Neighbour from hell

[wandjina]

For the first time in my life, I'm having serious problems with a neighbour. I've been renting for over 12 years, and never had anything like this happen before.

It started 8 months ago, when the friendly family who lived in the flat below me moved out, and in came 'Ms A'.

Forty-ish, psychologist, burns incense...she seemed pretty cool at first, and was very friendly (at least to my face).

However, a week after she gets there she has one of the residents cats removed by animal control because its meowing was annoying her. She told me and the cats owner that she thought it was a stray, but the dude downstairs reakons he told her it wasn't... and she had it taken to the pound anyway.

No apology, no offer to recompense the fee my neighbour had to pay to get his cat back.

The next day she made a point of telling me that she had had to go to the tenancy tribunal because she had issues with another resident at her last rental home. I sensed then that she was going to cause us trouble, and she has.

The long list of inconsiderate and selfish actions this woman has taken include:

monopolising, and ultimately comandeering the garbage bins. The 2 batchelors upstairs generously take out everyones bins, as do i if I can beat em to it (4 flats)...but they've decided to stop putting hers out because they're not impressed by her behaviour. 'Her' bins are actually supposed to be shared with me...but for the last 6 months I've used those intended for the other side of the building because she regularly fills 'hers' to the brim and has moved them to a spot inaccessible to myself and other residents (yes, I tried to move em back...to no avail).

Putting her own outdoor furniture away, she helped herself to mine *grrrr*, placing it an arrangement near her back door that cordons off a good part of communal space in the process.

Taking my venus de milo statue and placing on the opposite side of the yard near her 'space'. I retrieved all 3 items, and said nothing.

dumping her spent kitty litter on the garden, the excess N poisoning the callistemon (I did say something about this...very politiely mind you).

theres heaps of other petty annoyances and inconvieiences she has caused...but I've come to beleive that when renting, especially in the city, it is as important to be considerate as it is to be tolerant. If you let every pet peeve get to you, you wont be happy anywhere.

Obviously this isnt Ms A's philosophy. Whilst she is seemingly oblivious to how her actions affect others, she is hypersensitive to how we effect her.

She has lodged a formal complaint with the estate agents against me for causing excessive noise!

Her main winge? My 5 year old and I moving around in the house...apparently our footsteps are driving her mad. She came up 2 weeks ago and told me it was bothering her, and we've done our best to walk lightly...but there's only so much one can do to stop a young kid romping. Still she lodged a nasty complaint letter, also alleging I held a large noisy party on jan 6th!

This 'party' had a grand total of 5 guests (myself included) and was not heard by any of the other neighbours. Admittedly, a not insignificant quantity of social lubicants were consumed, and one guest was heard to cry '..universe LOVE universe CUNT!' at the top of his lungs whilst laughing hysterically ...but besides that we simply talked and listened to jazz and ambient, keeping the volume at what we agreed was a reasonable level.

what is this womans problem?

I called the real estate, who i am on very good terms with, and apparently Ms A bombards them with complaints about everything...from other residents to cracked tiles to old carpet to a few cockroaches etc etc.

Basically, the landlord and all the other tenants side with me and think Ms A is crackers...but I'm concerned she may pursue formal action, and am tired of her bad vibes every time I walk down the hall. It sucks having someone below the floorboards cursing you and your child.

It amazes me that someone can be so sensitive to other peoples noises and day to day goings on, yet be totally unconcerned or unaware of how their actions and attitude effects those around them.

I've overheard her speaking to her flatmate, and in her role as a 'new agey' psychologist, she's analysed us all and judged us to be inferior...and sees herself as the victim!

I've been counselled by the real estate to write a formal letter of response because they beleive she may not let this go. So i have...but I don't like having bad relations with my neighbours. I get on famously with everyone else, and I've been nothing but nice to Ms A...even bringing in her washing when it rains, watering her plants, and giving her a jar of homemade pickles for xmas.

Yet no matter how friendly am, she just seems bent on disliking me, it really feels personal.

aaaahhh, that feels better...thanks for listening

has anyone else had problems with a nasty or annoying neighbour? I've heard stories far worse than mine, where people get violent and destroy eachothers property etc...any one got any to share?

