Participation Complex

[reptyle]

For example: When your sitting in amongst a group of peeps and they're all smoking ciggies do you feel like you would want to spark one up, just to join in. or does the thought not even cross your mind. how does this feeling express itself in relation to non smokers in that same group?

Seems to happen to me when theres music on as well, i just feel the need to start wiggleing ever so slightly even if just with my fingers. sometimes bust out more when im alone than in the group participation scenario.

Do you have a problem taking the first step into joining in a group activity for fear of the fact that your not wanted there? i often do. in this case it seems the urge to participate is repressed and is almost out of balance with the natural repression i should attempt to cultivate in regards to repeatable activities like sparking up.

anyhow i think u get what i mean by participation complex. the actual words PC came to me either in a dream or somehow i dunno if its a predefined thing or not might be.

any expansions on this.

peace...complex.

[XipeTotec]

if u want to particapate in a group... just approach them...you will soon find out if you arnt welcome. dont let fear hold u back. Same goes for not participating... if u dont want to smoke, then dont, if you do, then do (except, it is bad for you)

[No_One]

I used to have a need to act like everyone else, it was a confidence/self-esteem/self-perception/identity problem i.e. trying to fit in all the time cause I wasn't confident being my SELF.

A lot of the time it was a dick measuring comp with my ego playing a role to big note itself over other peoples better developed ego's.

Deep down I knew what I was doing was wrong but I did it anyway, when I started listening to my heart it all sort of went away - it took time obviously but being my SELF has sorted it out.

My SELF doesn't get itself into the situations where it feels awkward or the need to be something it's not - if it likes music it will dance to it, if it don't it won't - it just took time getting to know my SELF and what it likes, what it thinks etc.

As for the smoking, my ego started cause all the hard-arse ego's were doing it - now my SELF does it cause it loves the feeling of a lung full of smoke and the quite introspective time downing a cigga every couple of hours affords me. This is about to change but.

[AndyAmine.]

I certainly understand where your coming form Reptyle.. IME you kind of have to fake it until you make it..

Just get in/out there even if your not all that comfortable and over time you will get used to it, you will start to relax a bit, your adrenalin levels etc. will come down and this relaxing will allow you to be yourself more and integrate more with the group or experience until eventualy (faster than you think) your at a point your happy with and you can be yourself.. Jst remeber some of the other people probabaly feel similar to the way you do.

Try getting to more SAB camps!

They are a wonderful chance for enjoying stimulating and relevant conversation while socialising with real people who generaly arent employing all the social politics and mind games that usually go on, I really enjoyed your brief visit with us last time and hope to see you and Tashi again sometime soon.

I used to have a need to act like everyone else, it was a confidence/self-esteem/self-perception/identity problem i.e. trying to fit in all the time cause I wasn't confident being my SELF.

I am very similar, as a friend described at the last camp, Im "like a cameleon who has forgotten his original colors" although this is slowly changing and because Ive spent so much time on my own over the last 5yrs since moving up from Melbourne that Im finally starting to find out who I really am.

The next step is getting off the 'erb and Methadone because I feel that I will never really know myself until I am free of drugs encumbering my mind, actions and personality. For me, other than 9 months in India it has been well over 15yrs since I have spent any time day or night 'straight'....

Edited May 14, 2007 by AndyAmine.

[chilli]

"IME you kind of have to fake it until you make it.."

Good advice.