Cheating

[Mycot]

You've heard things about them, and formed your opinion, I do not share it, not without some form of proof.

 

Yes I have my opinion but that was formed after a good deal of research on the net on psychopaths and relationships.

At least I can say that I am much better informed on the subject than most.

I will say that when it comes to being romantically involved with a sociopath, be scared, be very very scared.

[random]

Or a narcissist.

They are impossible to live with.

[Sonny Jim]

"I was not refering to all women as cows certainly not women on this page. I like to think that most of the girls on this forum are much more inllightend than that. But i do feel the femal side of the human coin is a lot more likely to have a what i call a "flexable grasp" on thhe truth."

Well that has pissed me off.

What complete and utter non sense.

Who do you think you are? The grand master of truth lol.

What do you mean by enlightened ( I assume that is what you meant)? More or less enlightened compared to who? You?

Oh, of course your not referring to the girls on the forum, they can see what you have written and might think your a fool lol.

In other words, I think you do not know what you are trying to say but you say it any way (drunk?). Also, I think your a coward.

I have a high school aged daughter and if she ever brought a boy like you home I would be deeply sad, followed by extremely angry.

edit: text layout

[Sheather]

Well that has pissed me off.

"You're a fool". Not "your a fool".

Nonsense is one word, not two.

If you want to attack someone's spelling and grammar then get your own right. Golly.

This is getting off topic. Which is to say, you "adults" are just bickering and playing with words to feel superior to one another.

I was not refering to all women as cows certainly not women on this page. I like to think that most of the girls on this forum are much more inllightend than that

What do you mean by enlightened ( I assume that is what you meant)? More or less enlightened compared to who? You?

Are you retarded, or just lazy? If you took the time to read his posts, you would see that he means the women are more enlightened on this forum in comparison to those he labels cows - i.e. Those who cheat, mess with their partners and fuck around with relationships - for no reason bar the thrill of it.

You flaming children need to learn to form coherent replies before throwing them in to a thread. It would be hilariously ironic if you were female Sonny Jim.

I was going to say how amazed I am at the people on this forum for being so supporting and empathetic, then it degenerates as it were in to this bullshit. Pursue unrelated crap somewhere else and stop polluting my thread.

EDIT: Read the whole flaming thread before replying again please.

[hutch]

Well that has pissed me off.

"You're a fool". Not "your a fool".

Nonsense is one word, not two.

If you want to attack someone's spelling and grammar then get your own right. Golly.

This is getting off topic. Which is to say, you "adults" are just bickering and playing with words to feel superior to one another.

Are you retarded, or just lazy? If you took the time to read his posts, you would see that he means the women are more enlightened on this forum in comparison to those he labels cows - i.e. Those who cheat, mess with their partners and fuck around with relationships - for no reason bar the thrill of it.

You flaming children need to learn to form coherent replies before throwing them in to a thread. It would be hilariously ironic if you were female Sonny Jim.

I was going to say how amazed I am at the people on this forum for being so supporting and empathetic, then it degenerates as it were in to this bullshit. Pursue unrelated crap somewhere else and stop polluting my thread.

EDIT: Read the whole flaming thread before replying again please.

 

Well said....I bit my tongue...I have only one warn point left.....

[Sonny Jim]

I was not attacking his spelling or grammar, I was trying to be clear about what I saying. If it wasn't for spell check you could probably classify me as illiterate. This is sad but true about me.

I was pissed off because he thinks that females in general have a flexible grasp on the truth. That's what he said. I was attacking him for that.

Just because he says that the females on this forum are more enlightened than the average female who he thinks are more prone to having a flexible grasp on the truth does not make that statement any better. I don't see how that makes it any less insulting.

I think he is dead wrong about males (in general) having a better grasp on the truth then females (in general).

I have read the whole thread, that is why I posted a reply. Maybe I am missing something.

I hope I don't come across as a retard but I am often guilty of being lazy.

[Sonny Jim]

ok, I've cooled down a bit.

I should not have been nasty about the point I was trying to make. I feel badly about that and I am sorry for bringing that tone into the thread but I still stand by the point I was trying to make.

[Sheather]

Humm. I think your issue is that you and he have different meanings behind what each of you says & hears. I took his words to mean that women have less logical and rational thought than men, they are more creatures of emotion.

Not saying that there are absolutes or that everything is like this, just that overall this seems to be the case.

A woman will do what she feels like, and rationalize it to herself later.

