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Change

guilty conscience

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Time heals all change

This relationship was toxic from the get go by the way you've slowly released more details about the situation. We here as a collective can only offer support to you change.

Unconditional support bro

no strings - you know, we didn't go to school together nor hang out behind the bike sheds puffing winnie darts.

That's why you asked for opinions/advice/support.

I'll say this, having lost mates (and i'm no spring chicken man) i gotta say that suicide is the shittest thing ANYONE can deal with. The family, loved ones, the partners - fucking carnage is left, the person offed themselves and what the fuck was gained.

Suicide is selfish.

Throw stones hippies, i don't care - i'm talking to change here.

A while back, some 15 years maybe, a very close friend was really going places. She had just finished her fine arts degree and was designing jewellery for the chain of stores called Dangerfield.

She couldn't keep up with demand but was happy flat out chasing her dream. Then one day, her bf decided "hey, i'm going to live in London, see ya"!

He left, she chased him to Britain but he told her to fuck off.

Dejected she came back to Oz. The passion for her work dwindled and she became a recluse. Ssri's, shrinks, interventions couldn't get her positive again.

After a coupe of weeks of no answers, her mum asked her brother to check up on her.

He found her hanging in the loft of her Fitzroy apartment.

Boom. All over.

Turns out the root of her poroblem was her over bearing and abusive father. He worked for the army training soldiers in the 'art' of mental mind tricks to infiltrate and gather surveillence. Yep , spy shit.

She grew up bent from day one and unfortunately she paid with her life.

No ones fault apart from her fathers.

This mortal coil we inhabit is a shitter mate.

What happened was not your fault mate, other's move in mysterious ways and (i assume you're in your 20's?), at such a young age how the fuck were you mean';t to be able to see the signs?

I mean really, at 20 something, i was still bumping off walls and couldn't tie my shoe strings together.

Seek some professional advice and please reassure yourself that whether it seems like it or not, people here at SAB really do care about others.

So sorry for your loss but i've lost alot of dear friends to Od's etc and believe me the pain never goes away but the eternal memory of a beautiful person never ever fucking leaves you.

peace

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Nice post. Another sad tale.

The links between suicide and suicidal thoughts pertaining to the use of SRI's / SSRI's is incredible indeed.

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Anyone who has lost someone to suicide would feel guilt I imagine. Whether or not their actions or inactions could have affected a different outcome. You don't know that, you can't ever know that. guilt is a normal emotional response and a part of the grief process. You are grieving, and it's never easy.

Maybe you could reach out to others who have lost someone to suicide, because you are absolutely not alone in your situation. There are support groups out there.

Also when enough is enough and you extract yourself out of harm's way, from someone who repeatedly hurts you... it's not about not caring. Allowing someone to abuse you is not actually beneficial to that person, in that regard I think you did what was right at the time, for the both of you. Of course things seem different in hindsight . While she could have used some help, you couldn't supply that help, it was some other help she needed.

If you can't stop feeling like you should have done more, then perhaps it would help now to talk or write about your experience to share with others, to highlight how wrong, and unnecessary a choice it is . There's a kind of reverence for people's suffering which goes to glorify suicide. Of course suicide is selfish and causes so much more pain and suffering that for some can never be healed.

It's a tabooish subject in the media for fear of inciting suicide but it could be beneficial if everyone was more aware of how common suicide is and how to seek help at the right time for ourselves and others

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You did nothing wrong change I'm sorry if I should have made that more clear. Not that there is a judgement to be made here.

I think your guilty conscience is not to do with your conduct but the fact that you have been really hurt by this and because of the nature of your relationship.

To let go of your guilt will not diminish the loss of this persons life. It's not callous of you to stop holding yourself accountable

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Jon lajoie said it best i think with his "not giving a f*ck" video.

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Ghosty, I don't think that's real constructive advice here mate. might be better in the funny youtube videos thread or something.

Change, that's fucking horrible man. So sorry to hear.

Everyone keeps saying how suicide is selfish & unnecessary, and yes, but there's another perspective too. Yes, it fucking sucks for the people left behind. But just think, if they'd been suffering from a terminal physical illness, with no chance of recovery, we'd be alot more likely to respect their choice to end their life. But because their suffering is mental, we don't always see how much they're hurting - from their perspective, it must seem like the suffering is unbearable & with no way out. And sometimes maybe they're wrong about that, and there is a way that they could escape their abusive relationships and heal their mental/emotional illnesses, but I don't know that this is always possible for everyone. So we don't have to like it, & we mightn't agree with their decision, but at the very least we can leave the guilt with those that actually deserve it - the abusive parents & spouses, and negligent doctors and other fuckers who drove them to suicide. If we take on their pain & suffering, we just become that much more likely to end up the same way, and the horror you feel now will be passed along to someone else... Let the cycle of suffering end here.

Guilt is only useful as far as it helps you make better choices in the future. So if feeling bad about a previous decision leads you to make a better one next time, then that's a constructive emotion. But if feeling bad about some past decisions prevents you from doing positive things right now, then that's poisonous. Grief doesn't pass overnight, you will feel bad, that's natural. But eventually you have to get back to living & being happy - you can't change the past so it literally is the only way to honour their memory, by moving forward.

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damn, sorry for your loss man. that must really hurt. I guess what I was going to say has already been said, you would be honouring her memory and yourself by taking care of yourself at this moment. going back to basics like eating and drinking, and breathing. the three necessitys that are fucked up 99% of the time (for me anyways) drink eat and breathe better is a lot to think about and once those three are right you have a fighting chance. speak to someone if you need to. no shame in speaking to a good counsellor or psychologist. someone neutral is always the best ime. sometimes its true in del the funky homosapiens words, crisis, precipitate............change.

edit.. I know this is kinda corny, but I really like what Eckhart Tolle has to say. From memory he has some really cool things to say about guilt and suffering, there would be plenty out there if you use the google. Ive no firm opinion on Tolle, he has collated some great things from various sources and expanded, but he presents them well. Just his writing style in a new earth chilled me the hell out when I was at my worst. thank fuk for that guy!!

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"Ghosty, I don't think that's real constructive advice here mate." If you say so =P

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Hey ghosty, sorry that was a bit abrupt, let me explain. I actually agree with the sentiment - people really do give way too many fucks, about all kinds of trivial things, but mostly about other people's opinions. And I think this leads to a whole heap of unnecessary anxiety about shit that either doesn't matter, or can't be changed anyway.

The problem is that this state of blissful non-fuck-giving can't easily be passed on to others - it's one of those things that people seem to have to learn for themselves. I've seen some people learn to give a few less fucks by learning from other peoples examples, but probably not from watching a YouTube comedy video.

So I guess given all that, and in the context of this thread, your comment struck me as kinda glib. I apologise if it was intended as real advice.

/tangent

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Thanks. I did make a response but took it down. It will fit in well when this thread gets to page 9-10 =)

At such point I may retype it.

I understand what your saying and where your at with this issue. Is OK. Bare in mind, I also type advice here that I need to read, for MY own good. Given that nobody can give ME better advise than ME, I use this as a method of dealing with some issues of my own that I must face.

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