I'd love to hear how you dealt with it, or how you got them to leave!

[Rev]

i can only think you need to make her life hell

not in a sadistics way, just a strategic way

with the aim of making her life intolerable so she moves out

it could be an orchestrated plant involving other members of the complex

maybe we can brainstorm here

cant be overtly illegal, violent or abusive, or obvious and therefore bring you into trouble

it would have to be psychological warfare of sorts

anyone had experience in this before?

my imagination isnt fired up yet

all i can think of are smelly things

like rotten fish stashed somewhere inaccessible in/near her house

shed go nuts trying to find them and maybe move. then you remove the offending article before the next tenants come in

spilt milk is a wonderful stinker on carpet after a few days but is hard to remove therafter

Its hard in communal living cos u might affect yourself too directly but maybe theres a way

[2b]

I had a problem with a neighbour once , my solution was biological warfare ! Every snail i found in my garden was thrown over the fence into his vegies , i kept this up for over a year ! Not sure if he even noticed , or it made a difference at all but it kept a smile on my face every time i watered my garden and my calmness returned

[Gollum]

It sound like you are doing everything in your power to be a considerate friendly neighbour. Bringing in washing, pickles for chrissy, I would love to have you as a neighbour.

Dont take her shit personally, it sounds like this women has a major chip on her shoulder. Some people are never happy and it is a hobby for them to spread bad vibes, cause friction and to complain about everything. She obviously has nothing better to do with her time.

Rev has a good idea with the whole "Make life hell thingy " Smelly things? Hell Yeah!!! Does she have air con? maybe leave a bag of her cat shit in a plackie bag in the sun for a few days then string it up next to the air intake for her air con.

Nothing would drive someone out quicker than an apartment that reeks of stale cat shit and piss.

Im sure we could have a brain storm and come up with something.

But seriously dont take it personally if she wasnt complaining about you it would be the next person.

[Gollum]

LOL Good one 2b i like it!!!!

[wandjina]

Does she have air con? maybe leave a bag of her cat shit in a plackie bag in the sun for a few days then string it up next to the air intake for her air con.

Nothing would drive someone out quicker than an apartment that reeks of stale cat shit and piss.

nah, no a/c unfortunately...but I like the smelly approach, perhaps sausage meat used a spack-filler in out of reach places? God knows she stinks up my place, her kitchen exhaust fan empties into the space bewteen the floorboards (old building)...doesn't really bother me, smells like she's a good cook...if only it could work in reverse.

[simon_marklar]

you should report the strange visitors at all times of the night and funny chemical smells coming from her house.

as a 'concerned neighbour' from a public phone, of course

[Dirty Old Man]

Sorry about your neighbour she sounds like a nasty piece of work.

A couple of things to try:

1. If you can find her phone number, give it and her other details to as many charity/ telemarketing/ insurance salesman + any other annoying industries by pretending to be interested in there services. This will gurantee she gets bombarded with phone calls and annoying mail.

2. Go around the neighbourhood collecting dogshit, road kill etc. Ferment it in a big drum. Buy a small cheap aquarium pump, attach a hose and pump the contents under her door.

3. Make an extraction of brugmansia, datura or other tropane rich plants. Put a generous wad of it disolved in dmso on her door knob. She will be whisked off by the men in the white coast with butterfly nets before you know it. I am sure plenty of members would be willing to donate plant material to this cause.

4. Cover her car with paint stripper. When she goes to wash off the black goo the paint will come off in big sheets.

[Auxin]

If you can find a source maby make a habit of outdoor grilling of durian fruit while shes trying to garden.

Westerners have described the experience of eating the durian as "like eating custard in a public lavatory" .... its odor is best described as pig-shit, turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock. It can be smelled from yards away....

:ph34r:

Tho the other neighbors might have a word or two for ya <___base_url___>/uploads/emoticons/default_uzi.gif

...but really maby the best revenge is to let her remain in her self imposed hell and do what you can to be happy despite her shit.

(oh and keep written records including lists of witnesses for particularly bad stuff)

[apothecary]

Every morning once she has left the house (or every evening before she gets home) place an envelope under her door with a number like 18 on it.

