Cheating

[Sheather]

Uh, yeah Cinnamon Girl, I'm not relying on any such thing, I've been using it in part as a conversational tool to calm some fights and help explain some things, but my generalisations are just that, generalisations. I do not hold that any individual is bound by them, and obviously I am of the understanding that men cheat as well.

I already figured out why she cheated, it is cited throughout the thread, what I am trying to do now, is decide on what to do about it.

Thank you for the kind words, and please offer advice if you have any, I will take it just the same as the rest.

[mutant]

OK I have to speak up

First of all, of course it is a "game", it has always been like that.

If it's a 'serious', long relationship, then ok , it's less of a game, but it's still a game. All kinds of relationships are 'games'. Even if you have kids, it's even less of a game, but still it is or it should! If it's not playful it's not much fun either being with a single lady or changing lots of them.

Besides, he's 20 and it's his first lady. Fuck all those idealisms! Of course it's a game!!

Lad, be very thankful this has happened to you. Or else you might stay in a relationship with a girl for longer than what you really need or overestimate this very girl... This having been said, I don't consider cheating a proof of anything, really - and you said you first have talked about polyamory right?

How did you girl react to this discussion? About polyamory I mean...

And yeah, cinnamon girl is right: men and women cheat, it's no exclusive characteristic of one sex. Men and women do have qualities that might lead f.e. men to cheat more, but this is another thread and a very big discussion.

It is quite possible that there are women, as well as men, on this forum who have cheated.

well I haven't ..... lol.. of course we all have, cheated and been cheated on.

****

Honesty is good, well I am a honesty dog, but in such an occasion, where you still want the girl [it's quite obvious to me you want her a lot , so you want to believe she is remorsed] it might be better to 'play your game' by not surrendering to your pathos, that is, not showing her how much you want her and how willing you are to forgive her, well not at once that is.

But thing is, you probably have shown that to her by now, so strategies or playing it difficult might not be of any use now[?].

Note I generally consider doing some strategy trick rather than expressing your genuine thoughts emotions silly, so this is definately not my thing and how I deal with such situations. I generally don't suggest noone to pretend, but I have seen it working in a very close friend of mine case, so it works, another proof it's a game actually.

Women, what strange creatures, almost as awkward as men, and then some!

[hutch]

. lol.. of course we all have, cheated and been cheated on.

 

NO NO NO NO NO ...(fingers in my ears)..you can't say that...not my little darling...she would never...

she did and I did....we never have since we were married....I'm sure..we both cleansed ourselves of our sins before we married....I thought I would be the only one to report anything out of the ordinary....When did she have the time....Mine were many and numerous and meant nothing...hers were one person and she had loved him before...I think that hurts more... I was just a slut...she had feelings....Funny now I have no inclination for such sport...but then again I haven't run with the hounds for awhile

[Sheather]

I have not, and I have enough control to confidently say I never will.

My girl reacted in a pretty mild manner, she thought it was a little odd (most people seem to) and was otherwise accepting. Bear in mind I said I supported the idea of polyamory, I have never stated that I wanted to enter polyamorous relationships.

I've still not told her my decision, but I had to do a good deal of calming her down last night, she's been in quite a state since the telling. I have been very strategic in what I tell her. All of it is truth, but I think she hears more of what she wants than what I say. I had to be very clear that I hadn't decided yet.

Although I think I have.

[tripsis]

Again, I disagree mutant. Relationships are not by necessity games, as you suggest. Of course, putting the word "game" in inverted commas, as you have done, suggests you are taking the definition in a particular light, meaning that we're probably arguing semantics, an exercise which is most often futile.

[Sheather]

Especially when you don't realize that semantics is what you're arguing!

[Teljkon]

sdfsdfsf

[Sheather]

unbiase and not placing blame on any individual of the three of you. Just as a exercise.

Now why would I do that? Every source is biased, no exceptions, so the first part is gone, and all are to blame, so there goes the second. Oh would you look at that? No more exercise for me to do.

You're only losing if you allow yourself to.

[Teljkon]

On 14/03/2011 at 7:56 PM, Sheather said:

You're only losing if you allow yourself to.

sdfsfd

[Sheather]

I had a response to that bullshit about numbers showing women surpass men, but I deleted it, too easy for people to take it the wrong way and think I'm extremely sexist.

if you chose not to flex the muscel through exercise they go limp.

Hence you lose if you allow yourself to. You're going to lose if you don't try, how hard is that to comprehend?

