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Siggor

cop jokes

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would love to hear some

No Balls

A young woman was pulled over for speeding.

As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball."

He replied, "Highway patrolmen don't have balls."

There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said.

He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.

She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.

Asshole Stretcher

A guy speeding over a bridge, late for work, gets stopped by a cop standing on the bridge operating radar.

After being stopped the cop asks the man what his profession is and he replied "A professional asshole stretcher."

The cop, being curious, asks "Exactly what does a professional asshole stretcher do?"

The driver explains that he starts with a small asshole and continues to stretch it until its six feet tall.

The cop asks the driver "What do you do with a six foot asshole."

The driver responds "Apparently give him a radar and stand him on a bridge."

just a start anybody else?

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LOL thats funny, but what if our new member is a cop...

new member are you a police man really? I dont understand........

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He ain't no cop! Just a troll having a stroll.

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LOL thats funny, but what if our new member is a cop...

new member are you a police man really? I dont understand........

i would think not, a cop would have bigger fish to fry or one would like to think so.

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Coppers esp. freddy feds have a whole lot more and a whole lot less tact and style all at the same time. I smell tofu rather than bacon.Or maybe just the smell of very silly bacon.

"you ethno people".... what... all 11 of us? It's poloshirted private school wankers with their swanky lil pill labs and designer neurosii you gotta watch :P

If this keeps up I might have to lose the D and just be a G haha

GD

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Lol - more like a security guard - FAKE BACON :P But I agree - there is certainly the wafting smell of bean curd in the air :puke:

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"you ethno people".... what... all 11 of us? It's poloshirted private school wankers with their swanky lil pill labs and designer neurosii you gotta watch :P

Hilarious!! :worship:

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Guest Øskorei

Q: What's the only animal that has a cunt halfway up it's back ?

A: A Police-Horse

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Q: What's the only animal that has a cunt halfway up it's back ?

A: A Police-Horse

Get those animals off those horses?

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LOL thats funny, but what if our new member is a cop...

new member are you a police man really? I dont understand........

There, there dear......don't overwork yourself with this one.

no I'm not a cop.

here is a joke:

How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs???

None. He fell.

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A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.

After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"

The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

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Ok Folks.......just will use this space to announce the retirement of Former Detective Sergeant RAYMONDO McPEATTIE.

Obviously i'm not really a cop.....was just me Greencavefloat playing a SAB board prank.

Maybe i did a few to many posts but I thought some of them were rather amusing......anything that mentions a banana in the tailpipe is always fun.

Anyway had a laugh and so Raymond Peattie is now officially retiring from the board.

Well done to the people who web searched for the (currently incarcerated) Raymond Peattie.

I must say that Torst was onto me in a flash with my alter ego and knew who i was straightaway.

Ok, no harm done folks..

see ya

GFC

post-3568-1177234256_thumb.jpg

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I must say that Torst was onto me in a flash with my alter ego and knew who i was straightaway.

he he, you should see the piles of concerned PMs your first post generated in my inbox. Hilarious! :worship:

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Man ya told that asshole stretcher joke all wrong!! It's meant to start off as "sphincter stretcher" so people don't pick up on it until the end.

Its a long one, and ya gotta work people up with it, like you're working a sphincter.... so use alot of finger and hand motions.

A guy got pulled over by a copper for speeding, and being a smart-arse copper he asks the driver if he was in a hurry to get somewhere. "Yes, actually I am, officer... I'm late for an important appointement for work." When the cop inquires about his job, the driver replies "I'm a sphincter stretcher."

Dumbfounded, yet curiously aroused, the officer presses for more information as to what this job actually entails.

The man explains "first we start off with your ordinary run-of-the-mill sphincter, officer, we lube it up and give it a little massage *makes a circular motion with his thumb* to loosen it up. The whole process, officer, is quite long... so once its ready, I'll penetrate the tip of my thumb and make slow circles stretching it ever so slightly until I can fit a second thumb in there. *now making graphic thumb motions* When that gets wide enough, I'll then slip the first two fingers on each hand in, so i can get a bit more grip on the sphincter, as this makes it easier to stretch out at a faster rate. I'm trying to work it so i can get all fingers in there, as obviously, using two hands makes the stretch easier to do. Once this happens I call my assistant in. He'll grab one side of the sphincter, and I take the other... we are trying to stretch it until its roughly 6 foot across..."

The copper interjects with "now what in the fuck do you do with a 6foot asshole??"

"Stick it in a blue uniform and give it a radar gun."

Well I shouldn't really say the original joke was told wrong, I just improved it B)

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Fake accounts = poor taste. :(

It undermines the community, in my opinion.

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^^^

I reckon fake accounts are brilliant!

actually, fake accounts will cause both the fake account and the real account to be deleted when I find them. so only a good idea if you want to start from scratch.

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I reckon that reviving a 2+ year old thread for no apparent reason entails a much much greater degree of brilliance.

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