synchromesh Posted July 18, 2011 If it wasn't so unbelievable and stereotypical (sex-crazed, Russian blonde? Come on!), then I think people would find it a lot harder to grin over. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ballzac Posted July 18, 2011 My ex did things to me on occasion that would be considered rape if a man did them to a woman. For that reason I have always considered it rape. Towards the end of our relationship we were going to counseling (my idea of course) and I when I told the counselor her first reaction was to laugh. When the shit finally hit the fan at the end of the relationship, I told the cops about it and just got raised eyebrows and scoffing. So yeah, apparently it is funny. Y'know, it's not that I was really traumatised by it. I don't know if that's a difference between the way men and women respond to this sort of violence, or if it's the same for women in a 'date rape' kind of scenario, but it was by no means the worst thing she did to me. What makes it bad is that I don't really feel it's something I can talk about. It's the same with the physical violence though. It's just not something I can talk about expecting people to take me seriously. If the roles were reversed, and I had beaten her regularly and raped her on some occasions, I think it would be seen very, very differently by police, the courts, counselors, and society. So what does a man do if a woman tries to sexually assault him? Fight her off? Yeah, cos when the cops turn up and she has a black eye and they ask you what happened and you say she tried to rape you, that's really gonna go down well. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FancyPants Posted July 19, 2011 ^^^ I don't think that's acceptable at all, Ballzac. As far as I'm concerned, true equality means not putting up with bullshit from EITHER SEX EQUALLY. For all your ex knew, the fact that it would be unlikely you'd ever be able to speak about abuse in any form, is a large part of why she did it in the first place; it's a powerplay. Whether committed by a man or woman doesn't make it right. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sheather Posted July 19, 2011 On reading Torsten's post, I began trying to imagine someone actually falling down the stairs on one hand. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Psylo Posted July 19, 2011 Ballzac, that's terrible, but very brave of you to share your experiences with this community. It may be a lot to enquire of you, but since you have been open about it, can you detail the instances that you considered to be rape ? I'm curious as to whether a male can be forced to sustain an erection under violent circumstance, or maybe male rape (by a female) is less about genital interaction, and more towards other sexualised actions. This thread is getting less funnier by the day. I remember seeing a documentary about male rape (raped by another male) years ago and one of the interviewees discussed being anally penetrated by a stranger, forcefully and beyond his will. His biggest humiliation was that during the violent intercourse, he actually got an erection, which made him seriously question himself. I'm assuming that there must be a stimulation point in the anus that when physically triggered, causes erogenous sensitivity beyond the mental state of the action. A g-spot of sorts ? Maybe some of the gay male members might wish to discuss. As far as I'm concerned, true equality means not putting up with bullshit from EITHER SEX EQUALLY. For all your ex knew, the fact that it would be unlikely you'd ever be able to speak about abuse in any form, is a large part of why she did it in the first place; it's a powerplay. Whether committed by a man or woman doesn't make it right. Our western social conditioning is as such that even physical, non-sexual domestic violence against men is laughed about. I knew a guy who was regularly beaten by his wife. This wasn't some wimpy wet hanky kind of bloke. He could hold himself well in fights against other males, and if I ever got into a scrape, it would be great to have him standing alongside me. Yet I don't believe he ever once lashed back at his wife, out of the simple old-school conditioning that 'guys don't hit women'. So he put up with this abuse for over 20 years. This couple moved out of Sydney to a sleepy coastal village a few years ago after his dad died and left him a house worth $1.3M. They sold up, and probably had close to $1M in cash assets after buying their new digs. I found out last March that he had mysteriously died. No-one stayed in contact, and no-one knows what he passed away from (they both were on/off dabblers in heroin & alcoholism) and I doubt there would have been an investigation by the police. Meanwhile, she's instantly independant and loaded with an inheritance.. they had no kids. I'm sure male pride gets in the way of any true statistics, but domestic rape & violence against guys does happen. It's going to be skewed, because if dear sweet Sally punches on to partner Joe Citizen, and he slams a fist into her face in return, you can be sure as shit he's going to be the one going down for bashing his lady. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tripsis Posted July 19, 2011 I'm assuming that there must be a stimulation point in the anus that when physically triggered, causes erogenous sensitivity beyond the mental state of the action. It would have been caused from pressure to the prostate. I can't remember the movie, but it was one of those American teen ones. One of the the characters goes to donate sperm, hoping to the some 'help' from the nurse. She obliges, but not in the way he expects, by shoving her fingers up his arse and applying pressure to the prostate, causing him to ejaculate. Not sure if it's that easy, but I'm pretty sure it's possible. Edit: typo Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Psylo Posted July 19, 2011 Interesting. Following your response, I just found this article.What's fascinating in that article is the concept of male orgasm without ejaculation. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tripsis Posted July 19, 2011 I have a friend who has practiced (I think it was Taoist sexual practices specifically) over several years, where he has now got to the point where he can orgasm without ejaculation. I really ought to look into it... