Nothing is fun anymore :(

[PsillyBean]

Hey BT,

I empathise with you and hope you don't mind me referring my own situation which by the sounds of it is very similar. I have found the usual of changing my diet, exercising and periodically staying away from my biggest abuses/desires/habits has really helped ( much like riggers example). The key word that's helping most though, is balance, and I am not referring purely to substance use. Everything!

Instead of meditation ( which is great but I find little time for) I have moved to breathe holding and controlled breathing which is easy to use most of the time......I know this sounds strange but it has really helped and Is like meditation in many ways.

Found the idea from watching a few of this guys you tube interviews.

http://www.breatheology.com/

Fun! I hope you make it happen again soon.

[Bush Turkey]

Thanks all your input is really helpful.

I tried some meditation last night. I just sat there listening to shaman icaros. I don't really know what I'm doing. I find it very hard to shut off my mind.

Ive been watching some videos on meditation and it is helping me learn. Though my irregular heart beat distracts me a lot. Everytime i breathe in deep, there is a big space between beats followed by a big one which i can feel throughout my body. It sets off a panic attack

I exercise every day. Be it slacklining, skating or jogging

Ive been having some green smoothies and turmeric golden tea. About half an hour after i drink a green smoothie, i feel really good!!! It lasts for about 2 hours. Its almost euphoric.

This has convinced me i need to change my diet but i just don't know where to start. I would like to drink more water but the idea of drinking recycled sewage is off putting.

I really don't know how to have a balanced, healthy diet. Is there a diet guide anyone can recommend?

I really need to stop drinking so much choc milk (2 litres a day). Is there any healthier versions? Like almond choc milk?

With my erb intake. I really have to stay completely away from it. Im a all or nothing person when it comes to the erb. I don't enjoy erb when my tolerance is low. I have to built my tolerance to enjoy it. This means being high all the time. I think its best i stay away from it all together for the time being

So yeah. They main thing i need help with is my diet

Thanks again all! You really are a bunch of lovely people

Edited July 7, 2014 by Bush Turkey

[tipz]

Your on the right track with your mode of thinking BT. It's Often those that find meditation the hardest at the beginning that stand to gain the most from it.

There are some pretty knowledgeable and helpful people on here in regards to diet and I'm sure you'll get some good advice. I have before.

Keep drinking green smoothies. That euphoria is your body telling you it's loving that shit :D

[DiscoStu]

I tried some meditation last night. I just sat there listening to shaman icaros. I don't really know what I'm doing. I find it very hard to shut off my mind.

Ive been watching some videos on meditation and it is helping me learn. Though my irregular heart beat distracts me a lot. Everytime i breathe in deep, there is a big space between beats followed by a big one which i can feel throughout my body. It sets off a panic attack

It's Often those that find meditation the hardest at the beginning that stand to gain the most from it.

yep, your undoing will be to expect anything from it, thats the western way, to expect certain results from actions, you need to change that

[DiscoStu]

Is there a diet guide anyone can recommend?

the only diet i can recommend is to cut out refined sugar. for you i can see you're consuming a lot.

just quit it

flat out quit it. employ your new found discipline in meditation to controlling your urges for sugar, don't eat any artificial sources of sugar (they'll contain other chemicals colourings etc)

once you start eating fruit and vegeatables and cut out artificial sugars you'll realise how deliciously sweet plant products are, they mostly all have complex sugars in them (brocoli is sweet to me), and you'll find after a while bought sugary foods are a little bit gross (too sweet)

discipline is what you need, now is your time. you can decide to quit your previous life that was causing you trouble or you can just keep going down your current path until you die.

it's up to you.

[doxneed2c-me]

I know mental issues seem like the worlds end at times but it is important you keep busy. Also be grateful you are in good health for those who are in bad health have the unfortunate circumstance that they often face mental illness but they cannot change that they are physically ill. A clean bill of physical health is the most beautiful gift you can ever have and it is only when you lose it do you realize it's importance. It is no fun to sit in hospitals for hours waiting to hear you are still sick. Please cherish what you have for there are others who would give anything for an hour of not being subjected to tests and feeling ill.

[bℓσωηG]

I would like to drink more water but the idea of drinking recycled sewage is off putting.

get a water distiller , man i would if i had electicity to do so.. then you can add a pinch of pink himalayan rock salt for the goodies.

Edited July 8, 2014 by bℓσωηG

[Bush Turkey]

Thanks blowng! I will look into it

[Dreamwalker.]

www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=mr-CL8z32Jo

Edited February 25, 2015 by Dreamwalker.

