gem

Hey WD!!! Hope all is well. You know the funny thing is I don't own a pool... silly bugger assassin. His new occupation is to keep a permanent grin on my dial. He's doing a fabulous job.

Fuck it, just posted that, *then* read Fractalhead's post so a bit redundant...

Yup, still here - been busy for a few days. You have an excellent recall WD - one can easily buy the nuts plus lime at Rustys (I couldn't bring myself to chew them though). I also used to (may still have) access to bucketloads of freshly dropped seeds from a mature palm. Prolly. Meant to post that ages ago if anyone was interested. Bloody marshmallow brain...

assassin - DL means that Fractal is now in Perth.

I remember amyl being sold along with drinks in any of the gay clubs I went to in Manchester - fucks me how you can dance on that shit.... But should be easy to procure - even in a "regional centre" it's at the sex shops.

Mesq, I have heard (and attempting similiar thing with opuntia pads - which is said to produce many offshoots just from leaving the pad lying on a sandy type surface - give it go if you don't mind chopping one of your babies apart - only thing is remember it's cutting lengthways is a larger area open to (possible) infection and would probably take longer to (work brain damnit!) um, y'know, heal over, whatever, before planting.

Clever??? You're just a devious trouble-maker Mr Gomaos!

WTF - I leave the forums alone for like a day to come back and find this?????? Auxin, no - Tom is someone else - CS mentions his name so many times 'cause he has an unrequited fixation on him. And no CS - I'm not married - jesus - you want a JPEG of the supposed hubby? Gomaos - Mesq is allowed to nudge me - he's just being cute. I've gone all shy now - leave me alone, I much preferred being a voyuer on these forums - not a spectacle *blushing madly*

