Stupid smother-in-law

[blangschpeer]

Where to start?

The background is my wife owes quite a bit of money to her mother. Recently we bought a new car because the finance rate was better than reasonable and should anything bad happen we could sell it and only be at a minor loss. On top of that, I REALLY need to get away from my shit telemarketing job and have been applying for everything I can to get out; thing is most chemical companies are a minimum 45 min drive away or 1-1.5 hrs public transport.

We chose not to tell my wife's smother about the car because she always has a way of stepping on dreams. Anyway... The gearbox in her car recently crapped out, not knowing this detail we excitedly showed up to visit her in the car and tell her the great news. If only we'd just kept driving

Jealousy has now reared it's ugly head and she decided she wanted the exact same car... Fine. It was worked out that she would but one outright with the ample money she has and my wife would simply pay her back the value and then some over the next few years... Then comes the trade mark mood swing How dare we not think of her first! How dare we be so selfish! She has so many health problems and needs a car NOW!!! That money she has is her "Safety net"... How dare we put her life in jeopardy! Her car is too old to be fixed, she may as well throw the money away! I could write more but those are the main ones being thrown at us for now.

So, the options that we are left with are that she "borrows" (i.e. repossesses) our first car - the first major purchase we have made as a married couple. I wouldn't worry about lending the car to her if it weren't for the fact that she recently had a head on at a round about because she took the shortcut... And the fact she can't park the car. Or drive out of her garage without scraping the wall...

The other option that we suggested was that she buy a different car that is slightly cheaper or a used car with a warranty that still applies. NOPE! "I want that one!"

Another suggestion from her is that my wife take out a loan and pay her outright. This would be an option if it weren't a case that her position has just been advertised... That alone has her freaking out and in tears most nights, but that's just selfish though, RIGHT?!? She could always claim bankrupt and the debt is paid for her, there's no possible negative there.

I keep trying to convince her that her car will be fine if it is fixed, we will pay for it to be fixed no matter how much it is or how many times it breaks down. NOT GOOD ENOUGH! By suggesting this, my wife is just trying to weasel out of the debt while we "live it up in our new car - that we don't need because we're in the city".

I don't know what I'm trying to achieve here, maybe I just needed to get it all out.

Has anyone else had to deal with a psycho bitch like this? If so what worked?

I'm just so sick of that interfering, manipulative, angry, jealous, psychotic old bitch. There are so many other incidents but this is just the latest and the worst for the time being. I guess it would just be great if there was a way to put an end to without having to resort to

Anyway, end rant.

Thanks for reading

[Torsten]

LOL, we all have someone like that. My mum sold me her $5000 car on a payment plan [23 years ago that meant a 3 year old sigma]. I paid half of it off when my mum decides she wants the car back. I figured no loss as I can just buy something else with the money. My mum then takes the car to the mechanic and gets EVERYTHING fixed regardless of how worn it was when I got the car. new brakes, new clutch, new tyres, general service, safety checks, alignments, etc. By the time she was finished I OWED her $500. I was on a $200 wage - paying my own way. I fucked me financially for many months, but I am glad it happened. It taught me not to borrow from family unless there is a written contract with all loopholes covered. Once you know what family members are like with money you know that financial deals within the family are NOT the easy option. I borrowed again from family [not from mum], but always only if the terms were far more attractive than from the bank and only if the contract was tighter than a duck's butt.

Thank your smother in law for the valuable life lesson you have been taught. Seriously, you'll look back at this in a few years time as a pivotal moment on your path to independence.

[mescalito]

Thank your smother in law for the valuable life lesson you have been taught. Seriously, you'll look back at this in a few years time as a pivotal moment on your path to independence.

 

Aye to that!

Organize to get the gearbox fixed,give it a detail and tell her you'll pay her back "X" amount a fortnight,tell her that is the BEST you can do or you'll have to sell "the Car in Question" to pay the debt and mention Bankruptcy ....she'll feel like shit after the steam settles.

[ThunderIdeal]

it sounds like a very frustrating situation.

the only advice i can offer is that driving 45 minutes to work might just be what you have to do. it kinda sucks but a huge amount of people do it. i've never worked close to home, ever.

[watertrade]

I can't really add anything to your story other than saying

"I know your pain"

My mother in law is a crazy pain in the arse too.

you can't really win in these situations.

I heard a story on the weekend that my lovely, gentle grandfather kicked his mother in law out and wouldn't allow her in back the house for 30 years. but that was back in the day when men were men. We couldn't get away with it now. ( I couldn't anyway) ;)

Good luck

[Halcyon Daze]

In my experience abusive people don't change.

You should probably change town and even state. Obviously this will be a major pain in the ass, and it may take a couple years of planning ahead. But I'd warn against doing nothing about it, simply hoping things will eventually get better will only make the problem far worse.

IMO she's trying to control you and if you flip out she will almost certainly succeed in doing so. It's a downward spiral mate, good luck escaping it.

[Amazonian]

I don't think i have heard of any good mother in-laws. Mine came to visit us a while ago..... Didn't lift a finger to help the whole time she was here. No please, no thank you , no noth'n. On day 16 i asked her politely when she would be returning to New Zealand.???... Well, she cracked the shits and left the next day. ha ha . I refer to them (in-laws)as outlaws. If my mum was still around, she would be a good in-law of course ,

Good luck Bangschpeer.Sucks to be you at the moment ,huh.

