Evil Genius Posted March 10, 2011 she was banging the painters who were painting my house. two of them at once....wondered why I was getting it done so cheap and why it was taking so long.... Hi Hutch, if it wouldnt have been such a painfull experience for you as it probably was, it would make a pretty funny comedy Routine. Despite the biterness of the story, you still seem like a very humorous guy. And if i were a painter, i wouldnt even dare to go anywhere near your house after what happened. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hutch Posted March 10, 2011 she was banging the painters who were painting my house. two of them at once....wondered why I was getting it done so cheap and why it was taking so long.... Hi Hutch, if it wouldnt have been such a painfull experience for you as it probably was, it would make a pretty funny comedy Routine. Despite the biterness of the story, you still seem like a very humorous guy. And if i were a painter, i wouldnt even dare to go anywhere near your house after what happened. It's gets even worse....we were living in a housing commission house before that....they painted that one first They painted the whole street as part of a contract....I must admit now I look back at them with some admiration...good fucking painters... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Evil Genius Posted March 10, 2011 Life writes the funniest stories. It might have been bitter when it happened to you but looking back now, it sounds like comedy gold. You could take that story and put it in a movie just the way it is. One of the painters could be played by Russel Brand and the guy who plays Marshall in HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER should audition for your part. I would rent that movie... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kindness Posted March 10, 2011 only takes moments to break trust but a long time to rebuild it. Even if you make a decision one way or another with this woman it will be the actions which follow where the real work is done. If you are up for it take a moment with your gf and write down what you expect from a partnership / relationship. Are they compatible things? For me monogamy is part of the gig, I've watched the majority of those around me with 'open relationships' crumble in grinding pools of jealousy and weird acts of lusty sex... no great lasting family or community stuff going on in that stuff for me really... but that is me, not you. best of luck - love is many things hey, certainly a great teacher... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sheather Posted March 10, 2011 Yeah well polygamy would only work if agreed on by both partners, and that is quite unlikely for most relationships. I really don't expect much though. Like... really. Not cheating and being honest, showing some basic respect and affection... Other than that I was okay with pretty much anything. Even when she was being irrational and bitchy and hated my guts for no reason at all (Women, I no rite?) I was okay, just walked out and gave her time to cool it. Hutch, thanks for the wise words. EG has the right idea on the movie though, if you see the humour in the situation. Marshall from "How I Met Your Mother" would be extremely suitable for you I think We'll see how we go I guess. I've been a lot more chill today. Take it as it comes I guess. Might take an extra week away from her too. I planned on only one, but fuck that. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bℓσωηG Posted March 10, 2011 Sheather ,the more you care about it the worse it is , act as if its no biggie... so... oh well babe, you did this, you did that, no probs... cool i understand , we all have needs lol, this may take some acting on your behalf ... but under no circumstances show her you are hurt in any way, shape or form its like putting blood in the water of circling sharks. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tripsis Posted March 10, 2011 I disagree blowng. Honesty is necessary, from both parties, and that includes honesty of feeling, i.e. if Sheather is hurt, he show show it and explain why. A relationship without honesty is doomed from the outset. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bℓσωηG Posted March 10, 2011 I disagree blowng. Honesty is necessary, from both parties, and that includes honesty of feeling, i.e. if Sheather is hurt, he show show it and explain why. A relationship without honesty is doomed from the outset. Its a game man and unless you want to play and lose you do these .Honesty... sure, but she wasnt honest to start with, she's just playin... so bat to win i say. I cant speak on his behalf ,but a similar situation did wreck a previous relationship of mine. Sex held it together for some time after, but there was not as much love . Eventually the whole truth came out which included childhood abuse and then it all made sense, i pretty much hurt myself though with my false expectations of having an imaginary soulmate ... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tripsis Posted March 10, 2011 If you're in a relationship that is a game, then it's not a relationship worth being hurt for. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sheather Posted March 10, 2011 She knows me well enough to know that I am hurt regardless of whether I showed her any emotion relative to it. This was/is a serious relationship. That doesn't seem to hold as much meaning these days as it used to but yeah. I also would have to disagree blowng. No game, and honesty is the key (imo) I've been stressing to her from the start that honesty is the most important thing she can show me, including omission. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bℓσωηG Posted March 10, 2011 Well i guess in an ideal world honesty is what we hope and expect .My current partner (on/off again) wont communiate period, and if she does answer one of my many questions its what she thinks i want to hear to shut me up, probably would have given up long ago if it werernt for the chalenge oh and the three kids. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
