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Top 5 regrets of the dying

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There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?

 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

Be happy! Love the life you have and the world you are in.:)

There's so much magnificence..

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That's a great reminder of the value of meditation, to me. Feels like I'm going in the right direction :)

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That's a great reminder of the value of meditation, to me. Feels like I'm going in the right direction :)

Yes!! From what I understand, meditation is the most valuable tool/skill we will have in this physical existance linear time experience.

Without it I would be much more of a mess than I am.

Im gonna do me some more of that right now!

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australians who don't die early might regret not working or saving enough! everyone ring your boss back and cancel the holiday you just booked.

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ive seen some happy deaths which have been inspiring, normally terminally ill from cancer seem to be the most understanding of whats happening and calm in facing whats approaching while they pop more and more morph and oxy and get closer to morpheus in the sky, they come out with some really amazing insights into life and family.

family seems to be a big one, as there the ones there leaving behind

should be more hospices in australia so people dont pass away in a aged care home, dont really wish that on anyone. not always bad but mostly not too pretty.

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australians who don't die early might regret not working or saving enough! everyone ring your boss back and cancel the holiday you just booked.

Why so we can all enjoy watching our super evaporate before our eyes & still be no better off the the ppl who pissed it all up against a wall & at least enjoyed themselves doing it?

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As the living I'd already say that #2 is my biggest regret so far I hate capitalism it sucks.

I'm working on the others:)

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this resonates, thanks for sharing. point 5 regarding happiness, to my mind, is probably the most important as it is a measure of how content one feels with the existence they have led. at times I find myself ruminating on trivial issues, and it certainly detracts from my state of happiness. interesting that empathetic thoughts such "I wish I had spent more time contributing to the happiness of others" or "helping others in need" or "helping create a better future" are not on the list. I guess this is because death is the final dissolution of the ego, and ultimately the ego is tied to our individual somatic existence.

Edited by ∂an
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I think I have less of a problem with #2 - maybe because unlike most of my friends, I don't have a mortgage, so that I do actually still have a choice.

I'm pretty bad with some of the others - #4 in particular.

Great topic, lots to think about.

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