Another Suicide topic,

[SunChaser]

Deleted

Edited June 15, 2010 by jabez

[botanika]

I got stuck in peak hour traffic the other day, the gps took me onto a motorway and the cars were crawling along.

 

When I first moved to Sydney I was in lower north shore and drove up to the shops to get some milk, made one wrong turn and found myself on the bridge during peak hour...then made another wrong turn in the city and ended up in Ultimo! But that's also a positive about Sydney - you never get bored there because even getting milk is a heroic mission.

[botanika]

So knowing I had to be the causer (however direct or indirect) of so much pain for a beatiful soul I would've liked to have saved from much despair, was a very tough hurdle indeed.

The major lesson in it for me, which has been echoed by other posters of your thread, is you have to be honest about how you feel. In the end it does no benefit to either party if you cant express wat your true feelings are, because in the end the truth has to come out and the house of cards you built to try save the other from hurting will come crashing down. Honest may be the best policy but it sure aint fucking easy!

Yep, the long way IS the short way...I think a lot of people overlook how difficult it actually is to break off with someone and it's good this thread raises that issue. And its not a cold snap decision, it percolates for a while until you can't ignore your own feelings. Honesty and a clean cut. Like propagating a plant. Well not TOO honest like 'you're just not good looking enough darl' but honesty in expressing your feelings and the reality of the situation. Most women I broke off with got over it quicker than I did in the end LOL. At first they would be all 'I'll never find someone like you again', then a week later they have a new boyfriend.

[Darklight]

does he want me to suffer as he is suffering ... I'm guessing yes.

Hey OL I'm hoping everything is OK with you especially and your ex- is getting the help he needs

I dunno if 'want' much comes into it. His words and actions as you describe them sound more like the desperate thrashings of someone looking for a toehold on reality than someone who really believes that the outcome of making you feel bad will be him feeling better.

I'm not much comfortable writing or lucid about this stuff, esp with so many n00bs around ( it would be sweet if incog was here, damn hoping he reads this somehow ) cos it's too close to home, so please excuse any awkwardness. My beautiful, loving, funny, warm and smart fiancee took her life in 2008 after a lifetime battle with the depression that runs in her family. Several people here knew her too. It is an unimaginable loss. I can't promise even posting about it won't leave me staring at the wall for the rest of the day. So I'm especially hoping you're OK OL

Even after all this I can't consider suicide a selfish act. By the time the thought becomes the deed the sheer chaos the mind is generating makes consideration of other people either twisted so that the act is seen as almost compassionate, or at least of little external consequence, or the person in that state is in so much pain they're not capable of responding to external stimulii in any logical way. Their behaviour can get pretty wild, they're drowning in their head and the incredible anguish they can generate in others while seeking a lifeline is illogical and uneccessary but secondary to the issue of their illness

But yeah, I'd agree that threatening suicide if you fail to comply with someone's demands ( in this case getting back together with your ex- ) is abuse. It might be born of a deep mental anguish and illness and any pain caused is not intended, but it's abuse. It's plain old blackmail of the worst kind. If you're even thinking of making a threat like that to someone you should be seeking help for a much larger problem, not justifying hurting other people. I've never been on the end of such a threat but I do know a few people whose lives have been held to ransom by such words

Gah, running out of battery, gotta go...

[incognito]

Always here for you, beautiful Darklight.

feel free to call anytime.

My beautiful, loving, funny, warm and smart fiancee

she was all that and more.

always think of her when im potting up, truthfully, we had so many great 'moments' around that potting up bench. shes probably the best counsellor ive ever had. a calming energy to my old scattered self she was, when i needed it.

i will always remember her as nothing other than a COOL chick. actually the coolest of cool. cool personifies her. its a term used loosely, but yeah thats what she was. cool, kind, and for some reason to me, happy. we where always happy working together.

i dunno whether this was appropriate for me to comment here DL, but yeah, just felt like saying it, and i say it with the greatest respect for both you and your partner. Im very fortunate to have had both of you in my lives.

And it was nothing short of an honour and a privilidge to have worked so closely with her.

Edited June 13, 2010 by incognito

[Evil Genius]

If it really had anything to do with looking out for someone, rather than some little ego trip. Then there would be no reason to be putting anyone down.