C_T Posted March 10, 2011 Games are for dating, not for serious relationships... Those ones are open and honest. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gunter Posted March 10, 2011 these concepts of using people, lying to people, playing games with people, cheating on people etc, they are incredibly unhealthy and counterproductive to a long lasting and meaningful relationship respect, forgiveness, trust, mutual understanding, honesty and sincerity are hallmarks of good relationships if those cannot be had then you should stop things before people get hurt more i find the idea that women are cows to be deeply offensive, they aren't any less or more human than the male of the species, neither is more flawed or perfect than the other without respect, without actual love, then the carnal aspects of a relationship are pathetic compared to what they can be. your better off with your dick in your hand than you are with a sexual partner you don't love, respect and trust. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FancyPants Posted March 10, 2011 What Archaea said. Sheather, just to help you roll your thoughts around to make your own decision; did she tell you why she slept with your mate the first time? Was it a reason (n.b; not excuse) in which the situation won't ever reoccur? I wouldn't have a clue what I'd do in your situation because I may have been in similar, but very different circumstances. Anyway I wish you the best of luck in sorting this out, and hope you're honest enough with yourself that you don't end up regretting your decision; whatever it may be And I REALLY hope if you take her back, she honours your decision by never doing this shit again. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tripsis Posted March 11, 2011 Archaea has the right of it. Love is not a game, serious relationships are not a game and women are not cows. As you are already doing, just give it some time. Yours thoughts will change regularly and until they plateau there's no point in making a decision. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bℓσωηG Posted March 11, 2011 Some people are indeed shallow, operating through their ego - personality instead of soul. What comes out of their mouth is not always how they feel at times, it is even possible they have experienced some deep emotional trauma which has stripped them of the ability to give real love . Without proper communication you can never be sure, everyone is different, we all have issues. Some may think they are deeply in love with another, but can you ever really tell what is in the others mind? Do they love you as much as you love them? Are you dellusional in thinking they ought to ? Do they even comprehend what love is and is it matched by your interpretation also? Women to me are often an enigma, their needs from one day to the next often fluctuate . Sometimes the harder you try the worse you can make things. Peace and love people. blowng Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sheather Posted March 11, 2011 it is even possible they have experienced some deep emotional trauma which has stripped them of the ability to give real love . I find this hard to believe. I think everyone capable of being able to love, given time and perhaps a great deal of effort. To each, though, definitions of love have slight changes in them, I've been in discussions with people and been horrified by what they think true love entails. Not that it was freakish or weird, their beliefs just clashed with mine so strongly that I had to just stop talking to them about it... Strange. Women, so far as I know, are an enigma, and will continue to be an unsolvable puzzle for as long as I live. Though I know one thing for true, they don't (generally) use logic and reason as much or to the same degree as men, and they do not hold honour in as high regard, if they hold it in any regard at all. (Just a generalization from what I've seen, not saying anything about the ladies that frequent this forum, necessarily.) I don't think Teljkon was saying that all women were cows, Tripsis and Archaea. But more that those who cheat, or play games with serious relationships are. And in such a manner I agree with him to an extent, women can be cows, that doesn't make them any worse than men though, because men can be right bastards too. I think the lesson to take away from this is people do bad things to each other, and you have to make your decisions carefully. Thanks to all who sent well wishes, kind words, and/or sage advice. Your support (surprisingly) means a lot to me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mycot Posted March 11, 2011 I think everyone capable of being able to love, given time and perhaps a great deal of effort. If you beleive this then you don't know much about psychopathy. Neither did I know and was shocked that such beings existed. I only came to learn of their existance to my horror after trying to understand what had gone wrong in my last relationship. Before that I also believed in the above myth trying to make the unworkable workable. This is probably not your situation though I'd check it out. As for "position of defeat" I only mean't from a position where the relationship had already been compromised. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Micromegas Posted March 11, 2011 and they do not hold honour in as high regard, if they hold it in any regard at all. Judging from your approach to this situation you seem like a mature and reasonable person, and i wish you all the best, but that is absolute nonsense. We are first and foremost individuals, regardless of our gender, with a level of honour commensurate with our behaviour over time. The puzzle and the enigma is primarily the experience we are having, and the relationship we have with ourselves, of which our partners or lack of partners is an important component. A lot of food for thought in this thread and some really great contributions from all perspectives. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
random Posted March 11, 2011 Archaea, will you marry me? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sheather Posted March 11, 2011 @Micromegas - yeah, I acknowledge that you are each individuals, and I do know of women who are extremely honourable, I was simply saying that in my experience, IN GENERAL, women do not have a high regard of honour, (added: or at least don't view it in the same way as men, that gives them the appearance of having little regard.) I try to be reasonable as much as possible. I don't like the idea of maturity though. The meaning of life is to enjoy, and love. Maturity tries to regulate and remove parts of that, injecting responsibility and caring for material wealth - thanks but no thanks. @Mycot - I do know a little about psychopathy, admittedly very very little, but I haven't seen anything specifying that psychopaths are unable to feel love to any degree though. Especially given a great deal of time and effort through a nurturing environment, perhaps with someone that cares for the. (Also, different definitions of love for different people. You can't arbitrarily tell someone that their feelings aren't what they think they are, you aren't in their head) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mycot Posted March 11, 2011 Psychopaths/sociopaths lack any sense of concience or empathy, they do not feel like normal people do. Some would say that they are not human and lack a soul. There is no cure. Any effort spent on them is just grist for the mill, for them to manipulate you with. Anybody who has been emothionally involved with one and also psychiatrists knows that all their efforts make not one iota of difference. This may be a little off topic but just to clarify. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sheather Posted March 11, 2011 I'd like to see a study that directly links conscience and empathy with capability to love. I'd also like to see one that shows that no matter how much love and care you give to a psychopath, they will never change. You've heard things about them, and formed your opinion, I do not share it, not without some form of proof. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
