secrets of hand shake, hug, hand kissing and social etiquette

[planthelper]

I used to work as a trades man, and are appreciative of a good hand shake, which seals a deal, or let's say verbal contract.

a good hand shake has to be firm, and if the other person, clinches harder, than expected, you quickly increase your, in put of "hand shake force" as well, or even, go 10% stronger.

this is a cultural topic, in a sence as, those social etiquettes vary, all over the globe.

Australians, are not realy good hand shakers, and don't shake as often as, many people from Europe.

I like the, "black hand shake", the most, a mixture of, knuckle hitting fist, low 5, received and given, than some sort of palm clap and snapping, and involves as well a normal hand shake... I struggle explaining it... it's a hand shake which, makes you feel, strong and empowered and part of the mob.

in Europe, in an established circle of people and friends, often a man kisses a woman, when introduced, to her in public for the 1st time, believe it or not.

anyway, I try to say, that apart from when eyes meet for the first time, the first hand shake, or hand kiss, or hug, can be, very important.

bring back the hand kiss!

whats your secret charismatic charm?

Edited August 9, 2013 by planthelper

[incognito]

Out here it's the standard that you give a firm handshake and look the other man in the eye.. Took a bit of getting back used to after living in the northern rivers where that practice seemed almost offensive. Guys can over do it with the handsqueeze and the stare down but generally they come away looking like douches and laughed at about it ehind their back. theres a difference between a douche handshake and a handshake and eye contact that indicates respect. however often old boys in authoritiy positions do it and you have to just cop it and stand your ground with your own firm handshake and eye contact. These guys would write you off for life if you didn't lol it's funny really.

I also shake ladies hands, but much more gently and maintain a more gentler eye contact.

Eye contact seems to be very important here, people will look deeply into your eyes straight into your soul to see if you are a pussy or not. The weak don't fare to well here, right or wrong. It's much more primal and primitive.

I never felt comfortable with the man hug from strangers of the northern rivers fame unless

It was someone that I knew quite well and had that much affection for, for me it felt a little fake and yuk. Same went for the ladies, that's just tooo close for me unless I genuinely have that affection.

I can't do the homey handshake that's just wack.

I was raised to shake hands like "a man" lol and I do respect a guy that gives a firm handshake and looks me in the eye respectfully. cant cop the vice like grip and stare down as i know thats a direct challenge in the complex social pecking order here, unless its from an old geezer in an authoritive possy, as i know thats just the way, to not just cop it would upset the balance of things and really make u a tosser.The culture I was raised in I guess. It's a pecking order out here right or wrong, almost akin to a pack of dogs.

You let shit slide at your own peril. People won't respect you not defend you unless you stick up for yourself and stand your ground, that's prolly th same as anywhere in the world I guess.

Edited August 9, 2013 by incognito

[incognito]

Never done the hand kiss thing but always give a peck on the cheek to lady friends as a greeting and on departure. Ill kiss my dad on the cheek goodbye to be a smartarse and watch the reaction

Edited August 9, 2013 by incognito

[theuserformallyknownasd00d]

Out south west way where I grew up it was common for blokes to fight if one refused a handshake! To my family (cockeys), it was a sign of respect, even if yas had beef you'd shake hands, law of the land.

[planthelper]

Out here it's the standard that you give a form handshake and look the other man in the eye.. Took a bit of getting back used to after living in the northern rivers where that practice seemed almost offensive. Here I also shake ladies hands, but much more gently and maintain a more enter eye contact.

I never felt comfortable with the man hug unless

It was someone that I knew well and had that much affection for, for me it felt a little fake and yuk. Same went for the ladies, that's just tooo close for me u less I genuinely have that affection.

I can't do the homey handshake that's just wack.

I was raised to shake hands like "a man" lol and I do respect a guy that ties a firm handshake and looks me in the eye. The culture I was raised in I guess.

very good point regarding, eye contact, jono.

I can do homey shakes, and in this case, quickly reduce your "hand strength".

Never dont the hand kiss thing but always give a peck on the cheek to lady friends as a greeting and on departure. Ill kiss my dad on the cheek goodbye to be a smartarse and watch the reaction

jep, the cheek kiss, is what rules, a lesser version is the hand kiss.

but it's far easier to increase, reciprocal affection, by hand kissing, think's me, think...

