Bush Turkey

Nothing but manhood over here. My girl didn't nickname me "the monster" for nothing

Lol you easterners and your crappy Big M milk. That shit sucks balls. Nothing but Masters over here. I didn't drink much choc milk/coffee over east because there was nothing tasty ;)

1. My trust issues i am working on. I find it really hard to trust girlfriends. Ive just been cheated on and lied to too much. I have a new girl now and she is truly awesome!! I really really like her and i think i do trust her. I always dwell on what could happen and this increases my anxiety. I doubt she would ever abuse my trust though but I've been burnt so many times before. (sorry babe if you are reading this). My mindset with trust is that everyone is "guilty till proven innocent" Its sad i think like this but its slowly changing. I was more then a brat as a child/teenager. Well i was a straight up derro. I suppose my trust issues come from myself being un trustworthy in my earlier days. I feel like I've lived 2 lives. 1 was my childhood and the other is now. I really feel like a completely different person. I think back to the old days and it makes me cringe. I can't believe i was the way i was. It just seems so surreal. Now i am the most trustworthy person. Everyone trusts me fully. I trust myself. No lies, no deceit. Im always the one people turn to when they need a house sitter or the likes. 2. I am going to the GP later next week to talk about my medication and my other options. I will find out my SSRI timeline then. 3. I think i don't remember because of the erb (i started smoking socially when i was 12. Don't think it helped my developing brain). Also i try to forget my past as it wasn't pretty. A lot of it is most prob self repressed. 4. I didn't enjoy sally too much at the time (when legal) but the after affects were pretty great. I felt calm, at peace, confident and worry free for the week after i used it. Sally did help a lot with my OCD at the time. It dulled the need for repetition. Didn't get rid of it though. It just made it easier with not doing my rituals. 5. Id say at the moment my anxiety is the worst of all. It used to be OCD that was the dominant one. Anxiety increases my OCD which leads me to a depressed state so they all effect each other but it usually starts with anxiety. 6. I am now drinking a couple of litres of water a day and have cut down my choc milk to only one a day instead of 4. I am starting to really like water but sometimes i just need some milk. 7. I need to dedicate more time to meditate. Its just hard when I'm so busy and can't find a quiet place For the last 2 days i have decreased my Zoloft to only 50mg a day instead of 100mg and to be honest, i am starting to feel awesome! I even had fun at work today and that is sooooooooo rare for me.

But i already do fire poi/spinning lol

Thanks for the kind offer tipz but i can't accept it. It wouldn't feel right. One of my hippie mates are going to talk me through the basics of meditation.

1. I honestly can't remember much about my childhood. Its just a blur. I remember bits but i can't put them in order 2. As above i don't remember when exactly i started Zoloft. I will need to read my GP's book on me to find out. Reading that book may jog some memories but it would be like reading a story that i am not familular with. My memory is shot. I can't say more about this because i really don't know! Ive never been diagnosed with bi polar Yes i have tried sally before No I've never had any sedatives as my doc won't prescribe them to me as she thinks i have an addictive personality because i was real bad on the erb. (I've only ever been addicted to the erb. nothing else) 3. Yes i am an atheist. I am in no way spiritual at all. I was brought up to be catholic but never wanted a bar of it I find it very hard to communicate over writing/text. It has taken me half an hour just to write this as i have to keep going back up and reading your questions I am not really interested in Ayahuasca. I just don't want to be changed the way that Aya changes people. Enlightenment just seems like brain damage to me. No offence people but spiritual talk and the likes just seems like something is misfiring in the brain. I really don't want to be the person speaking "hippie mumbo jumbo". Its just crazy talk to me i have done about 2 hours of meditation all up since this thread has started and i just don't get it. Sitting still is so uncomfortable and boring for me. I am not a movie fan because of this. I can't sit still for that long.

