Haleakala Posted November 5, 2015 Earlier this week my buddy was sending me pictures of a large pile of various pills and explaining his plans to take them in the next hour. As i was worried af and was out of town, I called to police to go over to his residence. He somehow found out and got out of the house before the police turned up. They found him at midnight that night in a really bad condition in another town. He's not allowed to leave hospital and is in trouble with the police for drug procession and driving without a license which has made him super pissed off at me. It just seems the police being involve hasn't made his problems any better and its kinda my fault. Is there anything else i could've done like a service or something other than the police to go and find him? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ghosty Posted November 5, 2015 " Is there anything else i could've done like a service or something other than the police to go and find him?" He is your friend, why cant you help him? you'd know him better than any services would. whats causing his issues? do you talk to him about it? is he honest with you? there is much YOU can do. I wouldn't accept his anger at you either, you did nothing wrong. those issues are HIS and he has NO RIGHT to put them onto you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yeti101 Posted November 5, 2015 I haven't been the one to pick up the phone, but I've been close to people on both sides of this sort of thing.Without knowing all the details, it's difficult to say what else (if anything) you could have done. If there weren't any other family or friends who could or would go and keep your buddy safe, and you couldn't get there, then you wouldn't have a lot of options.Here's a snippet from the Suicide Callback Servicehttps://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/concerned-about-someone/suicide-warning-signs If a friend or family member tells you that he or she is thinking about suicide, it is important to evaluate the risk. Those at highest risk in the immediate future have the intention to end their life, a specific plan, the means to carry out the plan and a timeframe.The following questions can help you assess the person's risk.Do you intend to take your life? (INTENTION)Do you have a plan to take your life? (PLAN)Do you have access to the means to carry the plan out? (pills, gun, etc) (MEANS)Do you have a timeframe for taking your life? (TIMEFRAME)If the person is at high risk of suicide, seek immediate help by calling 000 (police, ambulance), or with their permission take the person to hospital. Sounds like you friend quite possibly ticked all those boxes. Yeah you feel bad because he's pissed with you. But you'd feel worse if you did nothing and he was dead. Also, if they are ever grateful - fantastic - but don't depend on them ever feeling this way (or admitting it at least). Caring for someone in that situation is tough. The organizations I mentioned here: http://www.shaman-australis.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=41974&p=513193 can provide help for people, like yourself, who are not suicidal, but are close to someone who is. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Conv3rgence Posted November 5, 2015 I dont want to seem insensitive, so pleas do not take offence, I am sorry that you were placed in this position and ultimately you did the best you could at that moment. The conflict you feel in your decision is not which service you called, but rather, if it was right or wrong to do so. Firstly, if your friend sends you these images and messages, it is a call for help, specifically to you. It is a manipulative act, for if your friend truly wanted death, then they would not have informed anyone that could possibly interfere. Perhaps they did want death but were scared to go alone, and wanted companionship in the passing. Perhaps they wanted to be rescued, and therefore validated by the caring acts of others. Your friend hasnt communicated clearly what they want, and this is why you feel conflicted about your choice to call police. This is not your 'fault', so if you know you did the best you could in that moment, then theres no need to question yourself. Everyone has free choice. When we judge these choices 'good' or 'bad', this creates conflict, either between self and others or inner conflict with yourself. Try to remove judgements of good/bad from these events. If someone wants to die, that is their free choice, and this isnt a good or bad thing, it simply is what it is. However, in your situation, it seems your friend didnt really want to die, they wanted something else. The method of communication is manipulative and desperate, and the intensity of the situation makes it difficult to choose what to do. (I have been in this situation). The best thing to do if possible is to clear up this communication, find out what is wrong and what they truly want, and help them in the manner they want to be helped, without judging the outcome. If they have eaten the pills already, you have to call an ambulance. Legally, you cant assist a suicide, even if this what your friend wants. You are legally obliged to 'save' them. But afterwards it needs to be communicated that if they want to die, they cant involve you because of the law, they must do it alone. Sorry if this sounds cold, but Ive been in this situation when i was younger, I called the ambulance, and afterwards felt guilty, because I panicked and didnt listen to my friend, I just focused on 'saving' her, instead of listening to her, which is what she wanted, i know this now. Lose the regret, you did the best you could. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gtarman Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) It sounds like you did the right thing mate. Your friend might not be happy about it but you were acting to keep them safe, so don't feel bad. You should always call for help in these situations. Some people have problems with police, but they might have powers and resources that ambulances may not ie to search for a person when they can't be found so it sounds to me like you did exactly the right thing. I've known a lot of people who have had close brushes with suicide and invariably they've gotten through the dark times and been so glad to still be alive. It's really hard to see hope from the darkness when you're knee-deep in it, but things can and will get better with time and proper care. I suspect/hope that someday your friend will even be grateful for your actions for keeping them safe. Edited November 5, 2015 by gtarman Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ghosty Posted November 5, 2015 " Firstly, if your friend sends you these images and messages, it is a call for help, specifically to you. It is a manipulative act, for if your friend truly wanted death, then they would not have informed anyone that could possibly interfere." hit the nail on the head. well said. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FancyPants Posted November 5, 2015 Firstly I've not been in that acutely a situation myself personally so that must be noted. However I think what Yeti referred to (the suicide callback service) is correct. It may have been a cry for help and not a direct threat; but how were you to know that? He was found in a "really bad condition" which really could've ended up with his death or causing the death of innocent people because he drove intoxicated. Friend and having a mental health condition or addiction or not; driving under the influence is a highly risky behaviour to all not just the driver. He may be super pissed with you, but better he be alive and pissed than dead and you wracked with guilt. We can hope this is a wake up call for him to get help and get better I'm really sorry you had to be in that situation *hugs* 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
