My cat died yesterday

[Mr. Bowser]

I've had to make that decision too, it feels like a betrayal but sometimes it is the kindest thing we can do.

 

Sorry for you loss, been there with my boyhood cat also who passed nearly 10 years ago. Had kidney failure after 7 years, and having to put him down was almost as bad as watching him suffer through terminal illness. Just a few years ago, we picked up a kitten, and he has quickly become part of the family.

Best wishes, and hopefully one day you might give a loving home to another cat or kitten!

[ballzac]

Since saturday, I've been having anxiety attacks. I knew it was anxiety on saturday because of all the stress, so I just dealt with it. The actual sensation is unpleasant, but I'm pretty used to similar sensations from going overboard on certain legal chemicals, so I was happy to just ride it out. The next day I was feeling okay physically, but then the following day I started having pains in my back, chest, and arms, which concerned me. I was pretty sure that it was just a little bit of back pain and referred pain from being stressed, combined with anxiety. But knowing that these are also symptoms of heart problems, I was worried that maybe there was genuinely something wrong with me, and this caused me more anxiety. I was okay with just riding out the feeling if it was just minor physical problems combined with anxiety, but I didn't want to be one of those idiots who ignores cardiovascular symptoms and ends up dying of a heart attack a week later, so I thought it best to go to the doctor. After checking my blood pressure and heart rate, and talking to me, the doctor told me he's sure there's nothing seriouosly wrong with me apart from anxiety. By the this time I felt like I was having trouble breathing and the tightness in my chest was fairly strong. He started talking to me about random stuff to try to take my mind of the attack, and it worked to some extent, as my breathing got a bit more relaxed. I told him as long as he could guarantee that there was nothing physically wrong with me, I was happy to just go home and ride it out, but he insisted on giving me a prescription for valium. I'm not one to refuse a prescription, so I accepted.

I don't recall ever having valium before, the closest I've had is rohypnol, so I started with 5mg, which really helped relax me. I've still got some pains, but I think it's just referred back pain from staying up all night while I looked after turvy while he was sick. I gave 10mg a go later on that night, which I think was even more helpful. Although he told me to take one or two 5mg tablets for the next few days and just chill out, I didn't want to stay zoned out unless I needed it, and felt that allowing the minor symptoms to surface every now and then may help me deal with the underlying issues. Anyway, I started to feel that tightness in my chest again today, and having difficulty breathing normally, so I thought I'd give 15mg a go. Needless to say, the symptoms went away. I didn't notice a huge difference between the 5 and 10mg doses, but 15mg is a different ballgame. I'm having trouble doing anything productive, and feel somewhat 'drunk' without the actual 'drunkenness'. I think I'll stick to the 10mg doses for anxiety, but if I have spares I can see 15mg as being a somewhat recreational for future reference. Nowhere near as euphoric as opiates, but a similar feeling of simply not giving a fuck.

I'm still not sure how helpful it will be in the long run, and benzos have a reputation for being extremely addictive, so I don't want to use them as a long term solution. But I'm hoping it will help me process what's happened in small increments, and that I will get to the stage over a week or two where I don't really need the valium anymore.

I never could have imagined how hard this would all hit me. I had a close friend of the family die a couple of years ago, and although I was extremely distraught, I coped with it and processed it okay over the following couple of weeks. I think Turvy was the second most important 'person' in my life after my girlfriend, and living with someone makes it even harder when they die, because everything reminds you of them. Just feeding our other cat, I get emotional when I only have to put food in one side of the bowl. I get emotional when I see his little toy basket, but I don't want to hide things like that because I want to remember him. The other night there was really loud thunder, and Turvy was scared of thunder, so he would have come running to me and hidden in my arms or under the blanket with me, so that was really difficult knowing that he wasn't there to come running to me for protection.

[Seldom]

for what it's worth i'm sending good vibes your way mate, ephemerality can be a slut but also a blessing.

i don't know your circumstances well, you already know it but a period of forcing yourself to eat well, having each day the goal of complete exhaustion so you can sleep ok, exercise, quiet times to fully grasp the affordances and limitations of your situation.

i get periods like this, i think so do most of the best of us, i've found benzos to be of little help, but each situation is different.

be well man, we needs ya here!

[ballzac]

Thanks man. I was quite happy to discover that the benzos don't affect my appetite, and I've been eating much better since I've been on them as they've dealt with the nausea, which must have been mostly due to the stress/anxiety. When I was actually worried there might be something wrong with me physically, I was avoiding any exercise because I didn't know how my body would respond to it, even though I knew it would probably be better for me psychologically. It's kind of difficult on the benzos, and unfortunately, even when the helpful effects have worn off, I still feel quite lethargic, but I'll push myself to go for a brisk walk every day or two when the benzo level in my system is lower.

[johnnyzero64]

Condolences for your departed companion.

[Amazonian]

I think Turvy was the second most important 'person' in my life after my girlfriend, and living with someone makes it even harder when they die, because everything reminds you of them. Just feeding our other cat, I get emotional when I only have to put food in one side of the bowl. I get emotional when I see his little toy basket, but I don't want to hide things like that because I want to remember him. The other night there was really loud thunder, and Turvy was scared of thunder, so he would have come running to me and hidden in my arms or under the blanket with me, so that was really difficult knowing that he wasn't there to come running to me for protection.

 

^This made me teary ballzac. I really feel the emptiness you feel.

[incognito]

Does anyone want some free kittens? Pm me!!