did i say say Zoloft isn't working??? I think it is a little bit. Im 28 What other points am i ignoring??? When i have to read heaps, i usually forget what I've read further up. I have trouble getting things to sink in. Ive never been a fan of reading books because id read a page then forget what the top of the page said. I guess I'm a slow learner. Finding a doctor/psyche i can trust is hard. I have trust issues. I really don't trust anyone. How can i trust someone when i am not in their mind? Trust is taking someones word for it. I can't trust someones word because i can never know the truth for sure. I always have my guard up. I suppose trust is a faith. I have no faith in people

i really do need a change of lifestyle

I have had OCD since i was a little kid. Maybe 7 years old or earlier. My mum noticed i would always sniff my shoulders on both sides evenly and couldn't walk on cracks and do spins every few minutes. I have been in and out of therapy all my young life. I didn't want a bar of it. I wasn't prescribed Zoloft till i think about 16 when my OCD started going haywire again. I got taken off it because it wasn't working to well. I went back on it when i was about 20 and it seemed to control the OCD. Depression and anxiety didn't start till i was about 21. I used to be the most confident person but that started disserpearing about the same time i quit alcohol because i was told i can't drink on Zoloft. I was never a heavy drinker anyway Ive been to all sorts of therapy but just told them what they wanted to hear because i didn't want to be there

Sorry. there is just so much in this thread that i can't (i forget) to reply to everything. Zoloft controls my OCD. I was originally prescribed it for OCD. I can't even remember when i first started taking Zoloft. My memory is shot Ive started drinking water now but i still have choc milk. I drink choc milk instead of iced coffee as i have quit caffeine. i have been brought up on sugary things. My mum doesn't drink water either. It doesn't seem to quench my thirst weirdly. I always have heaps to say but when i go to write it, i go blank. I've always been like this. so much trouble at school when i was younger because i could never focus EDIT. yes i have had therapy but i just don't get anything out of it

That would explain it. Is it reversible?

No, i don't want to be a part of society. Its just to keep us occupied until we die. I mean adrenaline like something to get me going like surfing big waves, skating fast downhill. Something to scare me and also bring me joy. I was happy when i had no money because i had all the time in the world to live my life

I didn't come here to be insulted dude

ummm i don't know what to say to that because i have no idea what you just said If anything, you are scaring me off meditation even more

Meditator, i have no idea what you are on about. I must be a "thickhead" as you put it. I've been trying meditation for the past 5 nights. 20 minutes a night. Its not for me. When i finish, i am more angry and agitated then before i started. I don't know why, i just am. It seems to send me backwards. Im looking for joy, not boredom. I need adrenaline I know i can solve this all by smoking a bit of erb but i can't have that in my life at the moment. Ive become what I've always feared. A functioning member of society. I work full time and have no time for "fun" Ive become a sheep, a drone, a useless number in the system. I don't feel free, i am not free It gets me down I have money, but it sure as hell can't buy me happiness. I was much more happy when i was broke

could an Iron deficiency be affecting my mood as well? I was really low in Iron. The doc said i was 13 (in whatever they measure it in) and i should be up around the 30 mark. Im scared to come off Zoloft because I've been on it for so long. The worst side affect Zoloft has on me is getting hardly any enjoyment from sex. When i miss just one day of Zoloft, It really makes me feel like shit. I hate to rely on drugs though so i will change my GP's till i can find an open minded one. Well i may have already found one. He talks a lot about amino acids and the likes and isn't a fan of Zoloft. He tells me to increase my tryptophan intake with warm milk and malt drinks. I think i need some guided meditation to get me on my way with that. I just can't sit still if i don't have to. I can never get truly comfy. My OCD makes me uncomfortable because when i sit, i have to have even pressure on my body. Like clothes are uncomfortable when they don't sit symmetrical on my body. Very hard to explain

Yep i just got a heap of cuttings from doing this ;)

yeah seen that. They are not cheap. I know someone who wants $250 for a plant the same size. Still a rip off lol. I usually just grab cuttings when people chuck them out for green waste

still chasing frangipani cuttings, seeds and plants also chasing mango plants/trees and any other edible fruits

woah. epic bump

pity all the decent cacti are display only. They only have a few cuzcos for sale

Never heard of people saying it grows in perth before except for a few public parks where it has been planted. Gotta go over the hills for it

from their website

Yeah they got some nice cacti

Hey caitlin. Yes this nursery is very good. Its got some beautiful cacti. Though i think its against forum rules to put addresses up