Auntyjack

I agree with WWW, also ask yourself, have you had enough yet...when you can truly answer yes and you stop forcing the storm will calm and the changes come from places never considered. Questions change and needed answers become redundant. Well it did for me anyway....just a perspective. AJ

cool mutant.....its not the goal, but the choice to get it that matters. More of a choice to not be where you presently are,... has a surprising momentum.

Not exactly...i guess i found things i never intended to look for. I turned my back on my catholic upbringing, the church and any religious organisation as all i see is a cancerous pit of righteousness, i decided enlightenment was a crock of self absorbed spiritual masturbation...and that's when i stumbled upon what i believe faith to be. You see i believe my actions and my thoughts show my faith. And i tell you i honestly believe one of my actions show more faith in god then most ppl that go to church every Sunday and bathe in righteousness based on the ignorance of blind faith. I do not pray, i do not go to church and i certainly do not need to label myself as a believer or an atheist....the notion is misguided and a waste.

...i forgot to add the reason mushies helped me, see it took me a couple of months of being patient i invested in what i did. I taught myself to turn a print into a medicine that healed my soul, put me back together. for 3 solid months every day i listened to what it had to teach me....and it was a hard teacher. I was always by myself (how could i explain what i was doing?) and it was never for recreation and once it served it purpose i never did it again. The best thing is it taught me to embrace fear....i learnt to beat it by understanding it. ....this is how i stopped smoking pot, with the fear gone i was hungry to feel again. i used them...and they let me.

Mushies broke my daily need for pot...the funny thing is how. For nearly 15 odd years i smoked everyday......i was tired of being its bitch, and tired of felling numb. What i found was i was searching for the wrong thing.....i didnt need something to help me stop, failed at this many times. It gave me a reason to not want it....all to quickly i had a half sit in my cupboard for weeks, I even stopped drinking. The fact that your planning and the extent of your commitment to get it right by asking suggestions you already have what you seek. A dedication and the motivation to change.