[Fenris]

I found that some vitamine D helped me get through the winters, I try to take 5000 IU daily. It doesnt completely stop the depressive mood swings but it certainly helps. Also taking some mucuna helps me, and some high intensity exercise, a game of basketball seems to clear out a lot of negativity.

Some cubes are good to stop the mood spiralling downward, not too much though, a nice quarter dose works wonders.

[mutant]

hey dude keep it up!

I seem to agree with some people that admire the anti-depressant qualities of psylocybin...

I am not really sure about when though.... not daily as was mentioned...

sure depends on history, long and short, and tolerance likewise

threshold/mid doses at afternoonnight, bring out serious afterglow

even a proper dose could be arranged, where, these legal, with 2 week afterglow period of motivation, but IMO the preparation, would be more important and hard to define than the "psilocybin method"

I also thought of another thing,

amanita muscaria... IMO generally relaxed and generally appetite regulating , as long as you dont go up high at the dosage....

amanitas,until you climb up to the mid doses, is not even noticable: mini doses are tonic, and can be used as a natural taste enhancer in cooking , mid doses are euphoric/social, with all the intermediate dosing possible, up to the point where your are flirting with dissosiation, which might actually be dangerous to do alone...

amanita could be free and a great tonic and possible anti-depressant... its not really noticable up until you get to what I call mid doses...

[☽Ţ ҉ĥϋηϠ₡яღ☯ॐ€ðяئॐ♡Pϟiℓℴϟℴ]

Sounds like old age mate! also get off the tap water, its full of nasties that affect health of mind and body , .. Zoloft ? that would be a no no

I have major depression ,ridiculous anxiety and a complete fuckness of a life but i fight it , i keep working ,keep maintaining some sort of health, and i refuse to let it ruin my future , of course i do slip occasionally and do stupid things but i no longer beat myself up when i let this happen .

Make a list of all the possible things that could make you experience happiness and fulfillment and then proceed to achieve them!

priceless! , cdn put it better than that, on exact! same path here since...

10 years of pummeling their pills to be told i was misdiagnosed or "cured" to an "incurable" thing , which ended up being some crap in a merck book to sell crappy poison pills ...

*sends hugs and bliss wishes, ... I forgot how to laugh once as well as feel good... for about 10 yrs ....

it came back in full force though eventually

from what i gather and research... psilo is well known to be as powerful as: "efficacy with a single dose" for fixing those things

but seems to me like an opportunity for change...-maker

Edited July 10, 2014 by ☽Ţ ҉ĥϋηϠ₡яღ☯ॐ€ðяئॐ♡Pϟiℓℴϟℴ

[☽Ţ ҉ĥϋηϠ₡яღ☯ॐ€ðяئॐ♡Pϟiℓℴϟℴ]

the only diet i can recommend is to cut out refined sugar. for you i can see you're consuming a lot.

just quit it

flat out quit it. employ your new found discipline in meditation to controlling your urges for sugar, don't eat any artificial sources of sugar (they'll contain other chemicals colourings etc)

once you start eating fruit and vegeatables and cut out artificial sugars you'll realise how deliciously sweet plant products are, they mostly all have complex sugars in them (brocoli is sweet to me), and you'll find after a while bought sugary foods are a little bit gross (too sweet)

discipline is what you need, now is your time. you can decide to quit your previous life that was causing you trouble or you can just keep going down your current path until you die.

it's up to you.

i swapped sugar for honey ;)

processed sugars are apparently contributing to my terbo head(fuck)aches and I'm sure cutting it out has contributed to what the wavys did

I read they're responsible for all manner of fucks detrimental to the body and mind

Edited July 10, 2014 by ☽Ţ ҉ĥϋηϠ₡яღ☯ॐ€ðяئॐ♡Pϟiℓℴϟℴ

[nut]