Then the next day, put 17. The day after that, 16 and so on. Do this for a couple of weeks, until she is really wondering what the hell is going on.

Then as you get to 2 or 3, just stop. It'll drive her nuts trying to figure what was counting down.

Start subscribing her to shit. Most special interest groups have monthly mailing lists and stuff like that. You want to do about 15-20 subscriptions in a day, once a month. Spend a few hours of your free time looking for mailing lists, and then in one day subscribe her to a whole bunch of them. Subscribe them to a different name but her address.

She has two options at this point, call up every single newsletter place and tell them she doesn't want the newsletter, or continue recieving it all every month or week or whatever.

Wait until she goes to bed on Sunday night, then call up Pizza Hut from a nearby payphone and order a double cheese to her house. You can do this every weekend until the pizza place blacklists her.

Greasing her doorknob daily is good, but a bit too direct for my tastes.

Save up all your junkmail for a week or two and then put it in her mailbox. You can make this one even better by asking everyone else in the block to save theirs too. She won''t like having to empty a mailbox stuffed full of crap, and you can make it even funnier by soaking it with water once you put it in there...if she leaves it for long enough it'll turn into a brick that is actually kind of hard to remove.

If her bathroom has a window that you can see, you can figure out when she has just gone in by when the light turns on in there, then you can call up her house. Let it ring a few times and hang up. This one is just as good if she's just gone to bed too.

There's more if you need it.

[Gollum]

Geez we are an evil bunch aren't we

Wouldn't like to be her!

Wouldn't like to be on your bad side either Apoth! :D

[Being]

When i was fourteen or so we had a major neighbour situation... when the absolutely lovely older married couple moved out next door, to rent it out, a violent alcoholic with his two young boys moved in... i can't remember how the feud started, but it got to a point where the man was revving his car over and over parked in our driveway.. starring at us over the fence holding a rather large knife and making stabbing motions.. visiting my mother while she was home alone during the day and making threats.. getting the allegiance of the neighbours across the road (who didnt much like my parents to begin with anyway) which resulted in their children throwing petrol bombs into our garden.. total warfare..

..there was a restraining order put in place eventually (which was pretty silly him being a closely situated neighbour anyway), but for some reason the police 'couldn't do anything about more it' my mother close to a nervous breakdown decided it was time to move.. all the way to suburban Queensland! (we lived in the bush in the Hawkesbury, NSW).. so even though it was terrifying and unnecessary.. if it weren't for this psychotic arsehole, god knows how my life would have turned out, because moving away from the incredibly sheltered small country town mentality literally saved my sanity, there were a lot more opportunities for growth outside this bubble.. and then when the suburbia got suffocating, i got out of all of the restraints by myself!

but anyway it looks like you don't want to be the one to move.. so i guess playing with her head 'Amelie' style could work..(and i do think the 'prankster is a worthy and transformative expression ^_^ ) ..but i don't think it is addressing the core issues, and would create further division in yourself and her..

So firstly i could be completely wrong and don't want to arrogantly assume i know anything about her, but these are some guesses based on experience:

From what you've described she sounds like the kind of person i've encountered who sees 'being nice' as being weak, lower and to be dominated.. no doubt she feeds off this via her career... my take on these people is that they secretly feel so lowly of themselves, they see anyone treating them as anything but the scum of the earth as a threat to their heart being exposed to others and themselves, and to facing that they deserve to be treated nicely... she WANTS everyone in the building to hate her because she hates herself...

She is also testing you... if she does these obviously inconsiderate and rude things, and your being nice about it she's gotten away with it.. if you're not directly confronting her she can continue her psychic warfare behind the scenes.. she's manipulative and she probably has a good handle on how people's mind works, so she's exploiting you.

The only way she is going to get in line and respect you at all, is if you are firm, honest and direct with her.. not aggressive or hostile, as she will dismiss anything overtly emotional, and it also plays into her self worth issues.. i think its so important not to show any anger or she will have a way into you.. she's a shit stirring predator feeding on conflict.. but she's also a heavily guarded fragile heart.

