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The Corroboree
Bush Turkey

Nothing is fun anymore :(

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Meditator, i have no idea what you are on about. I must be a "thickhead" as you put it.

I've been trying meditation for the past 5 nights. 20 minutes a night. Its not for me. When i finish, i am more angry and agitated then before i started.

I don't know why, i just am. It seems to send me backwards. Im looking for joy, not boredom. I need adrenaline

I know i can solve this all by smoking a bit of erb but i can't have that in my life at the moment.

Ive become what I've always feared. A functioning member of society. I work full time and have no time for "fun"

Ive become a sheep, a drone, a useless number in the system.

I don't feel free, i am not free

It gets me down

I have money, but it sure as hell can't buy me happiness. I was much more happy when i was broke

On the Zoloft mate I have been prescribed anti depresent which is also used for anxiety and OCD

I take those and Xanax daily which of course isn't a good thing but I highly recommend finding a new doctor

And explaining to them the medication you have been on and make it clear that it has not helped as I say I was on one particular medication for around 2 yrs which never really helped

After seeing a new doctor and being put on different meds the difference is quite amazing really I hate meds of this kind as much as the next person but from what you are saying you really seem to have very similar issues to me

I cannot meditate I get agitated I can't shut my mind off I'm sure with more practice it would become easier however I have tried it alot and I just can't seem to do it much like you

It also sounds like where you are in life is not helping I get the impression you are basically living a life you don't want to live

Sometimes you really need to try and take a step back and think about what you really want in life and where you want to be

Find what that is and try and make some goals to achieve the life you want

Even the smallest steps towards those goals can really really help give you that confidence and happiness that you can't find

The 9-5 rat race lifestyle is not for everyone I've been there and done that in the past and it certainly isn't for me

Maybe you need a break from the city mate head south for a while try a more relaxed slow paced lifestyle it might be just what you need

With my new block off land and my screwed up back I'll be needing some on and off work done and some help with things could get ya a few $ mate i really think gettin out of the city could be a great thing for ya though mate

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BT

your initial response to the question in regards with therapy might explain why you are ignoring several of my questions/points. A 'doctor' would ask 'similar' questions to find the history of the person and all before jumping to conclusions. This IMO includes and is not limited to all past drug use and experiences.

You yourself told that you feel you need guidance in meditation.

SO therapy is in a way a guided self-analysis , self-exploration with the aid of a professional and objective but most of all trusted person, to help improve or solve some of your problems and not some forced 'modification' the person (patient) himself finds unattractive! Of course exploring dark or problematic parts of our self could not be the most pleasant experience of a lifetime, thats why in some occasions anti-anxiety and/or anti-depressant medication could help... help with the therapy I mean....

I think bad experience with psychotherapy and medical staff and shit has taught you the wrong side of medicine. But as your case doesn't seem a mild one, I believe you can benefit from it. how old are you? 25? You should find a doctor you can trust and then stick to him/her for a while... And I think you have to talk also... maybe you can to talk to a psychologist and not a psychiatrist...

I am not at all convinced that Zoloft "isn't working".

Well you said you quit drinking 7 years ago and you quit it because of the Zoloft* so you must be taking it for 7 years now, now that must be some tolerance to it.

*you're right, alcohol is supposed to cancel Zoloft, and indeed both cannabis and alcohol intake caused bouts of small depression to a friend of mine while doing med-aided therapy. So he stopped all use completely while taking the ZOloft and never smoked and again or drank regularly till he was off the medications.. Nowadays he smokes and drinks on an occasional to rare basis as he stated pot brought on anxiety fear and obsessive ideas - I pointed out to him that after his tolerance in pot went down, the pot hit him many times stronger and the high is expected to be different.

****

I think traveling helps heaps some people move forward through a difficult phase of their life. Changing lifestyle could also work - many people do it. Even becoming religious (more spiritual) might help, and maybe meditation could do some tricks there... Even a weekend "holiday" might feed up the batteries. Creativity in the form of artistic expression is also extremely benefitial.. Some people think you cant start playing an musical instrument in 20 or 25.. They seem to think you either do it young or not at all.. This is not true... In todays world the are countless ways to express yourself in a deeper, creative way: drawing, painting, singing, writing prose, poems, stories, lyrics, composing music, sculpturing as many folks here from sab do. You could even buy a plant to tree-sculpture on it by training it, tieing it up and all... even grafting & landscaping or working with monstrosa cacti have an artistic merit. I have had some cleansing effects by shaving my head in the past - its really liberating... the list is virtually endless....

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did i say say Zoloft isn't working??? I think it is a little bit.

Im 28

What other points am i ignoring???

