The Beer Scooter

[Legba]

The Beer Scooter

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night

drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home? As hard as you

try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to

your house. The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer

Scooter.

The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased

to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has branched

out since the decrease in the worship of the Roman Pantheon and

has bought a large batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter

works in the following fashion:-

The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the

"slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of

his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a

winged Beer Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits

them in their bedroom via the Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is

not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket

cash is taken as payment.

This answers the second question after a night out 'How did I spend

so much money?'

Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are

thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified

Drinking Injuries). An undocumented feature of the beer scooter

is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of

Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly

unaccounted for.

This answers a third question after a night out 'What the hell

happened?'

With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of

Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes,

in descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately

one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another and

quite often lost time is regained in discussions over a period of

time. Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often

cause the scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending

the passenger to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.

With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in

a scooter drive-thru chain specialising in half eaten kebabs and

pizza crusts.

Another question answered!! For the family man, Beer Scooters come

equipped with flowers picked from other people's garden and

Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots are designed in

such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs,

you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity

springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the

CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised

shins. The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some

scooters is the TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how

one person can apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a

single night.

PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably

get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a

T-shirt.

Bingle Jells :saufen2:

[narayan]

haha thats classic :D

My beer scooters got an extra feature tho, a wallet/mobile phone/keys disposer which automatically gets rid of anything valuable in your pockets so you never see them again.

[wandjina]

*ROTFLMAO* hilarious! more more!!!

[planthelper]

thx for that, good work!

i remeber the automatic key, keyhole guidance aligmentator (akkga) doesn't work proper.

even if you picked up a partner which tries to help by providing some better sight by activating the lighter.

to open a door would take at times 5min or more and the person holding the lighter allways suddenly screams and you think what's going on till you realise he or she burnt him/herselfe.

ah, i can get the key in much faster your friend say's but ther beerscooter's akkga system malfunctions just like yours...

thank god, "nature" invented the lube, so inserting the dongger just minutes later poses no problem compared to key insertions

[MrBumpy]

thank god, "nature" invented the lube, so inserting the dongger just minutes later poses no problem compared to key insertions

unless the room is too dark and you can't tell the difference between the bottle of lube and the bottle of aeroguard

-bumpy

[wandjina]

or the tube of deep heat...

[AndyAmine.]

or the tube of deep heat...

Dont joke, my eyes water jst thinking about it.

Ill never forget the time I accidently scratched my nuts after giving my partner a deep-heat massage.

[wandjina]

heheheh....sorry, you poor bugger.

maybe Amulte would like to share his tips for Euphorbia pruning?