If she's had similar issues with previous tenets, she most likely is subconsciously (or even consciously) addicted to a game which i assume has always ended with division and separation being reinforced as truth to her, so she'll play again to feed this need, but secretly wants someone, some day, to take the higher road and break the spell of her self damnation and commitment to separation..

I don't know.. if you agree with any of this, i suggest writing her a letter, addressing these deeper core issues and including some of this stuff.. [edit] then meet with her the next day, to talk about it with her Calmly, and full of LOVE! and FORGIVENESS! ..Jesus style! .. it could break the spell! ^_^

[faustus]

don't recommend you become overtly hostile towards her because the most important thing is to have the landlord on your side. and although it'd be fun to fuck with her head, she seems the type that'd up the ante and make an extensive catalogue of your alleged wrongdoings.

why not try to get her evicted or feel unwelcome enough to want to move out? it's clear that her behaviour is passive aggressive, i'd take extreme offence of anyone formally complained behind my back about noise without confronting me about it first. you've clearly extended the hand of frienship, but she's not keen on meeting you half way.

try and get a new bin, reappropriate your furniture, don't take her rubbish out. walk across your floor as loudly as you feel a reasonable person should be able to tolerate. as auxin suggests, record all her indiscretions. as noble as turning the other cheek sounds, i think that in some instances it just encourages and reinforces other people's bullshit. by accomodating her neurotic "eggshell skull" you're convincing her that she can get away with it.

[Being]

a note on the end of my last post.. with confronting her with love, it has to be genuine, so i can see this situation as being a major calling and understandably very fucking difficult task of opening your heart to this 'beastie'... and a big to the god of war who is having an absolute ball right now globally..

I guess i'm ranting on about this to some extent, because i'm pluging into the news again after years of not paying attention.. and what i'm seeing is really screaming out to me "we need to get our shit together real fast on a small scale, because the division and war in our day to day is reflecting back to us big time on an international scale"...

i guess it comes down to that thread in the spirituality forum..

do you go outside and start smashing plates and screaming, being true to how you feel at the time, or do go inside and open your heart to the situation and those involved, and work on how you've been affected by it, instead of being victim to it.. the plate smashing, as i've commented, is great at the time and feels so much better in the short term.. but in the long run you've destroyed something delicate and useful, and at some point you've got an awful mess to clean up!

[wandjina]

awesome ideas and advice guys...thankyou. Being...incredibly insightful I must say! I think you've pretty much hit the nail on the head there.

It's possible MsA is mentally ill, as i have heard her have quite extensive converstaions with herself in the backyard at night, its got the bloke downstairs seriously spooked.

As fun as it would be to enact revenge, I'm not interested. It would only fan the flames...the 'plate smashing' approach was something i might have done (and did) in the past, but I know from experience that the results are not lasting, nor truly satisfying.

I actually feel sorry for this lady, as she is obviously an unhappy and frustrated person.

To be honest, the thought of talking to her scares me, especially if i allow myself to be 100% open hearted around her...I get the feeling she would take advantage of any perceived vulnerability. She is a psychologist after all.

I don't feel victimised, just annoyed that after showing her extarordinary patience, she lodged a formal complaint against me for something so petty. But it could be worse. In fact, I feel quite empowered that i didn't react as I/she may have expected...I didn't storm down there for a show down.

My gut feeling is that she will eventually leave, because I know I am a considerate and responsible tenant who pays her rent and gets along with the other neighbours.

If the sound of me walking around is really disturbing her that much...well she'll either have to get ear plugs or go. Simple as that. Until then, i'll be civil and try my best to send her psychic flowers. she can only do to me what i allow her to do...I don't really believe in psychic attack, but the 'psychic tango' is a dance we all enter into occassionally.

I've written the letter of response, and now i will withdraw. Fingers crossed!

I laughed my arse off at some of the tactics suggested above, my we are an imaginative bunch! So, just for fun...bring em on!

[Auxin]

It's possible MsA is mentally ill, as i have heard her have quite extensive converstaions with herself in the backyard at night, its got the bloke downstairs seriously spooked.