BT I totally relate to how your feeling,I've had depression and anxiety issues my whole life and around 21 had an experience that caused me to spiral into the worst of PTSD.ive had responses like you did with your doctor and it makes me so angry everytime I hear this.NO anti dep has ever helped my depression in fact generally they just made me worse and gave me all kinds of fucked up side effects.i will never touch another again,besides I've literally been put on just about every type that there is.i remember one psych had me on five different substances at once,I said I wanted off them all ,she totally disagreed and belittled my ability to decide for myself what I thought was best for myself,if that makes sense.in the end I told her to fuck off and packed my bags and went and lived in an unpowered tent site in exmouth and 3 months later came back free of all of it,it ended up being one of the great adventures of my life so far.point is that for me life changes have been the most useful medicine,the problem is it's such a hard thing to do when your super depressed and anxious about everything.i also always feel somewhat depressed in winter,as has just been happening.im solar powered I think,all my major sports are water sports,kitesurfing,scuba,sport fishing etc.all of which I do way less in winter.i have to force myself to do other forms of exercise in winter.for me the massive loss of motivation is what gets to me.im a bit like you when not feeling depressed I can't sit still and I can't sleep at night cause I'm so excited by all sorts of stuff that I can't stop thinking!!and it's because I'm friking happy.i get insomnia cause I'm happy,it's bizarre.anyway mate excuse the ramble but I know the feeling you describe.i gave up weed after 16 years of daily,that can really make life hard for a few months.in the end it helped in many ways from reduced anxiety to increased motivation.Dreaming again really bothered me for ages as I felt I couldn't get a solid sleep.i just got screwed over by a girl big time last week so that really gave me an extra sweet dose of the downers.so inconclusion mate I reckon your onto a winner with your high quality dietary intake,trying to maintain all kinds of activity and talking to people like you have done here,talking about this stuff has been super helpful for me in the past. Just be careful who you confide in some people have no empathy for stuff like this.i love the corroberee so friking much,there are so many great people here.even when I've been super depressed I still get on to the corrob,it's my favourite online family!and be nice to yourself BT!Anyway I'm off to hang out with another girl tonight ,dunno if it's a good idea but they are just so damn addictive!!!

[mutant]

question: Zoloft are supposed to work wonders on some occasions, and they CAN help someone while doing psychotherapy or other work with self.

I have seen Zoloft being really effective... if its not, then why keep taking it?

[Zen Peddler]

Some thoughts that I have:

I know someone that was extremely big user of weed for 12 years. When that person quit they experienced extreme anxiety that froze the person up completely to the point if creating a lind of anxious depression. This person ended up on an SSRI and it made the person feel 'the best they had on years'. Before smoking weed and during the 12 year habit the person never experienced mental health issues of any kind. I guess its like DTs or something. Sudden lack of cannabinoid receptor stimulation I guess.

occasionally when I get a bad flare up of an autoimmune condition I have my mood is also effected and I find nothing interesting or motivating in any way. Over time I've realized for me this is a dopamine depression that caffeine, pseudoephedrine and rhodiola can remedy. Thankfully it doesn't last long - maybe a few days but my rhurmatologist said its common in autoimmunity. Just a thought

Edited July 11, 2014 by Zen Peddler

[Meditator]

The 6th patriarch of zen said that in his zen that pranja is jhana and jhana is prajna. And ive heard many experienced meditators say that to say that wisdom and meditation are one.

But a better understanding is they are one and two, two and one. Neither one, or two alone. Meditation without wisdom is actually quite a humourus thought when you think about it

Prajna is wisdom, jhana is meditation. Jhanas are like states of experience during meditation. In zen they are more interested in realization through experiences of kensho and satori. In zen they are less interested in attainment of samadhi or entering the first jhana.

Zen method is something else. Calling zazen (the practice) meditation is from my understanding wrong. Meditation is a result of the practice.

In zen there is no goal per se, zen just becomes realized with proper zen practice.

If you were to pick a style of meditation, i would reccomend you give zen a shot. Practicing zazen for a peroid of like 2 weeks can show you a lot. And if you want to blow your head off attempting koan practice then haha try that.

Zen seems less mystical and more about reality if you ask me. I like the thought of that, and thats why i like zazen practice.

Read shunryu suzuki: beginners mind. Its on youtube as an audio book. So listen to it. The actually information on the zen term begginers mind (shoshin) broke me through a huge barrier i was having in meditation. It gave me kensho.. Or insight into the nature of my mind.

Good luck if you go ahead and try this.

Edited July 13, 2014 by Meditator

[Meditator]

Dude try taking cold showers to. Honestly.

[compost]

hi bush turkey..

knowing where to begin to change your diet is definitely not simple.. but it should be..

you might be interested in a book called 'nourishing traditions' by sally fallon..

check out making 'bone broths'.. they're all the rage.. cheap to make and nutritious as hell.. find the best organic butcher and ask for a couple kilos of bones.. make soups..

fermented foods ie. sauerkraut and brined veges are worth looking at.. make them yourself ..they really are just freakin delicious and can open you up to the microbial world which determines gut health, which in turn affects our overall wellbeing..

like ron burgandy says, milk was a bad choice.. but i love it, and try to buy the unhomogenised organic stuff, cos drinking raw milk would be illegal.. maybe try maca powder as an alternative to chocolate..

and we forked out for a nikken water filter.. water becomes drinkable again.. and now a cold press juicer for veg juice. neither of these are cheap, but hey, what is the value of our health??

maybe try find a good tcm/herbalist/nutritionist something rather and forget that pharmaceutical shit.. sorry if I shouldnt be saying that!

all the best!

