Shennanigans Officially Declared

[Chemical Shaman]

A while ago i wrote a short little piece here called "Shennanigans officially delcared".

Not long after the forums crashed and I lost about 600 or so posts. This post was one of them. Didn't matter too much coz I had a backup of it on my computer. The police now have my computer and I wont be getting it back. Ever.

As I would really like to see this post again I was hoping that there might be some slim chance that somebody here perhaps saved a copy of it to their hard drive for one reason or another.

If anybody here has a copy saved, I would be prepared to put up a reward for the first person to email me with it. Like a 500ml bottle of CD cleaner or some extracted Salvinorin or some shit.

Im trying to explain to my girlfriend what a Chemical Shaman is.....and I don't wear that tshirt anymore.

[waterdragon]

bummer about you 'puter. the snouts must have a high tolerance to offensive material.

[gomaos]

Originally posted by Chemical Shaman:

.....and I don't wear that tshirt anymore.

Which t-shirt is that?

"Will fuck for psychedelics"?

[Pablo]

I AM THE GOD OF FUCK

The God of Fuck

unregistered posted 30 December 2001 18:46

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That's right you filthy bitches!!!!

I have surpassed Chemical Shamanism and I have now transcended into the realm of holiness, the trinity of fuck! I am the father of fuck, the son of fuck and I am the holy fuck!!!!

The Chemical Shaman is no more, he has been deleted. Over 450 posts gone in the blink of an eye because it would have taken "a while" to make a backup.

Everything that made Chemical Shaman is now gone, make way for THE GOD OF FUCK!

With this new title also comes new responsibilities.

Prepare to see an:

80% increase in profanity

20% increase in nudity (im naked right now and "touching it")

36% increase in shenanigans

I have also put into place some new forum rules

Immunity

From today onwards it is a sin to ban the god of fuck from the forums. Doing so may well jeopardise your afterlife. You could be sent to hell to shove pineapples up the ass of Hitler (along with satori!). Banning the God of Fuck will be considered the most obscene act of blasphemy possible.

Allegiance

From today onwards in order to become a member of these boards you must first pledge allegiance to the god of fuck. If you are not prepared to do this you may not visit these boards. This includes YOU Torsten.

Consideration

It has occurred to me how inconsiderate you sons of bitches really are. You are only posting for yourselves and other people like yourselves paying little or no attention to the 3 major disability groups i.e. the Blind, the Illiterates and the French. From today onwards I expect to see multi posting formats put into place. If you make a post that you can read you better be damn sure that everyone else can read it too. Failing to do so will be a sin.

All of my posts after this one will be made available to the blind, the illiterate and the French.

Masturbation

From today onwards if you are going to masturbate you must do so over me. You are to print out a picture of the god of fuck and stare directly into my eyes as you masturbate. If you are married or defacto then mutual masturbation is advised. However you must both be wearing your "God of Fuck" masks which will be made available soon. This means that by masturbating over Veronica (yes I mean you shroomy) you are committing a sin. Punnishable by the "Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich". If you are one who enjoys masturbating in public (I know I do) you are required to carry a wallet-sized photo at all times.

BBQ

On the third Sunday of every month I will be holding a BBQ at my house. If you live in Victoria you are required to come. This is absolutely compulsory. If you are one of those sicko vegan freaks I will be providing several sticks of celery. If you do not live in Victoria you will be required to go to the following locations.

NSW: Shroomys House

QLD: The house of Rekowski

More locations to be released soon.

Please note: If you are attending BBQ's at Shroomys house please respect his rules and don't be "titty grabbing" his wife. He has very little tolerance for such things.

Please also note that these events are compulsory and failure to show up will result in me coming to your house and beating the living shit out of you.

Name Changes

The following people are to change their names to those listed below

Shroomy-Reverend Shroomy

Congratulations, you are now a reverend for the church of fuck.

Waterdragon- High Priest water dragon

(alternatively High Priest H2O Dragon)

Nozzle Boy- You will be known as the Chemical Jesus. As of today you are my right hand man, like unto my son. Your duties will be very important, for example crucifixion etc.

Darcy- You are to be known as Dr Love.

Please change your name immediately.

Tithing

As with all good religions comes a tithe.

From this day forth you will be required to send to me 10% of any drugs you purchase.

For example if you purchase a gram of cannabis you will be required to send me 100mg of cannabis.

If you buy a trip you will be required to send me 10-15micrograms of LSD (yes I will be measuring)

It is advised that if you are purchasing pills you do so 10 at a time as it will make measuring easier. If you do not pay tithe you will be sent to hell where use of drugs is strictly prohibited.

Stalking

I am hereby banning my stalker from stalking me. I know you are reading this you sick fucko and I want you to know that every time you fuck with me and every time you fuck with my family it only makes me stronger. Why don't you get a hobby you demented bitch? My patience is wearing thin!

Sending of Virus's

You know who you are motherfucker. If you email me another virus I am going to beat the living shit out of you. Do you think I am so goddamn stupid that I don’t have virus protection???? Do you also think I am stupid enough to just go opening up mysterious attachments willy nilly? Get fucked punk, you cannot hurt me. I can and will hurt you though!!!!

Heaven and Hell

Did you know that in the Christians heaven it is illegal to take drugs, you cant buy em anywhere, not even from that seedy looking dude on that cloud next to moses's house. Also did you know that in heaven bitches don't shave their legs? You got chicks walking around with hair so thick you could brush it!!! NOT IN MY HEAVEN BABY!!!

It's real simple, you follow the rules you go to heaven. My heaven is very similar to Hugh Heffners "PlayBoy Mansion" except theres more drugs and the girlies are better.

