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jwerta's heart break thread!

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Post your sad story's of heart break and read/get some good advise on how to over come and move on!

Hi guys and gals i really needed to share this with you all.

So my girlfriend of nearly 2 years just broke up with me, i didn't even see it coming, i have never felt a pain like this before for someone that you love to just leave and be out of your life forever it aches so much.

I loved her more than anything in the world I shred my darkest secrets with her and opened my all to her and the worst part is she says she still loves me but i cant understand how that is possible. I fell so sick i fell like i wish none of it ever happened sure it was all great and fun while it lasted but now this pain i fell i would easily give up the whole time we spent together to not feel like this....

what can i do i feel so lost i had so much more to give her we had so many more times to share i have birthday presents to give her and its also nearly mine... i was looking at buying a house and living with her and growing old with her i just don't know what to do or even feel now all i feel is nothing or absolute sadness.

please help me sabers!!

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

Edited by jwerta
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Man I feel your pain it happened to me at Christmas after 4 years, shared my soul with someone and I really believed we would be together until death. We even had a beautiful child together.

I still don't understand what happened, we still talk a bit because of the child but she is suddenly so different it's hard to fathom.

Apparently, I discovered after going to counseling, over 50% of long term relationships/marriages don't last, and it's mostly women who end them. Nowadays they have good social security support and often family. Men often don't, and that's why it's harder for us and we are more likely to keep working at a relationship.

Just be yourself and grieve. In fact, it's more difficult than dealing with death as the person is still there, just not with us.

I'm okay now, but I felt horrible a few months ago. Strongly suggest counseling, retrieving friendships that have lapsed and making new ones, and getting on the good vibes generator we'll send you all we've got!

If you feel bad you can always pm me I know what you're going through

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I feel you man. I really do.
I know its cliche but time is what it takes, what seems impossible and so very painful now will slowly start to fade and you will start to see things for what they really are without all the confusion, longing and pain.

If you think there is a chance, you think she is worth it and she treats you with respect and love then chase her bro, real love is something to be cherished and women like to be chased now and then.
If she needs some space then respect it and use the time to your advantage rather than wallowing in self pity. (easier said than done, I know)

However, you can feel love for her all you want but unless she is going to return it and treat you the way you deserve to be treated then please, dont waste your spirit, your time and your heart chasing something that cant be realised.

If its the latter than the key is some closure, the sooner you remove all doubt and close the door the sooner it will all start to fade, in fact with some closure it can happen in the blink of an eye, but as long as you keep that door open, wonder what she is doing, what went wrong and what mistakes you made, well then things will be difficult and it will feel like your life is on hold. Stagnating.

Try to make a choice and have faith in it.
Dont worry about what you cant change or find answers to right now. the serenity prayer is helpful for times like this, lol.

Try to look at it all as a lesson, a big life lesson that taught you many things, good and bad, allowed you to grow into the man you are now and allows you to head onto the path of meeting the woman you have been going through all of this for.
All the good times and the bad times, the preparation, the learning and the pain, it all brings you to who you are now and none of that would have been possible without things going the way they have.

Your soul mate is waiting for you man, take some time out find out whats really in your heart.

Heal, learn from all these crazy lessons, live your life and follow your path to the one that will treat you the way you really deserve. (I hear getting laid also helps)

Edited by AndyAmine.
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So sorry to hear, Jwerta! Please let us know if theres anything we can do to help you! Like mental support, positive energies and such. In situations like that, it sometimes helps to be in good company. bye Eg

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most of the pain, will go away after 4 weeks or so, let's hope faster, we feel your pain bro.

jwerta, we can tell this woman is special to you, and although she broke up with you, she say's she still loves you, that's actually quite positive all around.

be in the here and now, and reward your selfe.

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Hey jwerta, many of us have been there - waking up and wondering how you can experience so much pain and sadness and not spontaneously die. It's going to feel tough for a while. I took up heavy drinking and being a tool - don't do that, it doesn't help much. Like ww says, take you time and grieve the relationship - don't be be rushed by other people into acting how they think you should under these circumstances either.