[DiscoStu]

Dude try taking cold showers to. Honestly.

yep, turn off your heater as well

it's hard to be depressed when you're freezing your arse off

[Bush Turkey]

could an Iron deficiency be affecting my mood as well? I was really low in Iron. The doc said i was 13 (in whatever they measure it in) and i should be up around the 30 mark.

Im scared to come off Zoloft because I've been on it for so long. The worst side affect Zoloft has on me is getting hardly any enjoyment from sex.

When i miss just one day of Zoloft, It really makes me feel like shit. I hate to rely on drugs though so i will change my GP's till i can find an open minded one. Well i may have already found one. He talks a lot about amino acids and the likes and isn't a fan of Zoloft. He tells me to increase my tryptophan intake with warm milk and malt drinks.

I think i need some guided meditation to get me on my way with that. I just can't sit still if i don't have to. I can never get truly comfy. My OCD makes me uncomfortable because when i sit, i have to have even pressure on my body. Like clothes are uncomfortable when they don't sit symmetrical on my body. Very hard to explain

[Meditator]

The secrets of meditation are learnt through experience. And knowing the mind. Knowing how to be the one driving the experience instead of being pulled into a boring experience.

There are numerous methods and philosophies about it.. And a whole lot to be learnt from it.

Just learn to point your experience in the direction of the goal you want to attain would be my first tip for a beginner.

To point your experience is a learning process.

Understand what i mean though.. Catch my drift as if the voice in your head knew exactly what it meant. That in itself is a form of pointing your experience in a direction.

Learning to will and let yourself relax is another good one (by that i mean the first is a sort of mental understanding as i gave above). Trusting in yourself, that you already have the ability to relax and let yourself be without strain is another. You know it is needed for the experience to be total. Learn to let go of not trusting in your ability.

If you can learn to let go of what is not needed, you will sharpen your mind, and sharpen your awareness. If you sharpen a pencil more often whilst drawing you will be able to draw sharper, thinner, and more defined lines making a more exact picture. But you can waste time and sharpen the pencil with every 2 lines. Although some might say its not a waste though. Others will say thats foolish.

Once the artist is balanced though, he knows how he can work his passion into his art.

If it takes a decade to draw a goldfish though... You are a fool. Or mad. So therefor i say genius. Seeing what others cannot. Haha if you cherish the goldfish the fools are the ones wasting their energy calling you a fool making themselves negative. The bright ones are the ones who get it and laugh with true delight at it and find the goldfish to be a golden idea. They are the ones who know the artist. And dont need to have his art explained to him.

Resistance is pretty much always an experience you can learn from. In general. In breathing. In meditation. In resistance.

If you're resisting resistance your trying to extinguish flame with flamethrower.

Ohh and if you are worried about the sexual problems, ive found relaxation can turn into a sexual experience. The experience for me is less about physical experience though and more about your consciousness becoming feminine and intimate with the body. It can be healing. Also magnesium ^^ that helps deep relaxation.

Ive found my own sort of zen.. While youre still on the brainwave from the last paragraph, think about this for a while if you care to pick up some of my crazy.. Sometimes you need to loose your mind to find it.

Find what you will in my words.

The orgasm isnt the point.

The orgasm isnt the point, but it can be.

But the orgasm isnt the point... Not for me.

Not for me atleast. Atmost i say there is hidden intimacy in the experience. That is the essence that i find most reason in.

Sex? Get your head out of the gutter(boy). Im talking of experience in general you fool. Foolish are the hooligans loose in your head. Although i guess i lead you on with the orgasm.. Were talking about meditation here for goodness sake.

If you can catch my drift. The first line "the orgasm isnt the point".

But to some it is and for some it is and that may be why they lack the other.

By the way i dont think ive written a single line of poetry in my life before this post. You see what happens when you play with your mind? Its not (it is) a toy.. Its a tool. I wrote all of that just now. Well just before.. Which was only a couple moments ago. Well.. I "came across" with the koanlikezenmadhatterriddle thing of a thought mind find "the orgasm isnt the point" a while ago.. Befriend the mad hatter if youre bored.. Just keep your witts about you. and if the orgasm is your point.. Stop pointing.. Thats just one point. Dont rush.. Right now you're missing the orgasm.. That is if you're not orgasming already? Im sure you feel it though.. Or..Maybe you dont even know you are orgasming. Maybe try breathing slow and deeply for a bit.. No really... Did it feel good? That goodness held the thought of the orgasm we are speaking of. That goodness is only a thought itself though. Experience the thinking of the thinker who is orgasming if you can. You may not be the thinker of the thought. So therefor not the direct orgasmer.

oh.. if you did not orgasm though.. You have some work to do. Think about it.

