Please somebody help me

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Edited April 6, 2010 by lsdreamz

[Torsten]

I think this is such a moving post that I will quote it here so you can't edit it.

I think a lot of people self medicate with drugs to be able to spend time in a state where they think they are a better person, or a state where it doesn't matter. I think it is much harder to help the latter ones as they want to shut the world out, however you are a fighter and you want to embrace the world.

For me the interesting question is what would cause DXM to have this effect. DXM has many pharmacological actions and some appear contrary to your observations. So let's have a look at them.

* NMDA glutamatergic receptor antagonist

* Dopamine reuptake inhibitor[3]

* σ1 and σ2 receptor agonist (Zhou & Musacchio, 1991)

* α3β4 nicotinic receptor antagonist[4]

* Serotonin reuptake inhibitor[5]

Sociability, self confidence and relating to others is often quite simply a matter of dopamine. There are not many people who do not become more open and sociable after taking a dopaminergic drug.

As you are a loving and caring person you don't appear to have a serotonin deficiency.

You also don't mention any anxiety as being a major problem in your life, but I'd like you to confirm that.

So, let's look at what DXM does to this profile.

The first bit means that your GABA system is being given a head start [by antagonising the receptor with opposite activity]. This would mean that if you suffered from anxiety you would probably at this point become calmer.

The second bit means that you would be increasing your dopamine level in the synapse [without depleting your dopamine reserves]. This will make you more sociable, approachable, friendly and talkative. You will also find it a lot easier to express yourself and your emotions.

Don't know much about the sigma and these nicotinic receptors.

The serotonin reuptake would help to calm the euphoria of the dopamine increase without actually reducing it.

Not knowing more about you it is hard to say what it is in DXM that makes you feel the way you do, but maybe you can elaborate a little more about how you feel when you take other drugs. eg, have you ever had speed, mdma, cocaine, ritalin, benzos? Your reaction to these might explain more about this.

I guess what I am getting at is that it might be a good diea to identify the transmitter change that causes the effect you esire, so that you can work towards making that change permanent without being on DXM all day. There are ways to manipulate these things.

Torsten

umm................ok after i left primary school i always have changing moods...i always feel ppl hate me or think im wierd i have been to therapists, taken anti depressants... excercise .. everything. Nothing makes me happy... untill i discovered DXM. Everytime i take this stuff i become the person i want to be.. i become the person i feel i REALLY trully meant to be. Just right now i hjad a look in the mirror.. i didnt see the person i hav ebeen seeing in the mirror for the past 22 years.. i saw the REAL me.. the person i want to be..the person who has been kept prisoner his whole life. i see a compassionate caring happy person who i can tell ppl can trust.

Everyday, my moods swing like a tavern door.. i keep pushing away friends, i love my mother with all my heart but i find it really hard to connect with her. I have a family who loves me yet i find it impossible to interact with them. Everytime i speakl i feel like a total fool and i feel that everyone thinks im an idiot so i dont speak. This makes it harrd for me to keep a job, so im often unemployed.

But when i take DXM i am the happiest i have ever been in my life.. the smile on my face right now is massive :D i feel so happy, i feel like i can make friends with anyone i talk to because i know i am the person i want to be :d

The best way to describe it is, im in an emotional jail 24/7.. when i take dxm i am allowed to be ME.. the true ME for the whole time. I can talk to my mum like i want to, i can express me feelings the way i always wanted to... its just wonderfull :D pure bliss :D:D not a worry in the world.. and even if there are any, i can work them out and its not the end of the world :D

But i know when i wake up tomorrow i will read this post... and i will think wow i am such a loser and delete it.. and forget that i ever wrote this.

ohhhhh i should say this now IN NO WAY AM I THINKING OF DEATH OR DEPRESSING THINGS LIKE THAT

im not suicidal i have never even thought of it and i never ever will.. im a fighter and as long as im living im going to make damn sure i have done everything i can to kick this thing in the ass!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for anyone who reads this and gets a little sad.. i know that ill forget all about it and probably wont even remember i wrote this after tonight i just want anyone to know that if you talk to me please remember i am a nice guy... im just fighting so so hard to break free from my emotional bondage and become the man i should be.

Untill next time.. :D Mick.

