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woof woof woof

broke up with GF

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SO yes I broke up with my woman of 4 years,.... I'm not sad,.. I'm ok with it I guess,.... there is a chance that we will work things out and get back together. AT least I have that hope.

problem is she is in denial about certain issues she has. hehe,..it takes 2 to tango and I have my own faults as well,.. cept that I am aware of them and they were not really the problem or should have been the real reason for the breakup.

Anyway,.... I was a loyal boyfriend to her, cept that I chatted with this other woman on a regular basis,...and we were just chat friends,.. but she couldn't understand that and allot of paranoia thoughts came with that, exclusivity issues etc....and became very insecure of herself and also of our relationship. So yes, I had to deal with some drama and it got to the point where I kind of told her a lie to get her to chill a bit, because I couldn't really understand why she became the way she was after everything was neatly talked over / explained. And she even had the opportunity to meet this other woman so she could diffuse the tension and see for herself. anyway the lie I told came to bite me back in my ass and was enough reason for her to decide that we needed a break.

thankfully we are still talking,.. but I can't tell her anything about how to deal with the prob or what the real issues are, because I would have to be a little blunt to make my point. ANd I am sure that that wont help the situation now.

the bad/good/bad/goood hahhaa still deciding,... so now woooow, when I see lovely woman I feel free and super good about myself,... all smiles again,....

Ohhhh fuck,... this whole fucking rant was supposed to be how my plants & cacti passion is on hold hahahaa,......

cant live with them,... cant without them.... how the hell did my folks keep it together...... hahaha

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Feelings of jealousy stem from fear of losing love.

Perhaps she has lost love in that way before, perhaps she has feelings of insecurity from low self opinion. Quite common these days.

Its good to hear your on a talking basis still, but lies really do hurt!

Not so much the lie itself but the loss of trust because of it.

If one lie is found can there also be others?

Can this person be trusted that this is the only lie & they will never lie again?

If you are sincere in your feelings for this girl, keep talking to her.

Tell her how you feel in all the deepest places of your heart for her.

Share everything! She wants to KNOW you!

Rebuild that trust by being open and honest, I am often far more honest than I think should be, but Id rather get my shit sorted upfront than waste my energy on a bed of lies.

Worship her with good feelings.

build up her self confidence,

and keep holding her hand and saying I love you!

:)

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Man that's hard.

If you are still talking she still loves you.

You just need to make it clear that you've slipped and it wasn't purposeful. Everyone makes mistakes and if you have been with her for 4 years she should understand that.

Tell her how you feel and how sorry you really are.

I know this sounds gay. But write a poem or something. Do something that you haven't done for a while. My partner loves it when I write her letters. The good thing about writing a letter is you can be so soft and feminine to make your point.

4 years is a long time to just throw away. I don't know your situation but if you love her you have to pursue.

It is hard to not be blunt sometimes but there is no shortcuts when it comes to renewing your trust with someone.

I hope some of that helps at least a little what I'm trying to say is you need to show her how much you care. I hope you are all good mate.

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I understand your situation.

I just broke up with my girlfriend 3 weeks ago, a few weeks before our 6 year anniversary (not trying to compete). My mother hands me a book to read; High Fidelity by Nick Hornby, and I must say, it is extremely appropriate and I can't put it down.

I wasn't overly sad about my breakup, more-so a mixture of being upset while excited for the future at the same time.

What you have described seems very similar to my own situation, and if you feel the need to talk, don't hesitate to send me a PM.

Take care.

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"""Chat friend"""

I can see her side of the story.

How long and how often where u chatting with this other chick?

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Hey Woof! Sorry to hear. I am pretty sure you´ll Two will get back together again, if that´s what you want. She´ll most likely understand your point of view at some point, if she doesn't fall in love with someone else at a certain point. Four years is a long Time and it´s normal, she´s kinda jealous. Actually, I would be surprised if she wasn't.