You can literally walk up to a tree and pick an MDMA apple from a branch. The drugs are plentiful and pure, there's plenty of things to do, there’s no gospel fucking hymns, no harps, no guilt, it's a blissful paradise. All I ask is you follow my rules and I’ll see you in the afterlife!!!

Price of admission

This rule is simple. If you read my posts you reply to my posts. Even if it's just one word I don't care. If you don't like this rule then don't read my posts. If I find out you are breaking this rule I will be sending the Chemical Jesus to beat the living shit out of you. That boy's got a nasty head stomp manoeuvre you has to be seen to be believed.

Quotes

From today onwards you are all to create signature files to attach to your posts. In this signature file must be a quote from the god of fuck. Some examples are

-------------------------------

"The bitches need my inches"

-The God of Fuck

-------------------------------

"I'd rather slurp rancid tuna salad out of mulga's unwashed asshole"

-The God of Fuck

-------------------------------

"I'll bring home the Turkey if you bring home the Bacon."

-The God of Fuck

--------------------------------

"Tom is gay"

-The God of Fuck

--------------------------------

This is the format that they must be in. The ONLY format.

You may also use complete sentences if you like

I.e.

------------------------------

"It wasn't until the road ahead of me exploded into an astonishing array of fractals that I decided to close my eyes and let god take the wheel."

-The God of Fuck

-------------------------------

Amen

All emails sent to my inbox must end with AMEN.

simple enough

Tom is gay

This isn't a rule. Im just letting you know.

Sodomy

Under my new religion sodomy is not a sin. Infact it is encouraged as often as possible.

Christmas Cards

It's been quite a few years for me now but im bringing this move back into play. Every year you are required to take photo's of yourself doing something illegal and then make them into Christmas Cards and mail them to your local police station. You are to address them to "Officer Pigfucker" "Sergent ass-jammer" etc. This will make the dang police furious beyond belief and will provide an unimaginable amount of laughs for yourself.

Example.

Pineapple Doughnut

Im hungry , somebody get me a pineapple doughnut.

Social Interaction

If you live in Victoria you will be required to meet up with me every so often for a night of havoc. These nights will be called "Shenanigan nights" and may include the taking of narcotics. Bring a friend.

Backups

To prevent such a travesty from happening again you are all to make backups of my posts. If we ever see a repeat of the recent events you will have something to remember me by.

Photo Albums

If you invite me to your house for Christmas lunch and you think I would derive immense enjoyment from looking at an album full of fuckwits that I have never met and know nothing about, you are sorely mistaken. I couldn't give a shit about seeing photos of your drunken cousins making fuckwits of themselves , I have no desire to sit there for hours while you tell me the story behind every single fucking photo in your album. You are a fucken dumbass if you think otherwise. Shove your photo albums up your ass.

Dogs

If you have one of those stupid annoying horny dogs that have to fuckin start with the leg humping as soon as a stranger walks through the door, don’t invite me to your house for Christmas lunch. If your dog comes anywhere near me I will kick that little fuck in it's head. If you have to, give your dog a goddamn hand job before I come over. Such sacrilege will not be tolerated.

Slut

Gomoas now has my esteemed permission to post his story "slut" in the psychedelic expressions forum. Any interference or feminist bullshit will result in being smitten. Trust me you don't want to feel my smite , it aint pretty.

Rules

These rules can be ammended and added to at any given moment so keep on your toes bitches!!

Profanity

If you are going to be a part of the church of fuck you must learn to speak like the god of fuck. Profanity no longer exists. Words such as "nigga" and "homo" are now common speak and must be integrated into every day conversation , like unto myself.

Examples

Wassup you nigga loving homo?

(Hello , what are you up to on this fine day)

Fuck all, you low life piece of shit assjammer

(Not much really)

Wanna skank up and head to the two one for fun?

(Would you like to accompany me and some fine ladies to the local night club establishment for some drinking and dancing.)

You bet your juicy ass

(Yes that would be dandy)

Tom is gay

Incase you'd forgotten , I thought i'd throw in a little reminder.

Confessions

Pretty soon I will be setting up a 24hour confession line. You may call this line and confess your sins directly to the god of fuck. You better make sure they're damn juicy. Start sinning now so you have something decent to confess. In the meantime you can just email your confessions to me. Please be as descriptive as possible.

Fiona Horne Bashing

It has been brought to my attention that there has been a considerable amount of Fiona Horne bashing in the last few days. This is to stop immediately. If any of you filthy bitches were 1/10th the beautiful person she was this world would be a better place. Any further negative remarks directed towards her will result in you feeling my wrath. You don't want to feel my wrath.

Freedom

On 9am monday morning I want you to call your boss and tell him that you are writing his name on your balls with lipstick. Happiness will only come from freedom. Set yourself free. Please disregard this if you actually enjoy your job or if you are unemployed.

FAQ

QYou have got to be the biggest dickhead in the entire universe.

AThat's not a question fucko.Next.

QIf I live in Victoria and don't show up to one of your fuckwit BBQ's how do you plan to beat the living shit out of me if you don't know where I live?

AThat’s simple, first I hack Torstens server to get everybodys i.p addresses, then I call your isp and demand that they give me your home address, phone number, credit card details and any other personal information they may have on you. They probably wont take me seriously until I tell them that I am the great god of fuck, then they will be dishing out the info like it's going out of fashion.

QIs Tom really gay?

AYes

QYou masturbate a lot don't you?

AMore than you could possibly imagine.

QAm I allowed to contribute more than one tenth to the great god of fuck?

AYou can be as generous as you like

QCan I suck your cock?

AYes.

QWhen you say that Tom is gay, what exactly do you mean by that?

AI mean that he is a homosexual.

QI am overwhelmingly upset at the great loss incurred when Chemical Shaman was deleted from my life with the move to another server. I have not been able to get out of bed or go to work or feed my family, can you give me some ideas as to how I might overcome this tragic loss?

