using up the 0.0000000001% worthness of living

[Guest d0tb0y]

I wake up.

I am the hypocrite.

I make alcohol. I give it to my friends, and to the one I love.

Only when you want to be close to them, you get pushed away.

The minute you want to be there, you're always too far away. Too far to help. Too far to understand. Too far to care.

The body manifests chemicals that would put awe into any chemist. Beyond any research chemical, beyond any ethnogen. Things like hate. Things like love. Things like the feelings I have right now.

When the people you love get hurt and you're too far to help, what do you do?

Try to get close? Do they push you away? If they refuse what gets solved? They are hurt and you hurt yourself. You try and cheer yourself up with 1,4b but even close to 2ml just potentiates your anger. So much for an antidepressant.

I just wish..

That I could have been there.. That i could have stopped what happened. It doesn't even matter anymore. Things are better.. But the feeling is still there.. It gets under your nails.It gets into the cracks in your roof. It gets inbetween your keys. It doesn't go away. That it was all your fault. That you didn't do anything to stop it. How COULD you have been so stupid? Because you fell for trust. You fell for it. Like everyone.

He could have stopped it. She could have stopped it. Neither did. What the didnt realise was that nor he/she cared. Sure they cared at the time, when pain was obvious.. But thats human nature right? Soothe only when the tears come. Heal only when you can see the wound. But guess what, some wounds you will never see. You just have to know they are there. Or the wounds never heal.

I hope everyone of you looks into thier loved ones, friends and close beings to them. Find that hidden hurt and stop it before it unleashes itself upon the physical realm and ruins everyone's life.

I guess this is life. It's not what I ordered, not all the ingredients were listed on the back of the packet.. It's not the 99% of life that makes it tasty... It's the 1% sugar you get out of it.

Personally I don't like to eat 99% shit for 1% sugar. Why, when there is sugarcubes out there?

If your life isn't a sugarcube like mine,

do something about it before it's too late.

Mine's just beginning. Hopefully this will blow over.. But then again, who knows what will happen.

I just wish i could promise you all a forfilling and happy life. Sad thing is, it doesn't always happen.

Try to make the most of your life. 1/2 of it is spent sleeping, 1/2 of it is spent at work, and for what! a cheque at the end, and a death certificate.

Screw jobs. Get an acre of land. Grow your own food. Grow your own smokes, your own alcohol, your own drugs. That way you might get some of your OWN time back into your life.

Out.

pissed off n00dle.

[gomaos]

: brisbane (i love meets

There's supposedly a meeting in the Botanical Gardens on the 19th of July, not sure if it's the 19th or 20th... you should come and meet the "crew"...

About your writing:

Starts up well, but perhaps you should explain a little more to shed some more light on the darkness? To find out what it really is what bothers you?

Can't agree more with the ending: Get your own land, grow your own... wish I could... well I did it before but I failed... because you CAN'T DO IT BY YOURSELF... you need some company...

[t st tantra]

i wonder what % the 200mikes is of the sugar cube?

ah,fractals!

t s t .

[Guest d0tb0y]

Basically that's just me really pissed off at nothing much. Had a fallout with my g/f that ended up with me having an anxiety attack and nearly passing out.. Everything's cool now though. Just my random mumbles on life

Count me in for the botanical meet. Who's going?

[gomaos]

I posted in "News nd Notices" about it...

I suppose Bluetonguedragon and Mesq are going, and Ramon and me, and a few others, hopefully they'll answer shortly in that post...