The latest rumour is...

[Darklight]

I'm laughing so hard I'm almost wetting myself. You wouldn't believe this one, it took three separate ppl to confirm it, I almost didn't believe it myself.

Apparrantly I've set "The Bikies" on Mulga.

Now this raises an interesting number of questions and scenarios, which for your amusement I'll present.

" The Bikies " being an entirely apocraphyl and entirely nameless group who have joined the wide circle of ppl who exist inside Mulga's head aside, ...can you imagine the following conversation taking place?

The Scene: A clubhouse. Never having been in one I've no idea what they look like, so you can invent your own description. Several large, bearded men are huddled around a table looking menacing and conspiratorial. Many empty schooner glasses crowd the tabletop, and there are no coasters...

Me ( approaching ): Excuse me? I was wondering if you could bash someone up for me? He's been pissing me off

First Large Bikie: Why sure, love! He sounds like a bastard, and even though we don't know you, you obviously deserve our assistance. What's his name?

Me: I don't know his real name, but his nom de plume is Mulga

Second Large Bikie: Oh shit, we've HEARD of him ( pulls his chair closer to the table and faces me ) We'll have to send round a couple of blokes. He's good. But don't worry, you'll be fine.

It just doesn't seem likely somehow... ROTFL

I've heard I have them after him in numbers ranging from two to a whole club. Now I can't see anyone needing more than say, a quarter of a bikie to pulp Mulga,absolute maximum. But they don't make them in those sizes, so I'd say The Bikies, such as they are described to me, probably wouldn't care much. Whoever they are I'd expect they, like me, have better things to do.

What surprises me is that Mulga is appealing to ppls sense of social stereotypes to gain himself sympathy. Bikers, whether in clubs or not, tend to attract the sorts of rumours that drug users or political activists do, and on the whole must lead far more interesting and full lives in the public's imagination than in fact. Anyone here who buys this bizarre rumour without questioning it should seriously examine their prejudices. And if I'm the big bad psychopath Mulga describes me as, why would I need help?

Possibly some of the rumour stems from the fact that several ppl who drove by Sunday afternoon may have seen me having a chat with a passing Harley rider at a petrol station. We were discussing my broken fingernail, which I resented losing while trying to remove Mulga from the conference: in fact the motorcycle riding gentleman in question found it pretty fucking hilarious wheras I merely held it to be ironic. But did you know that later that afternoon I spoke to someone who works at a preshcool, and a sandwhich hand at the local shop? Maybe I've tried to poison Mulga's food and mobilise the local three year olds as well.

Obviously I never know what I'm up to from moment to moment: I get around a lot in the fifteen or so square kilometres round where I live, when I'm not running my fulltime business and moderating Chill Space. I wonder what else I don't know I'm up to? *sigh*

Personally I think the whole damn ploy is just another excuse for Mulga to feel both self important and persecuted. And to use me as an excuse to continue to fail doing any work. If The Bikies are after him then he must be big time, and have to hide. So he can't do anything but quiver, actual productive labour is right out of the question.

Christ I amost hope that the cops know about this one already, I wonder if he's told them yet? Then they can laugh at him too. Officer, if you have him in hiding, please keep him there, I'll send money for food, though not sandwiches, in case I've poisoned them without knowing about it

If anyone wants me I'm in the TC lab, puddling round petries and trying not to laugh too hard in the flow hood. :-)

[Chemical Shaman]

I can just picture it now. A big bunch of leather-clad bearded types, all amped up on home-made meth, rock up on harleys with "Born to be WIld" blaring. They get their steel pipes, heavy blunt objects and their "stabbing" screwdrivers out. They go and kick the shit outta mulga coz they have nothing better to do. Mulga starts crying and wishes that he never fucked with darklight. He says "allright, i'll leave you guys alone now, i've learnt my lesson, i'll stop being an annoying cunt and move on with my life, I wish I had never fucked with you darklight. Im sorry"

and everybody lives happily ever after.

I remember when I went to my first biker party. It was in the basement of this big house. There were cameras set up all around the perimeter. I was completely scared shitless but I wanted to scope it out. When I got inside I saw the scariest bunch of looking guys around. They turned out to be kind-hearted friendly gentle-folk who didn't mind sharing their way decent drugs to anyone who wanted em.

There was 2 big bowls of weed on a table and one guy I started talking to jsut rolled me a joint. One or 2 bikers were tripping on LSD, some were doing other drugs. It blew me away how amazingly friendly these guys were, totally fucked with the stereotype I had at the time. I would never want to be anywhere near the wrong side of em though, i'd fucken skip country.

YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR FUCKING BACK MULGA!!!

MWWWWWWWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[waterdragon]

aahh, that's it.....no wait a sec...nearly. alright just getting my breath back now. damn that was invigorating. but seriously this may cause a dispute over territory, you see i've taken the liberty of sending the yakuza around to mulgas cave so there may be problems if both groups arrive simultaneously.

[Darklight]

So there's no hope of them forming a queue you reckon...

Jeez you'd need the wisdom of King Solomon to sort that little dispute out

[Veronica]

Ha Darklight

Dont worry Darklight!-I talked to some alien friends last night, and thay said thay will pay mulga a visit and take him back home to his real planet(his Uranis).

[Veronica]

99

[Veronica]

100 yaaaaaa

[primordia]

Namaste to you darklight....you made me laugh so hard with your bikie scene I fell off the chair.....and the piers story another one, I thought he was tuned in too ...then I worried when I realised he was recording everything...then I just relaxed about it...then I wished he'd shared the dat formula with me and all others...

....have you ever thought about writing a comedy about life up there???? even a script to make a comedy from....you have a rare gift apart from being a totally gifted scientist.....

walking through the X the other day some bikies said hi as I walked past...not wanting to be rude (you never know with them) I said Hi back and asked what they were up to (said they'd been called up north to a meeting, a Mulga meet.....)

hope rumours stop Darklight....even though your humour can battle all...later G

[Darklight]

And I'd like to take this chance to personally thank the ppl who bought this rumour to my attention.

As I'm not involved in any online letter writing campaigns for support and don't much care what ppl think, I appreciate having ppl inform me when it looks like I might unknowingly be implied in any way.

Thanx for checking back with me, the phone calls and emails allowed me to deal quickly and accurately with a situation that could have easily escalated without my knowledge of its mere existence.

[theobromos]

I'll never forget the image in a film of some Hell's Angels sitting round a table doing their embroidery. How did you think they get all those patches on their jackets? Only a wimp uses a sewing machine, real men use a needle and thread.