[chnt]

reading this makes me thankful for the parents i have, they give me money, they're not controlling, i can talk to my mum about smoking weed, taking mescaline and my hopes of trying mushrooms soon.. my gf's parents are bahai and therefore are completely narrow minded about "drugs", absolutely no swearing, etc etc, getting past religious shit that i passionately hate, her mum is a very nice person who i get along with, her dad i dont really like, he reminds me of how my dad used to act and treat me.. anger issues and verbally abusive, it makes me regress. her dad is supposed to be this fucking saint, he's the head of a choir, this loving religious all good person, it's fucking bullshit, he abused the shit out of his beautiful daughter and caused her so many problems, she has many demons and every day is a struggle for her, and he is completely unaware of what she goes through, he says the most inappropriate things to her, her mum has to remind him why he shouldn't say these things but he'll never get it..

moving on.. i wish i could give you some good advice, when people carry on like that i feel like telling them to listen to what they are saying and how pathetic it is, do they want everyone especially their family to hate them?

she's gonna end up alone and regret how she treated you guys, she's probably lonely and cant open up about her feelings and this is her coping mechanism. she probably needs therapy

[Evil Genius]

Family and money is like water and oil. They dont mix. I rather cut off most of my fingers than to financially deal with my family again. And i really mean that. Sounds like you just learnt that lesson too, Blangschpeer.

[woof woof woof]

VERY GREATFULL FOR MY FOLKS even though I dont get allong well with my mum. When I read the stories here I am xtra greatful.

Thankfully my gf's mom is pretty cool! And her folks live in Holland...... that's approx 9000 kilometers away from where I am at. :-) Only prob is tht I will have to spend hard earned $ to visit them every once in a while.

[kadakuda]

wow bro. I am really sorry, but i actually feel good to read this. I thought this was an especially asian family scenario. The advice about NEVER do ANY financial stuff with family (and friends) is sound advice, something i will follow to my grave now!

How to fix it? I first started having troubles with my wifes family after 3 months living here. After 6 months i was seriously thinking about killing one of them cause he is just an evil fucker. 6 years later, still not happy and hate being around. the only fix is moving away, past "weekend visit" distance! its not easy to accept, and can be VERY hard to do...but we are redoing our entire life in a year or 2 moving back to canada from here in SE Asia to fix this problem. sooner the better, what hurts now might kill ya later if left alone.

[blangschpeer]

Well it's all finally settled down.

The short story is, in the end smother dearest bought herself another new car and decided not to tell us for a few weeks (so that we'd feel bad for her and learn our lesson).

In the time it took fer her to do this though there were plenty of angry messages left on our phone and screaming matches between her and my wife. It got to the point where she said she was going to cut my wife out of her will and never speak to her ever again... After the dramatic slamming of the phone and my wife being left in tears for the next few hours, I was able to convince my wife that she had to stop pandering to the bitch. We stopped checking the messages, went on a weekend getaway and a week later Smother called in tears apologizing for everything she'd said and did and she just wanted everything to go back to how it was before...

A week later we decided we'd go visit to hopefully smooth it over once and for all... Again the trademark mood swing and we were told we weren't welcome and she just couldn't forgive us yet (to cover up the fact she'd bought the car for herself). More tears and another weekend away...

Later the next week she thought she was having a stroke, went to hospital and called crying apologizing for everything again. We went to see her the next day and once the doctors told us it was actually a lithium overdose and not a stroke everyone was relieved and we decided to have the talk... Essentially we told her that what she did was inexcusable and that if she wanted us to drop everything next time something serious actually happens, she needed to grow the fuck up or we would cut her out and she could just die alone.

The message finally sunk in and it's now been 2 months without a hissyfit

[flora]

hahaha i had no idea other people had inlaws like that too. that story is just what you would expect from my partner's mother (if thats what you could call her) except that she would never apologise for anything. my partner has completely cut her off. no loss she never gave a crap about anyone but herself anyway. i feel sorry for your missus though if it was my mum i imagine it would be very tormenting. but we all gotta face the music

[Teotzlcoatl]

Pay her what y'all owe her, tell her to fuck off, end of story.

[Teotzlcoatl]

And hell no don't let her borrow the car, fuck her.

Just pay her back and tell her to fuck off.

I told my partner's parents exactly what I thought of them when I was like 18 or 19 and then I told them to fuck off.

[Psylo]

Pay her what y'all owe her, tell her to fuck off, end of story.

 

Just pay her back and tell her to fuck off.

 

Ah yes, of course. You speak of the noble path.

http://www.shaman-australis.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=29287&st=0

[Teotzlcoatl]

yeah exactly, i pay my debts and then tell people to fuck off ;)

[goldfinger]

I think everyone has hit it on the head. Don't buy borrow or do anything financial with family. Unless its solid and airtight. I have learnt my lesson several times and probably do it again be.cause they are family. On the in-law note my mother in-law is good buy my father-inlaw well that is a story. My wife has finally realised that it is not worth the emotional pain to deal with them. We only see them because of our son. So he can make his own decisions when he grows up.

We have this view that you can't change people no matter how hard u try. You just have to go with it and accept them for who they are. Its just not worth the stress.

I'm glad u sorted out your problem's. Sometimes peeople just need to be told.