Author Topic: I AM THE GOD OF FUCK The God of Fuck unregistered posted 30 December 2001 18:46 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That's right you filthy bitches!!!! I have surpassed Chemical Shamanism and I have now transcended into the realm of holiness, the trinity of fuck! I am the father of fuck, the son of fuck and I am the holy fuck!!!! The Chemical Shaman is no more, he has been deleted. Over 450 posts gone in the blink of an eye because it would have taken "a while" to make a backup. Everything that made Chemical Shaman is now gone, make way for THE GOD OF FUCK! With this new title also comes new responsibilities. Prepare to see an: 80% increase in profanity 20% increase in nudity (im naked right now and "touching it") 36% increase in shenanigans I have also put into place some new forum rules Immunity From today onwards it is a sin to ban the god of fuck from the forums. Doing so may well jeopardise your afterlife. You could be sent to hell to shove pineapples up the ass of Hitler (along with satori!). Banning the God of Fuck will be considered the most obscene act of blasphemy possible. Allegiance From today onwards in order to become a member of these boards you must first pledge allegiance to the god of fuck. If you are not prepared to do this you may not visit these boards. This includes YOU Torsten. Consideration It has occurred to me how inconsiderate you sons of bitches really are. You are only posting for yourselves and other people like yourselves paying little or no attention to the 3 major disability groups i.e. the Blind, the Illiterates and the French. From today onwards I expect to see multi posting formats put into place. If you make a post that you can read you better be damn sure that everyone else can read it too. Failing to do so will be a sin. All of my posts after this one will be made available to the blind, the illiterate and the French. Masturbation From today onwards if you are going to masturbate you must do so over me. You are to print out a picture of the god of fuck and stare directly into my eyes as you masturbate. If you are married or defacto then mutual masturbation is advised. However you must both be wearing your "God of Fuck" masks which will be made available soon. This means that by masturbating over Veronica (yes I mean you shroomy) you are committing a sin. Punnishable by the "Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich". If you are one who enjoys masturbating in public (I know I do) you are required to carry a wallet-sized photo at all times. BBQ On the third Sunday of every month I will be holding a BBQ at my house. If you live in Victoria you are required to come. This is absolutely compulsory. If you are one of those sicko vegan freaks I will be providing several sticks of celery. If you do not live in Victoria you will be required to go to the following locations. NSW: Shroomys House QLD: The house of Rekowski More locations to be released soon. Please note: If you are attending BBQ's at Shroomys house please respect his rules and don't be "titty grabbing" his wife. He has very little tolerance for such things. Please also note that these events are compulsory and failure to show up will result in me coming to your house and beating the living shit out of you. Name Changes The following people are to change their names to those listed below Shroomy-Reverend Shroomy Congratulations, you are now a reverend for the church of fuck. Waterdragon- High Priest water dragon (alternatively High Priest H2O Dragon) Nozzle Boy- You will be known as the Chemical Jesus. As of today you are my right hand man, like unto my son. Your duties will be very important, for example crucifixion etc. Darcy- You are to be known as Dr Love. Please change your name immediately. Tithing As with all good religions comes a tithe. From this day forth you will be required to send to me 10% of any drugs you purchase. For example if you purchase a gram of cannabis you will be required to send me 100mg of cannabis. If you buy a trip you will be required to send me 10-15micrograms of LSD (yes I will be measuring) It is advised that if you are purchasing pills you do so 10 at a time as it will make measuring easier. If you do not pay tithe you will be sent to hell where use of drugs is strictly prohibited. Stalking I am hereby banning my stalker from stalking me. I know you are reading this you sick fucko and I want you to know that every time you fuck with me and every time you fuck with my family it only makes me stronger. Why don't you get a hobby you demented bitch? My patience is wearing thin! Sending of Virus's You know who you are motherfucker. If you email me another virus I am going to beat the living shit out of you. Do you think I am so goddamn stupid that I don’t have virus protection???? Do you also think I am stupid enough to just go opening up mysterious attachments willy nilly? Get fucked punk, you cannot hurt me. I can and will hurt you though!!!! Heaven and Hell Did you know that in the Christians heaven it is illegal to take drugs, you cant buy em anywhere, not even from that seedy looking dude on that cloud next to moses's house. Also did you know that in heaven bitches don't shave their legs? You got chicks walking around with hair so thick you could brush it!!! NOT IN MY HEAVEN BABY!!! It's real simple, you follow the rules you go to heaven. My heaven is very similar to Hugh Heffners "PlayBoy Mansion" except theres more drugs and the girlies are better. You can literally walk up to a tree and pick an MDMA apple from a branch. The drugs are plentiful and pure, there's plenty of things to do, there’s no gospel fucking hymns, no harps, no guilt, it's a blissful paradise. All I ask is you follow my rules and I’ll see you in the afterlife!!! Price of admission This rule is simple. If you read my posts you reply to my posts. Even if it's just one word I don't care. If you don't like this rule then don't read my posts. If I find out you are breaking this rule I will be sending the Chemical Jesus to beat the living shit out of you. That boy's got a nasty head stomp manoeuvre you has to be seen to be believed. Quotes From today onwards you are all to create signature files to attach to your posts. In this signature file must be a quote from the god of fuck. Some examples are ------------------------------- "The bitches need my inches" -The God of Fuck ------------------------------- "I'd rather slurp rancid tuna salad out of mulga's unwashed asshole" -The God of Fuck ------------------------------- "I'll bring home the Turkey if you bring home the Bacon." -The God of Fuck -------------------------------- "Tom is gay" -The God of Fuck -------------------------------- This is the format that they must be in. The ONLY format. You may also use complete sentences if you like I.e. ------------------------------ "It wasn't until the road ahead of me exploded into an astonishing array of fractals that I decided to close my eyes and let god take the wheel." -The God of Fuck ------------------------------- Amen All emails sent to my inbox must end with AMEN. simple enough Tom is gay This isn't a rule. Im just letting you know. Sodomy Under my new religion sodomy is not a sin. Infact it is encouraged as often as possible. Christmas Cards It's been quite a few years for me now but im bringing this move back into play. Every year you are required to take photo's of yourself doing something illegal and then make them into Christmas Cards and mail them to your local police station. You are to address them to "Officer Pigfucker" "Sergent ass-jammer" etc. This will make the dang police furious beyond belief and will provide an unimaginable amount of laughs for yourself. Example. (**how do I insert the photo??