Partners and spouses

[puck]

C'mon guys - we don't all have the perfect relationship.

I'm sure some of us are involved with people who don't understand an interest in altering consciousness (apart from a night at the pub), who don't want to understand, or who just quietly disagree. Share with me, people, I want to know how you feel.

Is it a source of strain in the relationship? Are your plants safe? Is it a bummer for a trip? Any and all experiences appreciated.

For myself, I gotta say she's never been enamoured with the whole thing since having to look after a 5-year old with paranoid psychosis (me on bad acid trip) and the whole suicidal depression thing that followed. After being burned, I now have a huge respect for fire, but it has been a long process for her to feel comfortable with me playing with matches.

[Amulte]

Ive always been fussy with girls and have gone through quite a few finding similar consiquences, but this one im with now (fiancee :D) is fine with my hobbies and at times even joins me. at times has even gone against her better judgement because she trusts mine moreso. she loves the fact ill educate myself about what im doing to make my decisions. many times we have been without $$, food and hitchin a lift in the back of a sexy dudes van through a state forrest, not her cup of tea but she knows has faith in me. ive been with too many girls that didnt and forced it to a female dominant relationship instead of mutually. so realising one has to think of ones own happiness i left girl after girl till i found the right one. was even with a chick this one time who beat me for having a beer and a ciggy, so after i learnt i left. shes a long story that one...

when it comes to my princess and my mental state she deals with it fine, alot of it i know is nothing and will pass as my moods shift again or ill medicate, she just wishes id sleep more, my only thing id like to change with her is her memory, but i can live with her being a little forgetful. Im not saying its perfect, but its as perfect as it could be. i think what makes it so is that i can share my mystical experiences with her on more than one lvl.

hmm in summary, dont settle, know that if your not hapy then they wont be either (generally). keep thinking long term and if you dont see it working move on and remember people dont change much, if your interests are a major problem to her then it shouldnt be. i get sick of hearing the people upstairs arguing at each other constantly, he beats her and breaks windows, but they stay together. people need to see when they are not happy.

fuck i dribble in the morning LOL

[Korky]

bit of a tangent: im actually single, and a big part of the reason is that i value highly being able to share in my relationship the things that mean the most to me, i can only imagine the intensity of sharing the beautiful world of psychedelics with the person i love. its somthing i havnt had, and have decided i dont want to be in a relationship without, this may mean i am single for longer than socially accepted.

i work in a very male dominated and conservative environment, who at times im sure question my hetrosexuality becuse of my lack of 'man hoaring' for a single 29 yr old. im surrounded by men who talk about their relationships with their chosen partner with an incredible amount of disrespect and unhappyness, it really blows me away sometimes, these are choices theyve made, yet they hang it on me for being single. i know wich i'd prefer.

but thats me and every one is different.

Edited February 24, 2007 by endogenous

[XipeTotec]

interesting... my previous gf was a pretty conservative person.. I was surprised that she "tolerated" my interest, it was very annoying though cause I would get the "thats just drug fucked shit" and that sort of ignorant attitude. My new partner is much more open to such things... but she has found me a bit obsessive of late in regards to a new found interest in cacti. she is pretty understanding though. I love her lots and lots and lots... yes, she is next to me!!!

Edited February 24, 2007 by shroomytoonos

[whit3rabbit]

I'm sure some of us are involved with people who don't understand an interest in altering consciousness (apart from a night at the pub), who don't want to understand, or who just quietly disagree. Share with me, people, I want to know how you feel.

Is it a source of strain in the relationship? Are your plants safe? Is it a bummer for a trip? Any and all experiences appreciated.

My last serious relationship ended partly because she didn't understand the benefits and experience that entheogens could bring, she was just 'oooo drugs, lets get fucked up'. So it was a huge bring down trying to meditate or something like that when she was in the other room pumping music as loud as it goes and 'tripping out'. Some music helps with that, but certainly not 50 Cent rappin about drive bys Not helpful at all.

[XipeTotec]

My last serious relationship ended partly because she didn't understand the benefits and experience that entheogens could bring, she was just 'oooo drugs, lets get fucked up'. So it was a huge bring down trying to meditate or something like that when she was in the other room pumping music as loud as it goes and 'tripping out'. Some music helps with that, but certainly not 50 Cent rappin about drive bys Not helpful at all.

white rabbit, where are my HBWR seeds!!!