When i have to read heaps, i usually forget what I've read further up. I have trouble getting things to sink in. Ive never been a fan of reading books because id read a page then forget what the top of the page said. I guess I'm a slow learner.

Finding a doctor/psyche i can trust is hard. I have trust issues. I really don't trust anyone. How can i trust someone when i am not in their mind? Trust is taking someones word for it. I can't trust someones word because i can never know the truth for sure. I always have my guard up. I suppose trust is a faith. I have no faith in people

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My advice is if you want to progress is to find someone,anyone, a doc,close friend, family member, etc, you can be open with to lift some of your burden. Humans evolved as social beings and grew in close knit communities. The idea of putting the individual before the whole is completely false and to my knowledge a modern invention. We need and thrive as a group small or large. Trust is hard to give and I can completely relate as I do not trust either but you will benefit if you are able to overcome this. I am not saying giving your complete faith in another just a minute portion.

You also need more time sober before your brain chemistry stabilized. When it does you will have a clearer picture of what needs tinkering with in your mind. You can and should get your meds readjusted or changed though to help get you through this time.

Since you are an adrenaline junkie you need conflict in your life. So in your job, if you can, take on challenging and rewarding work. That should help ease some tension. You need to accept your time is not your own and really who's is? We live our lives in service to ourselves and others. If you do nothing but self indulge in activities you deem worthy you end up stunting your personal growth.

This is all just my opinion but I hope I helped in some way. Good luck.

Edited by someone
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Hey Bush Turkey , a few years back I had a burnout from work induced stress "working with corporate arseholes" it got so bad one morning that I just got up from my desk and walked right out of the office and never returned. For some time my life was in a very dark place... When you lose interest in life and lose hope, then your in deep trouble...

My doctor prescribed an antidepressant called Citalipran, this helped to calm down the panic attacks and anxiety, But there was a price... Medication should only be a short term thing to keep you alive during your crisis, but I kept taking it for about 4 years or so, then kicked it off. The trouble is, it dulls your senses, your creativity, your sex drive, Your excitment, everything. Its been about 3 years without medication and I'm finding I'm having to relearn simple life skills such as driving a car, dealing with being in crowds. So much shit to get back together while doing my best to move forward.

To a greater extent from my experience it comes down to lifestyle and the people that are around you. My situation was that I tolerated a bad situation for way too long. Too many years of my life were wasted trying to fit a round peg into a square hole.

Do things that you love. Whatever it is. Pot a plant. Talk to your plants. Walk in nature. Take a break. If you can, go on a journey, take an adventure, it really works. They say a change is as good as a rest, its true! It worked for me...

Most of all. Give yourself time. Be kind to yourself...

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Hi BT. Eating lots of trail mix and nuts etc is a great way to help kick the sugar habit and always makes you feel great and energized. I lost 60odd kg by not limiting my intake of nuts, in fact I went crazy on em, and it inturn weeded out a lot of dietary habits I wasn't happy with. I believe there is science behind nuts curbing sugar cravings etc too.

Please don't come off your Zoloft cold turkey. Speak to your doctor first, it can spark off a major headcrash in some people if not done properly. I liked one of the above posts about the dopamine receptors too. There are a few OTC supplements too work mentioning, SAM-e is working wonders with a client I work with, he used to be on sertraline (Zoloft). Also 5htp supplements before bed will help with rest and serotonin if you do choose to ween off Zoloft.

NAC is another supplement that helps users curb addictions such as alcohol. N Acetyl-L-Cysteine... Currently OTC I believe.

Baclofen is also used in dependency withdrawals but I advise a GP plan with this as I believe it is now S4.

Send me a PM if you want more info on the supplements etc.

Peace bro

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I reply (for now) without reading the other folks posts (sorry dudes - I am high again, what a surprise)

hey BT I am not saying you are ignoring my notes, I was just insecure if you just dismiss them or just annoyed by them or what....

but there are some points important to base the whole conversation:

1. history.

BT, 28, etc etc .. the timeline is important but I understand it might be not pleasant - well its not suposed to be ... do you really not remember the details, or you are just stack shit you chose to ingnore or dismiss to the according pile of "unwanted/blocked" inside you??

readings, amateur research, common instict and my own working hypothetical theories say that ignoring shit is not good shit and its not good for evolution and getting to overcome some problems... its not healthy overall... I am definately with the school that is against stacking unwanted shit into the "subconscious"

so I think that everyone here would be able to give better advice if you told more about your history in life.. whole history in life...

you know how the psychologist makes you write an essay for next time: f.a. "what are the things you are good at" OR "what do others think of you "

why not do this with a friendly crowd here in sab, anonymously? dont trust us?? and I dont mean me, I mean all the folks in the thread or the whole spirit of sab , a spirit not seen in any other forum in the fucking world...