Now please stop this off topic bullshit - pursue it in your own thread (or use a PM or something!) AS I HAVE SAID BEFORE. I'll end up not checking on the thread anymore because all it's achieving half the time is pissing me off!

[mutant]

hey tripsis, my post was rich in content and pretty relevant dude.

if staying in semantics is futile, you only reproduced the futile part, that is the semantics about love/relationship being a game, a 'game', or whatever.

for tha record

I never said cheating is alright, or we should do it. In a serious relationship, cheating is very wrong.

but even then, it happens even to the best of us, yeah, that is not to all of us.

If i was very serious about a relationship, or married or with children, I wouldn't do it. Not anymore that is.

[hutch]

Seeing as how you put yourself so out there.....what the fuck happened...did ya take her back or has she moved on? fill us in You started it

[etherealdrifter]

yeah man. fill us in.

you're young but not dumb

as an older man, i wanna know what 'happened next?"

[Sheather]

I took her back. I didn't have the heart to leave her, to be honest. She has sworn that nothing like that will ever happen again, and if it does then we'll be quits, but as it is I've told her that I don't trust her yet, and she'll have to earn that back. Probably going to be harder than it was to get the first time too (if possible at all, I'm not sure either way).

We've gone back to being much as we were before, but we don't ignore the topic. We've spoken about it quite a bit, and I think she's struggling to deal with it possibly more than I am. I'm not sure if we're going to last, or for how long. Whether we'll get through it or if it's going to poison the relationship, but I've given it a chance.

She's on her last chance now.

[hutch]

I took her back. I didn't have the heart to leave her, to be honest. She has sworn that nothing like that will ever happen again, and if it does then we'll be quits, but as it is I've told her that I don't trust her yet, and she'll have to earn that back. Probably going to be harder than it was to get the first time too (if possible at all, I'm not sure either way).

We've gone back to being much as we were before, but we don't ignore the topic. We've spoken about it quite a bit, and I think she's struggling to deal with it possibly more than I am. I'm not sure if we're going to last, or for how long. Whether we'll get through it or if it's going to poison the relationship, but I've given it a chance.

She's on her last chance now.

 

Good luck with it then Sheather..hope it works for you...sounds like your still not out of the woods yet but.....

[Sheather]

Yeah I know eh, but it's a step on the track, either up or down, I'm of the thinking that there's not much that can be done apart from try. We do make each other happy, and I have no regrets. I would say I'm surprised at the interest, but I'm the most curious person I know so I know exactly how it is.

[hutch]

Yeah I know eh, but it's a step on the track, either up or down, I'm of the thinking that there's not much that can be done apart from try. We do make each other happy, and I have no regrets. I would say I'm surprised at the interest, but I'm the most curious person I know so I know exactly how it is.

 

Sometimes we just like to know how the other half are fairing.....

[mutant]

Sounds good, cool for you

[woof woof woof]

sheater,... if you are indeed 20 years old like your profile says,... MOVE ON! Plenty fish in the ocean. Work on keeping your self esteem high. At 20, you will have plenty time to meet plenty new and intersting girls that are deserving of you. At 20,.. if I could do it all over again,...maaaan I wouldnt commit to 1 girl untill I really feel that it is time to settle down,... but it of course depends on what your personal goals in life are.

so why not go and date some girls,.... you could even date more then one at the same time,.. hahaha,.. if you have the time of course..... and if they are not jealous about that fact ( be open about it towards the other girl!) maybe you could arrange a threesome hahahha......

have as much fun as you can now.

[Sheather]

I thought about that woof, but decided against it. I've given her a chance, and she knows it's the only one she'll get. If something happens again the sure I'll move on, but we're happy right now and I think that's what matters.

[7baz]

this is how i look at it...

out of the 6.8 billion people on the planet.. is it really worth all your emotions of anger , outcry , confusion and so on out of 1 person in the entire planet ?

if someone cheats on your once.. twice.. they will do it again.

if you were 30 , 40 or even 50 and you had been with her for a very long time... then this would have been a totally different ball game.

at the end of the day its your decision and im sure all members here will support you either way

hope it all works out for you man , good luck

[Sheather]

out of the 6.8 billion people on the planet.. is it really worth all your emotions of anger , outcry , confusion and so on out of 1 person in the entire planet ?