In the end, we´re all alone in this World, Jabez. Sure, it´s a good thing to look out for someone you once loved. But let´s be honest here, a lot of people use threats about sucide to make someone stay with them. This sounds very selfish to me too. You only live once and i wouldnt want to spend precious years of my life in a situation where and with someone i dont wanna be. And this doesnt mean that i dont love someone or that i´m coold hearted. But i´ve seen this happen in my own personal life and i know the consequences if someone is staying with a person he or she stopped loving years ago. Thats when really bad things start to happen. Unhappy people cheat, hurt just to leave anyway in the very end. That would mean prolonguing an already bad sitation and making it even worse...

I had a very personal sucide experience many many years ago with a former ex of mine but i dont want to go into detail here. All i want to say about this is: This thing always messed up my whole life and it wasnt even my fault. To me, threating with suicide because of a breakup is one of the cheapest ways to get back at someone. bye Eg

Edited June 13, 2010 by Evil Genius

[Darklight]

Thanks so much incog, it feels better just to have you around here

she was all that and more

She most certainly was, it feels great to have her remembered so lovingly by so many fantastic people

cool personifies her.

Hell yeah. I could never get her to see that, and sh was worried about being 'uncool' for reasons I never got the hang of but I figured were part of her illness- but she was extremely cool. She did some fantastic stuff, was the most beautiful person, and made everyone around her feel great just to be there. Oh, and she did a mean BBQ too...

but yeah thats what she was. cool, kind, and for some reason to me, happy.

Do you know, she was. She was extraordinarily, inordinately happy like 95% of the time. And then there would be dark, dark moments for her, and we had to take care. And then she would be happy again

we where always happy working together.

She *adored* working with you mate, she told me so several times. I knew I was going to like you when I met you because she said such great things about you, and she was right ( as usual )

i dunno whether this was appropriate for me to comment here DL, but yeah, just felt like saying it, and i say it with the greatest respect for both you and your ex.

Mm. she's not my ex tho. We didn't break up before she died, we didn't even have an argument, she's not my ex, she's just not here

Dunno about appropriate, if I get any more sooky here tho I'll just PM you

Im very fortunate to have had both of you in my lives

We're very blessed to have had you in ours. Wish you weren't so damn far away

Back to it. If you're thinking of killing yourself, get help. Please. The pain you think you're ending becomes your legacy and multiplies exponentially in the hearts and lives of the people you leave behind. Helping one is quicker than healing too many.

[incognito]

for both you and your ex.

shit sorry DL. i know that!!

i read the whole thread b4 i posted, and i guess ex was imprinted in my subconcious from the original and following posts. i wrote that post (in reply to you) out of pure heart and emotion without much thought, all of the thread prior to that contained reference to 'ex' so shiiiit. im not the sharpest tool in the shed, i know you where together, simple slip-up on account of not thinking whilst i posted, hope i havent caused u any offence. more to do with the whole thread being in reference to ex's. humble apologies hun. someone give me an uppercut!!

[Darklight]

Nah don't worry, I wasn't offended at all even for a minute, I just didn't want it going on record that we'd broken up cos we hadn't

No uppercut for you! Have a big warm hug instead

[incognito]

phew'. nah and i KNEW that. thats why im so deserving of the uppercut.

just dumb me posting something without my brain, but with my heart.

but yeah ill take you up on the hug.

i dunno if someones listed any links here to beyondblue??

ive found that organisation very helpful when i was in my darkest moment. and speaking for someone who has experienced suicidal depression PERSONALLY, i cant stress how important it is to speak to someone. Someone neutral i found to be beneficial. I know i say it alot, but counselling really helps. Having someone to just listen to you with unconditional positive regard was extremely helpful for me. Bouncing back your thoughts in another light, from a different angle, you can start to make sense of them, or see how ridiculous and non-applicable they are.

Without a counsellor who was provided to me through DIDS (dads in distress) and the dads in distress support group, id narilly think i would have been on the statistics. Im hopefully repaying the favor by starting a DiDS group here in the central west. But yeah u need to talk to someone, being stuck in your head is a terrible place.

Dads in distress: http://www.dadsindistress.asn.au/

Beyondblue: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?

Lifeline: http://www.lifeline.org.au/

Optical i think u did the right thing, when he put conditions upon you or otherwise.....

maybee u could contact his family and make them aware of the seriousness of the situation? and that an intervention may be necessary?

but yes your own emotional safety and security is what is most important, and i believe u need to give yourself credit for keeping that safe in your apparent emotional state of being. i wish you the best and hope you grow stronger daily.

again id recommend counselling fr yourself to have a look at the way you are presently thinking, and review any dark and negative thoughts, to prevent them compounding. Im no freud, just tryin to help.