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ballzac Posted July 19, 2011 Psylo Dread, It was never penetrative rape. Mostly it was her holding me down and forcibly sitting on my face. Mind you, she was about 120 kilos, so not that easy for the 70 kilos I was at the time to push away. There's different definitions of rape, and some people may not consider forced oral sex to be rape. If a man holds a woman down and forces his penis into her mouth, I consider it rape, so I feel I have to apply the same definitions when the roles are reversed. She also did things like punch me in the balls or grab them and squeeze them. Again, a matter of definition as to whether it's considered a sexual assault or just assault. It's kind of irrelevant how you define all this stuff anyway though. It's all abuse, and it all has the same effect. Really though, the worst she put me through was the emotional shit. Threatening to kill herself if I left and stuff like that. I was young and naive, and knowing full well the abuse I would continue to suffer if I stayed with her, I didn't see away out. It only ended when I found out she had been lying to me about a whole heap of stuff, and I started to question whether the child she was pregnant with was mine. I started to realise that her threats of suicide were most likely empty threats. For me the relationship was less than 18 months, and it's a hugely significant part of of my life. I can't imagine what it would be like spending years in that sort of relationship. I don't think I would have survived another year. It may have made me less trusting of people and more cynical, but at the same time, it's allowed me to appreciate my current girlfriend and our relationship more than I probably would have otherwise. I'm happy with who I am and where I am in life, and sometimes I actually laugh at the fact that my ex must have played a part in that, and the fact that she would be just as miserable right now as she's always been, and would hate to see me as happy as I am now. Back to the concept of penetrative rape of a male by a female. While it hasn't happened to me, I can see it being very possible. This lies in the fact that arousal is not the same as consent. I could imagine, for example, a man being intimate with a woman and becoming aroused. But when things progress, he thinks of his wife and gets a guilty conscience. Now his intellect is telling him that this is a bad idea, but his body says otherwise. If at this stage, he says "No" to the woman he's with, that doesn't necessarily means he will lose his erection. Now I could not imagine maintaining an erection while in a fearful state, but rape - however unpleasant - is not necessarily going to invoke a fear response. So basically, I think your body can want one thing while your brain wants another, and if you say "no", it means "no", regardless of what your body is doing. ...actually, "no" doesn't ALWAYS mean "no", that's what safety words are for Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
paradox Posted July 19, 2011 sorry if i'm going off topic but orgasming without ejaculating is actually pretty easy... you just have to isolate & exercise a specific muscle in between your sack & your bung... if you do it properly (& you have to do it properly) when this muscle gets very toned & strong you just have to flex it just before & during orgasm & you do not ejaculate but you still have a full forced orgasm.. you just need to regularly do the exercises in the right way... this technique is greatly enhanced upon with certain meditative/psychological practices also... theres way too much there to go into here though.... you can also do it manually by finding the exact right spot in the same location & pushing into it very hard at the point of orgasm, but much benefit is had by putting in the work to do it properly... with practice it can allow you to push on through & keep going... in theory pretty much as many times as you want... if you get the technique down pat... sorry for the side track Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mycot Posted July 29, 2011 The technique you describe Paradox is certainly not orgasm without ejaculation. The muscular tension forces the ejaculate to enter the bladder so there is no external emission but ejaculation has still occurred. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seldom Posted July 29, 2011 Mostly it was her holding me down and forcibly sitting on my face. Mind you, she was about 120 kilos Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ballzac Posted July 29, 2011 Was that a reaction to non-consensual sexual activity? Or to sexual activity with a larger lady? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seldom Posted July 29, 2011 thats only the imagery that reading that conjured for me, sorry if it seemed insensitive its only my reaction i don't mean it's not ok for anyone to choose freely what things in life they like. larger chics forcefully sitting on people's heads is not on, it shouldn't be any worse than if another chic was to do it, but intuitively man it does seem a little worse, it sounds like it was a mad unhealthy relationship it's good to hear you're past it stuff like that can be hideous Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ballzac Posted July 29, 2011 Well my point was that it's not reasonable to assume that I could have easily resisted. Regardless of the physical stature and strength of a woman though, a man has no hope 'winning' in domestic violence. Imagine forcibly stopping a woman from attacking you, whether it be physically or sexually. If she's intent on hurting you and you manage to physically stop her, there's going to be physical evidence on her, or both of you, or your surroundings. Apologies for quoting myself, but when the cops turn up and she has a black eye and they ask you what happened and you say she tried to rape you, that's really gonna go down well. I don't care about the size, perceived attractiveness or social standing of a woman. If she is abusive towards a man it is no better than when a man is abusive towards a woman. That is not to say that violence by a woman against a man is never justified. Sometimes it is. Likewise, sometimes violence against woman by a man is also justified. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
paradox Posted July 30, 2011 The technique you describe Paradox is certainly not orgasm without ejaculation. The muscular tension forces the ejaculate to enter the bladder so there is no external emission but ejaculation has still occurred. yeah thats true, i'm not really sure of all thats going on physiologically to be honest but when done right theres no doubt it increases your staying power tremendously.. you don't seem to have nearly the same expendature of energy.. feel fre to ellaborate on the physiolgy side of things if you know more as i've always kinda wondered whats going on there.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ballzac Posted July 30, 2011 Doesn't sound healthy to be honest Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
paradox Posted July 30, 2011 yeah i have always wondered too, but it's never cause me any problems... i don't always do it mind.. & it's a practice outlined an a number of ancient traditions & is advocated by many therapists, books etc... shrugs Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nabraxas Posted July 31, 2011 & is advocated by many therapists, books etc... shrugs here's a pdf ov one ov the best books on the subject: http://www.holybooks.com/wp-content/uploads/Taoist-Secrets-of-Love-Cultivating-Male-Sexual-Energy.pdf & here's a link to the same book for women: http://www.scribd.com/doc/2680255/Mantak-Chia-Cultivating-Female-Sexual Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
