dworx Posted December 31, 2010 Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine. As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world." "I am entering!" said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya go?" "I won First Place !," said Snow White. They continue walking and they see another sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world." "I'm entering," says Superman. After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?" "I won First Place , too," answers Superman. "Did you ever have a doubt?" They continue walking when they see a third sign: "Contest - Who is the greatest liar in the world?" Pinocchio quickly enters the contest. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes. "What happened?" they asked. "Who the hell is Julia Gillard?" asked Pinocchio. <BR class=khtml-block-placeholder> 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stonermaan Posted December 31, 2010 An old widower living alone in the country wanted to plant his pepper garden, but the ground was too hard and he was too old to do the work. His only son who use to help him was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation: Dear Vincent, I've been very depressed lately because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my peppers this year. You know how much your mother loved planting peppers this time of year, but I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me. Love, Dad A few days later he received a letter from his son: Dear Dad, Don’t dig up that garden! That’s where I buried the bodies! Love, Vinnie At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area looking for the bodies. They apologized to the old man after not finding any and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant your peppers now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you, Vinnie Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dworx Posted January 1, 2011 Bacon Tree Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says......... "HeyPepe, do you smell what I smell. Eesbacon, Itheenk." "Si, Luis, eetsure smells like bacon. " With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon .... Every imaginable kind of cured pork. "Pepe,Pepe, we eessaved. Eesa bacon tree." "Luis, maybeeesameerage? Weeesin the desert don't forget." "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of ameeragethat smell like bacon...eesnomeerage,eesa bacon tree." And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres,Pepecrawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warnsPepewith his dying breath, "Pepe... Go back man, you was right, eesnot a bacon tree!" "Luis, Luis mi amigo... Whateesit? " "Pepe..Eesnot a bacon tree. Ees Ees Ees Eesa ham bush....." SO SORRY I know there is something wrong with me for sending you this. Just couldnthelp it! The little voices made me do it !!!And I bet you tried to do the accent didn't you - I know you did! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
