mesq Posted May 4, 2004 *this is just random rambling* I feel nothing special, nothing sacred. I feel like nothing, like nobody... I realise I am utterly alone.. nobody can help me where I am... Completely lost, no focus...out of control... Need to find salvation, relaxation, destination... I'm in a void... I need to bury myself deep where I can rest...stop my life I need a break... Nobody really cares... nobody can understand. I have a hole deep inside...where I am supposed to be... A needy endless hole that cannot be filled... I don't even know how to fill it.. I can't talk about it... theres nothing to say just an eternal sadness that won't go away... Everything inside... melting away, disintegrating... Give me a sign that I am doing the right thing... but there are no signs...no nothing... just silence... I feel like shit. . I want out [ 04. May 2004, 13:48: Message edited by: Mesqualero ] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
planthelper Posted May 4, 2004 stay strong, the sadness and dark clouds will go away. i get nocked down, but i get up again, no body (including yourselfe!!) puts me down again. call life line, or pm me and we talk on the phone. "sending you my best healing vibes" i pm'ed u, ...it's the i can't talk about it, that scares me... [ 04. May 2004, 17:10: Message edited by: planthelper ] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Torsten Posted May 4, 2004 U just coming down after the weekend ? or is it something more substantial? You seem to have had a bit of a rough time the last few months and I really truely hope things will look up for you soon. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mesq Posted May 4, 2004 Part of it is just coming down from the weekend... and other stuff well... yeah... Thanks for your thoughts guys... umm yeah I just had to share it had to say it to someone...The reason I cant talk about it is yeah there really isnt anything to say... its not voiceable or rational or tangible in anyway.. umm yeah i guess this post is a bit of a release rather than a cry for help... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waterdragon Posted May 5, 2004 i can really relate to the lack of relaxation part. sometimes i wish i could stand aside from my tasks and just enjoy the passing of the seasons. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Being Posted May 5, 2004 er woops this post needn't be here sorry [ 05. May 2004, 06:36: Message edited by: Being ] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Being Posted May 5, 2004 any forum leaders passing by, would you mind deleting these er.. two accidental posts? thanks. [ 05. May 2004, 06:37: Message edited by: Being ] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Being Posted May 5, 2004 Do we not all posses this empty abyss? A part of all of us which resides mostly in the shadows, but surfaces most intensely when a renewal -a rebirth in our own life/structures is required -out of the ashes of the fires this mind state creates within us as we approach its core/meltdown. I don't know.. this is why i see depression as a potentially very positive healing experience if it is acknowledged and worked with constructively. And i see your poem as an attempt to do this. Takes a lot of courage tho, to face that profane lonely void. Safe journey, mesq.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gomaos Posted May 5, 2004 Actually I've been feeling much like mesq lately, and worse... this is not supposed to be a whinge but sharing... i feel like life is passing me by, actually as if my life is already over... I've had good times in the past yeah... but that's gone... I'm an old man rotting away waiting for death... most of my offspring are physically mature, there's just the one left... once he's ok I can pass on into the shadows hoping for a new life where I can experience happiness again... cause my present life has nothing to offer but boredom no more travels no more women no more happiness all that remains are drugs and even they don't work properly anymore... mesq you still got it ten times better then I have for you are young.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gerbil Posted May 5, 2004 "I can't talk about it... theres nothing to say" I understand to an extent mesq, i'm nearly exactly the same as what you wrote. Completely empty, isolated from everyone. I really do hope things pick up for you, it's a horrible feeling that no one should have to experience. do you have a dog? mine always cheers me up, can't go past a labrador One of my problems is that i can't completely open up to anyone anymore, because everyone is capable of hurting people, and no matter how much you know people, they can still do it to you. I never want to feel that pain again, everytime i open myself up and trust someone, i get ripped apart mentally, eventually, and i can't take any more of it, it hurts too much. sorry, this was just a little vent aswell, i can't even begin to communicate what i want, as you said, there is nothing to say, no words for it. and gom....i reckon you're a fantastic person, really switched on about ideals for this world, and how people should be treated. I don't know you extremely well, but from what i do, we're all very fortunate to have you around...that goes for everyone else around here too! This interest, and little community is what keeps me going. [ 05. May 2004, 12:41: Message edited by: gerbil ] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Torsten Posted May 5, 2004 Hey gom, I know Oscar means the world to you and your life revolves around him 24/7 and that is a good thing. However, once he has grown up why would you not want to do a bit of travelling, meeting women and having some fun. It is qite obvious that this isn't possible or at least very limited at the moment and such is the responsibility of parenthood, but that doesn't mean your life is over. My dad (for better or worse) got himself a life at nearly 60. It caused him all sort of trouble and ended a few years later in debilitating helth conditions, but if it wasn't for those he would still be enjoying himself. In fact despite those limitations he is enjoying himself. Whether you break the shackles of a domineering relationship or the restrictions of parenthood makes little difference. Many people have another go at 50 or 60. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chemical Shaman Posted May 6, 2004 I feel nothing special, nothing sacred. I feel like nothing, like nobody... I realise I am utterly alone.. nobody can help me where I am... You need some ketamine. Completely lost, no focus...out of control... Need to find salvation, relaxation, destination... I'm in a void... I need to bury myself deep where I can rest...stop my life I need a break... Ketamine's a good place to rest. You need some ketamine. Nobody really cares... nobody can understand. ketamine cares and ketamine understands. I have a hole deep inside...where I am supposed to be... A needy endless hole that cannot be filled... I don't even know how to fill it.. Ketamine can fill that hole. I can't talk about it... theres nothing to say Ketamine's a good listener. Good company too! just an eternal sadness that won't go away... Everything inside... melting away, disintegrating... get youself some ketamine. Read the poem out to your doctor and see if he'll prescribe some. Seriously ketamine is the answer here. -Chemical Shaman [ 06. May 2004, 17:36: Message edited by: Chemical Shaman ] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica Posted May 7, 2004 Chemical Shamans Boot Camb, wilderness therapy program for troubled adults and teens of all ages. For over a decade Chemical Shaman has helped thousands of adults and teenagers and their families find a new beginning. Adults and teens are exposed to an environment where drugs, violence, sex, money and peer pressure are an ever present force at boot camp. Todays adults and teens are more protected and sheltered from the consequences of their behavior than ever before. So to answer the demands for today’s adults and youth, Chemical Shaman has developed a program that will help them put life in perspective and to deal with the issues and problems that currently govern their existence. Chemical Shaman has proven to be instrumental in helping thousands of troubled adults and teenagers gain a new perspective on life while achieving things they never thought possible. Most important, his mission is to help find some solutions to the crisis with Ketamine therapy. If his program does not meet the needs of every body, he will recommend other treatment options such as Chemical Shamans ketamine Medicine ball therapy or if you are really messed up you could try chemical shamans sex therapy. Its just amazing where he can put a meicine ball. So dont mess around, come and see Chemical Shaman now for a free consultation. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mescalito Posted May 7, 2004 So...who's using who's login 'Tis the time for the death of the old ways. A time for reconciliation. A time of evolving darkness and conspiracy. Give in to the darkness. The predecessor of light. And fear not the demon that is winter. For within it's depths lie. Unspeakable truths. Or Ketamine. [ 07. May 2004, 03:11: Message edited by: mescalito ] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
reshroomED Posted May 7, 2004 How about a schedule? Can't be more than my current doc's charging and sounds like a shit-load more fun. Are referrals required? ed Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
