how unhealthy is this?

[badwolf]

@badwolf

Anti-depressants rarely make anyone better on their own, but as you said they give you a different direction, and can be an excellent aid to help you to get better. Going back to the cast analogy, if you break your leg and put a cast on it but then go out on a skateboard, its unlikely that your leg will get better, you need to use the cast to let your leg heal.

True that... The first time I was given an AD, many years back, Moclobemide, it took a few weeks before I suddenly realised "What the hell, how did I not notice how I've been feeling for so long.." It was like a light turned on, i felt normal.

I eventually stopped, and the problems came back, so I started them again but this time around, it was like giving myself the flu - horrible side effects. so I persisted on with the mundane plethora of both imaginary and real problems in my life.

On and off over the years however, I've used various sorts... I often compare AD's to some popular illegal substances, for instance LSD - but minus the Euphoria. And thats a damn nasty feeling to have day after day... I'd sit there in the morning, pupils dilated, staring at the floor for hours, not feeling anything. And not having that 'good' feeling to have a synergistic effect with the spaced out loopy feeling, I started drinking like a fish. I'm doing, by comparison, pretty well these days, in that regard..

But I do know many people get back on track with the right ADs, and you're exactly right... the road we travel takes us to our destination, it doesn't matter if we drive a smoking, overheating toyota corolla, or a Lamborghini.. Unless we change lanes, we'll end up at the same place we started towards...

Crikey, there I go again.. lol

Cheers,

Damo.

[trixxy3]

Yeah I'm sort of similar to that, without the thoughts of suicide, I can get on well with other people, but would rather be left to myself. At times when I was younger this was tough as you see everyone else hanging out with groups of friends, being like paris hiltons etc, but you get older, grow into yourself more. Can not agree more with the people who suggest gardening and psychedelics, gardening gives you a hobby to take your mind off of yourself, and psychedelics help you fix these problems, gardening is the solution, psychedelics the cure. Best thing that ever happened to me from a mushroom trip was getting my arse kicked and coming out of it thankful to be alive. But I find the less self conscious I am, the happier I am, keep busy and have a lot of hobbies, surfing, gardening, photography, reading, learning, an enjoyable job, pets, music.

[calyx]

I contemplate suicide from time to time..usaully only without any real determination, but recently ive been researching the most effective ways go about it...still lack the bit of extra drive to do just currently. I dont have much of a social life and my thoughts and actions usaully inhibit me from improving that. Self loathing from time to time and very good at isolating myself. I've spent the past 5 days doing a TESOL course, where at every oppertunity i sit away from people...when im forced into groupwork etc i seem to get on very well with some people and fairly easily..the second its over i go back to removing myself from people and I never approach people and on the odd occasion i do speak up, if i feel it goes badly i get throw back in the self loathing thing.

Yeah, this is not one of those bullshit "cry for help" things, they are too pathetic for words. Just wondering if im right that my thoughts are fucked up, not just a bit fucked up.

Hey Stoney, I think all the posts above show there are a more people who care about you than you might realise. It took real guts to post with such honesty, I feel you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

I would definitely recommend getting as much sunlight on your skin as you can, it can have profound effects in elevating moods. Observe how you feel before and after a good dose of sunlight, it is amazing. It is especially important during winter to combat SAD (Seasonally Affective Disorder).

Maybe go to the video store and get some good comedies out, a good dose of something silly like Borat does me wonders.

Helping other people is a pretty sure fire way to feel better. I realise that the general public may seem a little too confronting at the moment, but something like Meals on Wheels could be mutually beneficial. The oldtimers would not judge you at all and would just be delighted to see you.

Are the issues you feel self loathing over resolvable? Please PM me if you want to discuss any problems..... fuck that, just PM me anyway mate .

All the best

Calyx

[Vertmorpheus]

So is the concern over how you interact with others, or how you are interacting with yourself? Just trying to clear that one up... as for the plants , I can dig that (every pun intended) I know a lil time with my green kiddlings brightens me up... but if you are aiming to have better interactions with people, focusing your emotional attn onto thingst hat dont talk back (not out loud) might not be the best idea... thats how crazy cat ladys end up as crazy cat ladies, they get one for a mate and then another as a mate for it, next thing you know, they are even lonelier than before... just surrounded by catshit.

Suicidal thoughts doesnt mean youa re necessarily suicidal... its a very complex issue n not one I will deal with properly in a quick post. I think a lot of people are more worried about what they think than they should be... when you raell flip out you tend to lose the ability to think "hey, that was a fairly fucked up kind of thing to think".

Hope you start feelin better stonewolf, shit can be very tough sometimes... get plenty of sleep, eat well, get regulr moderate excercise, maybe check out my sig and see if its personally applicable...

Helping other people always makes me feel better...but watch out for tryingto be everything to everyone, or you can end up as not much to yourself!

VM

[Guest Øskorei]

[immanuel]

i went through something similar a while back. i was never suicidal, but simply put, i couldnt handle social situations unless i was with close friends, so isolated myself and hated myself at the same time for doing it. it may have been a mix of things, but i feel fungi was the main contributor to help me over come this problem. they made me realize the problem, admit it, and deal with it.

Edited July 25, 2007 by mardybum