Psychologists are secretly insane <___base_url___>/uploads/emoticons/default_ohmy.png

That would speak volumes about how our societies have gotten so fucked up <___base_url___>/uploads/emoticons/default_newimprovedwinkonclear.gif

I laughed my arse off at some of the tactics suggested above, my we are an imaginative bunch! So, just for fun...bring em on! <___base_url___>/uploads/emoticons/default_biggrin.png<___base_url___>/uploads/emoticons/default_devil.gif<___base_url___>/uploads/emoticons/default_biggrin.png

<___base_url___>/uploads/emoticons/default_devil.gif

Its a small one but a good one- get some used motor oil, each night or two when your SURE no one is looking pour 20 ml in her parking spot directly under her engine. If aussie auto mechanics are anything at all like american ones it'll cost a fair bit for them to tell her that her car most definatly is Not leaking oil... and if she goes to a crooked mechanic it'll cost her $300+ to have it "fixed".

...see if you can get clear audio recordings of her talking to herself- play small segments back at night right when she goes to bed, just choice 10 second clips. If she really is a bit wakadoo already itd really fuck with her head.

...and of course theres always ads on internet S&M message boards of "her" describing how she loves to be whipped, spanked, flogged, chained up, smeared in scat, etc- absolutely begging for phone sex- with her phone number at the bottom naturally.

Last but not least pray like hell that she doesnt read these forums <___base_url___>/uploads/emoticons/default_tongue.png

[Rev]

...see if you can get clear audio recordings of her talking to herself- play small segments back at night right when she goes to bed, just choice 10 second clips. If she really is a bit wakadoo already itd really fuck with her head.

ROTFLMAO :D <___base_url___>/uploads/emoticons/default_worship.gif

If you can let it go or even try to help here then you are a better person than me

Im all for working together, empathy and compromise and all these useful strategies in a mixed band where everyone is coming from a different position and a synthesis must be worked out. Pointing the finger rarely helps because there is no black and white

but when a shit stirrer enters the midst of a happy domecile and proceeds to cause shit where none existes prior and who is known to be a serial shit stirrer

well in that case its hard not to say - well youve got problems? we've all got problems! but we dont make you suffer for ours so learn to get along harmoniously or fuck off.

yeah not very compassionate but ive never met a drama queen yet who could be rehabilitated by anyones goodwill.

taking one on is like taking on an emotional remora. They have to grow up from their infantile behaviours and pandering to them wont help them or you.

[incognito]

could u organise for all the other tenants to write a letter of complaint about miss.A to the realestate??(as it appears everyone has issues with her)-then the realestate may take the stance that so many people cant be wrong, and her complaints will surely fall on deaf ears--id just do my best to ignore her,,unless her bad vibes and complaints are intimidating and upsetting ur 5 yrs old, then u should punch her out.. <___base_url___>/uploads/emoticons/default_ana.gif

[mescalito]

Yeah I agree with Jono (cept the smack in th head bit <___base_url___>/uploads/emoticons/default_newimprovedwinkonclear.gif )

Get all your stories congruent and make your cases watertight by being "super-tenants" for a while,then write letters of complaint emphasising that she may indeed need psychological help as well.Express your concerns in a way that illustrates your fears for yours and your kids safety and check out the tenants rights act and find everything that you can that infringes on your rights

Make sure you let the real-estate agent know that you have also lodged a complaint with Fair Trading.

Do her NO favours but don't set yourself up for payback by being nasty and finally request your own bin....it's your right.

Good luck

[Eikel]

Bad Neighbours in a unit block eh? One of my pet-hates....

This story is of course not about me, I was completely ethical with my knowledge of technology/HAM Radio even from a young age

Some time ago, a young man was annoyed about some neighbours who constanly "hasstled" his mother - stupid parental-pettyness kind've things, spreading rumors, complaining about stupid things (The TV in, THEIR HOUSE, kept her awake from glare through her lace-curtains on the bedroom window?!?!).

The woman was "empowered" divorcee, or as I like to term them - "Rabid-Bulldog" Feminist bitches. She also was big into spirituality/ghosts/the afterlife, etc etc... which gave our hero an idea.

(Not a Chauvanist, but there is "equality" and "reverse-sexism", 2 different things).