[kindness]

the last few posts on here were really heart warming I don't really want to comment on it cause it's such a personal issue - not that domestic violence isn't... OL I think that some of the advice you are receiving via this thread is really quality... some of it is shit, a bit like trying to find help when you have a problem such as the one you are facing really...

Jabez I do not agree with what you are saying. I am leaving it there.

OL - please at some stage in your life re-visit this page and have another look at the posts you have made. You sound like you are doing the best you can and that is all you can really ask of yourself

I cannot continue to participate in this discussion any longer.

peace

[SunChaser]

Jabez I do not agree with what you are saying. I am leaving it there.

 

sorry I called you a drama queen. I just personally think it down grades the word abuse to class manipulation as a form of it.

Edited June 15, 2010 by jabez

[ThunderIdeal]

woah dude!

you've gotten plenty of praise here for your advice given. not everybody agreed, but when does everyone agree? don't take this as me having a go but it seems like you need to chill your emotions a bit!! before you go the way of the incognito. which is what you're about to do, apparently. i urge you to chill out.

[sapito]

meanies seems to be amongst the few that remains calm and respectful the majority of the time. far from judgemental and narrowminded.

I dare say you have interpreted that the wrong way dude. its easy to do on the net, i do that shit all the time.

people will find shit if the go looking for it.

[mutant]

jabez, calm the fuck down man, I have given you shit too, but I think I kind of like you , maybe partly because of what you said: you're an exception [not the only one mind you] on a pretty uniform group.

I have dismissed the power and act of love so many years, but this was because I did not know I did not understand and most important, I was unable to understand, accept and live through all this.

Now that I know , the responsibility is bigger but the big picture is widened.

First understand, than destroy or accept or love or run away. But understand first.

Peace & love

[SunChaser]

Ok, sorry that was probably inappropriate. Whatta gonna do though, it happens.

Don't think my post was directed at you personally meanies. Just saw your comment at the wrong time and decided to have a hissy fit to anyone that was listening. In all logic, I should be used to people telling me I'm full of shit by now, lol

It's just this cold weather, gets ya depressed and also gives me bad asthma, so that my chest caves in whenever I even have a pipe. Basically I need to be in the tropics today and not next week and guess I took it out on the forum.

I can see the irony in being hateful becuase you 'personally' think someone else is being hateful, though.

Peace

[incognito]

geez u couldnt pick a better thread to let loose with the paranoia?

oh thats right , you can handle your herb! yep its the cold weather fuken with your chest ;)

seriously though... couldnt have picked a better thread for your hissy fits. kudos

[mutant]

Inco, you think you're being much better now that you're attacking back, even with less harsh tone??

Peace , know thyself & love

[incognito]

no, i dont think im better.

but thanks for asking.

im saying this thread has some real heart and therapeutic value, why trash it with hissy fits.

Im glad EG is stepping up to his job as moderator, i really think threads like this need to be moderated to keep the the gold and truth in which they contain. I hope that he comes back and deltes this, and your, and perhaps Jabez posts.

im not havin a crack at the mod team, and kudos to EG hes doing some great work, but to keep this forum running more smoothly and not having it erupt into a shitfight of nonsense, where great contributers are scared of from the nonsense, i think the moderating team really have to be a bit more pro-active at putting out little fires, where bullshit is concerned.

im as guilty as anyone here, and i would take any moderating imposed on me on the chin. i take responsibitliy for what i write, say and do. But to post shit in a thread where someone has come with genuine concern looking for real advice, only to have her thread filled with petty selfish bullshit, thats where moderating comes into place. same as your racist slurs against americans regarding the 911 jumper video.

I dont see itis representing what this site stands for (well in my mind anyhoo, id like to think im not alone)

I do expect and wish this post to be deleted, the same as yours.

And i hope taht for the sake of the forum, moderators can step up and be proactive in quelling cicumstances like this in an otherwise gold thread of real truth and purpose.

[Evil Genius]

Hi Nito, i´ve been watching this thread the whole time but i only wanted to interfere if it is absolutely necessary. We already started to talk about the thread a few days ago and even if it looked like we didnt care...We were watching VERY closely! But i wanted to see if the involved people would behave like the adults they are.

