ZefSide95

Well see I’m not really using that much of anything.. Compared to my alcoholic days I’m really straight. People think alcohol is ok because it’s legal and socially acceptable. Hell, in this country beer is cheaper than Coke (cola haha). I’ve spoken to a GP about this and she said the alcohol lobby is very powerful.. You just have to look at the advertising to see just how much freedom the industry has. Even the dockets you get at the supermarket have offers at the bottom — “buy one bottle of Scotch and get one free”. Meanwhile, cigarettes are locked in this filing cabinet thing and buying a pack is a bit like some shady drug deal from the boot of a car. Not to mention the pricing. The difference between the attitude toward alcohol/cigarettes in Australia is a huge bug bear of mine because alcohol is what landed me in ICU for a week in 2008 with pancreatic necrosis. But yeah I really think any drugs I’m using atm are secondary/symptomatic of the trauma. If you ever end up in hospital though, NEVER tell them you use anything illicit because you’ll be written-off. Of all the dealings I had in 2018 with hospital/police/fire brigade, the hospital was the worst. The cops have always been assholes (mind you, Australia is becoming a police state more and more) but the hospital wasn’t too bad ten years ago. Now it’s like hell on earth. I went there for a physical thing but ended up having huge panic attacks and had to beg this doctor like some kind of junky for 10mg of Valium, but he was quite happy to give me Zyprexa (anti-psychotic), which I suspect was a factor in why I was there in the first place! I told them that but noone took any notice. Again, benzos are completely demonised, while they give out anti-psychotics and anti-depressants like candy. The medical profession is probably the #1 factor in this whole PTSD thing. /rant

https://youtu.be/WtJDCSoIVPk

Thanks for your thoughtful replies I will re-read when able..

Thank you The hardest thing with mum is she already lost one child to drugs.. But rather than improve her relationship with me, it’s worsened it if anything. I was always the “problem” child (was a bad alcoholic but have finally got to the point I don’t even enjoy the effect) and my bro more “normal”. He was sneaking around though, using H occasionally (and had various other chemicals in his blood). Anyway, it’s as if she’s hardened her heart even more in case something happens to me as well. She was already cold but now she’s just nasty. I’ve cut off communication and I’m planning on moving to the Riverland SA, where my daughter is. I don’t know if I’ll ever reconcile with her now. I am self-medicating - not with booze but with stuff I know isn’t helping and I’d rather not say. I need a better environment before I can deal with it. I despise where I am at the moment. Mushrooms are on my list actually.. I think being in a peaceful place will go a long way to helping though. Yes, just talking to people who think outside the box re mental health is helpful. Thanks x

DO IT!!

While I’m seething..

This guy may look like an emo gaylord here, but he can scream with the best of them. Their lyrics are amazing too. Woken up by noise from idiots as usual. So sick of this wasteland Of late, it's harder just to go outside To leave this deadspace with hatred, so alive Writhing with sickness, thrown into banality, I decay Killed by the weakness, but forced to return, turn it off I watch the stars as they fall from the sky I held a fallen star and it wept for me, dying I feel the fallen stars encircle me, now as they cry Out there so quickly grows malignant tribes Posthuman extinction excels unrecognized Feeling surrounded, so bored with mortality, I decay All of this hatred is fucking real, turn it on... yeah I watch the stars as they fall from the sky I held a fallen star and it wept for me, dying I feel the fallen stars encircle me, now as they cry It won't be all right despite what they say Just watch the stars tonight as they, as they disappear, disintegrate And I disintegrate 'cause this hate is fucking real And I hope to shade the world as stars go out and I disintegrate

Jim is legend.

Sick of cowards.. Men mainly.

This as well:

I’ve been doing this for 20 years, but most are still willing to do it *sigh*. It’s getting quite absurd now, but I think the majority need to be told what to do.

Heya I’m new (sorta) as well. Started coming here nearly 20 years ago but it was my husband who was into the ethnobotanical stuff mostly.. I just thought the people were cool. Now I do want to get into some stuff - my taste so far has been for things you don’t tend to grow - but I also just find it very hard to meet progressive/non-conformist people. Well, I meet a few non-conformists, but ones I’d rather keep my distance from! Anyhoo, see you around hopefully

Hi guys.. I’ve been here on and off (mostly off) since the late 90s. I keep forgetting my login details though Anyway, I’m back looking for interesting people online basically. Last year I ditched all social media because it’s really just a tool for market research and data collection by businesses. I’ve been hanging out on another (international) forum but as usual I find the people too conformist to relate to. The international drug forums are a bit like Nazi Germany with how strict the admins are and I didn’t last long there. So I am back here I’m on the Mornington Peninsula, south of Melbourne (aiming to move inland next year because Melbourne’s population is exploding and we’re feeling it even down here). Cheers.. ;)

Huh? People live in Tasmania? No, I’m bound for South Australia.

In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity. —Hunter S. Thompson

“There’s light at the end of the tunnel. The problem is that tunnel is in the back of your mind. And if you don’t go to the back side of your mind you will never see the light at the end of the tunnel. And once you see it, then the task becomes to empower it in yourself and other people. Spread it as a reality. God did not retire to the seventh heaven, God is some kind of lost continent IN the human mind.” ―Terence McKenna

God, yesterday was awful with the heat. I had to get to the GP which is about 30 mins away.. My car is a V6 4WD (black!) and I had hardly any fuel so couldn’t blast the aircond. I thought I was going to pass out. The Riverland is even hotter but hopefully I won’t *need* the doctor as much for a start, but also I want to be able to just walk places you know? Here you have to drive everywhere (forget public transport) and days like today - Saturday during tourist season - I’d rather go towards Melb to somewhere like Frankston than deal with the chaos on the Peninsula. Last time I was in the Riverland I went down the street on a Monday and seriously wondered if it was a public holiday it was that quiet. It wasn’t. That’s what I want, and I’m doing things to make it happen