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Sheather

Cheating

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Fuck them both off mate. If she's looking for happiness or fulfillment that way then chances are she's gonna look for something similar in the future if she gets bored, depressed, feels undervalued or insecure, etc.

It happened to me once and I felt like the biggest, blindest arsehole on the planet because everyone knew except me and I used to defend her totally convinced that there was no way. It turned out in the long run that her out of my life was a blessing that I couldnt see at the time. So Im glad it happened and now wish I hadnt wasted a few years on someone like that.

Your mate is a class A and he might tell you all sorts of excuses and actually believe them, but deep down he'll know that he got you where you were most vunerable and that can never be forgiven.

I have no problem with sex outside a relationship if its required. Just tell the partner. otherwise your trying to hurt the other person emotionally.

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I took her back. I didn't have the heart to leave her, to be honest. She has sworn that nothing like that will ever happen again, and if it does then we'll be quits, but as it is I've told her that I don't trust her yet, and she'll have to earn that back. Probably going to be harder than it was to get the first time too (if possible at all, I'm not sure either way).

You took the easy road my friend. Did you at least negotiate a freebie??

I knew a dude that forgave his missues for banging a dude she knew at work. Turned out it played on his mind and every time he shagged her he was reminded of this other dude and it gave him a soft-on because he felt insecure about his own relative adequacy.

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because mutant ... says it?

Nailed it.

I'd like to respond to more of your questions rhetoric (even if they are for woof)but it's getting late.

To be honest I never had a stage where I was fooling around (20yrs old now, so for most people I'd be in said stage now also). This one was my first serious relationship, we were both on our V's before then.

For clarity with the fun and the communication stuff, when this relationship started to get serious, I emphasized honesty to a huge degree, nothing without honesty, and through that, trust. I found out about the situation because of her honesty, she told me knowing full well that doing so could end it, and even if it didn't, the trust would be gone.

That was months ago.

Since then, we've been closer than perhaps we have been ever before. We have great fun with each other, and spend more time together also. Sounds lame to say it but she's my best friend too and I love her to bits. I don't even think we've had a heated argument since that time, and that's saying something considering our track record on arguments.

Anyways, end rant, time for sleep. (Really need to work on my sleep patterns for when uni resumes)

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Whoops didn't see the next page there...

Fuck them both off mate. If she's looking for happiness or fulfillment that way then chances are she's gonna look for something similar in the future if she gets bored, depressed, feels undervalued or insecure, etc.

Quite possibly, I believe the cause of the case was her feeling undervalued and insecure. But if it does happen again then I will tell her to fuck off.

Your mate is a class A and he might tell you all sorts of excuses and actually believe them, but deep down he'll know that he got you where you were most vulnerable and that can never be forgiven.

My "mate" is indeed a class A, and I haven't spoken to him since. Nor has she spoken to him to the best of my knowledge, apart from a goodbye (which she asked permission for...) If ever I do see him again, my words will only be that if he ever tries to impose upon myself or my loved ones again, I will turn his world into a nightmare the likes of which it is hard to believe. This, I believe, will keep him at arms reach. That or a beating. No matter. Nearly all of the time he is out of mind, the only time's I've even heard mention of him lately is when there's a slip of the mind and somebody calls my friend "Jakob", "Jason". I can shrug it off even then though, he's garbage, I have no trouble at all knowing that I am his superior in nearly every way.

You took the easy road my friend. Did you at least negotiate a freebie??

I agree, I think I did take the easy road. I don't see the point of the hard road unless there's a definite reward from it. I'm afraid there were no freebie negotiations, but I don't mind that so much, her libido is almost higher than mine.

ANYWAYS. SLEEP TIME SHEATHER (bloody dolt)

G'night!

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Zen

Did you at least negotiate a freebie??

LULZ that was an awesome comment, muhehehehehe

hey sheather, I was not adressing to someone in particular, woof just gave me the allibi to rant on a bit on relationships and cheats.

Like I said it looks and sounds like a nice thing you got there. People[men] are sometimes too eager to blame women as untrustworthy, but it all derives from men and women being different dogs. In my book women are not less trustworthy than men, just different dogs. I put individual first, not labels, so who is anyone of us to tell you you're doing it wrong not knowing you or your girl?

Besides, doing it wrong is one of the best teachers if you keep a healthy sense of consciousness.

peace

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wish my partner was more horny than me :devil:

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wish my partner was more horny than me :devil:

 

2nd

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Move on. No more U-turns. If she did it once, misdemeanor. Twice it's a felony. Whatever your 'friend' did...its ultimately not his fault. Your GF cheated on you - twice - plain and simple. It will always be a knot in the wood grain of your life if you stick together intimately.

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It will always be a knot in the wood grain of your life

 

I like that. :)

I agree with botanika. 2 strikes and you're out in this game... At least for me anyway.

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I have no trouble at all knowing that I am his superior in nearly every way.

 

He has fucked your mrs...you haven't fucked his....I think he has it over you at the moment.......