At this stage, so far as I am concerned... Yes. Sure, I could leave her and find someone else. Might even fall in love again at some point in the near future, but I'm in love now, and to not cherish that despite what has happened seems wasteful.

And if she does it again, as you claim she will (as far as I know it's a reoccurring trend too), then I'm leaving her because I don't think it's worth the anguish. This I have already said.

[mutant]

IMO, cheating is overdramatised. So fucking what she cheated on you? you're nice now and this is what matters. Everyone should cheat and get cheated on at least once, it is interesting and very teaching.

and oh, woof woof woof, all ages are suitable for fooling around, depends on the person really and not age.

Some people like stability, some people are freebirds. . . how about that trade , lol , I keep forgeting but the plant is fine in its smallish pot.

[woof woof woof]

nahh mutant,... people should play around when they are young. cheating is no good ever. I think that there is lack of openess and it comes out of an unhealthy situation. Maybe your partner feels stuck,... or not satisfied at certain points,... or maybe her/his hunter is overactive (the chase more intersting then the catch?) or one of the 2 is a little too naive...... many points to consider. If the desires are not tamed,.. then desires will look for solutions.

I think Sheater,... if you are indeed in Love,... and she loves you back,.. thenyou have a basis to work with,... but try and find out where the communicatio or what was lacking for her to have a weak moment. remember it takes 2 to tango.

then again sheater,... perhaps you are afraid to let go and look further,... perhaps because you dont want to leave your secure bubble and are afraid of personal confrontation.....

when you are young you should have fun and feel free,... then after that a time will come when you will start to feel the need to settle.....

If you find a partner with which you feel that you can reaally work together with DYNAMICLY on multiple levels... spiritually and materially,.. then you are on the right track. But you wont find that if you dont have a good understanding of realtionship dynamics and have good communication. So that is why I think getting out there and having FUN is important. Having fun equals having steady growing learning curve!!!!!

So if you can pick things up with your GF and have fun with her and have a good sense where you want to go together,... then go for it. Just keep that radar of yours sharp from now on..... and always know that you can go your own way. Make sure that you have that confidence that you CAN GO YOUR OWN WAY if you feel or get any hit of her being fickle in the relationship.

[mutant]

I don't think Sheather is at this mind trip right now, this is behind...

but sure mate, people should play around when young....

and then settle up and become boring adults?

yeah young is more playful, I argue keep the playfulness into adulthood. I like to preserve the child

cheating is no 'good' , ever? does something need to be going on wrong between a couple for someone to cheat?

what about a drunk situation, and a hot one flirts you or even worse, grabs you from the dick?

and on the other hand, when someone doesn't cheat that means he found the perfect one? is there a perfect one?

does a male ever stop having sexual desires with someone else than his own mate? [doesn't mean he will fulfil them, but desires and thoughts almost always exist. we got eyes, y'know... ]

so we should avoid 'bad' things in advance? and how do we find out which things are bad, nasty, stuff we should avoid in general? because church says it? because the local guru says so? because mutant or www says it? or McKenna?

no we do it by trial and error. I for one like to re-invent the wheel. almost every time. re-inventing is fun and educational. its also like customising old knowledge to fit your own identity. super.

cheating is cheating, and VERY educational .

people should let their partner know though

I hate lying. and I cannot lie to people in general, more so the one I love/care for/am in love with.

I don't think I would ever cheat nowadays. But having a loose relationship like you said, even with more than one girl rules.

and you know some girls dont wanna know. most people are overly jealous - that's why cheating is so overdramatized..

some girls say "if you ever do it, don't tell me, I'd better not know" . you know what this means huh?

and some girls don't say it, but it;s written on their face and attitude that they dont wanna know..

=====

I am currently in love. very very awesomely in love. this must be the most fucking awesome thing taking place in the whole fucking universe right now....

I told some friends of mine : "hey I can't find any disadvantage in her". - they told me "hey you probably dont know her too well yet!" , which was a pretty cool reply, even though I did not like it.

yeah, I have left cheating behind, but I judge from own experience. crossing the line teaches a lot about the line and how limits effect our ethics and spiritual growth...

rant over

peace

PS:

If you find a partner with which you feel that you can reaally work together with DYNAMICLY on multiple levels... spiritually and materially,.. then you are on the right track. But you wont find that if you dont have a good understanding of realtionship dynamics and have good communication. So that is why I think getting out there and having FUN is important. Having fun equals having steady growing learning curve!!!!!

^^

this is gold! thanks for sharing your thoughts.