gem

*in tears* - too sweet Evil Genius, thank you

Ah 2Deep, you posted before I finished messing about with my post!! (wee bit OCD) gem and AndyAmine will be there - if AA (lol, my boyfriend ha) renegs on keeping Sunday clear, I'll be there regardless Sending PM now

I'm there for sure! Oh and yeah, boyfriend lol - andyamine on the forums. (He's forgotten is password and can't log in to respond to this thread, doh) Will bring food/drinks - suggestions on what you guys might want would be great (damn 'maternal' type female instincts ha). My plants are in NQ so andy can bring some cuttings of pereskio and other cacti. It will be a treat to put faces to names See you GC peeps Sunday! (Unless I'm in MHU - see xanax thread argh nevermind)

Alcohol is *nothing* compared to xanax (in terms of what my body is craving) and I do know what you mean by waking after drinking, wide awake Stomach is (amazingly) giving me a day of grace (oh go and jinx myself ha) and I felt like drinking a beer today. Not any other wine or spirit - I think I find the hops soothing... In total agreement with you: taper off as already put in place and YES - finding a doctor here on the Gold Coast is just... going to say impossible but I have two appointments tomorrow so ... I have to wait until tomorrow to find out As for the epilim... I'm well dodgy on that. Quack pysch started me at 1000mgs/day (ie; two 500mg tabs) - too much!!! Can't split tabs as enteric coating. Just wanted mood stabiliser so that I was OK before dropping my benzos down more (already was titrating by myself) - *never* imagined the negligence/apathy/judgment etc I have encountered with *every* health 'professional' (use that term usely) on the Gold Coast

I don't know what to say but thank you planthelper - I don't want to trade one addiction for another (ie alcohol). Will PM you re heimia. thanks again gem

In honour of Icehouse playing the Gold Coast next weekend

Excellent Good work on organising the meet guys, can't wait!

Thanks T Ha, was that a play on words (golden opportunity)? Already taking GABA and kava (along with meds that *must* be contraindicated with the Epilim but... I still seem sane). The corydalis ran out a while ago If I didn't have to get back up to NQ to deal with a couple of things, I'd perhaps try cold turkey. From 8mg/day it's pretty dangerous and utterly agonising to just stop (w'end so still no GP). incognito bless, you're lovely Unfortunately I've been unable to find a decent doctor on the Coast - I don't know if there are any out there... Have a couple of docs names (thanks guys) that I will try to get into tomorrow. Hmm yum, glass of kava for brekkie - luckily it's Kiln stuff so relatively ok to skull I read some interesting information on the net the other day regarding long term use of xanax which would explain why I still take benzos (when I don't feel I need 8mg/day - tolerance over 12yrs (yet go into withdrawals if I don't have my regular dosage?!). Xanax was never intended for long term use and a study found that patients that took xanax for more than four months actually started developing anxiety symptoms *because* of the xanax... IDK, not explaining it very well, wish I had the link to the article SO genuinely appreciative to everyone who has replied to this thread and/or sent me PMs. Thank you. :wub:

Doh - should have read the full thread - confused with the Gold Coast meet thread RIP gem's brain

Is it TODAY??? My partner and I are keen - I thought it was next weekend!!? If it's today than I'll be super bummed (besides don't want to make first impressions while in the middle of benzo withdrawals) Have ensured next weekend is totally clear for a meet! Argh, sorry if I got confused with the dates and missed the meet - hoping it's next weekend and just my fubar brain misreading the posts. Next weekend: Be there with bells on!

Thanks C_T BF actually suggested some phenibut last night but I knew I couldn't stomach the powder - not usually a problem but when you're feeling nauseous... Re trading one addiction for another - yep, can see how that could happen. Looking on the net seems Klonopin would be a better anti-anxiety agent as it has a longer half life but pretty sure that is habit forming too I still need to obtain xanax though - can't go from 8mg to nothing. Once I'm 'back at base line' I can probably manage on 6-6.5mg/day of xanax in conjunction with the epilim (which I am a bit dodgy on) and start reducing my xanax. Main problem is actually finding a doctor who will actually listen and give a fart about their 'patient' (and give me a freaking prescription!). Thanks for the advice C_T

