alien

wow i didnt expect such a response to this thread lol. I dont think i will read anymore into it and i havent read all the posts as a lot of people seem to be getting upset over this topic but I just have one last thing to say before i leave this thread alone. nebraxis, I am really sorry about your friend thats awful. But in regard to me being "treatment resistant" that is the label that my doctors have given me. They want to send me off to the city to some clinic type shit now. I think they want me to try drugs that arent out yet, u know go on one of those trials but im not too keen for this. How could I not be treatment resistant when I have tried every available antidepressant, atypical antipsychotic, almost every benzo, all the mood stabalisers .etc .etc I have literally been on over 40+ medications for my problems. I am just coming to terms that the way I am now, the treatment that I am having which is partially successful is the best its going to get until some new wonder-drug comes out (hopefully that doesnt rely on the utterly shit mono-amine hypothesis). I guess I am not fully treatment resistant then because I am having partial success but yea i wouldnt call it a full success.

One more thing, being on antipsychotics is severely sedating. I HAVE to have caffeine, and a lot of it. I sleep around 12-14 hours a day and Im tired throughout the rest of the day. I know its not good for my anxiety but if i didnt have it id be in bed 24/7. Also im not scared of shrooms, i was just worried they may make my paranoia worse. I dont know if Id ever take them again given the opportunity though.

And one more thing I totally disagree with you brian with anxiety. If you have an anxiety disorder or suffer from anxiety any med that can take it away is a godsend. Benzo's are under used now days. You ever tried the therapy's for anxiety like CBT, exposure therapy and so on? Its painful. It takes months no wait, YEARS for real results for people like myself who have had these problems since they were like 4 years old. Ive gotten to the point where i wouldnt leave the house because of my anxiety to the point now where I can go out and so on and I thank the therapy but most of all I thank the drugs like benzo's which take away the anxiety attacks and make life easier to live. I dont want to end up in a psychatric ward again, and if ativan can relax me enough to have a semi-normal life so be it.

I think there is some confusion with what I was saying. I dont smoke pot, i havent in years. My paranoia gets worse if I smoke it but i dont believe it caused it. I am getting treatment, I see a psychatrist once a week. I do stick with my meds. Believe me, I have been on so many different antipsychotics. NOTHING WORKS! Ive been on the typicals, the atypicals. Id NEVER EVER go back on the typicals again. Ive been on seventeen antidepressants, a few mood stabalisers, shit loads of benzo's. Seriously I have been on so many drugs its not funny. I dont like having a pseudo-parkinson's disease syndrome that the typical antipsychotics give you. Id rather be paranoid than be a vegetable. I am "treatment resistant". I am just hopeful that another antipsychotic will be released in the future that will work for me. And an antidepressant that would work would be great too. But in all honesty, being on Zyprexa has helped my paranoia out a lot. But not fully. I dont think there is any such thing as full treatment with mental illness, maybe for a few people but I believe that the vast majority still have symptoms of their illness when they are being treated. Also, I am not schizophrenic or schizoaffective, not that I would care about the labels but i have been seen by several psychatrists and psychologists and all say I am bipolar I, OCD and have paranoia. I dont fit under one label but I dont think many people do.

I agree it probably is propaganda. I also agree drugs shouldnt be used while pregnant hey. Take care

oh serious. Ill keep that in mind if i ever do try it again. would the anxiety be that bad like would it likely make my paranoia worse? Like tonight I thought my paranoia was under control but its not. I get the most fucked up thoughts. I was in a cafe and this guy walked in. I thought he was coming to kill me. He walked straight out and stood outside which was another reason he was coming to kill me, waiting for me to leave so he could do it. Then he used his mobile so I get these thoughts that hes calling his friends to come kill me. I just wanted to run to my friends car but I tried to hold myself together, I had so much anxiety it wasnt funny. We eventually left and Im home now. I dont know why I get these thoughts. They are crazy I dont like them and I dont understand why i get them. I think they might stem from when I was robbed and chased by a group of people on the train. I dont know. Anyway Id like to say that Id never EVER hurt anyone, even if they were really trying to kill me I dont think I could do anything. I just hate the way sometimes I dont know whats real. It can be horrible. I feel like my pet rat. She is scared of the dog that my Mum bought. She use to run all over my Mums bed but now she is too frightened and likes to stay in her cage. I take her out and hold her but she shakes and so I pat her to calm her down until she is alright. Id never let anything happen to her but she doesnt know that. I feel as if she is the only thing in this world that I can relate to. Seriously anyone who wants a pet should get rats they are just the best I love my rat so much. Anyway, Take care

Thanks guys for the responses. Ive had shrooms before but I cant remember much of it, I was manic at the time and I took 5 valiums which is 25mg of Diazapam and ended up falling asleep. Mind you I had a high tollerance to Benzo's back then so who knows why i fell asleep. If I ever did try shrooms again (where its legal to do so of course!) I would go on the lower end. Would a benzo be good to take with shrooms to calm the anxiety? I have such a fear of having a bad trip. I dont know if shrooms would work on me though considering Im on an antipsychotic at the moment. If i were ever to try shrooms or mescaline would it be best to have some largactil and/or a benzo on hand to bring me out of a bad trip? Thanks

is it hard to get? lol i might order a copy of it it looks cool. Are u into anime?

lol i just did a search on the avatar pic, cool i like it hehe

One more thing. I really dont think there is any doubt that I have bipolar though. I do get manic and depressed. I cycle and have period where I am "normal" too. This all started when I was about 17.

oh lol i didnt know that about the avatar. Whats it from ? I just found it on a link of avatars at a site didnt say anything about it. Thanks Planthelper, thats really encouraging. I will do the test on the link u gave me and see the results. Take care all

thanks people. what does DomoKun mean????????

lol the avitar i just added is me when im having an anxiety attack lol

I baught some "lion's tale" from earthbpod a while back, is this a relaxing herb?

Another thing, I really dont like speedy drugs. I guess because I get so speedy when Im manic. I figure its similar to being on ecstacy for me, but without the crying lol. I dont sleep for weeks, im scattered, all I think about is sex. arghh. Its not fun though. Hypomania is kind of more enjoyable i would say as its not so intense but when I get manic i start to halucinate and think everyones out to get me. Please dont think im dangerious or anything like that, Im 100% non violent even in these states. I just kind of keep running away from everyone. I think the mentally ill get a bad wrap in the press but i dont know. When I was hospitalised there was this one dude who was bipolar that made me sick. He would go and beat people up he could find on the street when he was manic, and he had no remorse he just blamed it on his illness. I think ill just work on my garden for a while and keep trying to quit smoking lol. Take care