(Not that I necessarily agree with this but the whole thread was created because a woman acted without thinking, and similar thinking to this could supply him with the opinion that women are more flexible with the truth. Men see truths as absolutes, something either is or it isn't, women see many truths, and pick the one that best suits them.)

In conclusion: All good, I'm glad you've cooled down a bit. I feel that I shouldn't have responded to you so harshly but I am pretty annoyed at how this thread is ending.

[hutch]

I am pretty annoyed at how this thread is ending.

 

 

[CβL]

I'm gutted for you mate - I hope you're taking it okay. I didn't read if you had done any major actions so far. But I'd like to offer my advice.

First of all, I think that your decision will not be a fully rational one. I suggest imagining some different possible outcomes, and then thinking deeply how you would feel from each. Soon you will realize what you want and what you don't want, but - this process takes time. "For happiness: make the minor decisions with logic, make the major decisions with emotion." For who are you to be happy in spite of your emotions?

Secondly, if you do decide to be with her. I think that you should certainly not start back where you left off. You need to start the trust again. Building a house with a shoddy wall, will lead to the entire house falling down at a later date. I'm not saying relationships are houses, but I am suggesting that covering up deep issues will lead to them rearing up later.

There must have been a train of thought your girlfriend (assuming she was sober-ish) followed when she cheated on you. If you have satisfied her physically - is it possible that some emotional (or other) need was not satisfied by you? Obviously - that's no justification for cheating, but acknowledging something (do not allow her to make up crap to save face) would hopefully allow it to be prevented in the future.

I wish you all the best.

[WoodDragon]

I've avoided commenting on this subject because I really do think that it's not possible to do so properly without a good understanding of the background. Having said that, I know what abusive partners can do to the abused, and I also know what malicious lies about abuse can do to an innocent person. In both cases the victim suffers from inadequate protection: it sucks...

But back to the actual topic of this thread. Trying to repair a relationship after infidelity is like trying to fix a broken leg on a horse: theoretically, you can do it, but in practice it's a hard exercise. If there's not a solid underlying love between the two people involved, it's like trying to set the broken leg on a race horse, and if the people are young (sorry Sheather, but as you are...), it's like trying to set the leg of a giraffe.

These things can in theory be done, but it's easier to push shit up hill with a little stick. This isn't to say that the circumstance shouldn't be tackled - it's simply to frame the magnitude of the task.

You have my best wishes for success.

[Sheather]

No need to apologise to me for my age WoodDragon. That's like saying "I'm sorry, you're a boy." Not much is gonna change it hmm?

Bluntmuffin - To be honest, I can't remember these, but apparently we'd had a few arguments around the time, and she decided that I mustn't care for her so much and went and did this dumb shit. She knows full well what she is prone to do, and she has almost gone through with something like this in the past, only stopping at the last minute when she got some sense.

I do not plan to let her in again for some time, if I do end up taking her back at all.

Fuck. It's a situation isn't it? I'm gonna play some more Nethack - take my mind off things.

[hutch]

Age is irrelevant...good and bad decisions are made by people of every age group every day...You got to do what you got to do. Nothing can be measured by statistics when it come to the most powerful emotion of all....LOVE...If you break your leg on a giraffe the pain of mending your leg may be too much and you might bail....At the time it wont make an iota of difference to you how may people have gone before you and failed...

It's in your heart....only YOU know how much YOU love HER......would I shy away from what my heart wants because someone I don't know on a computer told me the odds were stacked against me...please don't....you will hear lots and lots of advise but YOU will know what YOU should do...FOLLOW YOUR HEART...you will be bloody miserable if you don't...I don't know your partner so how could I judge her....Could I cast a stone.....

Feel the force....you are the force......do whats right for you.....what makes YOU happy is all that matters.....

I think I have just had my..."dear maggie" moment

[Sheather]

Well, yeah Hutch, that is the plan. I'm not taking any of these for what I should do, just using these ideas as food for thought, give me new perspectives and allow me to see with, if not much, a little more clarity.

[CβL]

Well, can you remember what those arguments were about? Or more importantly, how they were reconciled - did you just forget about them, or was it the old "let's agree to disagree"? I hope that they were fully solved. It is normal for couples to argue. What isn't normal is when they can't reach a true agreement (aka not the copout "agree to disagree", or one pretends to agree).

And lastly... excluding love, what else do you want to accomplish in life (mid term goals)? Have you ever travelled alone overseas for a few months? Have you ever been able to devote to a sport or outdoor pursuit and see how far you could go? Have you ever wanted to work somewhere hard or inhospitable to toughen up (Military, or an extreme job)? Essentially, do you have any dreams left on hold?