[Torsten]

when I was 25 I realised I can't be with a partner who I can't relate to while we are both on acid. It seems like acid brings out all those things that drive you apart over time, but it does it in just an hour or three. Acid also makes you honest. So, all that charade of dating gets stripped down to the bare bones of personalities.So, from then on I didn't even bother considering a relationship with anyone who I couldn't trip with. Which also meant that my partners had to be at least open minded enough to try it.

[whit3rabbit]

white rabbit, where are my HBWR seeds!!!

Direct your enquiries in this direction http://www.shaman-australis.com/forum/index.php?showuser=785

[liftyourskinnyfists]

My wife and I actually met one another in altered states. She had only been drinking while I was on DXM. She basically moved in the next day and we've been together ever since. Our relationship is built around an enormous amount of trust, because we extend to each other a level of freedom that is unusual in a relationship. We both use psychoactives, but I am the researcher/reader/grower in the relationship which are areas of psychedelia that she isn't interested in. This livestyle has strained our relationship at times.

A year ago January, an event occured at our home that resulted in a visit to the hospital and from the police which resulted an enormous hospital bill, fines, arrest, anti-drug propaganda classes, and probation. This threatened that level of trust (faith?) that we had for eachother. My wife questioned herself for calling the ambulance and me for losing control of the situation. I was mad at myself for taking a dose that I wasn't ready for and for using a sitter (my wife) who wasn't familiar with the substance I had taken and who IMO made a uneducated decision to call for help when I was unresponsive and what she perceived to be dying. We both fucked up. It was an expensive but worthwhile lesson, and our relationship has survived it.

We have also been living a swinger lifestyle for awhile now. We are able to do this because we have made the distinction between sex and love. Love is sex with each other and sex is what we experience with others. This way we can be open about our primal feelings towards others, and not have to feel a private guilt/jelousy for harboring them. I realize it's not for everyone, but it's worked for us.

We are best friends and hardly ever fight. We are complete opposites when it comes to our personalities which actually helps us out. She is much more social, while I am more like a hermit. She helps me to overcome my shyness and social anxiety so that I actually get out of the house on occasion.

I am more self-disciplined, while she is more complusive with an addictive personality. Her heroes are Alfred Kinsey and Dr. Ruth, while mine are Albert Hoffman and Alexander Shulgin. I am the yin and she is the yang.

I feel fortunate that we found each other. It's rare to find someone who is open to both of these lifestyles and compatible with your personality etc. Especially someone who was homeschooled in a very conservative baptist family.

I know of many people who have given up psychoactives because their partners threats. IMO, no person is worth giving up who you are. There's a lot of us out there. Keep looking and you'll find someone your compatible with.

[gomaos]

i've been single for 5 years now, after 30 years which were mostly spent with a partner (i'll be 55 in 2 weeks).

My chances of ever finding the right woman are pretty slim, because I'm sooo old and most women my age are into line-dancing, square-dancing, in short, most older women are squares and very conservative as are most men my age). I absotlutely can't and don't want to adjust to such behaviour, in fact I can't stand conservative people and want to have as little as possible to do with them.

I know, being so old, I should just shut up and forget about it.

Also, I already find it pretty hard to imagine to live in a 2er-relationship again.

My last wife was a horrible nagger and kept nagging basically any time she had a chance to.

i find it hard to imagine a woman who doesn't nag but they must be out there.

The chances of finding a woman of suitable age who likes shamanism and related stuff are very slim indeed, but that would be a must.

There's nothing worse then having to try and hide your real self from your partner.

To be honest, I have very little hope for it really.

But giving up hope totally would be like saying: My life is finished now and I might as well die.

Which I don't.

I have to add I'm not really lonely since I live with my son and he keeps me busy.

if only it wasn't for those lonely nights...

Edited February 24, 2007 by gomaos

[liftyourskinnyfists]

The chances of finding a woman of suitable age who likes shamanism and related stuff are very slim indeed, but that would be a must.

I think this is a common problem for many of us especially as we age. I've noticed that a lot of my friends who use to trip have given it up and moved on to more pradictable and socially acceptable drugs like drinking and cigs. Nothing is more hypocritical IMO than hearing a former "druggy" talk negatively about "druggies" as they chain smoke and kick back drink after drink. I imagine that as I grow older many of my psychoactive buddies will be replaced by a younger and younger community. Once the honeymoon wears off many look elsewhere. IME there are many more men than women who are interested in psychoactives. I'd be willing to bet that there's a lot more men on the SAB forums than woman.

[XipeTotec]

i've been single for 5 years now, after 30 years which were mostly spent with a partner (i'll be 55 in 2 weeks).