AYes I have prepared a "Top 5" list which I have titled "How to overcome unimaginable loss"

1.Cocaine

2.DragonBallZ (series 1-7)

3.Shenanigans

4.Naked Ladies

5.Prayer

QI'm not sure i can hold the position of Dr. Love, great God Of Fuck. My limited intake of recreational drugs would not be enough to keep this title.

AThis decision is based purely on sex appeal alone and has little or nothing to do with drug intake. Grrrrrr

QIsn't it "virii" ? If we're gonna be letting the illiterate in on the act, we may as well get them started on the right foot.

ANO, I despise the word virii as much as I despise all those cock-eaters that use the word Denis' instead of Denis's.

eg. Let's go and fuck Denis' ass

Let's go and fuck Denis's ass

You see what I mean , anyone caught using such RIDICULOUS grammar will be sent straight to hell.

QDear God of Fuck , how do you justify your over indulgence in masturbation if you are supposed to be the god of fuck.

AI take it that in this example you are using the word FUCK as slang for sexual relations , well the answer to this one is simple. In 1985 the military were commissioned to conduct experimental surgery on my reproductive glands , I was paid $1.85 an hour for this work. Not many people realise but in a freak accident I was somehow the first Australian to receive penis enhancement surgery , that's right ladies my immense cock is the result of military experimentation. Also by pure mistake my ejaculate producing organs were somehow modified (we were working close to radioactive waste you see) and my ejaculate production was increased to 25 times that of a mere mortal. This means that I am currently pumping out an excess of 1 litre of semen every single day , no longer just for pleasure but also out of necessity. So you see while I still devote a great deal of time to fuck (sexual intercourse) I also masturbate for survival , it's hard work but I have little choice in the matter. If I was to just leave it be for a day you would find a room covered top to bottom with semen and a God of Fuck with an exploded torso sitting on the bed. I want you to picture this for a while , then make yourself a bowl of custard and picture it some more while you chow down. I also masturbate as it is the only time I get to fuck my ONE true love.

Qand if your self love involves actual fucking and you have indeed scored an own-goal please send the pictures to a forum that isn't this one.

A No problem

QI don't know that this "religion" really speaks to me.

My fellow ducks feel left out.

What about our language.

ADucks are not allowed in my heaven. All ducks go straight to hell. Fuckoff.

The God of Fuck has spoken!!!!!!!

Amen

click here to download an audio recording of this post

[This message has been edited by The God of Fuck (edited 31 December 2001).]

IP: Logged

The God of Fuck

unregistered posted 30 December 2001 18:48

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JE SUIS LE DIEU DE LA BAISE

C'est exact vous les chiennes dégoûtantes!!!!

J'ai surpassé Shamanism chimique et j'ai maintenant dépassé dans le royaume du holiness, la trinité de la baise! Je suis le père de la baise, le fils de la baise et je suis la baise sainte!!!!

Le Shaman chimique n'est pas plus, il a été effacé. Plus de 450 poteaux entrés dans le clignotement d'un oeil parce que cela aurait pris " un moment " pour faire une sauvegarde.

Tout que Shaman chimique fait est maintenant allé, font la voie pour LE DIEU DE LA BAISE!

Avec ce nouveau titre vient également les nouvelles responsabilités.

Préparez pour voir:

augmentation 80% de blasphème

augmentation 20% de nudity (im nu en ce moment et " le touchant ")

augmentation 36% des shenanigans

J'ai également installé quelques nouvelles règles de forum

Immunité

à partir d'aujourd'hui c'est un péché pour interdire le dieu de la baise des forum. Faire ainsi peut jaillir jepordise votre vie après la mort. Vous pourriez être envoyés à l'enfer pour pousser des ananas vers le haut de l'âne du hitler (avec le satori!). Interdisant Dieu de baise sera considéré la plupart d'acte d'obscene de blasphème possible.

Allégeance

À partir d'aujourd'hui afin d'aller bien à un membre de ces conseils vous doit d'abord mettre en gage l'allégeance au dieu de la baise. Si vous n'êtes pas disposés à faire ceci vous ne pouvez pas rendre visite à ces panneaux. Ceci vous inclut Torsten.

Considération

Elle s'est produite à moi comment inconsidéré vous des fils des chiennes êtes vraiment. Vous signalez seulement pour vous-mêmes et d'autres comme vous-mêmes payant à peu ou pas d'attention à l'cIe principal de 3 groupes d'incapacité l'abat-jour, les illiterates et le Français. À partir d'aujourd'hui je compte voir des formats de signalisation de muti installés. Si vous faites un poteau que vous pouvez vous lire mieux soit fichu sûr que chacun autrement peut le lire aussi. Ne fait pas ainsi sera un péché.

Tous mes poteaux après que celui-ci soit rendu disponible à l'abat-jour, l'illettré et le Français.

Masturbation

À partir d'aujourd'hui si vous allez au masturbate vous devez faire ainsi au-dessus de moi. Vous devez imprimer une image du dieu de la baise et regarder directement dans mes yeux en tant que vous masturbate. Si vous êtes mariés ou le masturbation mutuel de defacto alors est informé. Cependant vous devez être tous deux portiez votre " Dieu des masques " de baise qui seront rendus disponibles bientôt. Ceci signifie que par masturbating au-dessus de Veronica (oui je vous veux dire shroomy) vous commiting un péché. Punnishable par " le sandwich à beurre et à gelée d'arachide ". Si vous avez un ans qui a plaisir à masturbating l'en public (je savez que je ) que vous êtes priés de porter une photo classée par pochette à tout moment.