EDIT:

i just re-read the post and its starting to wear off... im starting to go back to my normal self so i dont hav emuch time... im not a violent person, i dont hurt myself or othersm i dont think about death or whatever... there are people out there who suffer far more then i do on a daily basis.. in my particular situation, im only half the person i can be untill i take a specific sort of drug and my true self comes out to play... untioll it wears off.. i just hope that somebody might know somebody who has gone thorugh this before and can help me in any way possible. Hopefully next time ill remember this post and som,ebody has replied... till then.. thank you all for listening.. if i ever get better... ill share my happiness.. you can count on that.

Bye all.

[nabraxas]

sorry to hear you're doing it so tough geezer.

But i admire your spirit.

i have been to therapists, taken anti depressants... excercise .. everything. Nothing makes me happy...

did you take the anti-depressants for a full month? did you talk to the doc. who prescribed them & tell them they weren't working? i think that would be a good thing to do.

i know there are arguments against psychiatry & the use ov drugs to control behaviour, but i believe that in combination w/regular psychotherapy they are extremely useful.

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Edited April 6, 2010 by lsdreamz

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Edited April 6, 2010 by lsdreamz

[ballzac]

I find it very interesting that DXM has this effect on you, and I think I know where, emotionally, this comes from. When I take DXM in medium to large doses, I feel extremely strong emotions, mainly guilt and love, empathy etc. Personally I consider DXM to be a true empathogen, unlike MDMA which I believe is an egogen! These emotions are moving but do not have the same effect they would if experienced while sober. Normally guilt would cause me pain. In this (tussin) state, I feel the whole universe and all of its concsious constituents to be connected in some kind of 'soup' of concsiousness, solipsism if you like. I actually feel (as is possibly true), that we are all one. How can I feel guilt in this state? It is a different kinda of guilt.

When I was really into dxm, it was during the time when that Nguyen guy was on death row for smuggling heroin. Normally that makes me angry, but on the third plateau, I felt guilty because I am part of the cosmic consciousness that is causing the suffering, and also hurt because I am part of the consciousness that is experiencing the suffering. It would feel more like I am hurting myself, and this is actually a much more bareable concept than that of hurting others, or watching helplessly as others are hurt. There is a loneliness to dxm, but there is also a peace that comes with it.

After an experience like this, I would still be feeling the effects of the drug for three or so days. During this time, my love of those around me, and also those I don't know is profoundly intensified. I have always had the need, during these periods, to connect with others, and unlike on other classes of psychedelics, I actually get a hell of a lot out of small talk and connecting with people on their terms.

Having said all this positive stuff about DXM, I must also point out that I believe DXM can cause people to become delusional and obsessive. And unlike most other psychedelics, people seem to be able to get addicted to it, so be careful. If the occasional robotrip will keep you permanently feeling good about life, then I don't see any problem in doing that. But it sounds, from your posts, like it's benefits only exist while you are on the drug. Given this, I would, if I were you, keep searching for another way. Maybe meditation or something like that.

You have definately come to the right place, because here you will find love, support, and friendly advice. Take care

[Torsten]

will reply in more details later. was just curious if the desired effect from DXM was only there at full doses or if it was also possible on low doses. ie, what sort of doses will give you the desired effects and which won't?

Also, not sure if you answered this, but did/do you suffer from anxiety? [whether general or attacks].

what do you attribute your weightloss to? was it a lifestyle change like riding a bike, losing interest in the TV/nintendo, becoming vegetarian? How many kilos did you lose and what is and was your weight?

[spiders]

DXM is pretty cool - i didnt get that particular thing from it - but it was very acid to me.

[Salviador]

God helps those who help themselves.

You're well on your way mate. If you have a picture of who you want to be then you can mark where you are and where you want to be, all that remains then is to move past those barriers.

Your mind will tell you its too hard, you mind will tell you, you can't bear being emotionally expressive, or fun. Your mind will tell you that until you feel better you cant be the person you want to be, however you cant be happy until you are the person you want to be. Whether or not you believe the excuses your mind will come up with, you are still left with a choice, you can stay in your current state; the advantages thereof probably involve the comfort of your current situation, vs the potential uncomfort associated with changing the way you behave.