Being a geek, he had several RF, Microwave, and even infra-red receiver/transmitters, and various programmable (EEPROM actually) chips and ciructry to build whatever he wanted...

So he,

1. Recorded the transmissions from her TV remote with one of his devices.

2. Recorded the transmissions from her "central locking" on her car, with another device.

3. Recorded the transmissions from her (at the time) super-advanced sony stereo WITH remote (with the same Device used for the TV).

4. Asked his Mother if she knew the house next-door was haunted, and asked if she could find out if anyone knew of "hauntings" in the house (little did he know, this was the clincher, haha).

Then, randomly when he thought about it, and wanted to cause some mischef, he'd transmit the recorded signals, doing things like.

1. Unlocking her car in the middle of the night, opening a window (manually, she parked in her driveway), and then leaving it.

2. Turning on her stero and ramping up the volume 45minutes after she went to bed.

3. Randomly changing channels on her TV - while she watched it!

4. Other assorted mischef - use your imagination ;)

Well, within 12 months, she had:

a) bought a new TV, of the exact same brand that our hero's family had (easy re-recording of remote-control transmissions).

b ) had some "voodoo-guru-shaman-priest" guy come to bless her house and "chase" out the bad spirits.

c) Moved out!!!

So yes - very effective, and even easier to do with our current technologmical devices - a Palm-Pilot or Treo phone with an IR "extender" attachment and/or WAP card (with modded firmware) can do it with no knowledge of electronics (but some knowledge of software/hardware).... Give it a try, but you'll need one of these.

I should mention - the reason it worked was because the rumors about her house having "hauntings" eventually moved through the parental grapevine, the random occurances in her house just sent her over the edge!

[jasemateau]

well i have had a good laugh toooo.

now i know what to do about my old neighbours next door,

i think they are maltese, but the old gezzer gets out off bed about 5 am,and drags a shovel around over concrete for almost 30 minutes.

then they have a alarm system that has a priming sound, secured alert,and another i can figure out.

these alarms can be heard 2 streets away, and it seems the elderly wake at all times of the night and CHECK to see if the alarm is armed.

oh and the arguments they have between the 3rd level and ground level at 6am.

i figure they are maltese coz one day i yealled out silenchio at the top of my voice, they seemed to have got the idea, plus some of thier speach seems similair to italian.

think i'll put em om some mailing lists!!!!!.

and the other reason i wanted to post was maybe some of you would lie to hear what used to happen while i working at sea.

3 things i can remember happening to a couple of other crew members, that were not liked very much at all as practical jokes.

1) take the nigels toothbrush and have a picture taken of it in your butt,return the toothebrush as if has'nt been gone

few days later slide the picture under his door.

2)normally crew are allowed to put there smelly work boots in designated areas.

nigel once had his boots taken early in the evening, put in a bucket of water, then into a blast freezer overnight. the shoes were returned 1 hour before he had to report to work.

fucks shoes up big time, also funny to see his face of disbelif.

3) silly one inject some chilli oil into nigels toothpaste tube, or shaving cream, which ever one you can grab.

remember if the disliked person is also disliked by anyone who has a skeleton key to all cabins, anything can be done!!!!!!!!!

or simply pay off the dudes with the skeleton keys.

these you cant do to to a neighbour, thought some of you might like to hear something about a sailors life.

i'd like to see what smogs might say, he too has a degree of psyhcology

[Rev]

Feminist bitches.

sexist (bitch is optional) would be a more precise definition yes?

or misandrous

maybe even misanthropic in general

Chauvinism

not at all what i had been lead it to mean

http://www.randomhouse.com/wotd/index.pperl?date=20000522

Edited February 5, 2006 by Rev

[Greeny]

Hey all

Ms A sounds similar to a distant non blood relation of mine the only difference is she's an accountant. I'll just warn you now file formal letters of complaint against her at every little thing she does bad. Not only that get everyone else to do it aswell. This lady by the sounds of it knows the system upsidedown sideways and will wrought you all for what you've got rape the landlord and trash the place. Im not joking these people know the how to screw the system. Sooner or later she is going to leave claiming in court that she was driven out literally by all of you thru non existant treats and psycological defemation. This in turn allows her to sue you all for mental grievences and get cash out of you.