Sometimes i orgasm to my own insanity for shits and giggles. Im generally happy. Sometimes ecstatic.

I dont blame you if you only read this once.. Or not at all actually. But i honestly hope you got a (the) good shit giggle out of it. That way you know youve learnt something. And i feel for you this may be very valuable. Still, if i were to think of myself as some kind of master and you a honest person trying to find understanding and insight into orgasm.. So that you may harness and learn the secret to the ultimate next level of orgasming.. Id whisper in your ear "you are noble in your pursuit youngster.. But in my experience.. The orgasm isnt the point.. Your blowing your air to the wrong fire.. I wish you well, im like 200.. Go away im gonna die now"

Your stuck mind causes suffering friend. Let flow. Ice if left alone melts and drips back to earth and ocean as water. Your grasping onto thoughts of how do i do this take away from the doing of that moment of just being. begginers mind. No mind.

People say find your balance. But there i see ice. Better yet, find your chaos. Knowing chaos you know balance with a differant perspective. A more valuable perspective.

Like orgasming sexually (chaos) to cuddling with your wife in the afterglow.. Cherishing the moment knowing this is how you want to live and why you love (your balance)

All in the realm of thought. I grasp at my insanity trying to find a way into my sane. Gotta admit ive found quite a bit. Goodluck if you wish to enter the realm of the heady. The voices in my head taught me that the intelligence of humour is..

And yes i love sativa.

No im not high.

Seriously if you read this whole thing only once youre probably going to think i need help. Let go of that thought and read again if so. And trust me you will learn. But if you dont you wont.. Because the learning comes through experience. Im just trying to give you the experience.

Its up to you to catch the drift and make use of the tool. If a drift is a whisp of wind (in elemental knowledge the element of wind is thought(mental) energy.. So this pun is deeper than simple foolish insane talk, the whisp of wind is a thought) or multiple whisps of wind, let your mind be like water and become both the water and the boat. Balance. Both the sail and the wind. Balance. Both the sailor and the sea.... Passion

Dont repress anything.. And you may cry.. You may orgasm.. You may rethink your entire life with the single experience you gain in those moments of observation of your experience. But im not typing this to give you your mid life crysis (unless your already having it). Im here to give you the realization that meditation is about learning to know your experience and yourself honestly in every moment.

You are deluded if you think ignorance is bliss. Bliss is knowing your experience intimately. Bliss is knowing that the intimacey is not the orgasm but the moment is. Bliss is in every moment. Grasping at either bliss or intimacey is.. Grasping at wind. Your hands are useless. But you can sail the sea with your boat. The master sailor knows how to steer the boat.. Maybe what you really need to be doing is getting to know the sailor.. Maybe you are misunderstanding him.. And his bliss.

I hope you find your passion. Writting this i ignited mine in hopes of the flames warmth being felt by you. If youve been catching my drift you will know exactly what i mean. If not.. As i said, you should probably re-read atleast some of this. Wherever you feel the most warmth, heat or even the flicker of the same flame manifesting in your heart as if you were creating these thoughts with the same passion. Subtle is the flicker of the fire, a small whisp of wind to strong can make a sharp whip of air. The air can extinguish, but the flame going out is where the effect is felt. Subtle, still it makes sound. With ears to listen and a heart to feel.. You will understand the subtle orgasm. Thats where its at. Kind of stereotypical if you understand it really hahaha. But hey theres a lesson within the lesson. Dont cling to the flame the wind the flicker the moment or the idea of getting the bliss of that specific subtle orgasm. It takes away from the nowgasm.

I hope ive shifted your perception atleast some.. Kinda like some zen sufi mind trick. If you fully understood everything i just gave you, zen sufi mind trick actually sounds pretty accurate. And badass. Sufis use stories to alter perception just like i am now to you. And if you havent noticed it GO BACK AND RE-READ. You must be a a serious thickhead as they say if youve missed it. Serious thickhead.

Moving on.