more about trust later

2. again history of interaction with zoloft in particular... you been taking it some while... you dont wanna remember the story? you REALLY dont remember? whatever the case, its important on what suggestion one would give ya .... have you ever taken sedatives for anxiety or whatever...? have you been addicted to such medication, that is anti-anxiety and tranquiliser kind of pills?

you seem to have some long term issues that are exceedin one "area", meaning all 3 thematical neurosis : "depression" , "OCD" and "anxiety" .... have you ever been diagnosed as a bi-polar? the spectrum of effects might explain it? have you ever smoked salvia ? (if you ever have to smoke do plain leaf no extractions and shit)

have you taken other SSRIs , like ZOloft? how was you intriduction to it initially? did your organism take it well?

DO you really not remember when the zoloft was first working , years ago??? It would be expected to sign a change in yr mood and all...

I remember the first time I took each fucking drug like now... you dont remember?

after all you ended up taking it for 7+ years...

whatever junction-phases of ones are important... and the "trouble" / crisis happening at that time... its telling...

also very telling is the timeline of cannabis interaction.... wow 4 grams a day for 10+ years ...... REALLY?? is this accurate??

but even more important are the early interactions...

I have even made up a psychiatry branch in my mind, one that analyzes and diagnoses combining current scientific thought and a diagnosis interview based on the history of the "patient" related to the psychoactive substances they have tried and used over time ...

hence the importance of drug-peaks-time-lime IMO

3. I mentioned I could do some astrological analysis for ya, if you offered a nice set of questions. But I understand you dont like this hippy shit, I dont really like it either, but it fucking works!!! Boy I have a rational friend amazed with I-ching nowadays, but he is having a break with the girl , so....

rationalists and atheists break, and this is a a fact... I am one of the few solid atheist megastone practicioners, no dawking shit with us, as my history in crime clearly speaks... I find religion interesting and NOT necesarrily harmful as the typical hardline/militant/neurotic common atheist...

I am not represnted by the common atheist, he is most probably an idiot.. I am my own self...

all in all

trust is a fucking serious matter and you said something obviously not true, that you trust no man.

I will tell you one tale... for trust and shit...

several years ago I had planted a cannabis plant in a remote location, for my own use of course , and as the plant had been going well , near running water, I enthousiastically started talking to some trusted friend , narrating on the plant progress and all .. he was like "hey man, watch it, dont talk about this shit to people and ..." and I am like "wtf are you talking about , I am talking to ya, the plant is thriving! " and he is insisting "you shouldnt talk to people about this, even to me.... " and I am like "wtf man?!??! fuck this! I wanna share this with a couple of people.. .If I cant share this shit with a couple of folks because I am too paranoid or too afraid of people, then I probably should be growing the fucking plant in the first place - and more importantly I couldnt ever enjoy the whole process If I was to lie to everyone close to me about it "

this was a lot of years ago, but, says some shit about trust and what it its...

and yeah

if you cant trust men, then get a dog, or a cat for less effort...

Edited by mutant

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This thread is pretty busy and I haven't read through it all so apologies if any of this has already been covered by others

But here goes

From the little I have read of your situation BT it seems you have an opportunity here to take your power back and redefine your lifestyle and in doing so redefine yourself. All of our feelings have things to teach us and the negative feelings which hang around for a long time are the most powerful teachers, drawing our attention to lifelong imbalances. I think feelings such as depression, boredom and hopelessness - as horrible as they are - can actually be a blessing in disguise, leading us to question what it is that actually has meaning in our lives, what we really value and where we want to go in life. In doing so we come to recognise what isn't working for us, and it seems you're coming to a fuller understanding of the ways your current lifestyle is not serving you. That's good. Atleast you know what you don't want, and you can use this as a starting point to brainstorm and gradually work towards manifesting what you actually do want.

I think one of the best ways to begin this is through strengthening your will, making choices about things you would like to change, starting with small goals (ie: drinking atleast four glasses of water a day might be a good way to start) and checking off your progress on a calendar.

In the beginning you might feel its a bit of a drag setting these goals and carrying them out even if you don't feel like doing anything at all, but if you stick with the process, eventually momentum builds and you find you are more easily able to choose what you want and turn that into reality.

You say you have trust issues, I think a good place to start is to learning to trust yourself. Instinctively you probably know what needs to change in order for you to feel more fulfilled, I think we all do, it's just our society teaches us to look outside of ourselves for answers and ignore our own internal wisdom. This breeds a sense of helplessness because we reject our own knowing and look to others to tell us what we need. Sometimes we can get lucky, and the person we look to for help happens to be able to tune in and strike a lucky (or well-informed) guess, but a lot of the time when others suggest avenues for healing/growth/learning, they do so using their own experience as the basis, which often does not translate to your situation, your needs and your interests.

