It's been a bad week for me :(

[Kee]

Hi friends, I'm a pretty new poster but a long time follower of the forums! Unfortunately I've had a pretty shitty week and need some cheering up . Does anyone know what it's like to have a family member steal from you? Pretty shitty i'm out ~$200 cause my brother is a drug addict.

Makes you so mad

[Khala]

That sucks man, but he's clearly in a bad place and needs help and support.

Best wishes to all of you. Peace.

[Evil Genius]

Does anyone know what it's like to have a family member steal from you?

Kinda. Are you still living at home? The good thing about family is you can always cut people off who dont treat you good. Worked for me. If things are really that bad, you might come to that point one day too. Sometimes family members can be energy vampires...it can be very depressive to have someone around that pulls you back all the time. If your brother is a real drug addict in the sense of stealing and lying to get his stuff, it would be in your best interest to leave him behind till he decides to accept help. By enabeling addicts to go on with their destructive lifestyle, family members sometimes even make it worse. bye Eg

edit: Khala, you can only help people who want help. If someone is really an out of control addict, you gotta draw the line somewhere. Stealing from your own family is unacceptable and shouldnt be tolerated imo.

Edited June 24, 2011 by Evil Genius

[Khala]

Yeah EG, I know where you are coming from and you can't just let them leech. It's a case by case thing really, I have no idea about the situation.

[Foo]

I am far too well informed on the subject

[botanicalSEEKER]

Sorry to hear Kee, i hope you work it out. Family makes these situation complicated but i reckon EG is on the money, no pun intended. In my frame of thought stealing off family is a low low act, you are kin, remind whoever the offending family member is of that.

Hope something makes you smile kee

[santiago]

yea but you gotta think of your bro with a disease as opposed to a weakness, treat the core reason not the result. do you think your brother would ordinarily go out of his way to rip off you, he is being driven by a motive stronger than his resolve he built up as a result of childhood, we all have different levels of protection we assign our brains, as a developing child such barriers are naturally formed through circumstance, ie was he the bully or the smelly kid. if he was the smelly kid i would back him to grow up with phobias but phobias may be mis-interpreted as all bad, phobias keep people away from snakes and bugs so they are an essential brain food.

which only means that we all have a certain point as humans where we break, it might be cheating on your wife, having anal sex, running over a cat and crying, shooting up a needle, crying because you lost somebody close to death, and the barriers we put up dont actually exist, building and building these walls of defense inside of us that we slowly construct. and for what............to protect ourselves from our inevitable pending death, the realities of old age, disease and misfortune.

you have two choices, forget the rules of the past and think of your brother as a new person, he has made his choices and those choices breaking more and more rules he had set himself, soon he was trully free but had let his core good values go, even soon he was starting to break into his double and self castgate himself in his mind. so your dealing with 2 brothers in 1 now. he is aware of his moral obligations but his wall is broken by the bad brother inside, believe it or not.

Kee the only thing to do is forget the money..its just a indicator or the alarm bells you previously ignored. Either we have our fate determined already so what you do now is pointless as the direction is already pointing at the end, or your a free man with a free plate, a friend and brother, you can influence the result in any way you wish.

If it was my brother i would put him in hospital and be his helper for 6 months, at least then you wouldnt blame yourself if something went wrong with him, instead you could say that you tried at the very least to help him which is better than something going wrong and the feeling of regret you didnt do anything, the only other option is to make him an outcast, which generally never ends well.

You know what to do, think about it and make the choice, seems like you hold fate in your hands. You will make the right decision and we all do everyday, that is why you are reading this now Kee. Keep strong .

[Auxin]

I had one relative rip me off for drug money, stole at least $150 of stainless steel round stock and stole the solid brass radiator right out of my car to sell as scrap metal (to a scrap yard that knowingly buys stolen goods ). He never so much as apologized and I dont imagine he ever will. Hes been doing this stuff to family for the last 20 years and hes only 36, all attempts to help him have been fruitless. On the other hand a matea mine has a daughter that was hooked on heroin and got off it for good the first time her family and friends gave her the help she needed. Difference is my cousin, at his core, doesnt really want off whereas my friends daughter did.

Dont harden your heart to him and try to give him any help he needs, but still keep a sharp eye on him or you may wake up with no car radiator

[Kee]

Thank you for the posts I'm trying to take them all on board. I just don't think I can forgive them this time. In this specific case it is just weakness. It is laziness. He has no job, no life, he is nothing but a mooch. He is a thug and belongs on the streets. In fact i'm sure that's where he'll end up. Right where it belongs.

@EG: That's what i'm intending to do in the fullest sense of things.

I am not one for compassion I'm sorry. I am just trying to make peace with myself as I do not want to feel angry forever. It's alot harder than it seems though.

[Kee]

Sorry for double post but i've decided i'm going to try to put all my energy into positive thoughts. I have my health, a beautiful girlfriend and my future ahead of me. Perhaps it's time i distance myself from the herb until i can move.

[7baz]

if that was me i would be grabbing the bong , taking brother out to a park on a friday or sat night , have a few , talk about life and good times.. then hit him hard with the subject , face up to it.

its not going to go away man.

this time it was $200.. next time it could be $500 etc etc

in life we do stupid things and not always have the full consequences in mind.

you can choose your friends , but you cant chose your family.

[platypii]

I'm going to put a different spin on this- I've been both the stolen from and the stealer. The stolen from part involved my brother too- he was a heroin addict and I caugt him going through my wallet about 5 years ago. Of note is that this was the time that I actually caught him; money had vanished from my wallet before and I'd let it slide. I was 23 at the time and he was 28; my own history precluded me from getting angry at him- in the end I simply "lent" hime $100 and said no more. Subsequently, he has gotten clean and is now a teacher at a well known Melbournian private school.

My own theft (something I was deeply ashamed about) ocurred between the ages of 18-21 when I was really badly addicted to heroin and meth. I stole money from my parents (and a lot) as well as selling some of my dads old vinyl's. It was this behaviour, so shameful and cruel, that inspired me to get help. I've been addicted to things since then but never as badly; I will never go back to that desperate selfishness and have learned to control my own addictive behaviour, for fear of it driving me back to theft. So far its worked, and I'm now "clean", if being on suboxone is considered clean. For what its worth, neither of parents ever truly realised that I had stolen things; my dad was also an opiate addict, and my mum is not entirely grounded ;)

This may sound odd, but a lot of addicts or chronic drug users will steal off family, as its almost seen as less immoral. It can also be born from the idea of unconditional love- "Home is the place where, when you go there, they have to take you in"- its false logic but enough to justify shifty behaviour.

Kee- I said to my brother "If you need money, ask me, and I'll give you it with no questions asked- if you steal from me, I will give you nothing even if you beg" (or something along those lines). Some people find asking for money to be more shameful then stealing it, as was the case with my brother...