spooge Posted October 1, 2015 (edited) Hello,I've decided to formally make a hello everyone thread that I never made when I joined nearly 2 or 3 years agoI'm hoping this will explain to you all why I'm me. I also caution you that this post contains revolting themes. Please understand that whilst you read this i am not seeking sympathy or empathy by posting this, the reason I'm doing this is so you all know why i am me and why i react like i do sometimes on here. Some may or may not agree with some of the life choices i have had to make, i also very much regret many of my actions. I was born to trash. wasn't taught to walk till i was 18 months old. By 2 the parents had separated and us 3 kids were living with the mother. this woman is quite promiscuous and had several relationships with different abusive men. when i was 8 she lost it and we were sent to live with our father in Vic. 6 months later she rocks up and picks us up, meanwhile she has met a new man who is about to change everything forever. This man with the consent of the woman who was suppose to be my mother abuses me physically, emotionally and sexually until i left escaped from home at 17. this man doesn't like little girls so my sister was safe, my brother fought him as much as he was able, he lost as well. I attended 16 schools from year 1. so i literally escape home at 17 and become a junkie and live on the doll etc, trying to kill my self on every drug there is, this is early 90's diff stuff around. I did this until i was 25. then one night whilst dying under someones kitchen table as id just drunk a bottle of scotch and eaten multiple mind altering substances, i realised i want more, i realised that i am worth it and i can make something of myself despite having nothing and being treated the way i had, that i have every right to become. i ween myself from the drugs and enrol in a 4 year adv dip in visual arts. I do very well at this, this 'saves' my life, by graduation i am also working in the art dept. for the next 15 years i built a visual art career whilst working at this govt dept. Ive works in many respected collections, found materials, heavy acrylic use, anti all themes, lge sculpture. I also built a number of public art projects as well as running many state govt art projects. my sister has children, 2 boys and 1 girl, i remind her how i and my brother were treated and she denies all knowledge. I contact the WA police and begin an 8 month long process in creating a statement that outlines the abuse that my brother and i suffered. my brother cooperates but will not admit to any sexual abuse, i witnessed him being abused so i know this not to be true. The police decide the main abuser is the stepfather and arrest and charge him with multiple offences The WA police try these offenders 3 times, so 3 trials and they are found not guilty due to lack of evidence as my brother will not collaborate the statement of him being abused. when i started working at the art school i was the floor sweeper on 14$ hr when i resigned i was on $75 hr casual wage working 40 hr weeks, coordinating the department. i meet my now ex partner during this time. My partner and i buy a house in WA in 2007, we renovate this house and build a beautiful garden. In 2011 the ex partners last living relative dies and leaves him 3mil inheritance. well fuck hey, that some serious cash. we pay off our debts and decide to move to a special place in SA where its green for 9 months of the year we buy a beautiful farm and then hire builders to renovate the house and build a large green house The ex partner manages these projects whilst i complete the sale of the house in WA and kiss work goodbye. It transpires that the builders are unregistered, uninsured and not qualified to build the green house of perform some of the works in the house, 3/4 of the workman shit is no to Australian standard. so I then begin a 3 year odyssey to try and make the builders accountable for their actions through state government organisations, this proves fruitless, none of them will cooperate or help me solve the problem. I can sue the builder, but why should i when have already paid for the work to get done? few weeks ago my partner leaves me partly due to the stress of the building situation, please understand we see and live with these non compliances on a daily basis. I loose it a bit, get off tap and then call the builders for 6hrs on both their phones threatening to kill them in so many wonderful ways, i even told them id drink their blood next morning police turn up and arrest me on 2 counts of threat to kill the builders. I'm mad as a hatter by this stage so I'm cuffed etc........... all this has been recorded on camera and cctv footage which my lawyer has requested. I was assaulted at the police station and put in a paddy van for an hour, double cuffed and in came with a huge guy who had just been sentenced to 5 yrs jail, i expect the police presumed he'd smash me, i used my charm and wit so i didn't get a hiding, he was a nice bloke actually. So i had to break the law for these gov departments to take notice as they all now have a duty of care as i have threatened to kill the builders, over the last week I've had a multitude of gov heads of depts kissing my ass so i don't make complaints to the ombudsman or go to the media. They are all now investigating the claims and are even providing free inspections. The builders will not be allowed their second chance to fix their workmanship as is the law in SA as there is an avo in place. The courts will decide which trades people fix these builders mess, at the builders expense. So thats fucking that, thats my lot and i have to live with it. I just hope my nephews are strong men and survive. the alternative was to kill the abuser, i felt id already spent 20 yrs of my life in 'jail' whilst under their roof and i wasn't going to be incarcerated in prison for another 20 for murder. I have no family at all, havnt spoken to any of them in over 10 years xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx The other side......... As you lot may have gathered i loooooove trading. Im building one of the largest cactus and ethno gardens in SA, I've invested a lot of money into this and will continue to do so supporting traders on here and the SAB shop and bobobob As you know I'm an honest person and i do tryn be nice but sometimes i get a bit ugly cuz of what i have been through. Whilst this is no excuse and does not give me permission to break the rules of the site, i sometimes post a bit aggressively and am working on this Anger is the emotion i have used to 'survive' becoming happy won't be happn overnight, but I'm trying guys, i really am. SAB - i love this place, in my short time here i have learnt so much and met many wonderful people sssshhhhh don't tell anyone but i pretend that this place is my family. Please don't 'like' this post, id prefer it doesn't end up in the most popular content etc................thank you guys and girls Edited October 3, 2015 by olive 24 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