[upside]

A great way for myself to join the forums, cheers PH so this is what I would do. "G'day",, or "hello" or something like that I would say, look u in the eye and extend my hand out for the shake. Somewhat firm, not dominant or submissive. I'm "upside" how are ya? :-) I couldn't do this when I was a fair bit younger, I felt weird. Since I started doing it more frequently, I felt heaps more confident, and proud. But that's how it was when I grew up, shaking hands was the Aussie bloke way. Things have changed, yet I do it the old way haha I like to watch the homie hand shakes, but I'm a down for the old school style with the shake. As for ladies, a nice hand shake, or if I know the person a hug or even a kiss on cheek. With a Cheers :-)

[bogfrog]

I understand the chivalry of not wanting to lunge in for a cheek kiss, but to me handshakes with guys have always felt a bit awkward. It seems like a dude on dude thing somehow. There are times where it works, but so many where it doesn't feel right.

But then a hug when your not at the hug-level can be even worse.

Edit: lol who am i kidding, guys dont cheek kiss in nz, half the time your lucky to get more than a grunt of acknowledgement from many guys,

Me and closest female friends will kiss each other on the cheek, but thats usally a goodbye thing with a hug.

A cheek kiss from a guy who is not your partner can seem way too forward, and from a close male friend too intimate.

Edited August 9, 2013 by bogfrog

[incognito]

Totally I'm not saying the Aussie bloke handshake is a good or a bad thing it's part of my daily life I shake hands with about 8 farmers by smoko time and I know that I will be judged by my handshake and it will affect my future dealings with them! Again for me it's not being dominant or especially not being submissive. I say with firm - on the middle ground, and keep my eye contact set to "open and honest" lol it's been tricky as to be honest I don't like alot of eye contact but I've trained myself into it. Folks out here maintain almost complete eye contact for the duration of a conversation. I found it excruciating but am getting more and more used to it again. The eyes are truly the window to the soul!

Hey there upside

Bogo I myself would find kissing a woman on the cheek that I had not met before quite unnerving. I'd feel that it could be interpreted as being over confident or sleazy. I would always shake a woman's hand gently on first meeting. I doubt I'd ever kiss her cheek if I didn't feel some kind of pleasant connection.

Edited August 9, 2013 by incognito

[upside]

I have to say tho,, once I know you and we are comfortable,, handshakes end up being random silly combinations as a point of respect and value between mates.

[nothinghead]

I generally don't mind the hug, but when it's the social convention and you don't care for the person you're obligated to hug it feels very judas. It also brings much more ambiguity than the handshake since the style of hug varies more widely - from the tight squeeze to the china doll. A good, firm handshake, single pump (unless it's a special occasion), should indicate that you're a solid person, not be a struggle for status. Those overly long, stare-down, can-crusher handshakes that incog described crack me up. But on the other end of things, getting the 'wet fish' can leave me wondering about that person's character, or why they bothered to shake hands at all. Complicated handshakes can be difficult to get right and often end in disaster, especially when it's white people doing something they've seen on tv. The proffered fist bump always makes me a bit uncomfortable. The most amusing theory of handshakes will always be from the bra boys movie, regarding the he-man/gladiator style "strongest handshake that can't be broken".

Some classics from the vault:

[AndyAmine.]

I tend not to go for a hand kiss at first but like to do the hand gesture without the kiss.
So rather than a regular sideways handshake I take a lady's hand (if they are reaching out to shake), then turn their hand on top (to show respect) as if you were going to kiss it but then give a sort of light nod.

Getting most of my man code from a lot of time spent growing up around ex servicemen/women out in a small country town, the handshake was very important,

Among other things, like Inog has mentioned I was taught that who ever has the upper hand has the respect, similar to the vice grip handshake, its showing who has the power position.

For example, if you voluntarily turn the top of their hand over yours you are giving them a lot of respect, have your hand turned under and they are putting you in your place or disrespecting you, then of course an even shake shows mutual respect.

It shows whats going on between the two of you.

I used to cop it constantly as a kid, especially one uncle at Xmas time who would twist my hand under and squeeze so bloody hard, but would squeeze harder if I flinched or looked away.

It was a bit rough but as a result, I like to think I can look just about anyone in the eye and shake their hand properly.

Really though, IMO being able to shake hands properly is important in life for lots of reasons.

Edited August 9, 2013 by AndyAmine.

[bogfrog]

I'm not sure how to embedd a video while using an ipad, but seriously,

Check out this vid of new zealand's prime minister, doing his infamously gumby 3 way handshake.

Sooo good.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rWjuiAPkEAw&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DrWjuiAPkEAw

[El Presidente Hillbillios]

i hug everyone!

[quarterflesh]

i dont trust people if they wont look you in the eye's when you shake there hand. and my gut instinct has been proven right more then a few times

[AndyAmine.]