Trust is taking someones word for it. I can't trust someones word because i can never know the truth for sure.

Trust doesn't necessarily have to be taking someone else's opinion and absorbing it for yourself, trust can be as simple as opening up to a friend and telling them your having a hard time. You don't have to ask for advice or expect a solution, sometimes just acknowledging that things are the way they are and sharing this with someone can work wonders. No one can change the way you feel, but they can acknowledge that you feel that way and accept you for it. Trust can be developing confidence that you can express yourself to someone who cares. Obviously you can trust to some degree because you have entrusted the members of this forum with the opportunity to offer insight into your situation (for better or worse :P)

I dont know shit but if i were to suggest anything it would be to work on your trust issues..

- strengthening your trust in yourself. Trust your ability to make good decisions and alter your lifestyle for the better.

- strengthening your trust in the people who are important to you in your life. This doesn't have to mean: ask them what to do and do it, it can mean expressing 'hey I feel like this, I'm having a hard time right now' and allowing yourself to be in a vulnerable position.

..and if at all possible, even to only the tiniest degree

- Develop trust in the universe/life/whatever to bring you the experiences that you need to heal and grow, despite how difficult that might be in your current circumstances, if you can surrender your anxieties and the conditioned desire to determine and control how your life unfolds, you can enter the flow and respond to opportunities as they arise, live moment to moment.

Everything changes man. Everything.

Sometimes we just need to take a leap of faith, shed our skin and begin a new chapter.

Take your power back.

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I reply (for now) without reading the other folks posts (sorry dudes - I am high again, what a surprise)

hey BT I am not saying you are ignoring my notes, I was just insecure if you just dismiss them or just annoyed by them or what....

but there are some points important to base the whole conversation:

1. history.

BT, 28, etc etc .. the timeline is important but I understand it might be not pleasant - well its not suposed to be ... do you really not remember the details, or you are just stack shit you chose to ingnore or dismiss to the according pile of "unwanted/blocked" inside you??

readings, amateur research, common instict and my own working hypothetical theories say that ignoring shit is not good shit and its not good for evolution and getting to overcome some problems... its not healthy overall... I am definately with the school that is against stacking unwanted shit into the "subconscious"

i defintitely agree with this piling up bad memories or pushing unwanted past issues aside is never a good thing

when i first started having issues with anxiety and depression i found alot of my past childhood problems and blocked out memories pushed aside began to come back to haunt me

getting these issues out even just talking to someone telling them the things you have been through can help get it off your chest

and help the process of moving forward

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You say you have a bit of coin floating ? Go stay at an aya retreat in South America for a while. Or go visit an Iboga treatment facility somewhere for a good amount of time. Remove yourself from the rat race. Be around loving people. Spend time working with our plant medicines in a natural setting and eat good clean living food. Throw that evil shit your doctor prescribes you at the airport bin on the way out of OZ.

If you do this and do not come back a changed man with love in your heart and a twinkle in your eye then Ill eat a big spiney bridgesii !

If you want a travel partner - Ill join you.

You say meditation does not work right ? But how many minutes have you really 'really' attempted to do it since this thread began ?? You have a lot of clued on people here advising you that they have been where you are and that that is their best recommendation. There is no magic wand dude. There is no magic pill ( so to speak ) I tell you what BT - I have met you here in Adelaide before and I can see you are a good guy. If you are really interested in trying meditation but are having troubles getting started and wondering what it is actually all about and how to go about it I will find a suitable teacher of meditation at a place near you and Ill pay for your first two sittings so someone can run it by you - tactfully and with compassion and in a way you can understand. I know it doesn't help when people come on and talk so deeply with such complicated language about something your unfamiliar with.. it can kind of be counterproductive. Those who have reached such said levels of enlightenment should maybe understand tact and approach a little better. But either way the offer is there. No pressure and no hard feelings If your not interested and no strings attached either.

Let me know if you might be interested.

Tipz

Edited by tipz
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I reply (for now) without reading the other folks posts (sorry dudes - I am high again, what a surprise)

hey BT I am not saying you are ignoring my notes, I was just insecure if you just dismiss them or just annoyed by them or what....

but there are some points important to base the whole conversation:

1. history.

