you are standing in your own hell.

youve made the bed, now sleep in it~ trust me, i BARELY survived it.

you have to question and ask, does she love you? do you love her?

if neither of you dont well why drag on the torment.

Just dont expect a partner to stick around when they are being ignored , and your posing around as some psychadelic 'intellect',. constantly on the net and gulfing down swags of shrooms. Of course theres going to be resentment.

i dunno i dunno,

just good luck and hope things pan out well for EVERYONE involved.

just never make the mistake of thinking that your own path is more important than someone elses.

Edited June 11, 2009 by incognito

[Chiral]

Just dont expect a partner to stick around when they are being ignored , and your posing around as some psychadelic 'intellect',. constantly on the net and gulfing down swags of shrooms. Of course theres going to be resentment.

For the record...I indulge once a fortnight, privately, securely, safely and honestly...stop portraying me as some sort of mushroom or psychedelic junkie...FYI...my last excursion I discussed it openly with my partner and she was interested seemingly until at the end when she said so these people you see and meet on your journeys can they give you the lotto numbers so I don't have to study and work.

outta here.

H.

[incognito]

sounds like a reasonable request? shes the one who 'brings home the bacon'? is she not?

sorry Hunab, im not going to pamper your bleeting.

Edited June 11, 2009 by incognito

[Chiral]

Yes she does and I am on parenting payment...but you see when I was bringing home the bacon..large slices and giving her and her parents thousands of dollars I never once complained...all I hear now is complaining...funny that.

H.

[incognito]

eh im out of this ,

this is some personal shit!!!!

i recommend taking it of the net and sorting it the fuck out, maybee try www.interrelate.com.

Good Luck.

[Torsten]

Hunab, I take a VERY dim view of people who sabotage threads by deleting their posts. Even if it is their own thread. As soon as people reply the thread becomes a communal project and removing your own content wastes everyone else's effort.

As for your request to delete the whole threads: we don't delete threads for convenience, especially not if so many others have replied.

Threads don't always work out the way they were intended. That's often a good thing. If threads go really bad you can ask mods to consider closing them so that they don't fester in the direction they were heading, but ultimately it is up to the mod to decide if s/he thinks this is appropriate.

[C_T]

Hanub. Honestly...

You do explore more than once a fortnight, we can all see your posts. Be honest to yourself.

You remind me in these posts, of myself, when i've been taking cid too regularly. It becomes a very very emotional time in your life, and yes sometimes we need to feel those to feel alive, but too often and we find it hard to distinguish whats what.

Its time to take a step back brother. Meditate, stay straight, get a clear head before you do something you'll regret.

Seriously, you don't want to be making ANY decisions in this state.

[Chiral]

Hanub. Honestly...

You do explore more than once a fortnight, we can all see your posts. Be honest to yourself.

You remind me in these posts, of myself, when i've been taking cid too regularly. It becomes a very very emotional time in your life, and yes sometimes we need to feel those to feel alive, but too often and we find it hard to distinguish whats what.

Its time to take a step back brother. Meditate, stay straight, get a clear head before you do something you'll regret.

Seriously, you don't want to be making ANY decisions in this state.

Hey fuck you BRUTHA...I do not "explore" as you put it, more than once a fortnight...don't make assumptions about things you have no idea about...and what state am I in prey tell oh wise one...

H.

[t st tantra]

the obvious question would appear to be 'what does your telepathy tell you about this situation?'.......or are you too emotionally involved for that to work?

t s t .

[Chiral]

There is no situation ...in fact my partner has come home today and apologised for being a bitch lately and I gave her a hug and said it's okay come and chill with me and watch this movie...my initial point was merely about bad decision making and how and why we do what we do when we enter into a relationship...in fact funnily enough Teo gave the best response in this thread with the Monkey theory and how we are like pack or group animals and need company around us...all this bashing of the supposed over use of drugs has got nothing to do whatsoever with what I wanted to discuss...and for all those who wanna say I've been going hard and frequently....you are confusing large dosing with frequency....they are 2 different things so get your facts right....I smell a fair bit of hypocrisy here too sometimes especially from daily weed smoking, beer drinking, pill popping, nanging, DXM gulping, people...as you are aware I don't touch any of those so called ok things to do...I don't need telepathy to tell me what I do, and when I chose to I do with care and cautiousness and respect for others around me. anyways no damage done I just spat the dummy at the constant over use gesturing...annoys me when it's all lies. for all you out there tonight "exploring" have fun as it's my week off and I'm watching a ton of ethno DVD's that a friend lent me and I have lebanese pizza and chunks of hot and spicy Oporto chicken to keep me company.

H.