**) Pineapple Doughnut Im hungry , somebody get me a pineapple doughnut. Social Interaction If you live in Victoria you will be required to meet up with me every so often for a night of havoc. These nights will be called "Shenanigan nights" and may include the taking of narcotics. Bring a friend. Backups To prevent such a travesty from happening again you are all to make backups of my posts. If we ever see a repeat of the recent events you will have something to remember me by. Photo Albums If you invite me to your house for Christmas lunch and you think I would derive immense enjoyment from looking at an album full of fuckwits that I have never met and know nothing about, you are sorely mistaken. I couldn't give a shit about seeing photos of your drunken cousins making fuckwits of themselves , I have no desire to sit there for hours while you tell me the story behind every single fucking photo in your album. You are a fucken dumbass if you think otherwise. Shove your photo albums up your ass. Dogs If you have one of those stupid annoying horny dogs that have to fuckin start with the leg humping as soon as a stranger walks through the door, don’t invite me to your house for Christmas lunch. If your dog comes anywhere near me I will kick that little fuck in it's head. If you have to, give your dog a goddamn hand job before I come over. Such sacrilege will not be tolerated. Slut Gomoas now has my esteemed permission to post his story "slut" in the psychedelic expressions forum. Any interference or feminist bullshit will result in being smitten. Trust me you don't want to feel my smite , it aint pretty. Rules These rules can be ammended and added to at any given moment so keep on your toes bitches!! Profanity If you are going to be a part of the church of fuck you must learn to speak like the god of fuck. Profanity no longer exists. Words such as "nigga" and "homo" are now common speak and must be integrated into every day conversation , like unto myself. Examples Wassup you nigga loving homo? (Hello , what are you up to on this fine day) Fuck all, you low life piece of shit assjammer (Not much really) Wanna skank up and head to the two one for fun? (Would you like to accompany me and some fine ladies to the local night club establishment for some drinking and dancing.) You bet your juicy ass (Yes that would be dandy) Tom is gay Incase you'd forgotten , I thought i'd throw in a little reminder. Confessions Pretty soon I will be setting up a 24hour confession line. You may call this line and confess your sins directly to the god of fuck. You better make sure they're damn juicy. Start sinning now so you have something decent to confess. In the meantime you can just email your confessions to me. Please be as descriptive as possible. Fiona Horne Bashing It has been brought to my attention that there has been a considerable amount of Fiona Horne bashing in the last few days. This is to stop immediately. If any of you filthy bitches were 1/10th the beautiful person she was this world would be a better place. Any further negative remarks directed towards her will result in you feeling my wrath. You don't want to feel my wrath. Freedom On 9am monday morning I want you to call your boss and tell him that you are writing his name on your balls with lipstick. Happiness will only come from freedom. Set yourself free. Please disregard this if you actually enjoy your job or if you are unemployed. FAQ QYou have got to be the biggest dickhead in the entire universe. AThat's not a question fucko.Next. QIf I live in Victoria and don't show up to one of your fuckwit BBQ's how do you plan to beat the living shit out of me if you don't know where I live? AThat’s simple, first I hack Torstens server to get everybodys i.p addresses, then I call your isp and demand that they give me your home address, phone number, credit card details and any other personal information they may have on you. They probably wont take me seriously until I tell them that I am the great god of fuck, then they will be dishing out the info like it's going out of fashion. QIs Tom really gay? AYes QYou masturbate a lot don't you? AMore than you could possibly imagine. QAm I allowed to contribute more than one tenth to the great god of fuck? AYou can be as generous as you like QCan I suck your cock? AYes. QWhen you say that Tom is gay, what exactly do you mean by that? AI mean that he is a homosexual. QI am overwhelmingly upset at the great loss incurred when Chemical Shaman was deleted from my life with the move to another server. I have not been able to get out of bed or go to work or feed my family, can you give me some ideas as to how I might overcome this tragic loss? AYes I have prepared a "Top 5" list which I have titled "How to overcome unimaginable loss" 1.Cocaine 2.DragonBallZ (series 1-7) 3.Shenanigans 4.Naked Ladies 5.Prayer QI'm not sure i can hold the position of Dr. Love, great God Of Fuck. My limited intake of recreational drugs would not be enough to keep this title. AThis decision is based purely on sex appeal alone and has little or nothing to do with drug intake. Grrrrrr QIsn't it "virii" ? If we're gonna be letting the illiterate in on the act, we may as well get them started on the right foot. ANO, I despise the word virii as much as I despise all those cock-eaters that use the word Denis' instead of Denis's. eg. Let's go and fuck Denis' ass Let's go and fuck Denis's ass You see what I mean , anyone caught using such RIDICULOUS grammar will be sent straight to hell. QDear God of Fuck , how do you justify your over indulgence in masturbation if you are supposed to be the god of fuck. AI take it that in this example you are using the word FUCK as slang for sexual relations , well the answer to this one is simple. In 1985 the military were commissioned to conduct experimental surgery on my reproductive glands , I was paid $1.85 an hour for this work. Not many people realise but in a freak accident I was somehow the first Australian to receive penis enhancement surgery , that's right ladies my immense cock is the result of military experimentation. Also by pure mistake my ejaculate producing organs were somehow modified (we were working close to radioactive waste you see) and my ejaculate production was increased to 25 times that of a mere mortal. This means that I am currently pumping out an excess of 1 litre of semen every single day , no longer just for pleasure but also out of necessity. So you see while I still devote a great deal of time to fuck (sexual intercourse) I also masturbate for survival , it's hard work but I have little choice in the matter. If I was to just leave it be for a day you would find a room covered top to bottom with semen and a God of Fuck with an exploded torso sitting on the bed. I want you to picture this for a while , then make yourself a bowl of custard and picture it some more while you chow down. I also masturbate as it is the only time I get to fuck my ONE true love. Qand if your self love involves actual fucking and you have indeed scored an own-goal please send the pictures to a forum that isn't this one. A No problem QI don't know that this "religion" really speaks to me. My fellow ducks feel left out. What about our language. ADucks are not allowed in my heaven. All ducks go straight to hell. Fuckoff. The God of Fuck has spoken!!!!!!! Amen click here to download an audio recording of this post [This message has been edited by The God of Fuck (edited 31 December 2001).]