etherealdrifter Posted October 1, 2015 about time you inter lowper. while you think about it, i'll jus place this album here for you to "thinking music' abit. hi ham hairy happy 4hue because i feel the node in your noggin that has been burnt out listening to this album on vinyl. is starting to regroiw. Thanks for turning up because this album is very special too me and i'd wager a gold dubloony that it resonates vibrations with others too. Shine on Olive - you stinker. 7 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Conv3rgence Posted October 1, 2015 You've been through a lot, I'm glad you have found some kind of peace in this existence. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mr b.caapi Posted October 1, 2015 You are you. Your past is what made you. If it wasnt for your past you wouldnt be who you are now. The most important time is now The most important person is who you are with. The most important thing to do is to be kind to whoever you are with. Life is bliss mate. enjoy it while it is there. 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
coolname Posted October 1, 2015 Love you olive. My brother from another mother 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
spooge Posted October 2, 2015 (edited) your comment made me cry Coolname, thank you i need to learn to cry more and let out my anger through more 'positive' emotions. you are 100% correct Mr Caapi, my past has made me who and what i am, the good and the bad. Cheers Conv3rgence, I am working on finding peace, when this building bullshit is over and I've settled things fully with my ex i think i may just be able to start finding the peace i need. Edited October 2, 2015 by olive 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bardo Posted October 2, 2015 I want to hug that child and tell him it will all be ok, That life and its direction is always unerring. You have great perspective and strength and thank you for sharing, i have much care and respect for you. Pm me if you ever need or want someone to listen. I would also like to say an overdue Hi to everyone here and that it is and has been a privilege to be apart of this wonderful online community, I have much love and respect for you all : ) 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
spooge Posted October 2, 2015 I want to hug that child and tell him it will all be ok, That life and its direction is always unerring. You have great perspective and strength and thank you for sharing, i have much care and respect for you. Pm me if you ever need or want someone to listen. Thank you kind sir, thank you 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
watertrade Posted October 2, 2015 Thanks for sharing Olive, I know lots of people on here and we al have our own stories and histories. opening up like this I think is good. it brings us all a bit closer towards understanding each other. I don't know about the blood drinking bit though... wierdo ;) 6 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tangled Posted October 2, 2015 Im so sorry you have been though all that olive. hugs xxx 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
spooge Posted October 2, 2015 (edited) Thank you tangled, i think mr caapi's first sentence is a pretty accurate though. Mr B Caapi - You are you. Your past is what made you. If it wasnt for your past you wouldnt be who you are now. hugz to you as well girl xxxxxx Edited October 2, 2015 by olive Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gtarman Posted October 5, 2015 Hey Olive, sorry to hear about the shit you've been through. The world can be such a bitch to people who've done nothing to deserve it, I can empathise with your story in a lot of ways and some of my friends have had similar life experiences to yours too, so I feel for you. I'm glad you managed to see past the way shitty people made you feel about yourself, that it wasn't your fault and that you deserve better from life. It's important to realize and remind yourself of that, I think. Keep your chin up anyway, and try to ride the waves of your current situation as best you can. There's more than a few of us out there who don't really have families as such, but the big ol' SAB family is here if you need us. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGoat Posted October 5, 2015 Thank you Olive, beautiful to read your transparency and openness. It is inspiring for all those who still hide from their traumas and secrets. I'm proud of you bro... Thanks for sharing, much love and power to you. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mystical oyster Posted October 6, 2015 Sounds like youve had some rough times bro, and thanks for your honesty and sharing. Although past experience has the power to shape us its in our power what we allow.. suffering can initially cause pain and anger but on the flip side it lights the way on the path to liberation.. Ive never witnessed an angry side to you while ive been here, your a good bloke in my eyes, even though our relationship exists through a computer screen im glad to be aquainted, much love and respect bro, keep on keeping on.. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
spooge Posted October 7, 2015 (edited) Thanks guys for your extremely kind and thoughtful words and feelings. it means a hell of a lot to me - the support that the people whom have posted in this thread have shown and the love they have given to just 'another guy' on the forum. This will not be forgotten, i owe you all a debt of gratitude. im starting to feel accepted here and part of the SAB family of which i am proud to belong. Thank you. Edited October 7, 2015 by olive 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Visceral420 Posted October 7, 2015 Hey Olive Sorry to hear, nobody deserves to suffer like that Much love brother. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Strontium Dawg Posted October 7, 2015 I applaud your bravery. What I really like about this place is occasionally someone shows their vulnerability and I get an insight into this human condition we're all a part of. It takes real courage to open up, and be who you are. It's something I struggle with, I mostly build walls to stop people seeing who and what I am. 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
spooge Posted October 9, 2015 Hey Olive Sorry to hear, nobody deserves to suffer like that Much love brother. thank you for your concern and care mate, I deal with it with anger and am trying to change that, its hard work changing something that has saved me for so long Share this post Link to post Share on other sites