BBQ

Le troisième dimanche de chaque mois je tiendrai un BBQ à ma maison. Si vous habitez dans Victoria vous êtes priés de venir. C'est absoloutely forcé. Si vous êtes un de ces phénomènes vegan de sicko je fournirai plusieurs bâtons de céleri. Si vous n'habitez pas dans Victoria vous serez priés d'aller aux emplacements suivants.

NSW: Chambre De Shroomys

QLD: La maison de Rekowski

Plus d'emplacements à libérer bientôt.

Note de PLease: Si vous êtes présents BBQ's à la maison de Shroomys respectent s'il vous plaît ses règles et ne sont pas " titty saisissant " son épouse. Il a verly peu de tolerence pour de telles choses.

Veuillez noter également que ces événements sont forcés et le manque de révéler ait comme conséquence moi venant à votre maison et battant le shit vivant hors de vous.

Nommez Les Changements

Les personnes suivantes doivent changer là des noms en ceux énumérés ci-dessous

Shroomy-Reverend Shroomy

Des félicitations, vous êtes maintenant un reverend pour l'église de la baise.

Haut dragon de l'eau de prêtre de Waterdragon- (dragon alternativement haut de prêtre HÒ)

Garçon de bec vous serez connus en tant que Jésus chimique. En date d'aujourd'hui vous êtes mon homme droit, comme unto mon fils. Vos fonctions seront très importantes, par exemple le crucifiction etc...

Darcy- vous devez être connus comme amour de DR. Veuillez changer votre nom immédiatement.

Tithing

Comme avec toutes les bonnes religions vient un tithe.

De ce jour en avant vous serez priés de m'envoyer 10% de toutes les drogues que vous achetez.

Par exemple si vous achetez un gramme de cannabis vous serez priés de m'envoyer 100mg de cannabis.

Si vous achetez un voyage vous serez priés de m'envoyer 10-15micrograms de lsd (oui je mesurerai)

On lui informe que si vous achetez des pillules vous font ainsi 10 à la fois en tant que lui faciliteront la mesure. Si vous ne payez pas le tithe vous serez envoyés à l'enfer où l'utilisation des drogues est strictement interdite.

Égrappage

J'interdis par ceci mon stalker de m'égrapper. Je sais vous lisez ceci vous fucko malade et je veux que vous sachiez qu'everytime que vous baisez avec moi et l'everytime vous baisez avec ma famille il me rend seulement plus fort. Pourquoi n'obtenez-vous pas un passe-temps que vous demented la chienne? Ma patience porte légèrement!

Envoi du virus

Vous savez qui vous êtes fucker de mère. Si vous email j'un autre virus je vais battre le vivant shit hors de vous. Me pensez-vous suis-vous ainsi du goddamn stupide que le dont de I ont la protection de virus???? Il me pense-t-vous également suis-vous assez stupide aller juste ouvrir des attatchments mystérieux willy nilly? Obtenez le punk baisé, vous ne peut pas me blesser. Je puis et vous blesserai cependant!!!!

Ciel et enfer

Vous avez su que dans le ciel de chrétiens il est illégal de prendre des drogues, vous fin de support biseautée d'achat n'importe où, non même de ce type regardant seedy sur ce nuage à côté de la maison de moses. Est-ce que vous également avez-vous su cela dans des chiennes de ciel ne rasez pas leurs jambes? Vous avez obtenu des poussins marchant autour avec des cheveux ainsi profondément vous pourriez les balayer!!! PAS DANS MON BÉBÉ DE CIEL!!!

Il est vrai simple, vous suivent les règles que vous allez au ciel. Mon ciel est très semblable au manoir de Hugh " Heffners PlayBoy " excepté des theres plus de drogues et les girlies sont meilleurs.

Vous pouvez littéralement marcher jusqu' à un arbre et sélectionner une pomme de MDMA d'un branchement. Les drogues sont abondantes et pur, il y a d'abondance des choses à faire, theres aucuns hyms fucking de gospel, aucunes harpes, aucune culpabilité, il est un paradis heureux. Tout que je demande est vous suit mes règles et je vous verrai dans la vie après la mort!!!

Prix d'admission

Cette règle est simple. Si vous lisez mes poteaux vous répondez à mes poteaux. Même si c'est juste un mot je ne vous inquiétez pas. Si vous n'aimez pas cette règle puis ne lisez pas mes poteaux. Si je découvre vous violez cette règle que j'enverrai le produit chimique Jésus pour battre le vivant shit hors de vous. Que le garçon obtenu un manouvre principal méchant de stomp vous doit être vu pour être cru.

Guillemet

À partir d'aujourd'hui vous êtes tous pour créer des fichiers de signature à l'attatch à vos poteaux. Dans cette signature le fichier doit être des guillemet du dieu de la baise. Quelques exemples sont

" Les chiennes ont besoin de mes pouces "

- Dieu de baise

" Je plutôt salade rance de thon de slurp hors de l'abruti non lavé de mulga "

- Dieu de baise

" J'apporterai à maison la Turquie si vous apportez à maison le lard. "

- Dieu de baise

" Tom est gai "

- Dieu de baise

C'est format qu'ils doivent être dedans. Le SEUL format.

Vous pouvez également utiliser des sentances de comple si vous aimez

IE

" Il n'était pas jusqu'à ce que la route en avant de moi a éclaté dans un alignement étonnant de fractals que j'ai décidé de fermer mes yeux et ai laissé un dieu prendre la roue. "

- Dieu de baise

Amen

Tous les email envoyés à mon inbox doivent terminer avec AMEN.

assez simple

Tom est gai

Ce n'est pas une règle. Im juste vous faisant savoir.

Sodomie

Sous ma nouvelle religion la sodomie n'est pas un péché. Infact elle est encouragée aussi souvent que possible.

