Halcyon Daze Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 (edited) Finally a place to post all the most important, crucial, critical, consequential, and concerning news of the moment. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you ** NEWS FLASH!! ** Guess I better go first. This is critically important, people. Someone could DIE!!! enjoy... Vile sicko caught on CCTV groping jogger mum’s bum as cops launch manhunt https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/674597/mum-grope-bum-jogger-Queensland-Australia-video-Jesse-Ratu Edited January 18, 2018 by Halcyon Daze 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siggor Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 (edited) Hmmm I hate to say this out loud but there is the inner cynic screaming at me thinking this is a publicity stunt for Instagram and social media likes. Why the need to contact news.com.au instead of staying out of the way and let the police do their work. Will have to wait for charges to be laid I suppose. GIYF I suppose aswell after a short search http://www.goldcoastbulletin.com.au/news/gold-coast/southport-groper-charged-with-sexual-assault-after-turning-himself-into-police/news-story/41915f81dfb0abb854d71f0728be21c9 Edited January 17, 2018 by Siggor 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DualWieldRake Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 (edited) http://cdn.newsapi.com.au/image/v1/0a900603b6e3e746c4ec0798e393489f I hope the guy will be allright Edited January 17, 2018 by DualWieldRake 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Daze Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 (edited) Ass- ault!?!? Thassa bleedin' outrage innit! I'm a bit suss too. It's all a bit too perfect. Anyway, he was prolly just trying to hit on ( literally) someone who he thought was putting herself out on the market. You know some gurls these days... Seriously tho, some girls may have even hung it out for more smacks. Nothing shocks me in this day and age, just have a look at what's on Kanye's music clips Anyway, he didn't exactly hit her that hard or anything. I know it's competely wrong but He was just trying to pay her a compliment and try his luck on her IMO. When she ran upstairs screaming he was like 'Oh shit, now i'm fukt!' WE'VE ALL BEEN IN THAT SITUATION! You know, done something totally brainless that somehow seemed like a good idea at the time. He just got his execution all wrong , If yer gonna do something as sleezy as that at least try n get some smack-ripple for the boys n girls watching at home. How else can you quantitatively measure the 'fine-ness' of some random ass? - 'In for a penny, in for a pound,' I say... Edited January 17, 2018 by Halcyon Daze 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiscoStu Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2018/01/17/president-trump-reveals-winners-his-fake-news-awards.html NEWS FLASH HOT OFF THE WIRE!! Below is the full list of winners of the 2017 Fake News Awards.1) The New York Times’ Paul Krugman claiming markets would ‘never’ recover from Trump presidencyDisplay nothing; This is on Publish with no configured Image2) ABC News' Brian Ross’ bungled report on former national security adviser Michael Flynn3) CNN report that the Trump campaign had early access to hacked documents from WikiLeaks4) TIME report that Trump removed a bust of Martin Luther King, Jr. from the Oval Office5) The Washington Post’s Dave Weigel tweeting that Trump’s December rally in Pensacola, Florida, wasn’t packed with supporters6) CNN’s video suggesting Trump overfed fish during visit with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe7) CNN’s retracted report claiming Anthony Scaramucci-Russia ties8) Newsweek report that Polish First Lady Agata Kornhauser-Duda did not shake Trump’s hand9) CNN report that former FBI Director James Comey would dispute President Trump’s claim he was told he was not under investigation10) The New York Times report that the Trump administration had hidden a climate-change study11) In Trump’s words, "‘RUSSIA COLLUSION!’ Russian collusion is perhaps the greatest hoax perpetrated on the American people. THERE IS NO COLLUSION!” BREAKING NEWS!!! EXTRY EXTRY READ ALL ABOUT IT 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Daze Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 !!! NEWS FLASH OMG!!! Celebrities Are Keeping (and Celebrating) Their Gap Teeth! https://www.billboard.com/articles/news/beauty/7948989/gap-teeth-how-they-became-mainstream-exclusive Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Daze Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 ** NEWS FLASH ** Ten overweight hedgehogs make New Year’s resolutions https://www.irishtimes.com/news/offbeat/ten-overweight-hedgehogs-make-new-year-s-resolutions-1.3345013 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Daze Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 !!! NEWS FLASH !!! Five foot Tapeworm comes wriggling out of man's ass after eating sushi! http://www.foxnews.com/health/2018/01/18/five-foot-long-tapeworm-came-wiggling-out-out-mans-body-after-ate-sushi.html 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northerner Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 (edited) On 1/17/2018 at 9:45 PM, Halcyon Daze said: Finally a place to post all the most important, crucial, critical, consequential, and concerning news of the moment. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you ** NEWS FLASH!! ** Guess I better go first. This is critically important, people. Someone could DIE!!! enjoy... Vile sicko caught on CCTV groping jogger mum’s bum as cops launch manhunt https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/674597/mum-grope-bum-jogger-Queensland-Australia-video-Jesse-Ratu Cheeky AF! I've had chicks do worse things to me at clubs... Who do I call? I didn't realise I had been assaulted, I thought people were just like that. Edited January 19, 2018 by Northerner 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Daze Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 You nailed it Northener, makes me wanna dob in my old female teacher who held the door open for me and then felt my ass as I walked through. WTF?? I think she was cracking a joke, but I just got confused LOL 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northerner Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Yeah mate, even after a lifetime of counseling it's not something that you ever get over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Daze Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 LOL, yeah I shoulda had her sacked! Her life would be fukt and I would feel so much better about myself. HOW DARE SHE!!! I think I need a government pension for all the trauma. