Impressions

[Fenris]

Note- May or may not reflect events, real or imagined.

With great anticipation I raised the small ceramic bowl to my lips and drank the 50ml of Ayahuasca, this brew was not as sweet as I had hoped for and my first thought was that it was going to bounce right out. I returned to my mattress and got comfortable trying to swallow the flavor out of my mouth, after about 15 minutes I was satisfied that the brew was going to stay down and I could relax into the experience.

For me the Ayahuasca is like entering into a waking dream, the visions seem dreamlike but somehow real at the same time, I am not sure if I am supposed to loose contact with reality but back pain and an upset digestive system kept me anchored in my body even when I took flight (more on that later).

I had been sitting relaxed in the lotus position with my eyes closed trying to calm my mind and stop the random chatter, the first sensations I have are of movement in my stomach like a snake writhing, I know that the medicine is starting to take effect.

Letting go, surrendering, for me this is the key to embracing the experience and letting the medicine work its magic, it seems to get easier to return to this state with each experience and I know that by going deeper I am enabling much more healing.

I start seeing mild visions which just appear and dissolve again, I am in the jungle in a hut without walls the roof held up by poles, there is a woman sitting in the middle of the space by a fire and I have come to seek healing from her, I am surprised to see she is no older than I am. Next I am a prisoner of war in the jungle waiting to be beheaded by the Japanese and thrown into a grave.

These visions were mild and incoherent and were shown to me not long after drinking. I took a small sip of water and did some stretches and settled in. After a short time the intensity really started to increase and I started to loose myself in the experience. A raven flew down and sat on my shoulder, I have no affinity for the raven and did not call him so was curious as to why he was there, he looked at me urging me to notice my changes and I realized I was starting to grow feathers, I asked him if I was turning into a raven and he said no. It dawned on me that he was a spirit guide here to look after me. The feathers grew and grew and became a glowing golden colour as I morphed into a giant condor, my wingtips touching the other side of the room encircling my fellow travelers, I launched off the edge of a great cliff and saw myself from above flying over large canyons in the desert.

I was back in the jungle in a crouched position by a stream, I had become a jaguar, I was shaking my head in disbelief and thinking “who am I that I have taken the form of such great spirits” and I laughed to myself thankful of being shown these wonders but mindful of the need to remain humble. Who would believe that I had seen what I had seen.

I felt the presence of entities in the room standing very close to me but as shadows only. I then saw myself as a semi translucent body with these entities looking at my organs, a glowing sapphire was implanted below my navel to aid in my healing.

I was then standing inside a strand of DNA which seemed to be 3m tall and about 20m long, I watched the strands unwind, transcribing proteins and reforming.

I see the raven is back and I have again transformed into a giant golden condor, I am climbing higher and higher in a clear sky and the higher I go the more my heart is filled with light and love until I explode in a shower of sunlight. Epic quantities of information are flooding into my mind and I know that I am forgetting lifetimes of experience but there is just too much data, am I on the verge of unconsciousness? It’s not easy to say but as the barrage slows, and my conscious thoughts begin to reform. I am seeing techno-electronic Mayan symbols and then I am propelled into the insect world.

Eyes open or eyes closed the room seemed full of peacock feathers, my visions got darker more earthy an I feel I’m part of a colony, I saw gaping mouths with 4 fangs, one each in the cardinal points snapping at me, this doesn’t concern me too much although I would have preferred to be in a different place.

Towards the tail end of the journey I find myself in an introspective headspace which I believe was catalyzed by the music that was playing. Causes of imbalance and illness in my body and life are taking on visual form and I am left wondering “is this a manifestation of negative energy or an actual cancer inside me?”

I was so many animals and received so much data during the night it really was overwhelming in a wonderful empowering way, over 6 hours of traveling in the dreamscape but probably closer to 8. The tension in my stomach released with another kick of the snake and I slept for an hour or two before breakfast.

I could feel the spirit of the brew with me, healing me for the rest of the week.

[Micromegas]

Beautiful impressions Fenris.

Epic quantities of information are flooding into my mind and I know that I am forgetting lifetimes of experience

Well put. But dreams are often of this nature - it's waking up that counts!

Have a wonderful week

[serenes]

you have a beautiful gift with words Fenris, i love how you portrayed ur POWERFUL journey, i felt i was right next to you, the pace quickening and being restful and back again.... beautiful work... i would love to read more! ;)

[occidentalis]

Sounds great bro

[Fenris]

If only they were all like that.