The reason i needed to step in was because i felt like other members could be scared from Jabez´aggressive behaviour. Nobody has to be scared here and i wont tolerate bullies!

It´s no Problem for me if someone on this board has an debate about something with another member. I dont want people here to spoon with each other and it´s also ok for me if there are people who dont like each other. But i dont tolerate hate, racism and personal insults! And i say it again just to make it 100% clear... I DO NOT TOLERATE BULLIES!

If you guys think that a thread is against the rules or that a member is abusive, contact me asap!

Jabez, i want you to edit out every insult you made in both suicide threads as soon as you read this. If you refuse to edit it out, we´ll have a Problem. A serious one! bye Eg

Edited June 15, 2010 by Evil Genius

[incognito]

If you guys think that a thread is against the rules or that a member is abusive, contact me asap!

point taken. restepa to the moderating team

[Evil Genius]

The vast part of our work happens in the background and i want it to stay that way. If someone feels like he´s being insulted by someone, he should contact us by pm and we´ll deal with it. What i usually wont do is giving warning points for an unappropriate tone. People here should be able to get along with each other without me having to interfere. If someone decides to behave like an ass, then he shouldnt be suprised if he isnt liked by anyone. What i want to say is that i wont ban people just for being an asshole. But dont get me wrong...thats not the case here. I dont want to see these ongoing insults and thats why we do something about it now. bye Eg

Edited June 15, 2010 by Evil Genius

[OpticalLight]

Hi all... well there's quite a few posts...

I've been super busy over the past few days:-

First off, I am definitely no hero in this situation.

I'm back in Brisbane, (and no I didn't fly back just because of the topic of this thread, that flight was already booked well in advance). My car battery died while I was away, (it's since been slow recharged and is working again, and hey now the radio code has been programmed into the car so I don't have to go to the the dealership ). I had a b'day party - I got absolutely shit faced. I attended my godson's first b'day party the next day whilst recovering from being shit faced. Then I had my actual birthday - another year younger - and I got a nice haircut which made me happy. Also attended Centrelink on my b'day; this made me despondent until I was informed that Centrelink's computer system crashed last Friday and all the Centrelink staff were kept busy the whole day by pissed off people who had missed their pay. Hey, I even felt sorry for the Centrelink bloke behind the counter who served me that I stood there and had a conversation about nothing with the person who came with me to Centrelink, while the Centrelink fellow added notes to my claim without the whole line staring him down. It was hectic there that day, talk about a queue. Centrelink better friggin' come through for me.

And yes I've looked into the situation with my previous/current kinda, long term boyfriend. I can tell that he's experienced pyschosis. The uncontrollable outbursts of emotion are a give away. I can tell what he's been through just by observing his behaviour and how at times he seems really confused. But it's getting better and his normal personality is still there.

But I am still moving to Sydney to try and live by myself, as my mum is still kinda driving me crazy and I'm sure I'm driving her crazy.

My ex/not ex is even supportive of this - this did not happen straight away mind you. He has also been helping me catch up with uni - we have been bullshitting our way through lectures and exercises. This is kinda making up for all the English assignments I helped his brothers with.

He has told me that he accepts the fact that I am a messy person - like wow that took years. I'm not quite sure how I do it, but I seem to be able to mess up a room without even trying. Then I have to exert even more energy to tidy the room up. I could just be tidy to start off with, and there are places where I do do this as I have no choice; but well, when I look at the room I am sitting in it looks kinda trashed... and I've only been back a couple of days. So I'm trying to implement the GTD system... again.

I have also been following these threads when I could. I have in no way felt scared by the conversations going on in these threads, and I quite like a lively debate; I've just been too emotionally drained to reply.

I apologise for not personally replying to everyone; but again thank you for all the different posts, opinions, viewpoints and words. Some of those posts brought me to tears, some of them made me really think, some of them made me smile, some of them made me laugh.

peace, OL

[Whispering Leaves]

hard stuff.

but never negotiate with terrorists.

using suicide as a tool to control others is just abuse.

most people i know that have done that, for real, noone saw it coming and they did it to STOP fucking people over.

hope it all works out.

stop answering those calls... you are not obligated for his life. sounds like he has the shits that he is barely obligated for it either, but that's hardly your problem.

[Teljkon]

asda

Edited December 19, 2021 by Teljkon