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"""Chat friend"""

I can see her side of the story.

no shit damn man bad form

i've been with my girl 8 yrs this april

maybe im just a jealous person but if she was chatting with another dude online i would NOT be happy

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I agree with Myco,, that would hurt just about anyone. If you really need to chat with the other girl, your ex girl may be under the impression you're thinking your relationship is not fulfilling enough? This other girl has your attention and why would she is what ur ex may be thinking. It's probably clear to you that ur just chatting,, but it's most likely also seen as flirting...

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relationships are complex & it's hard to have an insight into someone elses, but people keep saying about this trust thing.. from that little bit of info woof gave it seems to me the trust issue was there before he ever lied & perhaps it was originally unreasonable as she did not seem capable of discussing it. she would not believe that he was genuine in his feelings for her & that the friend he was chatting with was not a threat to their relationship. so she over reacted in her insecurity & perhaps made an issue out of it when there was no need if she had instead just allowed some clear communication to happen. of course it's complex, i can see why she would have felt threatened but i also think it's important to be open to discussing all things & striving to over come jealousy & to trust the person you are with.

my girlfriend has many friends that are male & i have many friends that are female. we both realize the fact that we are animals with billions of years of evolution driving our hormones can sometimes lead to certain politics that need to be worked through openly & with trust & love. we're only human & we're only animals & these issues are part of any long term relationship & always will be, unless you're so repressed you're in denial & if you ask me, thats no way to be in a relationship, especially if you want it last a lifetime & for you both to be happy throughout ... the important thing is to be honest & compassionate & loving & communicate with that as a bedrock. yes woof was dishonest but i can also see how she set herself up for it by not being open to compassionate open loving communication. it's complex but to be the best for yourself & for your partner you sometimes have to make your self vulnerable by trusting the person you love when emotions get heated.. boy/girl (boy/boy,girl/girl) things are a fact of life, that is one reason why compassion & trust are important in relationships. you're a hot blooded mammal & so is your partner, we shouldn't make the people we love repress natural impulses, we just need to communicate very clearly & cultivate enough self control & perspective on life to not break their hearts. if you really love each other it's worth it & it will give you the perspective on things that you need to not fuck things up & hurt the other person.

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no shit damn man bad form

i've been with my girl 8 yrs this april

maybe im just a jealous person but if she was chatting with another dude online i would NOT be happy

I guess it's on a case by case basis... I often hang with women and my misso doesn't mind, but then again were plant friends and she sees no threats... My misso will often hang with other guys who are her photographer mates... There both interests we can't quite fill for each other so it works for us... Maybe trust is the key to this?

Is your girl familiar with the type of chats your having? As cliche as it sounds, honesty is the best thing, hey the problem might have worked itself out 2yrs ago had it been spoken about..

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lol...I've been with my good woman for 24 years....just through the anniversary date....get less for manslaughter

FFS if you can't chat with another woman there is a problem, if your "tapping" another woman thats another issue.

When you love another so much, it is easy for jealousy to appear. I had a few issues as a younger lad, and have seen it manifest in many others over the years.

My Mrs just calls my female friends my "girlfriends"......but I am not "tapping" them lol...and as mentioned above

its usually based on common interests that my Mrs doesn't have.

Me and the Good Mrs WB are like chalk and cheese, the deadly duo....we have more differences than similarities

such is life.

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"Bad form"? "That would hurt just about anyone"? Really? I'm curious how do these relationships work, when you're not even allowed to talk to another girl? Do you guys only have male friends or something? Or are they not allowed either?

Not to get all hippy lets-talk-about-our-feelings, but jealousy is some poisonous shit. For everyone involved. You might think that it's just an inevitable expression of love, but it's not. It's not inevitable - as some comments on here demonstrate you can get by just fine without it. And jealousy really has nothing to do with "love" - it's about possession, about wanting to tell someone else what to do. "Treat others as you would wish to be treated" and all - and who wants to be treated like that?