Cartes De Noël

Il est maintenant été un certain nombre des années pour moi mais im apportant ce mouvement de nouveau dans le jeu. Chaque année vous êtes priés de prendre la photo de vous-même faisant quelque chose de illégal et puis de les transformer en des cartes de Noël et de les expédier à votre commissariat de police local. Vous devez s'adresser à eux " au âne-brouilleur etc.. " " de Pigfucker Sergent " d'officier. Ceci fera le dang maintenir l'ordre furieux au delà de la croyance et fournira une quantité unimaginable de rires pour vous-même.

Exemple.

Beignet D'Ananas

Im affamé, quelqu'un m'obtiennent un beignet d'ananas.

Beignet D'Ananas

Im affamé, quelqu'un m'obtiennent un beignet d'ananas.

Interaction Sociale

Si vous de phase dans Victoria vous serez priés de me rencontrer chaque tellement souvent pendant une nuit de ravage. Ces nuits s'appelleront " des nuits de Shenanigan " et peuvent inclure la prise des narcotiques. Amenez un ami.

Sauvegardes

Pour empêcher des tels travesty de se produire encore vous sont tous pour faire des sauvegardes de mes poteaux. Si nous voyons jamais une répétition des événements récents vous aurez quelque chose se rappeler me près.

Albums photos

Si vous m'invitez à votre maison pour le déjeuner de Noël et vous pensez que je dériverais l'immense plaisir de regarder un album complètement des fuckwits cela que je n'ai jamais rencontré et ne savoir rien au sujet de vous sont douloureusement confondus. Je ne pourrais pas donner un shit au sujet de voir des photos de vos cousins ivres faisant des fuckwits d'eux-mêmes, je n'ai aucun désir de se reposer là pendant des heures tandis que vous me dites l'histoire derrière chaque photo fucking simple dans votre album. Vous êtes a fucken des dumbass si vous pensez autrement. Poussez vos albums photos vers le haut de votre âne.

Chiens

Si vous avez un de ces chiens cornés gênants stupides qui doivent début de fuckin avec la jambe humping dès qu'un étranger marchera par la porte, le dont m'invitent à votre maison pour le déjeuner de Noël. Si votre chien vient n'importe où près de moi je donnerai un coup de pied que peu baise dans lui est tête. Si vous devez, donner à votre chien un travail de main de goddamn avant que je vienne. Un tel sacrillage ne sera pas toléré.

Slut

Gomoas a maintenant mon permission estimée de signaler son slut " d'histoire " dans le forum psychedelic d'expressions. N'importe quelle interférence ou bullshit féministe aura en étant frappé. Faites confiance que je que vous ne voulez pas sentir mon coup violent, il aint assez.

Règles

Ces règles peuvent être ammended et ajouté à n'importe quel moment donné ainsi à subsistance sur vos chiennes d'orteils!!

Blasphème

Si vous allez être une partie de l'église de la baise vous devez apprendre à parler comme le dieu de la baise. Le blasphème n'existe plus. Les mots tels que " le nigga " et " le homo " sont maintenant terrain communal parlent et doivent être intégrés dans chaque conversation de jour, comme unto me.

Exemples

Wassup vous homo affectueux de nigga bonjour, ce qui sont vous jusqu'à ce jour beau

Baisez tous vous bas morceau de la vie d'assjammer de shit pas beaucoup vraiment

Le skank de Wanna haut et principal à deux vous aiment accompagner moi et quelques bonnes dames à l'établissement local de boîte de nuit pour certains buvant et dansant.

Vous avez parié votre âne juteux oui qui serait beau

Tom est gai

Emballez-vous oublié, j'a pensé que je jetterais dans un petit rappel.

Confessions I installera une ligne du confession 24hour. Vous pouvez

appeler cette ligne et admettre vos péchés directement au dieu de la

baise. Vous vous assurez mieux qu'ils sont fichu juteux. Le début

sinning maintenant ainsi vous ont quelque chose de décent pour

admettre. En attendant vous pouvez juste email vos confessions à

moi. Veuillez être aussi descriptif que possible.

FAQ

Vous devez être le plus grand dickhead sur le visage de l'univers.

Ce n'est pas une question fucko.Next.

Si j'habite dans Victoria et ne montre pas jusqu'à un de votre

fuckwit BBQ's comment vous projetez battre le shit vivant hors de moi

si vous ne savez pas où je vis? Thats simple, premier j'entaille le

serveur de Torstens pour obtenir des adresses des everybodys i.p,

alors j'appelle votre ISP et exige qu'elles me donnent votre adresse

à la maison, numéro de téléphone, détails de carte de crédit et

n'importe quelle autre information personnelle qu'elles peuvent avoir

sur vous. Elles wont me prennent probablement au sérieux jusqu'à ce

que je leur dise que je suis le grand dieu de la baise, puis elles

bomberont hors de l'information comme elle est sortir de la mode.

Tom est-il vraiment gai? oui

Vous masturbate pas beaucoup vous? Plus que vous ont pu probablement

imaginer.

Est-ce que on me permet de contribuer plus d'un dixième au grand dieu

de la baise? Vous pouvez être aussi généreux comme vous voudrez

Est-ce que je puis sucer votre robinet? Oui.

Quand vous indiquent que Tom est gai, qu'exactement vous signifient

par celui? Je veux dire qu'il est un homosexuel.

Je suis primordialement dérangé à la grande perte incured quand

Shaman chimique a été effacé de ma vie avec le mouvement à un

autre serveur. Je n'ai pas été capable sortir du lit ou aller

travailler ou nourrir ma famille, pouvez-vous me donner quelques

idées quant à la façon dont je pourrais surmonter cette perte

tragique?

