Of messianic complexes and apocalyptic visions...

[Tangata Manu]

That feeling of orchestrated life....I think many of us have experienced this.

For some of us, this feeling becomes a delusion which keeps us from perceiving opportunities. The delusion manifests in us when we do not understand the limits to our control and cannot rationalise our predicament, and is reinforced with both negative and positive outcomes by giving us something to blame or adore.

When life is governed by the hand of fate, success seems beyond our control, so we allow opportunites to float past us, failing to strive for the ones which do not fall in our lap. We cannot know luck, and feel gratitude from fortune. We become twisted by the general frustration borne from our unsatisfied desires, every kind of beauty gradually disappears beneath the thick black meniscus of self-loathing, and we ask of everything, "Why?", seeking to understand Fate's reasons for having us be in such misery.

Now there is a crossroad here (in fact, as a general rule in life, where you find yourself asking the general question of "why?" for everything as though you need some source of extrinsic motivation, you are probably at a crossroad). In this case there are two choices:

1. direct your rage inward (a.k.a. deny the rage exists), repress your desires

2. Direct your rage upon the world.

One day I found myself watching a documentary on the herds of Africa. In one scene a large lion pack is harrassing a herd of buffalo and finally manage to isolate one calf from the pack. The buffalo herd retreats, stopping at a distance to observe the young calf's inevitible demise. The lions play with their young kill, torturing it with playful pounces, wounding it until it bleets in pain and despair. While the alpha bull angrily snorts and struts about in front of the distressed cows, one old tired looking bull breaks herd from his lowly outlying position in the herd and scatters the lions with a ferocious charge into the pack. The calf hastily rejoins the herd as the lion pack surrounds the old bull, slowly closing in on him whilst an incredulous narrator tries to rationalise the courage and selflessness displayed in the actions of this skinny old buffalo.

As the lions cautiously draw closer to the old bull, the narrator reads his eulogy with tragic dramatic prose. He stands quite still as six hungry lions tighten their noose I am mesmerised by his calm dignity, as if he is quietly contemplating his bovine existence before death claims him. Even the narrator notes his relaxed demeanor as one of the lions feints a charge in an effort to engage the bull in some pre-mealtime play. He doesn't budge, which appears to rattle the lion pack as they seem to pause with indecision. I watch, morbidly fascinated, as the lions close in, crouching ready to pounce, the herd watches with visible distress, and the narrator executes his pessimistic monologue, the lions pounce almost as one.

Everyone, except the old bull, is shocked by the ferocity of his defence. He repels a six lion attack, tossing the biggest one with his horns while stomping and seriously wounding one which came at him from behind. The lions re-group, shocked, but not yet ready to give up on their dinner, they maintain their circle around their formidable prey. They pounce again, and again the old bull fights back with noble savagery and wise tactics. Just as it appears he might possibly win, one of the lions is on his back, and all seems lost for a moment, until the stampeding herd enters the frame, scattering a confused and doubtful lion pack and leaving one expert narrator speechless at the second unprecedented bovine action.

Sometimes shit happens, and inevitibly you will fail when you really need to win.

Accept fear, embrace defeat, forgive yourself for failure, and you will learn from it. Every failure will make you wiser, stronger, and better.

Inevitibly, you will find yourself surrounded by hostile intent. If you can accept your fear, it will not reduce you to violence, conformity, or self suppression.

ON DESIRE:

Cultivate it, don't be enslaved by it.

Claim it, never take it.

Earn it, appreciate its gift.

HAPPINESS:

We have no right to be happy in this life.

We have every right to avoid unhappiness.

[devance]

That feeling of orchestrated life....I think many of us have experienced this.

For some of us, this feeling becomes a delusion which keeps us from perceiving opportunities. The delusion manifests in us when we do not understand the limits to our control and cannot rationalise our predicament, and is reinforced with both negative and positive outcomes by giving us something to blame or adore.

Good outlook.