If you want to be more expressive to those you love, then get a picture of what that looks like, then do it. Your mind will tell you that you will be rejected and that you will look like an idiot. Focus on what that feels like, is it an overwhelming feeling that you can't handle like your mind tells you? no, you will find that it is unpleasant but if you dont fight it, you can live with it and function in the way you choose, rather than how your emotions dictate you should behave through avoiding uncomfortable internal feelings.

Dxm sounds like it is an excellent platform for you to become connected with your values, from these values you can derive goals that bring you into harmony with these values, then by accepting the fact that life and your mind will throw unpleasant situations at you, and knowing that you can function even with these things in full flight, then you can overcome this shit. The negative stuff will decrease as well.

I urge you to look at this site, better yet find an Acceptance Commitment Therapy, Mindfulness based cognitive behaviour therapy or Neuro linguistic programming counsellor/psychologist and work with them on this issue.

http://www.contextualpsychology.org/act

http://www.contextualpsychology.org/the_si...rocesses_of_act

[nabraxas]

 

 

One of my problems aswell is that i dont have a specific doctor.. i just go into the medical centre, ask for the next available

nothing wrong w/that, but if you find one you like & think you can relate to then you should ask him or her if he or she's prepared to take you as his or her patient....that should mean that next time you goto the centre you'll be able to ask to see that particular doctor but still be bulk billed (this is the arrangement i've got but i think it really depends on the doctor & the centre). i really think having a relationship w/one particular doctor would be a good thing.

Since i cant keep a job money is always low so i cannot really goto a specialist which sucks.

AFAIK if your doctor thinks it's suitable they can refer you to a specialist & w/a referal it's bulk billed.....but most doctors wont refer you if they don't really know your full history, which is why it's important to see just one doctor.

[Mr Griffin...]

NOTE: I am not a doctor so seek professional advice before trying any of this.

Just a thought - magnesium supplementation sometimes helps depression, probably through some NMDA mediated route. From stories on the internet, it seems common that NMDA antagonists (particularly ketamine) can act as effective antidepressants. DXM may be helping you out in this way, as it too is an antagonist.

If you are up for a bit of experimentation, try supplementing with a bioavailable form of magnesium (glycinate, citrate etc) at doses close to 500mg (carefully, high doses can cause diarrhea). I'd be very interested in hearing from you if this helps you to feel better.

Good luck with it!

[faustus]

from my extensive reading, i personally feel that ketamine, and as a corollary DXM are very dangerous drugs (my perspective being that DXM is the poor man's ketamine)... i feel that the NMDA antagonists seduce you into a different reality, one which you can create as you please. it's all too easy to engage in avoidant behaviour and cocoon yourself into this self-indulgent internal reality because you're unhappy with your external reality. the dreams and desires of your inner reality are projected externally... just like dreaming, i feel the experiences had under the influence of these drugs will point you in the direction of your deepest fears and desires.

LSDDREAMZ: some of the things you describe resonate with my own personal conflicts. i think you should get a referral to a psychiatrist, there are some that bulk bill and you can see them for free. see the same doctor once a week for a couple months. i don't think that antidepressants are the answer, but at least they can return you to a functional level so you can go to work, meet new people, make friends, etc. and from some of the things you mention you probably suffer from social phobia.

it's interesting that being on a dissociative makes you feel connected to others. are you a chronic user of DXM?

[wandjina]

Im feeling a littl strange now.. umm thanks for reading this far!! Sorry if im clogging up the boards in any way just delete all this crap if i am haha!!

Ill try not to rant on and on in my next posts..i promise lol!!

Please don't worry about clogging up the boards, you have articulated clearly and honestly what I, and I think many others members, have experienced at one time or other. It's admirable you can express these feelings, nothing to be ashamed of , and you'll not find a more empathetic audience.

I could really relate to alot of what you wrote in that first post, especially what you said about the times you feel like the real you, the person you want to be and are inside...when you can really be unencumbered by all the pain, anxiety, fear....only to have it slip away.

Know that it is possible to feel content without recourse to DXM or other similar substances...and there are many options. In tandem with supplements (and perhaps prudent use of pharmaceuticals), I for one would recommend finding someone to talk to.

I've tried antidepressants of different types, but have found a combo of diet, natural/vit & mineral supplements, exercise and talk has been the most effective for me. The latter has helped me immensely, and I know of several other members who've benefited.