Hey.. Sometimes being a badass and then becoming lame causes people to go into depression. Happened to me. Maybe you use to be a badass and subconscioussly miss that(probably not since you have a turkey as your profile picture though.. Call it picture profiling... xD oh god.. Lil wayne.. YKnow... Oh god if youve never seen the vine on youtube you wont understand but i just had an insane gigglegasm at that omg i must sound like an idiot.. I just had to say something. It proves that i really do orgasm to my own insanity for shits and giggles with honest delight). Search the back of your mind, the lacking feeling you have may seem elusive and following it back to its origin may be really hard (thinking backwards can become discursive, so be aware of that if you choose to go back) but hey.. You have to be passionate about yourself and self love to truely love thyself with passion. If you dont love yourself with passion you have a problem, its a kind of sexual relativity mental block. By love yourself with passion i mean you feel the passion of honesty when you feel your self love. Its not sexual.. But it can be. Just like the orgasm. And infact you may benefit from doing just that. Understand what i mean when i say sexual relativity mental block. Passion and sex with self love is like becoming the women loving thyself. It sounds wrong. Thats the wrong understanding completely. Shifting understanding is shifting perception. Maybe you need to shift some belief.. Open the curtains to let the sunshine in your home if you will.

Ok its 4 am and i need sleep because im starting a course tomorrow.. Im going to sleep... Lol picture profiling.. That made my morning.. Writting this did but that was the cherry on the pie the joker dares to throw in the face of normal logic and reason. And he comes out right.

Part of the whole long knowledge encrypted psycho-babble and passion understanding i just gave is about thinking patterns by the way. Speed and frequency in feeling is one aspect. The mad hatter is fast aloof and happy in his chaos dancing on the dead finding hilarity in your disgust of automatic misunderstanding of what the dead means. The sailor is slower, more self mature. A man who knows thyself and the back of his hand. He needs no speed and can be adrift with the winds at any speed. The sailor's bliss is differant from the mad hatter's bliss though.. Insight into that can give you some very meaningful insight into aspects of yourself and that is part of what im hoping to give you. If you were a badass, re-ignite that passion and go kick some ass maybe? When you come back, just passionately sit in your refound badassness. With a shotgun. Smoking. A pipe. Like yeah. Im a badass. And just reflect on that for a while. Depression gone. Yeah maybe ive been talking too much about wind and water.. Lack of fire is usually what causes depression. Although imbalance in the flow of water causes sexual issues.

Balance water and fire.. Sailor and badass. You dont need the mad hatter, he's just the opener to the idea.

Doctor mad hatter suggests balancing sailor and badass. And that i get some sleep.

Ok goodnight everyone.

EDIT: If you want to re-read this, i would suggest you read it slower.

And heres something more. When you slow down you can become more intimate with the experience. More familiar. Same goes with breathing.

Let your your breathing become slow and intimate. There is masculine knowledge in the embracing of feminine. You afraid of being called a girl? Even androgynous? Afraid of trannies? Judgemental prick.. Haha ok step back. I judge trannies... Everyone does.

Understand....

To embrace your feminine qualities you have to be in balance with your masculine qualities. Total balance makes an intelligent being. An intelligent man. Fear of the feminine embrace and siding with fire and your lower masculine qualities will make you a total fool. A dangerous fearful fool. One that doesnt understand nurture and probably hates his parents and drinks and smokes without self care. Drugs and worse.

I wish i could teach that fool self care. But just like everyone you gotta start with yourself. Compassion may help the depressed. That was a general statement by the way. Ever hear of metta meditation? Loving kindness meditation? Maybe there is a dangerous fearful fool inside of you that just needs some given compassion to gain insight into his problem and love himself on a level. Even from yourself.

"Why do you not love yourself you fool?" ask the dangerous fearful fool after he realizes his insight, and he might say "I never saw or felt or could understand my mother and her love.. Or my father. I thought they hated me and were trying to control me for their own benefit and satisfaction. I wouldnt let them win this delusional war.. but neither did I. I rebelled and ended up on drugs enevtually on alcohol and meth till i burned myself out and my wallet.. Then i went to heroin for 5 years and just now ive met you.. And i feel ive met my true self now through you. Your love to me felt like me loving myself on a level ive never loved myself. It went back to my childhood, my mum and dad. I feel truer to myself because now i know these things and can understand that ive been delusionally lying to myself all along with my misunderstanding of things. Thank you for waking me up, you have opened my perspectice totally" his candle was lit and he could see with the light.

Misunderstanding and wrong views and out of place perspectives and looking at sexual relativity to your mental block with passion in loving yourself. If you can get those out of the way, your heart will be able to let the love bliss of you just appear. Accepting the sexual nature of reality and gaining insight into it and EMBRACING it is taking steps further. That step left depression a few steps behind.. dead.. Humour is very sexual. I can explain if you'd like. You will gain insight undoubtedly from it.. Its very simple i wrote it out a while ago.