I don't hug everyone, not everyone deserves a hug and because to me its a sharing of energy as well as a social greeting, much more so than a shake. But being a SAB member generally earns you automatic hello/goodbye hugs from me

Edited August 9, 2013 by AndyAmine.

[bogfrog]

I don't hug everyone, not everyone deserves a hug and because to me its a sharing of energy as well as a social greeting, much more so than a shake. But being a SAB member generally earns you automatic hello/goodbye hugs from me

So true. Hugs are powerful.

[Sallubrious]

I ran into a bloke I went to school with when I went into a pub one time for a quick beer.

He thought he was king shit because he'd played first division in an ARL team and played a few seasons of British super league.

I walked up to the bar and he was the barman. He tried to give me one of those palm down power handshakes to stroke his ego, so I just put my hand on top of his and shook his hand like that. It really seemed to throw him.

Then I ordered a beer and asked him what he was doing working in a pub, he laughed at me and gave me pompous look and said

"I own the place sonny" as he bounced up and down on his toes

So I grabbed my beer and said

"It should be alright after you fix it up"

Then I turned my back and walked away.

[whitewind]

What's forgotten is that a handshake is not a physical contact but an energy one. Women have different ways of sharing energy than men, who don't like strong physical contact with other men. If you put the right energy into a handshake, it will always work, no matter how physically firm. That's why mine always work, except when I am unsure of someone (already ascertained by eye contact / other mannerisms).

The only exception to this is gay/effeminate men, who do not always handshake well, as their energy is shared more like women. I know a few gay men who can't handshake (and obviously dislike it) but I would still trust with my life.

I work in a place where physical contact is pretty much a no-no, even handshaking is extremely rare, so grabbing hold of a woman's hand is pretty much out of the question unless you know her very well.

Indigenous guys are different, most of them are very comfortable with physical contact and I've had a few bruises from over-enthusiastic slaps on the shoulder or just plain thumps. Our indigenous community, if small, is amazingly friendly and I've always had a good rapport with them, for some reason.

[theuserformallyknownasd00d]

^ You forgot to mention the part where you slap fellas, like me, on the ass and proclaim 'good hussle'

[incognito]

You do have a nice, slapable little booty dude.

[Amazonian]

From what I was told, in the olden days it was bad manners for a man to put his hand out to a woman for a handshake, it was up to the female to offer a hand shake, but I don't mind men putting out their hand to shake.

If I am being introduced to someone, I will stand up if in a seated position and as I shake their hand I will smile, make eye contact and give a single head nod. If their hand shake is like a dead fish, then I just assume they haven't been taught the right way to shake a hand. If they go for the power shake, I let them feel superior. It doesn't bother me.

As for hugs, i don't usually instigate them, but if a hug is offered I will reciprocate and give a nice light squeeze, like an embrace, not one of those hugs that are back slappers which I read as "I don't want to be doing this" or "that's enough now" lol.

The kiss on the cheek thing...I have had woman use it as a power thing. They come up to say hello and lean in like they are going to kiss you on the cheek, but instead at the last minute offer their cheek for the kissing, lol. I use to just go with the flow and kiss the cheek, but I won't now unless its a really old duck

Edited August 9, 2013 by Amazonian

[waterboy 2.0]

The distance at which you offer your hand makes a difference, and how your position changes during it can make

many different unspoken cues.

You'll find country folk respond better at arms length for the first time met, your mate you'll usually have your elbow bent in and in close....

lol...Sally that hand over the top does usually really does mess with the "ego tripping manly men" , It's even funnier if they try to use the opportunity for a display to an audience . Its is generally fuckwits that try that, and they usually cannot work out WTF went on at times.

I reckon you can get a lot from a handshake.

Edited August 9, 2013 by waterboy

[CβL]

I don't understand any of this kissing on cheeks business. Kissing is for amorous purposes in my book. (European countries also have a standard certain number of kisses on the cheek they do, some it's one, some it's two, some it's three).

I also find the handshake with women uncomfortable. For the longest time, I didn't go lightly either, haha. I give firm (but not overly tight) to men. In many cultures it's rude to squeeze the other person's hand hard, and a light handshake is considered polite (might be Middle-eastern and Indian cultures).

I hug friends sometimes, but they do tend to feel awkward. It's just me though I suppose. I find many things mildly awkward.

[theuserformallyknownasd00d]

You do have a nice, slapable little booty dude.

Tight leg jeans are my bane of existence

[watertrade]

The only time I get hugs are when I go visit my family or go along to a SAB camp. And everyone and then someone at work gives me a hug. I'm all for it.