If you can find a good psychiatrist who's not too much of a pill-pusher (you could start by asking here), its bulk-billing (free), whilst some other therapists charge on a sliding scale. There's still quite a stigma in Australia to being 'in therapy', but don't buy into it. It can really help you feel less alone and more supported.

The fact you're willing to fight says alot about your character Mick, and I admire your attitude. Also, you're young and aware...have hope...and remember we are here for you

[No_One]

I was the fat guy in high school as well and I learnt to dissociate as a coping mechanism for the emotional torment I endured. I was more comfortable in my dissociated reality than consensual reality and as a result I spent a lot of time in my own little world. Not engaging in consensual reality made my life pretty shithouse. Exploring altered states of consciousness lead me to realise that this is what I did and triggered a process of change.

If you have a picture of who you want to be then you can mark where you are and where you want to be, all that remains then is to move past those barriers.

DXM is a dissociative; maybe the ideal reality or identity you have in your head comes into being when your sense of reality is shifted into the realm of DXM.

Explore this picture you have of your ideal self and scrutinize it, see if it's realistic or feasible, if that's what you want to be then as Salviador said "move past the barriers" that stop you being that person and BE that person.

Definately suggest the help of a psychologist or some third party to bounce off when you start to identify your barriers.

[mescalito]

I was the fat guy in high school as well and I learnt to dissociate as a coping mechanism for the emotional torment I endured. I was more comfortable in my dissociated reality than consensual reality and as a result I spent a lot of time in my own little world. Not engaging in consensual reality made my life pretty shithouse. Exploring altered states of consciousness lead me to realise that this is what I did and triggered a process of change.

I was the skinny kid

DXM is a dissociative; maybe the ideal reality or identity you have in your head comes into being when your sense of reality is shifted into the realm of DXM.

Explore this picture you have of your ideal self and scrutinize it, see if it's realistic or feasible, if that's what you want to be then as Salviador said "move past the barriers" that stop you being that person and BE that person.

Definately suggest the help of a psychologist or some third party to bounce off when you start to identify your barriers.

Hit the nail on the head and piss them off if they don't help you...it's your right!!

The important thing is to get a DIAGNOSIS!! ASAP

Then at the very least you get a 3month off-work certificate to use in your pursuit of a decent bulk-billing doc for a referral (don't forget IPTAS either if you need to travel more than 100k's).

Recently I have learned that the panic attacks I have suffered in the past are attributed basically to my early learned abilitly to disssociate at will.Ask my parents!! all my report cards said "he day dreams a lot" or "lacks concentration", yet I passed everything I elected.

Now if one had taken 5g of shrooms,then one would expect to enter an altered state of consciousness, but when it happens spontaneously or uncued and one's conscious mind realises this and fights for control, then this activates the fight/flight response resulting in an attack...chemical imbalance my arse

The statement about mindfullness above really rings true.Be aware of staring because this is the easiest way to quickly enter a dissociative state and get used to meditation as a way of desensitising yourself to these states and seeing what scripts are actually running in the background.

All the best

[FungalFractoids]

^^ What's IPTAS? I've been thinking about going and getting diagnosed (for the cert, not the shitty psych drugs) and am thinking of relocating to QLD, sounds like it could come in handy.

[No_One]

IPTAS: Interstate (or Isolated) Patients Transport Assistance Program

[Μορφέας]

hmm arhhh you could have your testosterone levels checked, Youd be amazed at how much of a diffrence testosterone replacement therapy can have on your emotions and life.

A quote

test, good old test...It'll make Janet Reno look sexy to ya....it'll make you get a hard on when your ole lady youve been married to for 20 years bends over to pick something up off the floor. It'll let you sleep 6 hours a night and wake up refreshed. It'll improve your mental cognition. It's the bomb. Seriously, if you have a stressful job and/or a job that requires mental concentration....you are going to be blown away by the difference test makes.