AYAHUASCA It's not a root - it's a vine (presuming you mean B. caapi).

Torsten - can you please list the three species names - I can't remember the proper botanical names - I've got a friend who is going to Holland in May for some huge garden expo (held once every 10 yrs? - the name escapes me right now). He said that he always procures great quality seed in Holland. I can include it on my shopping list to him

Hi Spikey - are you offering the plant or seed? I'd love the plant but it'd be a bit hard from overseas yeah?

Hi Spikey - are you offering the plant or seed? I'd love the plant but it'd be a bit hard from overseas yeah?

I am suddenly inspired to dust off that mycology equip from MMA - thanks Rev

he also loves the way animals and insects seem to just come out to greet him. Like green tree frogs eh shroomy? I wasn't going to reply to this post because most of my reasons have been listed by everyone else (and some great points ppl BTW) - yeah, to pursue knowledge, to actually *see* and of course for pleasure.

Are you chasing HBWR t s t? Email me your address.

Any surplus heimia leaves sass? [This message has been edited by Gem (edited 01 April 2002).] [This message has been edited by Gem (edited 01 April 2002).]

I was given a photocopy of some information regarding Tryptophan from my pharmacist today, one of the health benefits listed decreasing the craving for amphetamines in ppl undergoing amphetamine withdrawal. Also mentioned 4000mg a day reduces the physical pain associated with opiates dependance. After most of the health benefit 'areas' there appears to be a hyper-link for Research - I rang the pharmacy after noticing this to try and obtain a URL for where they printed the info from. Apparently what I am reading from had been faxed to them from some naturopaths guild (memory failing) - anyway, I don't have an on-line reference unfortunately but one site they did recommend was www.personalhealthzone.com/encyclopedia.htm Haven't had time to peruse it myself. I also came across The Principles of Neuropsychopharmacology (on sale at Big W of all places) so I am slowly making my way through this - if anyone is after very specific info re particular nerve pathways etc etc I am happy to look in there. Also re Darklight's comment, I believe tryptophan is more readily absorbed with carbohydrates. Hope this is of some use.

'nuff said - it's lucky mulga has so many exciting and important projects to occupy his time... otherwise he might find himself obsessively emailing strangers and posting shite on forums. lucky eh?

Twee - if you manage to burn a copy of a MIMS CD I'd happily cover any costs to receive a copy - however, if you don't have success I have access to the current MIMS on-line at work (unfortunately it's password protected so simply copying the URL and trying at home brings no joy), um anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, if anyone has any specific meds they want looked up I can copy the entire Prescribing Information for said med onto a floppy then bring it home and email it off to you.

WD - I really dunno if ppl should be talking about dat on these forums, it's only human to be curious and want to try the experience yourself; and by making it known in the greater community it could only do more harm than good. You know I love you WD, but I think this one's best left alone.

I had a FABULOUS time - well done to Torsten, Dutchie, Dutchess, Darklight, EA et al (sorry, just got home myself so will post again with mentions of all the people who put in the hard yards. Yes Mulga is the biggest fuckwit I have ever had the misfortune of encountering and as WD says, if you don't like the way the conference was handled - go and put on your own show. I see this attitude as very narrow-minded and ungrateful. The people there were fantastic - I will be sending off *heaps* of emails in the next couple of days to say hello to the people who made the event extra special for me (quite a few, lemme tell you). If I didn't have such a tiny house I'd have a mini EB for you all here in Cairns. I enjoyed it immensely and I suspect those who were disgruntled just don't apprecitate the magnitude of hard work and planning an event like this requires. Kudos to Torsten, I actually think he kept his cool, I would've been lining up to smack both mulga (wanker of the year) and his legal advisor/pig dog wanker associate (just as big as a wanker, perhaps more) with much pleasure.

hi Torsten - any chance of the viridis being available for sale at EB? Also I appreciate you must be *very* busy with preparations etc but were you thinking of putting up a list of what plants will be on sale at EB (need to calculate $$$)? Cheers MEG