If you want another perspective, try reading about compersion, sometimes defined as "the opposite of jealousy". It's often talked about by polyamorists who have to confront their feelings of jealousy, but there's no reason not to use the ideas in monogamous relationships as well. It's basically just what paradox was saying, about accepting that we're animals at heart, that we are going to want to look at and talk to and fuck other people, and whether we actually do any of those things or not, denying those desires to our partners and ourselves is unhealthy. You're trying to repress some fairly fundamental urges to socialise and procreate, and it leads to anxiety and frustration and anger, without actually removing any of those desires.

the bad/good/bad/goood hahhaa still deciding,... so now woooow, when I see lovely woman I feel free and super good about myself,... all smiles again,....

I reckon that if you can look at lovely women now and not feel guilty, or like you're doing something wrong, then this might be a good change. Love yourself! Then love of others follows naturally.

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think of how woof woof's plants and cactoose's feel.They really are the forgotten casualties of this war.

think of the children man. Putting a holding pattern on passion is unethical.

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Maybe woof had a glimmer in his eye when he spoke of her?

It's not just about talking to another, but the body language and enthusiasm when the other is spoken of,, if woof is already feeling free and super good about himself when he sees a lovely woman, then maybe it's time to move on and wolf's ex picked up on this behaviour?

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hey peeps,.... like what the responses.

Waterboy understands!!! Good man.

I like my wholesome intimate relationship with my woman. soft and relaxed personality most of the time.

the chat friend was more of a buddy. bubbly, upbeat into watersports etc.

2 different personalities and I love them both,... but I chose to stay loyal to 1 of them and not cross the line with the other.

anyway,... I am talking to my GF again and there is a glimmer of hope. We both needed this break, she needed it more then I did. We'll be going on a date this valentines day,.. hahaha,... I guess both of us didn't want to feel too miserable on that day when everything reminds you of being in love of with your partner. ;-)

This might explain me a bit,... my social life seems to be more online then any other place, I have always had correspondence with many different people, mainly woman,.... one of reasons is that it is probably because I work shifts,... never have the same days off, so I can hardly ever meet up with people on the weekends. Should I have off on the same days as my friends that doesn't fall on days that I am officially off, I can only stay for short periods and never really chill. ((my shift runs 6hrs On, 12hrs Off 6 days a week and then 2 days off.)), Only when I go surfing,.. it's usually just saying hi and superficially talk to the people I know,.... Most of my good friends are living overseas,....So chatting online is just so convenient, because I can do stuff around the house, clean/wash clothes, or do stuff with my plants etc and in between have a chat with someone.... and that is when I chatted most of the time.

I wouldn't mind if my gurl chatted with other guys as long as she was open about the people she chatted with. I was open about my chat friend. I guess it was fear of losing me..... and no amount of convincing in the world could convince her that it was just friendly chat. So I took measures and cut off communications with my friend. Trying to patch things up between us.

The only problem is now, that I don't want to be like a yoyo right now, by moving back in too soon again,.....so allot of soul searching and in the mean time we just date again, because both of us are thinking things over and putting it all in perspective.

I also find that my trust in her has been banged up a bit,.....and I don't know if I wan't to have to deal with these types of drama issues,...... but my other feelings are still strong,.... when I first wrote that I was ok, is because things did not sink in completely yet. I think she is realizing the same thing,.... she feels she has been more hurt then I am, so she isn't letting her guard down as easily. Hope I am not wrong,....

hehe,... I am really hoping the coming dates ends in a porno finish :D it's a matter of helping myself to stay sane hahahaha.

yes, I mean,... think about it,... Try again, or move on?,..... who likes to stay stuck in that limbo?? Better take care of the sexual needs while you think about it. :D

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You sound like a devo she needs to kick you to the kerb girlfriend ! *snap*

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Sooooo yes,.. today I found out again how confused of a woman she is, and that I have been way to patient.