Edited February 3, 2007 by tepa

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Edited April 6, 2010 by lsdreamz

[planthelper]

congratualtions to your decision to do something about all of this.

forget the negative stigma of having or having had therapy, i believe therapy regardless of how bad you need it is an incredible tool, something everybody should do.

those moodswings you describe have very likely there roots in child hood traumas, if i were you i would research personalety dissoreders and all sort of excisting diagnoses, but i think it's better never to get diagnosed by a professional. a professional diagnose is a rigid thing and my believe is that the mind is a forever changing thing... rather learn from the symptoms which get used to diagnose, and work the issues. say if you think the statement " finds it impossible to define oneselfe", rather chooses "to be" what ever people around him/her might want him/her to be to be fitting for youreselfe, than just make an effort of developing a personalety for youreselfe. if you have a moodswing, concentrate on it and memorise your feelings and carry them (or memorize them) into your other mood stage. like this you can cognitivly learn how to flatten out those up's and downs and sideway moves. for myselfe this means for example, don't get too angry if something doesn't turn out the way hoped, as right now i can't feel any upset for those things which did make me soooo livid in the past. to my believes, psychiatry in the form it's used now is wrong, as very often a simple questionar get's used to pump somebody up with say for example bi polar medication for the rest of there lives. my intuitive shamanic side thinks that your issues can be fixed to a very high degree just by talking with a good therapist. if you feel the need to keep secrets towards people you talk about your thing, than check each of those secrets for youreselfe if they contain information which could be beneficial towards your healing. for example a rape victim, might have thoughts like "maybe i liked it", or even i liked it, and very well might feel like this could not be shared, however if worked the right way, very often the things one doesn't want to mention contain the ingreediance of healing allready. the "maybe i liked it", couls be a natural responce of the mind trying to heal itselfe, by going back into the trauma but changing it for the better... or my favorite, the person having a phobia of height, might experiance the compulsion to jump, maybe a silly way of the mind to deal with this fear, " the only way to overcome the fear is by acting on it". i brought those examples only up to show how sometimes a certain insight can change our symptoms dramaticly.

anyway as said by others before, this is exactly the place to talk about this type of stuff, and be assured we all think very highly about you, because you did what is the most important thing, you have started to talk and work about it!!

this forum and it's people has been a very powerfull tool to many of us, helping by developing our characters and by healing mental conditions however big or small!!!

http://psyweb.com/Mdisord/jsp/mental.jsp

Edited January 24, 2007 by planthelper

[mescalito]

Definitely.

The hard part is when you are already taking the "white-man's" medicine it really fucks with your intuition,insight,deep-emotions etc.. and they hold you in a kind of lala land.

If we were raised in a culture where adulthood was entered via initiation into altered states by proficient elders, then I believe we wouldn't suffer these ails.

Insights can be triggered by injesting drugs/plant sacrements but as you say the answers lie within in the first place.

The problem is understanding our thought processes so we can control them,as I see you are learning to do through trusting your intuition..I wonder if your garden had anything to do with catalysing this

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Edited April 6, 2010 by lsdreamz

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Edited April 6, 2010 by lsdreamz

[Salviador]

you need to come to an eb meet!

As far as social stuff goes, youre right practice practice practice. Like you said, youll be half way through a sentence and ull get nervous someone is listening to you, and forget. Your mind is concentrating on the fear and not the conversation, are you prepared to have this happen in social situations in the pursuit of better social skills? More practically, maybe sit down and identify what your purpose for socialising. ie to share knowledge and experience. Ask someone what they do and aim to find out as much as possible, if someone asks stuff about you tell them what interests you about it the most and vice versa. Being fully present in the moment is helpful too, to do this focus on what you can see and hear, and what your first thought is of someone saying something, its usually relevant GOOD LUCK to you

[Auntyjack]

hey mick,

I can see you have a lot to digest from the caring ppl above so I'll be brief.

I just want to ask one question ---> What are you TRULY PASSIONATE about? and be very critical of the answer.

I'm not just talking about something you like or are interested in, but something that really drives you, compels you to pursue something, something that for fills you.

Its usually not something you have or acquire but in pursuing it the 'pursuit' becomes the most rewarding part of it so much so its intoxicating.

It brings balance to an otherwise insane world.

It doesn't require a head shrink and avoids the chemical cocktail of trial and error/elimination.

Please don't misunderstand, chemical imbalances in the brain chemistry are very common, but the human brain/body has an amazing ability to self regulate. (just take the same dose of acid for 7 days and you'll know what i mean).

Anyway it's worth a shot.

Just remember you are not alone...you proved you already have to courage to be honest.

AJ