Edited June 12, 2009 by Hunab Ku

[poo]

Take it as a compliment Hunab. No one bothers to reply to cunts they don't care about.

[Thelema]

Deleting posts you're ashamed of isn't sabotage.

Hunab, I reckon, and this is only slightly tongue in cheek, that the time is ready to bring up the whole anal sex thing. Go for her anus, she'll soon behave, trust me.

[Torsten]

Deleting posts you're ashamed of isn't sabotage.

Hunab, I reckon, and this is only slightly tongue in cheek, that the time is ready to bring up the whole anal sex thing. Go for her anus, she'll soon behave, trust me.

will this be one of them?

anyway, your statement does not make sense. why does shame preclude sabotage? If someone pulls out of a theatre play because they are suddenly ashamed of their role, then the whole play is pointless, everyone's work is wasted and there is no other word for it other than sabotage. A forum collaboration is no different. Many forums do not allow edits after a certain time has elapsed. For legal reasons we make no such limits but we expect our members to show courtesy to each other by not wasting each other's time.

[Chiral]

I apologise for deleting my earlier posts I wont do it again...I asked for it to be deleted because of the negativity that drifted into it...most people weren't getting the thread at all....some did, bang on... but I was swayed by the few, and thought it was starting to sound like airing my washing in public....and on an ethnobotany forum...well I mean that is what chill space is for no...non related but common occurrences in peoples lives...I would think that the thread starter would have the right to ask for threads to be deleted as I have had them done ...albeit under different circumstances...before.

I'll pass on the anal thing thelema...I'll send your details to a company that supports those types of activities here...I think it's called " Shelve it " they have many options and can help out in that area if anyone is looking for those types of remedies, I believe they are somewhat busy over the next few days with a crush they are reliving with Eddie Vedder but I'm sure they will be done shortly...

Yeah Nook doesn't let anyone edit there posts after I think 10 mins or something...it was causing chaos in the trading section so they changed it to 10 mins or something....you edit after you have posted for spelling etc but if you re read your post say an hour later with other replies the edit button is gone.

H.

edit: I will go back and rename the thread and fill in some of the blanks I have left to somewhat restore the thread to it's former status..if that's ok.

Edited June 13, 2009 by Hunab Ku

[Torsten]

I would think that the thread starter would have the right to ask for threads to be deleted

There is a forum model I considered where the topic starter has full control over his thread, ie he is essentially the mod for the thread. It works well for technical forums where it is ALL about content and no diversion is tolerated, but really is not suitable for a forums such as this. When people know that their content can be removed they tend to put less effort into it [especially when it drifts a little] and such forums generally tend to be pretty dull.

I think it is OK to delete threads when this is clearly the policy of the forum, but on this forum the policy is the opposite.

We do allow editing of posts and many people who have been unhappy with the direction of a thread have edited their posts to some degree to steer the discussion. If done skillfully I have no issue with that. It is only when the removal of a post completely trashes the thread that I feel it is unfair to the other members.

edit: I will go back and rename the thread and fill in some of the blanks I have left to somewhat restore the thread to it's former status..if that's ok.

Awesome!

[Chiral]

Okay I have resurrected all my sabotaged posts but have had to do it from memory and now that I'm not bitter and twisted it's probably not exactly how it was but it's close.

I will add that many of my problems have come from choosing non compatible partners as I am a real neat freak and like to have my place just so with no mess and decorated just the way I like it with my artwork and rug selection and colours etc...I'm not as bad as I used to be but I would always cause a scene and shoot off that I'm the only one to ever do any cleaning and straightening up...to this day I haven't been with any chick who is clean and tidy and that frustrates the hell out of me... so many lazy ass women have come and gone..I seem to attract them or something or it's a situation where you commit too early without living together and then suddenly find out all the idiosyncrasies and start to become a pain to live with.

H.

[t st tantra]

glad things are sorted for you now.......

t s t .

[SayN]

glad you're back on track.

on the non-compatibility issue, well I know it sounds cliche, but opposites do attract. and whats more they often complement each other and combined can produce a much more balanced whole.

[mac]

I am a real neat freak

i could tell from the anal way your garden is organized (no offense )

i like a random chaos style in my garden, im also a messy fucker my house is like my shed & i dont go in the shed because i cant get in there

[Thelema]

does shame preclude sabotage?

sorry, I should have said :

"deleting posts you're ashamed of isn't neccessarily sabotage."

Grammar Nazi?

Anyway, I think there's a whole divide between being a sabateur and being remorseful and deleting things that in retrospect you wish you hadn't said. There's no real connection, the argument is tenuous.

Seems like a Ruddian move to get involved here, T.

Edited June 13, 2009 by Thelema