BT, 28, etc etc .. the timeline is important but I understand it might be not pleasant - well its not suposed to be ... do you really not remember the details, or you are just stack shit you chose to ingnore or dismiss to the according pile of "unwanted/blocked" inside you??

readings, amateur research, common instict and my own working hypothetical theories say that ignoring shit is not good shit and its not good for evolution and getting to overcome some problems... its not healthy overall... I am definately with the school that is against stacking unwanted shit into the "subconscious"

so I think that everyone here would be able to give better advice if you told more about your history in life.. whole history in life...

you know how the psychologist makes you write an essay for next time: f.a. "what are the things you are good at" OR "what do others think of you "

why not do this with a friendly crowd here in sab, anonymously? dont trust us?? and I dont mean me, I mean all the folks in the thread or the whole spirit of sab , a spirit not seen in any other forum in the fucking world...

more about trust later

2. again history of interaction with zoloft in particular... you been taking it some while... you dont wanna remember the story? you REALLY dont remember? whatever the case, its important on what suggestion one would give ya .... have you ever taken sedatives for anxiety or whatever...? have you been addicted to such medication, that is anti-anxiety and tranquiliser kind of pills?

you seem to have some long term issues that are exceedin one "area", meaning all 3 thematical neurosis : "depression" , "OCD" and "anxiety" .... have you ever been diagnosed as a bi-polar? the spectrum of effects might explain it? have you ever smoked salvia ? (if you ever have to smoke do plain leaf no extractions and shit)

have you taken other SSRIs , like ZOloft? how was you intriduction to it initially? did your organism take it well?

DO you really not remember when the zoloft was first working , years ago??? It would be expected to sign a change in yr mood and all...

I remember the first time I took each fucking drug like now... you dont remember?

after all you ended up taking it for 7+ years...

whatever junction-phases of ones are important... and the "trouble" / crisis happening at that time... its telling...

also very telling is the timeline of cannabis interaction.... wow 4 grams a day for 10+ years ...... REALLY?? is this accurate??

but even more important are the early interactions...

I have even made up a psychiatry branch in my mind, one that analyzes and diagnoses combining current scientific thought and a diagnosis interview based on the history of the "patient" related to the psychoactive substances they have tried and used over time ...

hence the importance of drug-peaks-time-lime IMO

3. I mentioned I could do some astrological analysis for ya, if you offered a nice set of questions. But I understand you dont like this hippy shit, I dont really like it either, but it fucking works!!! Boy I have a rational friend amazed with I-ching nowadays, but he is having a break with the girl , so....

rationalists and atheists break, and this is a a fact... I am one of the few solid atheist megastone practicioners, no dawking shit with us, as my history in crime clearly speaks... I find religion interesting and NOT necesarrily harmful as the typical hardline/militant/neurotic common atheist...

I am not represnted by the common atheist, he is most probably an idiot.. I am my own self...

all in all

trust is a fucking serious matter and you said something obviously not true, that you trust no man.

I will tell you one tale... for trust and shit...

several years ago I had planted a cannabis plant in a remote location, for my own use of course , and as the plant had been going well , near running water, I enthousiastically started talking to some trusted friend , narrating on the plant progress and all .. he was like "hey man, watch it, dont talk about this shit to people and ..." and I am like "wtf are you talking about , I am talking to ya, the plant is thriving! " and he is insisting "you shouldnt talk to people about this, even to me.... " and I am like "wtf man?!??! fuck this! I wanna share this with a couple of people.. .If I cant share this shit with a couple of folks because I am too paranoid or too afraid of people, then I probably should be growing the fucking plant in the first place - and more importantly I couldnt ever enjoy the whole process If I was to lie to everyone close to me about it "

this was a lot of years ago, but, says some shit about trust and what it its...

and yeah

if you cant trust men, then get a dog, or a cat for less effort...

1. I honestly can't remember much about my childhood. Its just a blur. I remember bits but i can't put them in order

2. As above i don't remember when exactly i started Zoloft. I will need to read my GP's book on me to find out. Reading that book may jog some memories but it would be like reading a story that i am not familular with. My memory is shot. I can't say more about this because i really don't know!

Ive never been diagnosed with bi polar

Yes i have tried sally before

No I've never had any sedatives as my doc won't prescribe them to me as she thinks i have an addictive personality because i was real bad on the erb. (I've only ever been addicted to the erb. nothing else)

3. Yes i am an atheist. I am in no way spiritual at all. I was brought up to be catholic but never wanted a bar of it

I find it very hard to communicate over writing/text. It has taken me half an hour just to write this as i have to keep going back up and reading your questions

You say you have a bit of coin floating ? Go stay at an aya retreat in South America for a while. Or go visit an Iboga treatment facility somewhere for a good amount of time. Remove yourself from the rat race. Be around loving people. Spend time working with our plant medicines in a natural setting and eat good clean living food. Throw that evil shit your doctor prescribes you at the airport bin on the way out of OZ.

If you do this and do not come back a changed man with love in your heart and a twinkle in your eye then Ill eat a big spiney bridgesii !