Whether you work things out with her or not there will be a time to take a serious look at the relationship and your role in it. But that time is not now. Look after yourself, stay safe and let your emotions take their natural course. There are plenty of people here you can talk to when you are ready. Don't make any serious life-changing decisions for a few weeks until you are feeling a bit more level.

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Don't cling to the past. Before, you were growing on your own, and it was good. Then you started a relationship, you shared some love and experiences together; love bloomed like a beautiful flower, and it was good.

Now that time has ended; the season is over, the flower has died back... and it is good, because you know that you will continue to grow without it, and one day, the flower will bloom again even more beautifully.

 

be in the here and now

Grieve, and then move on, grateful that the whole experience and rollercoaster ride of emotions, to learn from and help you grow, has happened.

Edited by Scarecrow
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I had a small but painful (I get really attached) break-up a couple of weeks ago. It really hurt, and left me utterly bewildered. The things I did were to stash away as many of the things that reminded me of her, just so I could have some alone time to heal. I found it really difficult to focus on the tasks at hand, and I was a bit worried that my sadness would lead me to do nothing and miss deadlines (giving me more reasons to be upset - a downward spiral). To help me with that - I repeated a mantra to myself over and over whenever I felt I was in trouble: "Strength does not come from winning. Strength comes from facing hardships and deciding to continue". It helped me to stick to what needed to be done. The breakup also lowered my self-confidence heavily - all my fears bubbled to the surface. To help with this, I jumped back on the horse and started trying to talk to other women - just to gain my self-confidence back, and to rekindle my belief that there are people out there for me. And the old "jump back on the horse" approach quickly let my self-confidence return. Then I didn't feel the deep-seated anger and sadness pangs that leapt up every now and again - where my mind would imagine what she would be up to.

Here's a chord progression for you bro (play medium/slow tempo, standard 4/4 folk strum, one bar each chord):

Cmaj7 Gmaj9 Amin7 Emin7 | Fmaj7 Cmaj7 Fmaj7 Gmaj7

Cmaj7 = 332000, Gmaj9 = 354005, Amin7 = x02010, Emin7 = 022033, Fmaj7 = x3
3210, Gmaj7 = 320002

Anyway, keep well man - sending you warm wishes :)

Edited by CβL
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Hi Jwerta,

I'm sorry mate :( - take care of yourself.

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Buy some alcohol (if that's your thing) and get a pen. Pour your heart out to a piece of paper and free-write everything that comes to mind. Let your tears soak the the paper until you have no tears left. Grieve, only then will everything become clear.

She may realise it was a mistake. Either way these things work out in the end.

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She may realise it was a mistake. Either way these things work out in the end.

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Dude, don’t waste your youth & energy on a female that obviously don’t give a shit about you. Man up, dust yourself off and move on!

That may sound cold, but trust me I know how much of a head fuck it can be. I myself spent 10 years chasing a female (from 15 to 25) who (in hindsight) didn’t feel the same way, personally I think the heartless bitch just liked having a boyfriend with a Scandinavian look who tanned well. Anyway, only within the past year (now aged 30) have I started to get over the whole ordeal. Damn near offed myself over it, if I’m being totally honest, what a waste of the one chance we all get that would have been!!!

Oh well, I guess what I’m trying to say is, the less you allow yourself to dwell over it, the quicker you’ll get over it.

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Dude, don’t waste your youth & energy on a female that obviously don’t give a shit about you. Man up, dust yourself off and move on!

That may sound cold, but trust me I know how much of a head fuck it can be. I myself spent 10 years chasing a female (from 15 to 25) who (in hindsight) didn’t feel the same way, personally I think the heartless bitch just liked having a boyfriend with a Scandinavian look who tanned well. Anyway, only within the past year (now aged 30) have I started to get over the whole ordeal. Damn near offed myself over it, if I’m being totally honest, what a waste of the one chance we all get that would have been!!!

