there is no order and there is no chaos... and there also is no absence of the two
i build up categories and seggregations of my understandings, just to work towards an end point at which i may live in a reality without boundaries! stinkin paradox
"However some people, like Berkeley, said with reguard to minds that to exist is to perceive."
... i agree with Yeti101/berkeley for now, however frustrating to me that may be..
but then again, is it also 'to percieve is to exist'?
i think the only thing that resolves me is to appreciate that there is no meaning in anything..
(dammit, and now there is! thanks consciousness..)
the only closest thing to meaning that i am beginning to begin to grasp, is that it really doesnt matter. regardless of my fear to submit to determinism, in my rejection of the ready-made answers which religion and science-type groups provides, i must also treat my expectations of a correct way to percieve in the same way...
i always thought that i could give up control, and i never realised that i relied upon it.
reality is based upon control of ones perceptions, in an orderly and comprehensible way.. however, i am still afraid to 'let go', and suspend myself in raw perception, for fear of the chaos involved in the losing of my own identity.. can i exist without my existance?
what if i lose the ideals which formed the path that i ultimately chose to follow? where would i be then? more frighteningly, what would i be? am i only afraid of losing my identity because my experiences in 'exo' reality have conditioned me to become attached?
and why fear to love?
what is wrong with a simple emotive response? i see it as being caught in the world which i am trying to crack, and that is wrong.. perhaps now i am beginning to realise that the feeling of unanswerable emotion could be closer to raw-perception than i have ever thought i was before... how like my envisagement is that?
thanks for the canvas guys
