Jokes

[Bundy]

An Aussie was sitting at a bar in Sydney when this huge, burly American guy walks in. As he passes the Aussie, he hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor. The big, burly Yank says, "That's a karate chop from Korea." Well, the Aussie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer. The burly Yank then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Aussie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor. "That's a judo chop from Japan", he says. The Aussie decides he's had enough and leaves. A half hour later he comes back and sees the burly Yank bastard sitting at the bar. He walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, knocking him out. The Aussie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up mate, tell him that was a f*ckin' crowbar from Bunnings

A man went to a urologist and told him that he was having a problem in that he was unable to get his penis erect. The doctor told him that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a previous viral infection and that there was nothing he could actually do for him.

However, he knew of an experiment treatment that might work if he were willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of implanting muscle tissues from an elephant's trunk into the man's penis.

The man thought about if for a while. The thought of going through life without ever experiencing sex again was just too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty or adverse effect on the elephant, the man decided to go for it.

A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go try out his newly renovated equipment. As a result, he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. However, in the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his penis immediately sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his trousers.

His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly smile on her face said "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"

With his eyes watering, he replied, "I think I can, but I'm not sure if I can fit another bread roll up my arse!..."

a gay fella strolls into a pub in downtown auckland, flounces up to the bar and asks a great big maori bloke seated there "would you like a blow job?"

the maori is staggered, regains his composure and punches the gay fella square in the face very hard, as he falls he cops an uppercut, he is then dragged by the hair and flung down the steps, on the footpath outside and bleeding heavily he is then treated to the mother of all kickings.

the maori storms back up the steps, clearly enraged, sits back down at the bar shaking his head in astonishment. the bar tender comes over and says "shit, what was all that about?" the maori replies -

"dunno bro, something about a job"

[ 07. September 2005, 10:50: Message edited by: Bundy ]