Oui j'ai préparé une liste du " principal 5 " que j'ai intitulée "

comment les dames 5.Prayer de 1.Cocaine 2.DragonBallZ (série 1-7)

3.Shenanigans 4.Naked surmonter perte unimaginable "

Dieu de baise a parlé le!!!!!!!

Amen

[Pablo]

"sometimes i take "the drugs" to numb "the pain" sopmetimes i take the drugs for therapy

sometimes i take them by accident like when i walk around my house naked with my mouth open and i trip over and land on a pile of drugs that were just left lying on the floor.

sometimes i take them to escape reality. ugly ugly reality, sometimes when i come back to reality the drugs have made reality prettier.

drugs help me to know who i am and to know why im here

sometime tshe drugs help me to talk to the earth and I can share my life force with everyliving thing on the planet

I still remember the first time I took acid.

I was 9 years old and sitting in front of the television watching violent porn one saturday morning.

My mum walks in and sez "chemical shaman honey this is Dr Love, he was in a P.O.W camp with your daddy"

I tried not to concentrate on the woman on television licking semen out of a dog bowl with the name "stupid whore" printed onto it.

"ok mum" I sez "Hi Dr Love"

Dr love get's down on one knee and sez " Hello little man, boy this looks like some great porno you're watching there, I sure heard a lot about you from your old man.See,I was a good friend of your Daddy's. We were in that Hanoi pit of hell over five years together.Hopefully, you'll never have to experience this yourself, but when two men are in a situation like me and your Daddy were, for as long as we were, you take on certain responsibilities for the other. If it had been me who had not made it, Major Shaman would be talkin' right now to my son Jim. But the way it worked out is I'm talkin' to you, chemical shaman. I got somethin' for ya."

Then the man pulled out this strange looking zip-lock bag outta his pocket. It was stained browned and had a faint odour to it.

"This acid I got here was first purchased by your great-granddaddy. It was bought during the First World War from a man named Albert Hoffman. It was bought by private James Bringham Shaman the day he set sail for Paris.It was your great-granddaddy's war acid, made by the first man to ever make acid. You see, up until then,people just smoked marijuana and opium.Your great-granddaddy held on to that acid every day he was in the war. Then when he had done his duty, he went home to your great-grandmother, and put the acid into and old coffee can. And in that can it stayed

'til your grandfather William Roanald Shaman was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Germans once again. This time they called it World War Two. Your great-granddaddy gave it to your granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, William's luck wasn't as good as his old man's. Your granddad was a Marine and he was killed with all the other Marines at the battle of Wake Island. Your granddad was facing death and he knew it. None of those boys had any illusions about ever leaving that island alive. So three days before the Japanese took the island, your 22-year old grandfather asked a gunner on an Air Force transport named Winocki, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he had never seen in the flesh, this here acid trip. Three days later, your grandfather was dead. But Winocki kept his word. After the war was over, he paid a visit to your grandmother, delivering to your infant father, his Dad's acid trip. This acid. This acid was in your Daddy's pocket when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured and put in a Vietnamese prison camp. Now he knew if the gooks ever saw the acid it would be taken from him immediately. The way your Daddy looked at it, that acid was your birthright. And he'd be damned if the slopeheads were gonna put their greasy yella hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide somethin'. His ass. Five long

years, he had that acid in his ass. Then when he died of disentary, he gave me the acid. I hid that acid trip up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the acid trip to you....."

I took the acid trip from his hands and placed it under my tounge. I began my first ever acid trip about 45 minute after that. It was then and there that i knew my purpose in life. I am Chemical Shaman.

That is what I do.

It is who I am.

The drugs have shown me the way.

My birthright has shown me the way."

[gomaos]

this...is...so...sad....

moved to tears...

sob...

[somnif]

 

quote:

---

 

The police now have my computer and I wont be getting it back. Ever.

 

---

What the police though of that post if they happened

to read it, I hate to think.

Anyway, while we are reposting your stuff...

 

quote:

---

 

Queen of The Damned Trip Report (wasn't gonna be long but ended up like that)

 

Ok im just about all typed out but some might find this a bit interesting.

 

The sequel to "Interview with the Vampire" is currently being filmed where i

 

live. They are calling it Queen of The Damned but basing it on the second

 

book (The Vampire Lestat). Anyways at the moment they're filming the Death

 

Valley concert scene so I thought i'd sign up as an extra and mosey on down

 

with some psychedelics

 

I had a scan through my suitcase (for those that have seen my suitcase it

 

has since been updated with a HUGE variety of drugs) and decide i would take

 

some LSD and make some cigarettes (got one of the little machines)

 

consisting of Pot , Damiana Herb , lionstail , Mugwort and Salvia Divinorum.

 

The concert was last Friday night and everything was being kept hush-hush.

 

Basically they were filming at a very secret loction (absoloutley Nobody

 

knew where it was) and those that signed up were simply given the address of

 

a warehouse where we could all meet and then would be transported on buses

 

to the filming location. I got dressed up in black pvc pants put on a tight

 

tshirt made of stocking material and a black pvc trenchcoat along with boots

 

makeup jewellery etc so I would look immensely inconspicuous when I got

 

there (funny that) and jumped on some public transport with a friend. It

 

took about an hour an a half to get to the warehouse and that was an hour

 

and a half filled with stares and jeers from the rednecks and yobbos that

 

populate my area and there are a hell of a lot. When we got there we had to

 

line up with hundreds of goths and weirdos so we could be frisked by

 

security and i though it would be a good time to drop the cid. I knew if I

 

was frisked the cigarettes would be found but there was no possibilty that

 

anyone would know that they weren't real cigarettes. I didn't have any

 

troubles once I got to the security guards because I got pulled out of the

 

line by a reasonably good looking female security guard and she basically

 

just asked if I had any contraband (recording devices , drugs , alcohol

 

etc.) and then proceed to pat down my back pockets , then she patted down my

 

back pockets again and the once more for good measure

 

I jumped onto the nearest bus , all in all there were about 10 shabby

 

looking buses and all the bus drivers seemed to be scared out of their minds

 

that the weirdos they were transporting might suck their blood or something.