If you want a travel partner - Ill join you.

You say meditation does not work right ? But how many minutes have you really 'really' attempted to do it since this thread began ?? You have a lot of clued on people here advising you that they have been where you are and that that is their best recommendation. There is no magic wand dude. There is no magic pill ( so to speak ) I tell you what BT - I have met you here in Adelaide before and I can see you are a good guy. If you are really interested in trying meditation but are having troubles getting started and wondering what it is actually all about and how to go about it I will find a suitable teacher of meditation at a place near you and Ill pay for your first two sittings so someone can run it by you - tactfully and with compassion and in a way you can understand. I know it doesn't help when people come on and talk so deeply with such complicated language about something your unfamiliar with.. it can kind of be counterproductive. Those who have reached such said levels of enlightenment should maybe understand tact and approach a little better. But either way the offer is there. No pressure and no hard feelings If your not interested and no strings attached either.

Let me know if you might be interested.

Tipz

I am not really interested in Ayahuasca. I just don't want to be changed the way that Aya changes people. Enlightenment just seems like brain damage to me. No offence people but spiritual talk and the likes just seems like something is misfiring in the brain. I really don't want to be the person speaking "hippie mumbo jumbo". Its just crazy talk to me

i have done about 2 hours of meditation all up since this thread has started and i just don't get it. Sitting still is so uncomfortable and boring for me. I am not a movie fan because of this. I can't sit still for that long.

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1. I honestly can't remember much about my childhood. Its just a blur. I remember bits but i can't put them in order

2. As above i don't remember when exactly i started Zoloft. I will need to read my GP's book on me to find out. Reading that book may jog some memories but it would be like reading a story that i am not familular with. My memory is shot. I can't say more about this because i really don't know!

Ive never been diagnosed with bi polar

Yes i have tried sally before

No I've never had any sedatives as my doc won't prescribe them to me as she thinks i have an addictive personality because i was real bad on the erb. (I've only ever been addicted to the erb. nothing else)

3. Yes i am an atheist. I am in no way spiritual at all. I was brought up to be catholic but never wanted a bar of it

I find it very hard to communicate over writing/text. It has taken me half an hour just to write this as i have to keep going back up and reading your questions

I am not really interested in Ayahuasca. I just don't want to be changed the way that Aya changes people. Enlightenment just seems like brain damage to me. No offence people but spiritual talk and the likes just seems like something is misfiring in the brain. I really don't want to be the person speaking "hippie mumbo jumbo". Its just crazy talk to me

i have done about 2 hours of meditation all up since this thread has started and i just don't get it. Sitting still is so uncomfortable and boring for me. I am not a movie fan because of this. I can't sit still for that long.

Ok mate.. the offer stands anytime

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Thanks for the kind offer tipz but i can't accept it. It wouldn't feel right. One of my hippie mates are going to talk me through the basics of meditation.

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Hahhah... are you a hippiephobe ?

Don't worry bro - meditation won't make you grow dreadlocks and start practising fire poi ;) Don't think of it as meditation and all the stigma that goes with it. Just think of it as slowing down and chillaxing. When you slow your breathing... it starts to slow your heart beat. I can slow mine down considerably. When the body slows down this much it causes all sorts of other physiological changes - like more of those feel good chemicals. There is nothing really hippy about that hey... When you start to slow breathing... your heart follows... and then... your mind slows. Don't worry about all this advanced transcendental hippy hoohaa bro. Just concentrate on sloooowing down and the rest will follow.

All good BT - I wish you the best mate. I could even try send some hippy vibes your way if you like ?? Hehhe

Edited by tipz
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Hahahha That's gold ( bloody hippy )

Edited by tipz
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Hehehe I was almost sure BT would not be too compatible with all that stuff... Getting to an aya camp, lol, sounds like a concentration camp to me too! I dont like mumbo jumbo shit either.. I wouldn't go even if someone paid it all for me... I would choose to talk to rational , western people... I dont mind some asian philosphy, on the contrary, but hey hippies are too much believers of stupid shit for my aesthetics....

Well BT>

I supposed you can understand why I told you you dont answer to my questions... I could imagine you dont remember shit!

so

1. Trust... man you cannot be happy when you dont trust anyone... this is a serious matter you should work on separetely. Friends, family and a partner are all important branches of trust... And of course your doctor.... Me? I am a sceptic a cynic an atheist and rationalist, I know how LIES go so good with humans and all, I even feel hatred for our species sometimes, but I can trust people easily. I trust them because

a) I trust my judgement on who I trust and who not... I sometimes claim I have a built in lie-detector.. I understand liars and expose them...

b ) I am an optimist, how can you NOT trust at least some folks? So its better to trust someone to later learn that he wasn't worthy of it than not trusting at all period. learning through trial and error, not becoming a hermit by being afraid to try or to fight...