She just fixates and bottles things up too much, then all that comes out is a blur of emotions. She fixates so much on the fact that I told a lie......while she isn't honest towards herself. So of course, she's the victim in all this! Anything I say makes her think worse case scenario,... she was already a little insecure, but not too bad,.... instead of facing her insecurities she chose to run away from them many times,.. and now she blames me for not having been honest, while I have been super patient. So FUCK all that drama!

One of the real victims here is the woman friend who I cut relations with, in order to try and get things to work out with miss drama queen, so as not to let it play on her insecurities. I have been way too nice. I am a nice person most of the time, and sacrificed allot of time and energy for love in those 3,5+ years.

So you know I think I could use a breather,..........I might hop over to the next island to visit that friend soon. Always wanted to explore the next door island,... maybe surf a little,.. go out, meet a few other friends I have over there. Hopefully I can time it with some good surf............ a mini surfari :D

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Its strange how emotional draining relationships can be.

And you always feel like the bad guy amirite?

Well that's how I feel...

Hells yeah get the heaven out of there. I recently stopped been intimate with this girl I have known for about a year now. And let me tell you what, there is such a weight off my shoulders. I feel like a new person, I have so much energy now.

Love is cool and everything but when it costs more than you receive to be in a relationship, its obviously not worth it.

That been said, it is hard to see the obvious when your in the moment, hindsight is a bitch aye.

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F*ckF*ckMD,...

,... my emotional state is a bit rollercoaster like right now,.... in the beginning it felt like I was FREEEE at last,... and then everything comes back to me again and see what has been lost. But I am starting to calm down. My relationship was not really emotionally draining. I am actually flabbergasted at how she took this all to heart when our relationship was actually doing quite good. We were really moving ahead together. I mean there were many signs of her insecurity along the way and there were moments when I though that she was not look at things in an entirely balanced way,.. looking more to one part of the coin in many of life's areas. The funny thing was it never really mattered what she thought, because when we were doing things together it was allot of fun. So yes,... flabbergasted.

Now,..I don't feel that anyone is to blame really. I don't blame her and I don't blame myself..... well sometimes the tendency is there to blame something,.. would make things much easier no,... but I realize all too well that we were both at fault here. Just hate it that she is not admitting her part in it too well. In denial I think. I also see that she is so far removed from realizing what part she played in all this that there is just no point in talking to her, because the moment I say something no matter how neutral, she plays the victims role.

For me it was more like,... "ok, lesson learned, not making that mistake again, water under the bridge, so lets get trucking again",... but she was really hurt to the point of feeling physically sickened by the whole ordeal. heavy stuff man.........

hehehe - here is a joke;

Q; What is that fleshy part around the vagina called?

A; "A woman!" ;-)

I'm processing what has happened and all of you are helping me a bunch. SO THX PEEPS!!!!! thank you for helping me reflect.

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Woof woof woof....

I talked to my girl last night and that flood of emotions came back. Just wanting to forget and forgive everything and rushing into her arms and tell her her silly I was, then anger at myself for wanting to go back, then anger at her for the inconsistent way she behaves.

And I dont usually get angry but here I was telling her to fuck off, I instantly regretted it and apologised. Then ironed up a little and tried to make her see my point of view, to make her see we are not much different.

However she needs someone to draw strength off and I'm really not that type of person,

Don't get me wrong I can make you strong, but only when you dont belong and

are in dire need of a strengthening song, but if your cursing,

and always wanting me to stop the hurting, please remember,

I am not Bender, without that Iron-Osmium Alloy

I am quite tender.

My girl is incredibly delicate within her mind. It was kind of like walking on eggshells been with her.

but it was fucking awesome while it lasted. A lot of fun times.

However, I just cant help but look into the future and me and her, we didnt have much of a future...

here's a joke you can probably find easily on the internet.

Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit?

A: The best ones squirt when you eat them
:D

Its true.

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Happy valentine eh, i told her the only person i want to be with today is her, where is she? Out with her cult group

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