Its a quarter to 6 in the morning... If i dont sleep.. Everyone at TAFE is going to meet the mad hatter himself... Im going to drink some coffee and go to bed. Im done.

Good morning.

Edited July 13, 2014 by Meditator

[someone]

Nutrient deficiency can cause some depression but i do not think it would be as bad as the way you are describing your symptoms.

If you want to get off zoloft do not go cold turkey! Ssri withdrawls can be minor to extremely severe. To be safe slowly reduce your dose until you are completely off. But if you feel you need an anti depressant to keep baseline maybe you can switch to a snri. They are said to be less severe than ssri's but I have very little trust in the psychological field especially after the release of the dsm v.

[mutant]

If you want to get off zoloft do not go cold turkey! Ssri withdrawls can be minor to extremely severe.

from what I know coming off ZOloft or any such SSRI would be done only under instructions by the relevant doctor who knows the patients history...

done of course slowly.... from what I unerstand, people who are improving while on their SSRIs will be possible candidates to quit it.. THere also people who are "well" on it for years and years, without therapy... people who wouldnt wuit it anywayz (like the chronic anxious benzo taker would never quite 'em)

I consider it acceptable when it works and obviously for severe cases of clinical depression, when real therapy have no guaranteed success...

I know of one (mild) occasion of "anxiety/ocd/depression neurosis", but the dude only took the drugs (ZOloft and some benzos at the begining of the therapy) while doing therapy to modify his behaviour, and he came off it (the SSRI) after some 3 years of use/therapy .

he is not without problems now, but he certainly modified several parts of his problematic self during that period...

*****

hey bush, I hear ocd, I hear depression... have you ever done any psychotherapy of any kind? I mean getting down to why the fuck you have these problems?

have you ever done psychedelics with that perspective? (that of self-psychoanalysis or even better for an OCDer, guided by a friend through the journey to find some answers, better be with a friend with knowledge of your troubles and some shit... (tracking down the source, when there's a "?" in the picture)

sometimes getting to the source (initial trigger) of the problem can be helpful as you can work it up from there, as soon as you realise it consciously. .

sometimes (another trend of psychotherapy) experts claim its better to try to modify the behaviour without getting too deep in to the why's , the source and all...

depends on history and person specifics...

so its of some importance if the problems preceeded the pot and other drug use

or if that problems came tirggered by the use, following a period of abuse

My instict tells me you might be helped by tracking the possible source of the ocd (fear, control freak stuff, obsessive stuff that are a problem living a normal life etc) and od the depression (traumatic event? , continious events of less traumatic stuff which went on for lots of time , etc)

how old are you?

PS:

I could try to interpret your astrology natal chart, if you shot me with a few good questions, it might be interesting for you, I would do an analysis of your character and character implications and problems only by you giving me birth info and shooting me with some good questions....

I am not an astrologer and I have never done psychotherapy, so techically I am not ethically allowed to so suggetsions.. what I am focusing in my astrology project though, is analysis.... I know I am a bad teacher and bad "therapist" because of my personality, endless projections and violent verbal style.

But I know that for some of the same reasons and much of others, I am pretty good in analysis..

I just need to know where to look in the chart, and for what, so I need a couple decent questions about what I am looking for....

F.e. if you got a problem, depressions or whatever, I might spot possible locations in the chart that indicate problems... I can see in what domain of life (astrology house) the problem will reveal it self, where the problems source, in what energy locations of the person and also in what domains of life they express themselves... I might find the sings in the chart guilty for the problems, and I might find which energies of the self are complicated in the whole mess (the mess or mass of the complications and possible bad aspects that "indicate" the problem , how and possibly why the problem expresses, or what is the problem....

Interestingly, the chart might indicate the neurosis tendencies (my theory), but the problems in the chart indicate the source, and probably not "EVENT INDUCED" trauma leading to psychological problems... birth/natal chart refers to your "birth promise", the birth potential if you like...

anyways, I am just offering

the person with depressive tendencies will often avoid anything, often find lack of motivation. That's why using SSRIs ALONG with therapy can have some real effects for mild forms of depression or mild forms of anxiety (both of neurotic nature) , fe. in modifying the persons behaviour without getting into the source.

PS2: DId the Zoloft work once?? I wonder how come you take it for so long if you claim it didnt help....

PS3: sorry for chaotic post, I hope I am contributing something helpfulf here, if not, let me know and I will fly away..