2. Yeah you do that, read the med-book, ask you doc, ask you mother. Of course you do it... You want to help yourself to find pleasure in life again, but you dont remember anything of your life ??? Then try to learn to remember...... by the looks of it you haven't given no shit about that... Like its some other guys life.... That is you dont give a shit about your own life your own history, past, BUT you want to feel pleasure again... with no past, no memories....

Do you know that saying that "those who dont know their history are doomed to live it through again?" - well the saying refers to whole countries, but I think its pretty suitable to you. I know its gonna sound harsh, but if you wanna re-find pleasure, you have to learn how you lost it. and when and why : the whole fucking timeline

3. Why do you think you dont remember? Is zoloft memory blocking? is it the pot? I think its mostly your own avoidance. You did it.

4. What was sally like? Do you remember? Do you remember in what phase of your life were you when you tried it? Did it have any obvious positive or negative impact on your life/anxiety/depression/OCD or problems overall?

5. What is the worse problem of yours? depression, OCD or anxiety ? Do they come in pairs or all 3 at once or usually take their turns to surface? Is there a periodic patterns of timeperiods a crisis is most propable to happen? , f.e. begining of automn or begining or spring?

6. Drink water. its not a hippy stuff, drinking water is good for you... water is the basis of all life not milk...

7. I wonder if a technique that has you sitting still (meditation) could help someone who cant sit still.... it might be spot on, or not...

Edited by mutant
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Hehehe I was almost sure BT would not be too compatible with all that stuff... Getting to an aya camp, lol, sounds like a concentration camp to me too! I dont like mumbo jumbo shit either.. I wouldn't go even if someone paid it all for me... I would choose to talk to rational , western people... I dont mind some asian philosphy, on the contrary, but hey hippies are too much believers of stupid shit for my aesthetics....

Well BT>

I supposed you can understand why I told you you dont answer to my questions... I could imagine you dont remember shit!

so

1. Trust... man you cannot be happy when you dont trust anyone... this is a serious matter you should work on separetely. Friends, family and a partner are all important branches of trust... And of course your doctor.... Me? I am a sceptic a cynic an atheist and rationalist, I know how LIES go so good with humans and all, I even feel hatred for our species sometimes, but I can trust people easily. I trust them because

a) I trust my judgement on who I trust and who not... I sometimes claim I have a built in lie-detector.. I understand liars and expose them...

b ) I am an optimist, how can you NOT trust at least some folks? So its better to trust someone to later learn that he wasn't worthy of it than not trusting at all period. learning through trial and error, not becoming a hermit by being afraid to try or to fight...

2. Yeah you do that, read the med-book, ask you doc, ask you mother. Of course you do it... You want to help yourself to find pleasure in life again, but you dont remember anything of your life ??? Then try to learn to remember...... by the looks of it you haven't given no shit about that... Like its some other guys life.... That is you dont give a shit about your own life your own history, past, BUT you want to feel pleasure again... with no past, no memories....

Do you know that saying that "those who dont know their history are doomed to live it through again?" - well the saying refers to whole countries, but I think its pretty suitable to you. I know its gonna sound harsh, but if you wanna re-find pleasure, you have to learn how you lost it. and when and why : the whole fucking timeline

3. Why do you think you dont remember? Is zoloft memory blocking? is it the pot? I think its mostly your own avoidance. You did it.

4. What was sally like? Do you remember? Do you remember in what phase of your life were you when you tried it? Did it have any obvious positive or negative impact on your life/anxiety/depression/OCD or problems overall?

5. What is the worse problem of yours? depression, OCD or anxiety ? Do they come in pairs or all 3 at once or usually take their turns to surface? Is there a periodic patterns of timeperiods a crisis is most propable to happen? , f.e. begining of automn or begining or spring?

6. Drink water. its not a hippy stuff, drinking water is good for you... water is the basis of all life not milk...

7. I wonder if a technique that has you sitting still (meditation) could help someone who cant sit still.... it might be spot on, or not...

1. My trust issues i am working on. I find it really hard to trust girlfriends. Ive just been cheated on and lied to too much. I have a new girl now and she is truly awesome!! I really really like her and i think i do trust her. I always dwell on what could happen and this increases my anxiety. I doubt she would ever abuse my trust though but I've been burnt so many times before. (sorry babe if you are reading this).

My mindset with trust is that everyone is "guilty till proven innocent" Its sad i think like this but its slowly changing. I was more then a brat as a child/teenager. Well i was a straight up derro. I suppose my trust issues come from myself being un trustworthy in my earlier days.