 

I sat at the back with my friend and we left. After about half an hour of

 

driving it became very clear that this secret location was well out of the

 

city limits and we were heading to a remote country town somewhere. Heres

 

where it started to get a little fucked up: The acid had long ago started

 

working it's magic and I was having a great time talking to complete

 

strangers on a bus filled with some of the most interesting looking freaks

 

around when we noticed we had been driving down this desolate country road

 

for some time. I looked up to the bus driver and he wasn't looking good at

 

all. Eventually we pulled over to the side of the road and it became

 

apparent that we were completely lost. All mobile phones had been left at

 

the warehouse as they could not be used on the set and the bus had no radio.

 

I went up to the bus driver and said "show me the map" and get ready for

 

it...........................................HE DIDN'T FUCKEN HAVE ONE! All

 

he had been given was a bit of paper with stupid directions like : drive

 

down this road for about 7km.

 

We were absoloutely in the middle of nowhere , a good hour or so from the

 

city , no maps , no communication with the outside world , nothing (cept a

 

head filled with acid). I started panicking , we were lost and we had no

 

idea where to go , my mind started to freak on me and i stood up and shouted

 

"YOUR SOULS HAVE ALL BEEN BLACKENED WITH DEATH!!!!!!!! WE NEED TO GET OFF

 

THIS BUS!!!!! A bus full of confused and frustrated goths all focused there

 

attention on me everything was turning to shit when my extremely quick

 

witted and intelligent friend created a diversion by standing up , throwing

 

his fists in the air and shouting "POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!!!!!" This worked

 

amazingly well and basically just made everyone think we were a couple of

 

dickheads. He pulled me down and started calming me and trying to soothe me

 

letting me know that it was going to be ok. Suddenly someone spotted another

 

bus in the far distance , I shouted "follow that bus!!!" and we took off.

 

It took a while but eventually we caught up and it turns out the secret

 

location was in a HUGE quarry in a town called werribee (country town in

 

Victoria , Australia) even from the gate it was a good couple of miles to

 

the filming location.

 

I walked around and scoped out the scene , they had a large number of

 

catering buses with some delicious looking food so i dived in. I wasn't at

 

all hungry but the aroma of the food and it's texture were practically

 

calling out to me. I ate loads of food then walked around and started to

 

talk to people. It was a crazy environment , it would be weird enough

 

looking at these people without the LSD but it was working wonders. The

 

faces of people would morph and swirl as I spoke to them , I would touch

 

peoples faces but no-one seemed to mind , everything was pleasant ,

 

everything was positive and felt great. I felt amazing.

 

As the sun was setting filming started, the cameras filmed us as we walked

 

to the set where the concert would be.

 

I was completely blown away. The set was amazing , there were 4 metallic

 

pillars on both sides of where the audience was to be which shot big balls

 

of flames randomly , the stage was covered with large jagged silver

 

triangular ice-berg looking thingies and on both sides of the stage there

 

was a huge golden egyptian statue , one was a jackal and the other was a

 

huge eagle-bird-type-thingy. The set looked amazing and was a perfect and

 

mind blowing setting.

 

The guy on stage ran us through what he wanted us to do while they filmed

 

and the guy who was playing Lestat walked out.

 

This was eerie , he almost looked exactly like Brandon Lee.

 

His fake band to play fake music while he was fake singing came out also.

 

Becky Mavis (of the mavis's) was playing fake keyboards and this blew me

 

away. I have met her a couple of times and consider her to be mind-blowingly

 

gorgeous. Also on stage was the guitarist from the Mavis's and John Farnhams

 

son (LOL).

 

They ran us through a quick rehersal of the song Lestat was too sing and to

 

my amazement it was actually Jonathan Davis (Korn) singing. Here I was in a

 

crowd of goths watching Brandon Lee sing with the voice of Jonathan Davis ,

 

It was fucking cool!

 

damn im going into a hell of a lot of detail here. sorry guys.

 

Anyways Lestats band would walk out , followed by Lestat and fake roadies

 

would run around plugging in fake instruments. the crowd roared as he took

 

the mic. He would start to sing and the crowd would throw their fists into

 

the air in time with the music. Everytime the music would hit a peak balls

 

of flame would shoot from the pillars and caress my face with warmth , the

 

music was almost rythmic and i was close to being in some sort of trance

 

"I see hell in your eyes"

 

"Taking me suprise"

 

"Kissing you makes me die inside"

 

or something like that anyway , i can hardly remember.

 

Stunt crowd surfers would be passed over my head as cameras swept in and out

 

and over the crowd. Helicopters flew over us filming the crowd from afar.

 

Lestat was great up on stage he fulfilled the rockstar persona to the

 

letter.

 

I turned around and saw a guy dressed as the devil. Now he was really

 

looking like the devil he had the facial hair and everything. I said to him

 

"Hello devil" he said "Hi" i told him he was on my real list and that I was

 

inspired to surf the crowd along with the other stuntmen and stuntwomen. He

 

gave me a leg up and I was thrown forward. Flames shot out and filled me

 

with warmth as my entire body was handled by hundreds of strange hands , the

 

experience was almost orgasmic. Cameras swept over my body less than a

 

2metres above me and as I was passed forward I could see right into the eyes

 

of lestat. Suddenly the crowd gave way and I plummented onto the crowd but

 

managed to stand up and throw my hands into the air. People were applauding

 

me and complete strangers would come up to me and mutter odd things. I

 

scanned through the crowd and managed to find my friend. I was starting to

 

freak out because they were basically shooting the exact scene over and over

 

and over again only ever making it halfway through the song. I felt like I

 

was trapped in some sort of bizzarre time loophole and things were getting

 

extremely fucked up. i told my friend I didn't think we could break out of

 

this time loop and he dragged me out of the crowd and we sat in the dirt and

 

chilled for a while. He talked total reason with me , explained everything

 

and helped me to calm down yet again. Shortly after we were able to return

 

back to the crowd.