My chances of ever finding the right woman are pretty slim, because I'm sooo old and most women my age are into line-dancing, square-dancing, in short, most older women are squares and very conservative as are most men my age).

I have to add I'm not really lonely since I live with my son and he keeps me busy.

if only it wasn't for those lonely nights...

hey, you don't have to be a square to square dance!!! or a line to line dance for that matter

[XipeTotec]

I think this is a common problem for many of us especially as we age.

I am 12

[No_One]

"an educated man learns to hate his friends and love his enemies"....Aristotle

What this means is your friends with people because you don't hate them and they make you feel good about yourself.

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us" - Herman Hesse

If your harbouring any hate which includes anything that would also fit under the title of "dislike", work on fixing these aspects of your self and you'll see it is possible to love everyone and everything. Then it simply becomes a matter of choosing that one person you love the most or are most in harmony with.

A good thing to do is ask yourself what you want in a partner while straight - Do you want a visually attractive partner? Spiritually attractive partner? Intellectually attractive partner? etc. This helps to work out what your version of the foundations of the ultimate relationship are - is it grounded in the physical, spiritual, mental, reputation, security, etc.?

Be honest.

If your gods are in the physical realm, according to Jung, you'll probably want someone that subconsciously reminds you of your mum, female-cousins, aunties etc., the higher you transcend the more complicated things will get, you start getting into specifics, your using other parts of your body to find her other than your knob.

Pay attention to the change in oppinions when LSD brings on that inner sense of true love for everything, delve inside and ask yourself who is the partner of your dreams while tripping? Are you willing to compromise on finding someone like this? As a heterosexual, what I'm looking for is the embodiment of my version of the divine mother. Study the archetypical female deities, take your pick of the litter or put a "bitsa" together, this will establish a personal model of your ideal bird, then you just need to hunt her down.

Some call this sort of thing true love.

Apparently, "All you need is love"... John Lennon

What do you want the only thing you need to stand for, for me it's a true reflection of the things that I hold dear and not what my Mother wanted me to hold dear. It was a hard slog working this out but it opened the soul to the possibilty of true love.

Edited February 26, 2007 by Shiva

[inpsyght]

.

Edited February 7, 2012 by inpsyght

[XipeTotec]

it shows

yeah, it does

[puck]

Love the in depth replies, shroomy. You just trying to get your post count up?

As for the rest of ya: many good points. If someone is on a genuinely spiritual path, having a partner who doesn't actively support and participate in spiritual pursuits - psychoactive or otherwise - has got to be a strain on a genuinely nourishing relationship. Can it be genuinely nourishing?

Many questions, many questions... Who has actually brought round a skeptical or misunderstanding partner? Mine seems willing to understand, and she is trying. Still, it just ain't her thing, and I can dig that. No disrespect from me - I just want to know how to make it work, that's all.

[No_One]

Are you in love with her or who you want her to be? If its recreational use then she should be sweet about it, alcohol regresses Gentleman into animals and that is widely accepted, transcending from a Gentlemens mentality into a Divine mentality should be seen as better, but......

Most people fear that the you they already know, with the spirit you already have, will change as a result of your explorations. Society only sees the character you play, learn this role intimately. If you want to stay with this girl for the rest of your life this is who/what she loves, you need to provide her with these particular aspects of your self.

A guy once told me to think that your a secret agent, what other people see isn't really your true self but the aspects of yourself you want them to see so they don't find out your dirty little secrets. Learn to give them what they expect so they don't get curious about anything you may be hiding which could lead to uneccesary stress.

The ones that know your "vices" in a particular moment of time and still accept you for that are the ones that you really want around you. If you believe your "vices" are ok despite the dissaproval of others then put up with the bullshit or piss them off. This is tricky when it's family but for anyone unrelated by blood this theory holds true. Live and let live.

[DocAzz]

It puts a little strain on my relationship.

Little in the sense of I no longer talk about it, I just tell her when I do it. I maintain the utmost level of trust in any relationship, not just one with my partner.

Her anti-drug stance is purely out of concern for me, and my being. She is a nurse, and has worked in Cumberland Hospital (mental hospital down this way) for clinical and has seen what drugs of all sorts can do to people. So her concern is certainly not without base.