Oh well, I guess what I’m trying to say is, the less you allow yourself to dwell over it, the quicker you’ll get over it.

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The next few months will be tough bro. You will have to ride the emotional rollercoaster and just get up each day and function no matter how shit you feel.

Just keep doing the things you love to do even if you don't feel any enjoyment from that right now but slowly the joy comes back.

I can't stress enough how important you just keep functioning, keep getting up in the morning and carrying on no matter how miserable you feel. It does come right mate. Times like these routines keep you sane

Been in your shoes more than once and there is no quick cure.

Keep busy mate, get amongst your plants.

Getafix

Edited by Getafix
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i feel you pain man i have been through the same sort of thing as you. Im sure you dont believe it but things do eventually get better after time. It might take months, or even years though. My close friends gave me similar advice to what all the other members of this site have said, and at the time i thought it was all just bull shit because i was so down and never thought anyone else could have experienced the pain and suffering i was going through. But i can promise you that things will get better eventually. Time heals all wounds

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Man up, dust yourself off and move on!

That may sound cold...

Actually good advice. I would cease all contact with your ex. Don't message her, talk to her etc unless she talks to you first. Delete her numbers, email addresses, everything. Delete her from your life. No U-turns, no getting caught up in trying to win her back, no sentamentality. Keep spiralling upwards in life. In the future position yourself so no girl ever leaves you by being the ultimate catch.

It can take some time to get over a long term relationship...in fact for me it's usually half the time Ive dated them and thats when Ive broken up with them. So if you dated this girl for 2 years it may take you a year to be completely at ease again. No doubt every girl you meet for a while you will compare to your ex. Its natural but don't miss opportunities.

The easiest way forward is to start talking to and dating girls again because eventually you will find better. Enjoy the ride, you're free again!

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Sorry Jwerta. This must be soo hard, i cant even imagine.

I just wanna say, that you're still young and please dont think that this is the end of the road for you.

It might not sound like a good thing, but to me its better that she dumped you after two years, rather than just hanging on for the ride even though her heart wasnt in it and then ending up leaving you however many years down the track when you have built a life together.

Dont kid yourself that she is the most amazing person ever, there are soo many other lovely, intelligent, beautiful women in the world, and there are surely countless experiences and adventures out there waiting for you.

So this girl has decided to drop you now, and that is gonna knock you down for a while, you need to greive and establish who you are now, what your strengths and tallents are, and what you are going to do with this newfound freedom.

You would have grown as a person and learnt a heap from the relationship and soon you will have a chance to implement the new skills you have learnt.

Travel the world, meet as many lovely ladies along the way as you wish, the world is your oyster mate. It may not feel like it today, or tomorrow, but one day soon you will wake up and you will feel like you're ready to take whatever comes at you, and make the very best of every opportunity.

Don't forget to look after yourself, and try keep busy, being alone stirring too much wont help.

And it sounds lame but parents and family rock when it comes to break ups, dont be afraid to let people know how you're feeling and that you need some support right now.

And we're all here for you too whenever you need to vent!

Edited by bogfrog
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i'm really sorry bro, i too know that pain & it's truly brutal. theres been some really great advice in this thread already, even though i'm sure it could seem useless right now as it did to me when the agony of it was so fresh.

i can relate to sunchasers story, i chased a girl for 7 years, from the age of 20. to be honest i don't regret it though, i learned A LOT from that experience. my deepest fear imaginable was losing that love & i truly didn't think i would be able to cope, but i made it through & after i got strong again i felt free like i have never felt in my life. to go through my deepest fear imaginable & get past it & i was ok, i made it & i've been profoundly stronger & more mature ever since & i realized then that going through that almost unbearable emotional pain was actually more or less the best thing that could have happened in my life.