 

I was in the crowd again this time they were only filming what was on stage

 

so I was able to have a good social experience with everyone else there. I

 

would talk to complete strangers and people would gather around and feed off

 

of me listening intently as psychobabble spat forth from my mouth. I lit a

 

cigarette (joint) and passed it around. Everyone was extremely grateful for

 

the smoke , we all chilled out and things were very peaceful. A girl that

 

was there announced to me that her breasts were a D cup so i held them and

 

said "Yes! yes they are."

 

I put my arms around the girl and this is when something extremely fucked up

 

happened:

 

I am grossed out EXTREMELY easy , even everyday things that might resemble

 

something a bit gross like a wart or a cyst or something I have extreme

 

issues with.

 

I was rubbing her back up and down when I noticed that my hands were sort of

 

covered in this warm wet gooey creamy sort of substance. She looked at me

 

and said simply "Oh , I think you may have burst a blister or

 

something.........."

 

FUCK!!!!!!!

 

I freaked out my brain started to have spasms , my heart was pounding deep

 

inside my chest , i wanted to run , so I did.

 

I ran and I ran until I reached the porta-potties , I threw myself inside

 

and locked the door. I turned on the tap and scrubed and scrubbed and then I

 

scrubbed some more. Then I scrubbed my face and looked in the mirror , I was

 

amazed at my reflection , I looked very different. I had mascara running

 

down my cheeks and my pupils were huge.

 

I touched the mirror , it felt so smooth.

 

I must have spent the next half hour or more locked in that porta-pottie

 

just looking into the mirror , crying (complete happiness) and thinking. The

 

peak was coming to an end and I knew there was not much left but I thought

 

it was best to spend the last few moments on my own.

 

I sat on the toilet and had some amazing reflections on my life. Everything

 

seemed so beautiful and I was actually filled with hope for the world , for

 

everything.

 

When I finally emerged from the porta-pottie there were people waiting there

 

that must have been waiting for some time. I hugged them and told them it

 

would all be ok.

 

On my way back to the set I smoked another joint , I was feeling very

 

relaxed and very at peace.

 

They were still shooting the same scene , Lestat was still up on stage

 

singing with the voice of Johnathan Davis and they were still cutting at

 

half the song.

 

I wondered if i would ever hear the whole song or if I would have to wait

 

until the movie was released.

 

By this stage so many hours had passed and it was absoloutely freezing cold.

 

I found 2 girls that I knew and snuggled comfortably between them as they

 

wrapped their arms around me.

 

My moments were spent longing for the pillars to shoot more balls of flames

 

so I could be warmed by them.

 

Im gonna have to end this real soon and im doubting anybody bothered to even

 

read this far but basically the shooting went through till about 6am in the

 

morning. Some highlights were when they hooked lestat up to some stunt

 

rigging and he flew down from the sky to be on stage and when the actors

 

were having a break they brought out some real bands that played terrible

 

cheesy goth music , oh and a big highlight was when they got Johnathan Davis

 

on the phone and we all sang "I fucking hate you" to him and he said "I

 

fucking hate you to" (he's a sweet guy). I spent a few hours lying in the

 

dirt cuddled up to about 5 other people trying to get warm but these were

 

filled with almost fully awake dreams of an unusual nature.

 

We all got on buses at about 6:30am and traveled back to the city, it was a

 

fantastic experience and im looking forward to the release of the movie.

 

Akasha will be played by Aliyah and the movie will also feature Vincent

 

Perez and Len Olin.

 

thats about it for my vampire trip report , sorry it's so fucking long but I

 

got side tracked and just couldn't stop typing (yes i am indeed on drugs

 

right now!)

 

woohoo!

 

---

[ 01. February 2003, 23:38: Message edited by: somnif ]

[Slippery_Noodle]

W---O---W!

[nabraxas]

excellent somnif. great sunday reading.

[gomaos]

[ 05. February 2003, 09:18: Message edited by: gomaos ]

[gomaos]

Just read that, somnif.

I've always wanted to be in movies too.

i could be a bad dude or a rebel who fights the government or something....

[somnif]

Just making sure that everyone realises that

the story I posted above is a repost of CS's

which he posted on Usenet a few years back -

nothing to do with me.

 

quote:

---

 

I've always wanted to be in movies too.

 

i could be a bad dude or a rebel who fights the government or something....

 

---

Ah yes, a Billy Jack type character - ever seen

those series of movies? Sometimes appear on TV

very late at night.

[gomaos]

Oh crap I really thought it was you, somnif.

So it was CS...of course.

No never seen "Billy Jack".....

[Chemical Shaman]

wow. i used to take a lot of fucking drugs. good thing i've grown up now.

Anyways that queen of the damned thing I posted to usenet was so many years ago (usenet is what they had before the internet was invented bah) and before I really discovered drugs or Chemical Shamanism. but i've moved on from here anyways niggas.

So apart from all this strolling down memory lane im guessing nobody has the post I am after???

Torsten man what happened to all the posts that were lost when the forums crashed during that server move? were they all deleted?

willi: im gonna check my email now, i dont get much of a chance to access the internet these days so i can only check like once a week or so.