I feel like I've lived 2 lives. 1 was my childhood and the other is now. I really feel like a completely different person. I think back to the old days and it makes me cringe. I can't believe i was the way i was. It just seems so surreal.

Now i am the most trustworthy person. Everyone trusts me fully. I trust myself. No lies, no deceit.

Im always the one people turn to when they need a house sitter or the likes.

2. I am going to the GP later next week to talk about my medication and my other options. I will find out my SSRI timeline then.

3. I think i don't remember because of the erb (i started smoking socially when i was 12. Don't think it helped my developing brain). Also i try to forget my past as it wasn't pretty. A lot of it is most prob self repressed.

4. I didn't enjoy sally too much at the time (when legal) but the after affects were pretty great. I felt calm, at peace, confident and worry free for the week after i used it. Sally did help a lot with my OCD at the time. It dulled the need for repetition. Didn't get rid of it though. It just made it easier with not doing my rituals.

5. Id say at the moment my anxiety is the worst of all. It used to be OCD that was the dominant one. Anxiety increases my OCD which leads me to a depressed state so they all effect each other but it usually starts with anxiety.

6. I am now drinking a couple of litres of water a day and have cut down my choc milk to only one a day instead of 4. I am starting to really like water but sometimes i just need some milk.

7. I need to dedicate more time to meditate. Its just hard when I'm so busy and can't find a quiet place

For the last 2 days i have decreased my Zoloft to only 50mg a day instead of 100mg and to be honest, i am starting to feel awesome! I even had fun at work today and that is sooooooooo rare for me.

Edited by Bush Turkey
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i think drinking alot more water and cutting out the chock milk is a very good thing

its late and im not sure if i said it earlier but i was really really bad with the coffee i have cut it out completely and that has really helped alot for me

so i think even if your not a coffee drinker cutting out that chock milk and getting some more water in will be a very good thing lots of water is always good

give it a little bit of time buddy and i will have a place you are more than welcome to stay at whenever you need a break

im heading up to perth for the next few weeks but when i get back if you'd like to come down and stay for a break from the city mate you are more than welcome

even a small amount of time a week or a weekend to really think about things in a quiet calm place could be a very good thing for ya

and from someone who is in a very similar mindset as you maybe we could both be a good help to each other mate

offers always there if you wanna get away for a bit bro, Myco.

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Two 25kg bags of cement then ya hippy hater!! ;)

Or you could enter the Sab armwrestling championship and win your manhood' to the baying of soul thirsty hippies.

Edited by incognito
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Man if chocolate milk can't make u happy nothing in the 4 dimensions will! But fuk Man U drunk THAT much chocolate milk??

Would be cheaper to be an alkie!!

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Dr incognito prescribes henceforth at least a litre if water a day, some exercise, one big m chocolate milk, 25kg bag if cement, daily gobies from ur lady, read "a new earth" by eckhart tolle, eat yer fruit and vegies, be nice to people, and get some aya into u, don't listen to mutant, listen a little to myco though I'm fearful he may be the mick Taylor type (just jokes mun your really sweet)

I guess it's only when ur really really and honestly bored and sick to death with being upset and suffering that u can do something about it.

Suffering often becomes someone's

Identity, it's who they think they are.

Your not.

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Wowzerz... I actually did my best to read every single post in this thread and I got dizzy. Not because there's something wrong with what's been said -the opposite in fact, I'm amazed at the amount of wisdom and compassion in here.

For some reason I still wanted to post.

Reason being I feel like I just read the story of my life (well, pretty close) as it continues onwards in both Bush Turkey's originally expressed sentiment, and in the advice/opinions of other chiming in.

What an anti-climax then, that I simply have nothing to say because while I can emphathise with all that's been said and done, I am still on the path myself.

I've been on the path, wandered off, dropped back on to it, taken a piss on it, cursed it, wept into it, and everything other human thing that we do. The best parts were when I found pockets of enjoyment on the way and just stopped walking altogether. Simple stuff but profound.

There's a lot of good will behind those who wish to be true to themselves, and in turn to others. Way more than I ever imagined - hoo wee!

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Dr incognito prescribes henceforth at least a litre if water a day, some exercise, one big m chocolate milk, 25kg bag if cement, daily gobies from ur lady, read "a new earth" by eckhart tolle, eat yer fruit and vegies, be nice to people, and get some aya into u, don't listen to mutant, listen a little to myco though I'm fearful he may be the mick Taylor type (just jokes mun your really sweet)

Lol you easterners and your crappy Big M milk. That shit sucks balls. Nothing but Masters over here. I didn't drink much choc milk/coffee over east because there was nothing tasty ;)

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