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sallubrious Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 All this talk about school teachers molesting kids reminds me of Lenny Longprong. Lenny had a really big dick, it was so big he could lick the cheese out from under his own foreskin. After hearing about Lenny's big dick his greedy teacher decided she wanted it for herself, so she made him stay in after class After all the other students had left she tried work her spell on him Is it true that you have big dick Lenny ? Well, as a matter of fact I do Can you show me Lenny? Lenny loved showing off his enormous slug, so he whipped it out for her to have a look Upon seeing it the teacher ripped her undies off, hiked up her skirt and said Stick it in here Lenny jumped back with a worried look on his face and said My mum told those things are dangerous Don't be silly Lenny, get that broomstick and give it a bit of a prod, you'll see it's harmless.. Lenny picked up the broomstick and began nervously inching it closer & closer to his teachers twat Just as he was about to make contact the teacher let out a ripper fart Lenny jumped back and dropped the broomstick trembling in fear What's wrong Lenny? asked the teacher If it will growl at a piece of wood imagine what it will do to a piece of meat. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bardo Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 This isn't funny so i am breaking the rhythm a bit but thought i would post anyhow. http://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-01-25/chinese-scientists-break-key-barrier-by-cloning-monkeys/9359944 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northerner Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Fk'n Chinamen replicating everything for a tenth of the price we can do it, now monkeys too! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bardo Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 This is completely sensible- https://www.thesun.co.uk/tech/4713921/sex-robot-creator-sergi-santos-says-people-will-marry-his-creations-within-the-next-20-years-and-claims-hes-worked-out-how-to-have-a-baby-with-one/ 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Daze Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 NEWS FLASH! Scientists have found a way to convert human waste into a Vegemite-like food for astronauts http://www.news.com.au/technology/science/space/scientists-have-found-a-way-to-convert-human-waste-into-a-vegemitelike-food-for-astronauts/news-story/3110e822c58df77e0db5f71ddbe01200 ASTRONAUTS on missions to Mars and beyond could soon survive off a “Vegemite-like” substance made from human waste. Scientists have just developed the method which uses microbes to break down solid and liquid waste. What’s left behind is a “microbial goo” that’s high in protein and fat — essential qualities for food sources needed for long space voyages. “It’s a little strange, but the concept would be a little bit like Marmite or Vegemite, where you’re eating a smear of ‘microbial goo’.” 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sallubrious Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 I can just imagine the paper when they start testing it on humans Abstract In a double blind study researchers fed shit smeared on toast to one group of astronauts and Vegemite to another and a control group was fed plain toast. for a period of 7 days. After 7 days the substance smeared on the toast that was fed to each group was changed and this was repeated until each group had eaten the Vegemite, shit and plain toast. Except for one Australian, the astronauts couldn't tell the difference between the shit & the Vegemite and most of the astronauts preferred plain toast ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When I was and I asked my dad what we having for tea or lunch etc he'd say "shit sangas" but we've run out of bread. The shit-mite could make it a reality 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Daze Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 !!! NEWS FLASH !!! Filthy Rat Decides it's Finally Time to Take a Shower! https://www.sunshinecoastdaily.com.au/news/incredible-video-appears-to-show-rat-taking-a-soap/3322242/ 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slocombe Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 5 hours ago, Halcyon Daze said: !!! NEWS FLASH !!! Filthy Rat Decides it's Finally Time to Take a Shower! https://www.sunshinecoastdaily.com.au/news/incredible-video-appears-to-show-rat-taking-a-soap/3322242/ !!! NEWS FLASH !!! THIS ^ is revenge PORN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Daze Posted February 12, 2018 Author Share Posted February 12, 2018 NEWS FLASH!!! Humongous wild boar dubbed 'PIGZILLA' caught rummaging through bins 'just a few feet from primary school' https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/humongous-wild-boar-dubbed-pigzilla-12011991 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Daze Posted February 12, 2018 Author Share Posted February 12, 2018 (edited) !!!NEWS FLASH!!! Woman alleges Barnaby Joyce 'drunkenly pinched her bottom' after awards ceremony https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/nsw/woman-alleges-barnaby-joyce-drunkenly-pinched-her-bottom-after-awards-ceremony/news-story/54409242cf0d1e411e60532eb90312ce LOL Edited February 12, 2018 by Halcyon Daze 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Daze Posted February 12, 2018 Author Share Posted February 12, 2018 You couldn't write this stuff... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DualWieldRake Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 This thread is gold Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiscoStu Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 7 hours ago, Halcyon Daze said: NEWS FLASH!!! Humongous wild boar dubbed 'PIGZILLA' caught rummaging through bins 'just a few feet from primary school' https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/humongous-wild-boar-dubbed-pigzilla-12011991 a humungous wot!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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