Now a lot of these questions you won't be able to answer properly. But think about them. I hope that you will have an epiphany, for they are amongst the most powerful of all thoughts.

Looking back in a few years time, you'll probably come to find you knew the answer right now. You just might've forgotten it. ;)

[Sheather]

The arguments were about drug use. I was saying that I'd be interested in trying some unspecifieds, and she was saying they were bad and that I'd only get pain out of them, based on her bad experiences from years ago. The issue may have been resolved with a false agreement, but I can not be sure of her sincerity. She apologised and said she understood that experiences aren't all the same etc...

I still have dreams. I will not forget them, like the cell-bound office workers and corporate slaves. I know what I want to do, but the how, and the when, elude me yet. We will see where life takes me, I will know when, and probably not before.

Peace out folks. I'mma sleep.

[CβL]

Well, it's probably too late to go back to that argument now. But maybe you could've shown her some studies, specifically the brilliant "Rational scale to assess the harm of drugs" and also explained your safety procedure (no bullshit like "I know what I'm doing", "It's perfectly safe", "Just chill out"), without a safety procedure and purpose - maybe she was right about the danger? If you reach a factual disagreement, then there's absolutely no point arguing without more research by both parties. Once all the factual disputes are out of the way (because they are typically the easiest to clarify), it's mostly opinions and prejudices left, of which prejudices will change slowly, and opinions will have to be accepted. But anyway, there's not much point speculating on what could've been other than to learn the lessons and put them into practice for the future.

Well, you're at A. You want to be at B. There's many paths to B. Take the one which you feel is right. Move along that path, switching to others when you must. You will eventually be at, or closer to B. Unless of course, you decided that really wanted to be at C.

Plan for your dreams, and the big empty space between now and then will slowly become filled with stepping stones.

If life's a river, then either you reach the ocean, or you die in the rapids.

If life's an ocean - you better start swimming.

Good luck man. You have the capability.

[Teljkon]

sdfsdfsd

[Sheather]

I would say intelligence and maturity may have both been void in this situation, and emotion the vessel. But recently I got some new information from her (a slightly more detailed account, after I asked exactly what was happening in relation to particular aspects of it) and I believe this "friend" had been manipulating her for a while to get her into the state she was in to do this. I hear he'd be on the phone to her for hours telling her how I didn't deserve her and how I wasn't a bad guy but I should be doing better as a boyfriend and such, and this may have added up over time enough to give her a bit of an emotional breakdown of some form.

I think I know what I'm going to do now, but I will still give it some time.

[hutch]

I would say intelligence and maturity may have both been void in this situation, and emotion the vessel. But recently I got some new information from her (a slightly more detailed account, after I asked exactly what was happening in relation to particular aspects of it) and I believe this "friend" had been manipulating her for a while to get her into the state she was in to do this. I hear he'd be on the phone to her for hours telling her how I didn't deserve her and how I wasn't a bad guy but I should be doing better as a boyfriend and such, and this may have added up over time enough to give her a bit of an emotional breakdown of some form.

I think I know what I'm going to do now, but I will still give it some time.

 

Nice friend he is.....slime....play nice but...I know a bloke see.....and for a couple of bucks see...just kidding

[Sheather]

Haha, nah if I want to destroy him I'll record a confession and pursue him in court. Just a more legal alternative.

Do very very much feel like doing so, the fucking scumbag. I could allow him trying to get laid, all guys want that I can understand it, but this is the worst kind of rape, and he should suffer for it immensely.

[Teljkon]

sdfsdfs

[Sheather]

It would be possible, but you don't know her like I do. She's very aware that any lie she gets caught out in now is a death sentence to the relationship, and I can verify this one fairly easily with the guy.

[Teljkon]

sdfss

[Gimbal]

Sheather, I'm very sorry you are going through this.

I was going to offer you some advice, but after reading this thread I just want to say this:

Cheating is something that people do. It is not a consequence of women having ladybrains that are different to men's brains. Men and women both cheat.

The women on this forum are not different in some intrinsic way from women who are not on this forum. It is quite possible that there are women, as well as men, on this forum who have cheated.

You won't figure out why she cheated by relying on unsubstantiated gender essentialism, even if throwing your hands up and saying 'that's just wimmenz for ya' might make you feel better in the short term.

I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do.