Thanks Thelema Actually meant to take some GABA last night, brain off on a dozen tangents and forgot. 1,4B/GBL/GHB would be fantastic - shame hard to procure (or I just don't know the right people)... As C_T suggested alcohol could be useful but I feel too sick for that. I did try some beers the other day to try to relax and definitely noticed the interaction with the Epilim tablets I just started. Managed to make it through yesterday with Kava and lots of herbs. It sounds wanky but I'm amazed at how well I am doing being dropped from 8mg/day to ... well nothing but a few tablets I've hoarded (and epilim and self-medication). I arranged to gradually titrate my dosage (in conjunction with a mood stabiliser) with a GP in NQ before I moved. It's all done (a written plan) but docs on the Gold Coast treat people asking for xanax with contempt. Don't want to jinx myself but I feel better today, def not 'fixed' but, for a change, I didn't wake up reaching for my show bag of meds. Usually I would be sobbing in a fetal position in bed all day. It really helps that I have a really supportive partner who understands and is very intelligent (of course, fellow SAB member) He suggested the GABA, I never would have made the connection. Sorry Thelema, waffling as usual, time to see if I can find some diazepam lying around and a smoke. Thank you for your suggestions

Thanks Jox ER is *definitely* the LAST place I want to go to. Cold turkey? Hmm... only really two days into withdrawals, they get waaay worse to the point where you just want to die to escape the torment. Oh and BF found benzo forum said acute withdrawal from abrupt cessation of benzos can potentionally lead to death... Nice reading for the morning hey? Thanks so much for your advice and kind words. gem

I think it would be easier to find the proverbial needle in a haystack than a doctor on the GC that doesn't treat patients like junkies. I've got a PCC so they straight away think of me as a second-class citizen, let alone when I mention the xanax... then I'm a gutter junkie... Is your previous doc on the GC DarkSpark? Thanks gem

Thanks T. Not going back to first quack. Uh uh - no way. Starting to get a bit wary as to whether docs see it as seeking a second opinion or more likely (being the GC), doctor shopping. Realise ER will only give me a few days supply but... fly up to NQ to see original doctor - he primarily (but other docs employed by the surgery) have been writing scripts for the last 7 years at 8mg/day. Now I can't even speak to him directly - the nurse fields those ''annoying'' calls. Currently not under *anyone's* care: all three quacks didn't want to touch me with a ten foot pole. I'd already been titrating the dose down to 7mg/day of my own volition for a few months now so I already had the motivation but thanks. x (edit) Oh and just remembered - besides my own personal hatred of first quack, first doctor was WORST doctor on entire GC to be recommended to me: deals with drugs of dependance patients (yes I realise *I'm* dependant on xanax) so is already under scrutiny and basically won't prescribe even 7mg (let alone usual 8mg) - shouldn't drop 1mg without ensuring mood stabilised and support network in place before reducing benzos after 12 years. To quote first quack; ''I'm not prepared to sign my name on a script for that amount of xanax. I have a reputation to protect.''

IndianDreaming - I think this is a Sea Bean - never thought of carving it, I rub mine (like a worry stone) until they are glossy. Does it look like the Sea Beans you have? (Sorry, it's a terrible pic!) Just let me remember how to upload to here... <rolls eyes> ;)

Cassowaries in Melbourne, that would be a sight!

I was going to say Mesq I loved it and put it on my facebook wall - niggles found it and hopefully some of my other friends had a listen!

sharxx101 - when is the auction due to finish (I'm in QLD so probably one hour behind a lot of ppl bidding)? Thanks! gem

haha - not for you! I have a feeling niggles is going to beat me to this one... hmm. Just read a message from Amz though which made my night so...

$100 already and still a few days out... *so* desperately want this as a birthday present for my sweetheart... <sigh> decisions....

niggles stop bidding!! *sigh* - what were we up to??? $90.

Hi Amz - I would swap you a Loph plant for one of your beautiful loph keychains - I know what you mean about them not being as ''unique'' if you start making heaps (omg, everyone loves them!) - I just so desperately want one lol!

hahaha - too good!