All you can do is save your asses and build a case against her and when she brings out her guns file the group lawsuit and sue for legal charges aswell . All of you keep a dairy of everything she does and sais in interaction with you. When it happend, what was said, if sompthing was taken ect .When the judge looks at the case and their are filed complaints against her and accurate diaries not just millions of complaints against you it will swing in you favour. Just don't be too petty make your complaints substantial and don't be afraid to exagerate the truth because she is gonna flat our rewrite the truth in court.

I hope this helps you guys out

[Darklight]

Jono and mesc are right IMO. She thrives on other people's emotions and wastes their time. If you play, you'd better be prepared to waste your valuable emotions and time, cos that's her game. If you want to do the tit-for-tat thing you'll need a lot of inner strength to avoid it getting to you. Better to set the terms of the engagement and not play into her hands.

Banding together with the other tenants and writing a formal letter of complaint to the real estate is great if you have everyone else's support, especially if you state that prior to her arrival you were all getting along famously and the place was well kept with no theft or rubbish problems. Use dated examples of her negative behaviour and mention that they're just examples but you're happy to provide a full list should the realo require one.

Send the realo one of these a month. Don't get excited about them or encourage others to get worked up you're falling into her trap, it's just an administrative execrise for you all, right? You don't want those bad vibes staying around after she goes...

If you can stay calm about it, keep a diary of all contact with her and others on the matter. Trivial and boring, but it stands up in court and might help with a case against her should the owner try to have her dislodged. If diaries are that much of a pain, just do it for a month or two, that's usually enough of a formal example.

In that time if you do lose your temper about it, make sure you belt her in front of witnesses, that way she can't exaggerate as to what happened. And your record keeping works in your favour then too.

Since she's a serial offender it shouldn't be too difficult to prove a case, but I'm warning you- it takes aaaaages to remove a bad tenant, so you'll need patience.

We just had the last in a series of supremely dodgy tenants removed from next door- that house has been cursed with really fucked tenants for 12 years- psychos, thieving bastards, dope growing try-hards who'd dob their mates into the cops, you name it.

It took 18 months for the last lot to be evicted ( there were disputes as to whether they were squatting or there by the owner's consent ) They weren't as bad as Being's neighbours but that's cos they never got the chance. We still have their cockroaches though- turns out they kept all the rubbish they ever generated in the garage- dirty nappies and all for 3 years- not 2m from our kitchen, and that was the least offensive thing about them.

I wish you patience and luck. She'll go eventually, but I hope your teeth don't get ground down first.

Oh, and get yer furniture back, it will do wonders for your self esteem. Reclaim it in front of her if at all possible, and smile.

[simon_marklar]

I laughed my arse off at some of the tactics suggested above, my we are an imaginative bunch! So, just for fun...bring em on!

ah excellent, mission accomplished

lets see what other crazy suggestions we can come up with ...

get a radio, put it on ttal back radio very low in volume. position it so that when she's in her bed trying to go to sleep at night the sound wafts in very very faintly. (i actually had this done to me when i was a meth addict. i thought i was crazy (i probably was at that time )

break into her house when she's out and rearrange her furniture

break into her house when she's out and nail her furniture to the ceiling

get petrol and write on her backyard 'I know what you did last summer'

play prono's at a volume just loud enough for her to hear the moaning when you go out.

order pizza's to her house every night. from 5 differnt pizzeria's.

get one of them plants that smells like a carcass for the backyard.

put superglue on your outside furniture where she is most likely to pick it up.

put superglue on the ear piece of her phone.

grow a massive marijuana plant, call the cops tell them about a massive plantation in the backyard then put it her part of the backyard (with her name on the pot) just before they come.

order ghb over the net to her house

send some coke in the mail to her.

send a white powder to any government agency with her return address.

cut the brake cables in her car.

break her oven so that it leaks gas.

tell some bikies she's making meth and selling cheaper than them.

have a banishing ritual in you back yard in complete regalia.

get an alarm and set it off every morning at 5am

download al qaida training videos from her computer when she's gone, then call ASIO.