i was completely & utterly head over heels crazy as all fuck in love with her, she was an amazing person in many ways but along with that she was a fucking piece of shit selfish & batshit crazy person too & i never would have really been happy with her. she understood how in love with her i was & i knew with out doubt she loved me too but she took advantage of my devotion & repeatedly manipulated that in very fucked up ways & i kept taking it for way longer than i should have. Harsh as it may feel, sometimes advice like sunchasers is extremely appropriate, doesn't mean it's easy but going through that teaches you things about yourself that you simply can't learn any other way & they are some of the most important lessons we can have in life, whether we like it or not..

anyway, i don't really want to talk about myself, i just want to let you know that i truly understand how you feel & i know A LOT of people here do too. you're not alone man! i don't know you bro but somehow i can tell you're good guy & i know that you'll come through this ok, it won't be easy but you'll make it & as others have said, what you're feeling now will absolutely change with time & with that change comes liberation! but damn i know what it's like to hear that kind of advice & how it seems like a load of bullshit! in fact i have my own brutal breakup thread on sab somewhere, at the time i thought i wouldn't cope, peoples advice was really nice to hear & helped to just feel a bit of support but i didn't realize then just how true almost all that advice turned out to be!

good luck bro, my vibes are with you, one human with a heart to another. though i'm sure right now you wish you could just tear it out of your chest, squish it in your fist, throw it on the ground, stamp on it & leave it to die!?

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Thanks guys I'm going to meet her now as it all happened on the phone wish me luck and send me some good vibes please...who knows what's going to happen I just hope I can get some truth

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Broken hearts suck man. Unfortunately it's part of life. The pain passes. Take comfort in your family if possible. Check out the song "momma sed" by puscifer, maybe someone could be kind enough to link it here, I can't with my phone. To quote the song "life will pound away, where the light don't shine, son, take the higher road, take it like a man"

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Sorry to hear your bad news man. Like others have said it's an emotional rollercoaster but in my experience I've always came out much stronger and I think that's true in all cases.It's really probably the best idea to contact her however hard that may be because it will probably just make things worse, trust me I know from experience from both ends. See it as a time for transformation rather than decent and before you know it you'll be back on your feet and while feelings may still exist within they will not bother you in the same way as now.

Last break up I had I was pretty shattered but then I had a dream one night which helped me through it. To make a long story short I smashed my phone in the dream and went to try get it fixed. Was told it couldn't be fixed and it had to be thrown away. The shop keeper said that I could take this opportunity to perfect the phone I had to the ideal phone for me and I said but it really did everything I wanted. Then he replied, but did it do anything you don't like. Not sure exactly how long the dream went on after this but I soon woke up. I didn't really think of it in the dream but when I woke up I saw how this could have been related to my recent break up and that I could use this time to find someone else who before that dream I was duped into thinking they couldn't possibly as 'right' for me as someone else but after that dream I considered the situation from a new angle.

I'm sending the best vibes I can, good luck man. Just remember not to be walked all over thinking that the best thing is for you two the get back together. While it could be, there is also a possibility that it's not.

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Thanks DTB. I suffered a broken heart. Severely. My family and this song kept me going, seriously.

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Wow that's my introduction to Pucifer. I never realised, been told before. I cried through that.

I have no dignity in love matters, I cry like a girl, I wail, gnash my teeth, beat my chest. But worst of all is trying to control the anger and pain. But you must. It's what it is to be a man. Better to cry than to shout, better to be quiet and still and talk things calmly. Better to say sorry for the pain and sorrow you may have caused her, and feel sorry for her grief, because on some level she will be feeling it too. But if you can walk away with dignity, that's so much better.

After nearly five months, I called my ex up to apologise for the sadness I have caused her to want to be free of me. She had mentioned that she was worried about communication, and I called her to say that communication was fine and not to worry, and then I let my sadness out (for the second or third time).

I feel a lot better now, it's like letting go. And I'm really, really bad at letting things go.

See, grief can make you spout some weird stuff.

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