I've been tormented by an incessant babbling internal monologue, a real internal hell that would be enough to put most people off, I couldn't wait for sleep.

You never really know what you will get.

[Fenris]

For too long I had struggled to let go of my deep emotional blockages while in ceremony; the vine had worked her magic on me a number of times but I had always found it difficult to completely surrender to the experience. This was partly out of not wanting to subject my fellow travelers to the spectacle of a violent purge, and also my self consciousness while purging, however on this occasion I felt I was ready for something earth shattering so I asked the vine to show me her power and show me she did.

The brew was thick and pungent and difficult to swallow but that did not deter me, I resumed my position and found it easy to hold my space without distraction. The medicine worked through me lulling me into a relaxed meditative state, all the while creeping up like a hunter stalking its prey. And then it struck.

It is difficult to piece together exactly what happened that night but some of the more memorable events shone through the chaos.

Somehow I was working with the energy of the vine, helping it to shape and shift through me by moving large glyph covered blocks in a matrix like grid. Everything was organic and rock like but steeped in hues of royal blue. I was solving some giant energy puzzle, but in finding the correct alignment of the puzzle I was also able to fine tune how the medicine was interacting with my body. I truly felt that I had taken my first steps in working in this space; instead of letting things unfold I was pre forming the pattern of how they were to unfold.

As the altar was being prepared for a second cup, waves of intensity crashed over me and I knew that half a cup would suffice. At the altar the smell of the brew was like a slap in the face, it woke me up and forced me to take responsibility for my actions. Within minutes of sitting back down I knew that my doors of perception were about to be blown from their hinges.

From blissful nothingness there was a reassembly of shining golden particles which formed me; the reentry was not a violent shock but a gradual coalescence. I can only assume that this had followed a total loss of ego as I had not existed as a physical being, there was no I, just energy. I had merged with the universe and was gently reborn, a being of pure light, reformed. The energy in the room changed and there was joy and excitement and what seemed like a dozen dancing spirits spiraling anticlockwise around the inside of the tent.

My eyes were loosing focus and the room was starting to spin out of control. I felt I had been pushed to the edge of sanity; drifting in and out of consciousness I knew I had done this to myself and that I wanted this and that it was necessary. As difficult as it was there was nothing to be done but accept what was happening and hope for the best. I was in the belly of a massive snake, freefalling.

The purge unleashed, a completely primal impulse that required no thought or action. I was in deep, very deep. The contents of my stomach launched out of my body and I was no longer a man, or a person, I was a wolf with a dead bird in my jaws I spat it out and coughed and retched. What came up was bile but it seemed like road kill that I had been scavenging from the edge of some highway.

The purge continued and I was no longer the wolf but half man half wolf howling at the moon as the bile was being squeezed from my stomach. There was an epic battle going on between the snake and the wolf, the negative energies being purged were deep and old and needed to be let go of. The wolf was fighting me to hold onto the pain and the snake was squeezing it out of me. I was no longer the wolf or the half man half wolf but could see the wolf as separate from me now with its yellow eyes and white fangs snapping and snarling at me, the wolf gradually weakened from the battle with the snake and conceded. We had made a truce.

I felt as if my purge had been a reenactment from a lost ancient legend. I was totally drained but strangely refreshed and knew that some major energy blockages had been cleared; I felt much lighter and more at peace. The room had stopped spinning and I was fast returning to a lucid and very hungry and thirsty state.

The circle was closed and eventually I was able to eat some hot soup to regain my strength. All involved had experienced an intense powerful journey. For me this was one of the most difficult and most rewarding I have ever had to endure. An experience of such magnitude is truly a great gift.

I felt the spirit of the vine strongly for the following week. I felt fitter, healthier and invigorated with a renewed sense of purpose. The vine provided me with a mirror to reflect on, something to catalyze a positive change in myself. I look forward to meeting the vine again, but not too soon.

Edited August 28, 2009 by Fenris

[kindness]

Hey,

I found this interesting the other day when searching for some answers.. I didn't read the entire post you have written but perhaps you will like the explanation of some of the visions given here:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/3485704/DmtAyahu...isions-Amaringo

[FancyPants]

Beautiful write-ups!

[Stinkmeat]

I must say I really enjoyed the new read. You have a good way of writing, that seems to bring up (what I can only assume are) the same visions you have experienced.

Good shit