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bit harsh for the morning hutch, :huh::P

 

Maybe, I am a disgusting person but I know who's got gloating rightstongue.gif I love the smell of fish in the morningcool.gif

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I think you both raise good points. It's important to be open and talk, as much as is possible, as communication is what a good relationship is built on. Cheating does have a lot to teach people, but that's not reason to do out and do it. Shit happens and sometimes desires get the best of us, so sometimes we'll cheat. Doing so teaches us about ourselves and it teaches us about others, but more often than not, they're hard lessons that come with pain, anger, jealousy, etc.

Sheather, I think you've made the right decision. If you're both in love with each other, you've got something solid to work with. She might cheat again, she might not, only time will tell. If she does cheat again, I would consider circumstance before I showed her the door. You have to realise that for the majority of people, monogamy is not the natural state that we exist in, or cheating would not be so prevalent. Once you realise that, the only crime cheating really commits is the breaking of trust and the perpetration of dishonesty. Hence why polyamory is becoming more common. Cheating is more about broken trust than it is about your partner sleeping with someone. They don't even need to have slept with someone to have cheated on you, It could be a kiss, or even just intent. It depends on the person and circumstance.

Good luck with it all.

Edit: missed a whole page. My above comment was directed at woof woof woof in post #99 and mutant in post #100.

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Can we get an update on how you're doing? Are you still together with the same girl? etc?

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read the thread rivada...

erm, she only cheated on him once right? so rgearding that it's still in the misdemeanor stage? also i think i read that sheather & his girl were both virgins when they got together.. well thats a pretty difficult situation... keeping a long term monogomous thing going with two high labido youngsters that have both not slept with anyone except eachother... outside of a very pious orthodox religeous setting i would be profoundly suprized if a situation like that didn't get very complicated at some stage in the game & it certainly adds an important dimension to the situation.. at 20 we're basically boilogically built to be boning everything we see.. i guess thats been discussed already though...

i also think tripsis has some good points about what it actually means to 'cheat.' sheathers girl was totally honest (presumably) from the start & though i don't think what she did was neccissarily at all good, i think that says a lot... we're living in times of pretty great social change in regards to relationships etc it's entirly up to us as individuals to define the form our relationships take... as long as everyone involved is in agreeance & honesty is the no. 1 priority.. we also have to be totally honest with ourselves about what kind of relationship we're capable of having or not having..

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All those who say twice, keep in mind that the second time she was blackmailed and coerced. This is the main reason I hate the guy and I consider his actions on par with physical rape.

Hutch, he's never had a Mrs, so there's hardly someone for me to fuck is there? And he will never see her again. I think I have that over him huh? He might have fucked her, but she was his best friend and I was his friend, he lost both. I still have my girl and I'm quite happy with her, being able to see her whenever I wish.

I am a disgusting person.

Well I shan't correct you on that point.

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All those who say twice, keep in mind that the second time she was blackmailed and coerced. This is the main reason I hate the guy and I consider his actions on par with physical rape.

Hutch, he's never had a Mrs, so there's hardly someone for me to fuck is there? And he will never see her again. I think I have that over him huh? He might have fucked her, but she was his best friend and I was his friend, he lost both. I still have my girl and I'm quite happy with her, being able to see her whenever I wish.

 

Its not a competition. Whether he seduced or co-oerced it's still her responsibility - she gave consent - twice. If it's rape, charge the guy. Whether you're young or not, cheating is cheating.

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Legally it is defined akin to rape (it essentially changes the name to discern between physical force and coercion/blackmail), but she doesn't want him charged and imprisoned for up to 14 years. 3/4 of the time he's been alive, so I abstained from that method of action for now.

So it's her responsibility if she was coerced? Do you have a partner? If I held a knife to his/her neck and said have sex with me or s/he's gone, is that cheating? By your reasoning coercion means little, but in a case like that? Do you think you'd count yourself to have "given consent"? Perhaps you misunderstand the complexities of this kind of situation? Perhaps you should put more thought into the matter before you babble.

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oh right it was twice.. i don't know the people in question from a bar of soap so have no opinion whether the coersion thing is true or to what degree it is an excuse etc good luck sheather

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"at 20 we're basically boilogically built to be boning everything we see"

good one para.wink.............so true

i was

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can anyone say pussy whipped biarch? Lulz eat some pudding wont ya

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So it's her responsibility if she was coerced? Do you have a partner? If I held a knife to his/her neck and said have sex with me or s/he's gone, is that cheating? By your reasoning coercion means little, but in a case like that?

Did he hold a knife to her neck? I thought you said he was her friend? What is she doing hanging around this guy? If this person committed a crime and no-one wants to press charges, fine. Im not having a go at you Sheather - it just sounds like a mess you dont want to be involved in or reminded of. Each to their own in the world of love.

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My analogy was more like holding the knife to a loved one's neck, and it differed from the reality only to the degree that the coercion was evident. Is there a solid line between coercion where it's her responsibility and coercion where it is not?

Sorry for snapping at you, I've been a little strung out the last few days. I don't mind being reminded of it, or involved, but the advise grates sometimes.

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poor bugger. id get outta there. seems pretty unhealthy.

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