She knows I'm well-read, and I know exactly what I'm getting my head into. If I'm going to take something new, chances are she already knows the side-effects and treatment for it (she now works in an Intensive Care Unit), but I still tell her anway. With that said - I don't take anything with even slight potential for side-effects. I stay right away from RCs. One mate loves them, but I have a penchant for mother nature, and her wisdom... but a few other goodies never go astray ;)

I couldn't care less if she tripped or not. Of course, I would like a trip-partner, but I don't think you should look for everything in one person. I have close friends I trip with. In her, I have unconditional trust, and unconditional love - and I return it. Where ever I go, I'll always be able to come back to her. If a trip ever goes bad, I have someone to focus on.

I always used to think we had problems, because we rarely talked. An hour car-ride would be speechless (except for whatever CD I cranked, because I couldn't stand the silence). Any conversation would have to be forced, and it was always over quickly. I am never short of something to say, yet I really struggled with her. It hit me one day... I love the girl, who cares if we have conversation or not, I tell her I love her, and I tell her anything of importance. Since then, the car rides have rarely gotten more talkative, but now I just look over and smile.

I've since been able to see things from her point of view. I gave her a big scare one new years eve. ALOT of booze, and ALOT of meth. My body just had enough by about 5am, so I clammered my way inside, and crashed out on the lounge. BTW, i'm one of those freaks that can sleep on meth. I can't explain it any other way than just giving my mind a rest - I wake up still charging, but mentally fresh. I'm told while I was on the lounge I turned a shade of grey that is only seen on corpses. Keeping in mind that this was the New Years Day a couple of years ago that hit 45C in Sydney, so its just me and my board-shorts. My whole body was corpse grey, I was sweating like a pimp with one ho, and my heart was firing madly in my chest. I woke up to half of the party standing around my body on the lounge. By their expressions alone, I thought I had seriously died.

That whole day she had the shits with me, and I couldn't understand why. My rationale said "hey, I'm fine, whats the big fuckin deal?" but looking from her point of view: her boyfriend, although alive, really wasn't looking so good. She said later on she was considering an ambulance if my heart rate got any higher. I had her worried sick about me. The party was over the second I hit the lounge for her. She stayed there the whole time monitoring me.

Its also funny how typing this out actually helps me think about more of the shit I've put her through. Nothing to do with drugs, just my self-centred train of thought. I think "its my body/money/mental-health/education/whatever, who cares?" Well, she cares. I don't want to see anything bad happen to her, and likewise she doesn't want to see the same.

This is good therapy guys, thanks for the topic. Even if you don't read my shite, it was worth it just putting it out there. If it helps someone, then even better.

[mescalito]

Totally concur with Shiva.People love you not because of who you are,rather for your actions.It is their illusion that you are who you are.When you are on a spiritual path via ancient ritualistict plant use to know and understand who you really are ,then this can present a threat to their illusion of what love is,and they stand the chance of losing what they perceive fulfils them or makes them complete.

In my last relationship the whole thing was interesting in the fact that she was a drug and alcohol counsellor when I met her,but was tolerant and interested in seeing the real thing rather than text-book propaganda.Between our all night sessions we would talk about her clients issues,under the influence of an empathogen and came up with what turned out to be sound...almost "channelled" advice for treatment.The success rate of clients not relapsing due to the following the insights was astonishing from then on.

After a sexual harassment case against her superior, she gave up and left D and A work and became my best friend and trip-buddy exploring various other states through the fungi and plant kingdom.We worked through so many post-trauma issues in a home-style traditional way with great success.She trusted my intent and my prior self-education and experimentation.

We also underwent some accelerated waking conscious lessons and spiritual growth as a result of our practices as we worked as a team deconstructing signs and noticing things others were oblivious to,to the point where we almost became one.Mistake 1... no-one else experiences exactly what you do nor feels the way you do.The best you can hope for is tolerance and mutual give and take.

"an educated man learns to hate his friends and love his enemies"....Aristotle

What this means is your friends with people because you don't hate them and they make you feel good about yourself.

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us" - Herman Hesse

Unfortunately she was drawn back to the dark-side of the material world and I have to learn that with or without a partner we are all alone....the HARDEST trip to integrate

What do you want the only thing you need to stand for, for me it's a true reflection of the things that I hold dear and not what my Mother wanted me to hold dear. It was a hard slog working this out but it opened the soul to the possibilty of true love.

Jung's take on this really gets you thinking and I think his theories are pretty damn close to the mark.

I'm at the same point pretty well and am really taking notice of oral ingestion-not breast fed and being adopted-fear of abandonment.These psychological barriers have really played into the hands of unhealthy relationships and habits.

Thanks for keeping me up late again guys