PS4: you said something that resonated with me. something aloing the lines, "I cannot enjoy pot occasionally, only tolerance has to build up"

Also you are saying you cannot stand still you're nervous i take it...

its normal for a chronic pot user who quit to be nervous and impatient , be patient (who antithetical does this sound?) ...

a person with pepressive tendencies should never got too much into pot inthe first place, and if he got, he might wanna check the timing of intake and also , the strains he smokes... INDICA+depression = bad ...... maybe not in the short term, but surely in the long term if you get a lot into this shit...

indica is such that most people indeed can enjoy iot socially only when they build up a tolerance.. the creations of super strong strains which came as a result of the prohibition, now strikes back to all the rookie and new users that come to smoke and they are blown away with a drag...

Old hippies which are unseasoned have reported todays pot is amazingly high.... A pothead friend of mine said my favopurite sativa strain we are smoking these days "is too strong" to smoke mid day.... and its a sativa..... !!!

think this as an example... a fellow pot abuser nowdays smokes most quality sativa bud (as opposed to the indica dominated market) , and seems to be more productive and less fucked up, but what do you know, he longs for the sedation of indica strains sold usually cheaper around here...(!?!)

this means that even the transition of a pothead from indica dominant strains to sativa dominant strains will make the person a tid bit MORE energetic, and MAYBE, longing for the ingredient that makes the high of the pot more stoney, AKA indica strains...

My instict tells me sativa dominant strains would be the choice for persons with tendencies for depression.....

the dominance of Indica strains "created" a lot of "cannabis induced psychosis" to hit the news and even some "negative" research papers on cannabis...

but its dominance for all these years also created "something" in the culture and the habit of the potheads of the world...

PS5 - indica strains made some of us addicted to sedation, and I mean those of us who never smoked the herb for getting sedfation, for easing off some harsh experience or waht, and maybe switching to sativa is a nice way of undoing the habit...

Edited July 13, 2014 by mutant

[Meditator]

Hah im already in bed. Who needs sleep.

Yeah i totally agree with mutant. Indica marijuana can be a very mellow feminine intimate experience of feeling or full blown stoned eye lids drooping to the floor. And stoned with depression can turn very bad. I know myself. Good sativa strains of weed can make one more energetic giggly and mentally brightly aware. I always preffered sativa. Its heady like i am. Always loved that psychedelic touch of "my head feels like its part of the things im looking at and the air itself.. Even the room" phenomena. And my body being lower than my head (in an abnormal way) lol. I litterally felt high. Havent seen good sativa since i moved here though

Only set back to sativa is that if youre not good with weed.. The anxiety from sativa can actually be really bad. I had to lay off bush, and bud in general. Bush is sativa dominant.

I wouldnt go to drugs though.. Getting of zoloft isnt a joke.. That shit sent my insane insane ... I felt high and sick.. And mentally unwell... Oh god i was on it for like a week and took myself off it. You dont want to be messing with your neurological functions with drugs dude. Taper off first... Atleast to a low dose. Zoloft is one that can do damage if you cold turkey that shit i think. If you do something man.. This may sound a bit silly.. But low doses of mushrooms.

Pscilocybin that is. Do you know how you react to them? Ive actually never done them but i have my reason for saying this.

I remember there was a post saying that mushrooms like turned the negative amygdala (emotional brain part.. Part of a ventricle or something) responses off. Basically liberating your emotional energy ,mind and freeing you from negativity. But also this will cause the receptors to work and not desensitize. turn them on and make them active yknow. Id do it with meditation and music. Im talking like a dry gram of cubensis or less. Unless you want to trip ofc. A trip a week with microdoses (1/4th or so of dried cubes) during the next couple days after might actually be beneficial.

Id suggest staying away from weed and alcohol though whilst tapering.

If you were to use weed youd want medical grade shit man. 60/40 70/30 sativa indica bud. Youd only want small doses through the day. Maybe indica at night too. But getting the right stuff for you sounds like a longshot.. And honestly you dont need it. And settling for anything but the right strain for you is in my opinion foolish.

Btw mutant im pretty sure its sativa that runs the risk of psychosis. I know from my own experience for example. I use to smoke the headiest sativa you'd find. Also Indica strains actually contain the cannabanoids that have been under study for use as antipsychotic medication (CBD for example is found in much higher amounts in indica). I dont doubt wrong use of shitty grown not flushed indica hydro can fuck with you and your body and even brain though. Every like second weekend would be safe but being a stoner on that stuff just isnt smart.

Ive never had good indica that would cause a person to experience a psychotic episode.

Edited July 13, 2014 by Meditator