WaterTrade you are at the gates of heaven a freedom from within when you desire the easy road just because you tire. You honor god more by your unwavering inability to close you mind and submit to something you don't believe to be right. You have taken the gifts that every soul has, but you choose to use them the right way....even though it tires you to your very mind and soul. I believe there are three gifts from god that have enormous power to create or wipe things from existence. Two of these are for all of us. They are 1. the ability to reason and 2. freedom to make a choice based on that reasoning..... 3.......and the third is a power and state beyond our understanding it cannot be owned or used it is TRUTH These are the very tools which allow you to rid you life of the things that are wrong/negative they are they keys to having purpose. Tell me this.....when you come across something that is true does it not have a taste, a smell a presence like nothing else? I tell you it is instantaneous and more then recognition....it is a state of grace. You look for freedom then make your choices based on truth and you will carry no debt/no judgment and faith will reveal itself and have a new meaning. Real faith is the freedom to reason and make choices without fear....there is only ONE way to do this. And its simply because the truth cant be changed/ altered/ or lost and it doesnt need to be confirmed/justified it is absolute/whole and utterly unavoidable.....funny but the most powerful weapon in the universe cannot be used as a weapon. The thing about the truth which ties it to faith and a state of grace is that it is absolute it cannot be created or destroyed and most of all it cannot be reasoned....it is not born of this world, its outside my ability to understand or even describe. When you know something be true you cannot change it without substituting a lie and RIGHT THERE my friend there in lies the absolute power of god----->a state of grace.....and no one can own this power or deny it. Because to change it you need to lie to yourself (and this simply isn't possible ever...NEVER) Look you can try to choose to remove the truth but its too late the understanding cant be un-understood. here is a thought to toy with: it is a common belief that when you die you will be judged on all your actions (the goodness of your outcomes from using reasoning and choice ) I believe that the judge will be me and my shortcomings shall be sounded by truth in a permanent state of grace. ...and the penance for my deliberate wrongdoings....UNDERSTANDING without debt. See i don't believe God will judge me as that is a function of man and to suggest that god the very thing i cannot fathom and now choose not to need to understand, has the same duties/flaws as myself would be on par with denying he exists. (not a conclusion that I can reach) I believe i love god in a way i never thought possible, and its for this reason.... I understand that no part of my mind and soul can honestly pretend to understand, comprehend, evaluate, judge and then apply faith by worship of this pretense....you see to do this I have to deny the very gifts that i come to give my life purpose, and i simply wont trade that which has been evaluated in the presence of truth. I love and honor god by using his gifts to fix the problems in my life I love and honor god by using his gifts to love WITHOUT DEBT I love and honor god by using the state of grace that gift of absolute power, to make good honorable decisions and be at peace because even if the decision i make is wrong and hurts many ppl, i can hold my head up and say I AM WRONG AND BUT I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION So what has this done for me? I make better descisions I dont pass judgment anymore I dont have guilt I can love without fear My emotions do not take the place of reason My emotion no longer are the tools to make bad descisions justified I have free'd myself of self abuse This life owes me nothing. I have embraced my passions not treated them like a dirty secret. I can now look at a starving child in africa and not feel guilty for having more. I stopped stealing responsibility from people and selling it as self sacrifice AND MOST OF ALL i rejoice when i find i am wrong because at that moment i have become a better person and no-one can take it. I have found that its the other ppl in my life that i need....they are the rewards that need no trade, they are shared without debt. I have endured the pain of accepting that everything i believed was right....was a cruel lie that imprisons I burn and destroyed my life with a brutality and a resolution, nothing remained untested not even the fear of having nothing and finding out i was wrong. I gave away $50K and didnt feel a thing, i quit my job, gave away all my cars and possions, I even rid myself of sentimental keepsakes When i had finished i had come from married man with 4 kids, houses, cars $100 per year job....to alone and one suitcase (i kid you not) When i started this ruthless destructive need to rid myself of the things and beliefs, it was absolute-->logic reason emotion fear were bridled and silenced. This is where i found faith.....i had for the first time praised god and all i had was faith. Do i believe i love god more now then i ever could have.....no I love god with a freedom i never had before.....and real faith is choice by truth because faith by fear just doesn't taste true. I think that i believe in god without devotion---->tells god i was honest and devoted to him, i challenged my faith without fear to love him better, to praise him by my actions not my fear and sacrifice. I had faith, and now i have strength i have love and i can share with others completely debt free, and rejoice when they point out a flaw in my essence they have just given me something i could not do my self. But anyway....now i can live, i can breath, i can love, i can give more then you could steal from me That beautiful hunger inside me now sings and i am free to chase it passionately. WOW guess thats been needing to get out a while hahahah AJ PS forgot to add : the more i learn and grow the less i know

Para what was the name of the artist who did your avartar?...in ZBrush. btw...I got the program AJ PS has anyone else got any links to some good zbrush art??...would be much appreciated.

I guess I kind of see it by the reflections of its effect, its taste, the way it makes you feel...and then somehow try and describe it through more easily defined terms. Sort of like the concept of volume and weight by themselves they are missing a perspective that gives them substance and meaning, put them together and you begin to develop recognition and association. But this is still not enough until you experience it and gain its taste, its smell and its emotion (the reflection) and that's when it has an identity. I can't identify soul and spirit but I know they exist only from there reflections. AJ

hey thanks man....much appreciated AJ

definately yes for vision....especially high dose LSD. I used to really enjoy making a painting on the wall turn 360 deg untill it was upside down or any angle, I could even scale the size of the painting while turning it. But auditory has been out of way out of my control once or twice...but I think that it was the onset of a wee bit of meth psychosis

JUst like to wish every here a wonderful and safe easter break, and I hope you all share the love and strength...as its free. Cheers SW

POINT taken...repeatedly!! ohhh mumma

How brutally honest are you with her naja?.....does she really know all that you have said here? are you waiting for someone else? What does she feel?....as awkward as you? Love and jealously are two seperate things....and they are miles apart. being protective does not equal jealously....which is it truthfully? Don't be afraid either way...makes you feel, feel alive yeah! Don't sweat it man...live it.

Huharhahahah.........thats priceless Para!

...so its not from the consumption of heavy metals and pesticides?

..is there one that isn't?

...worse still is what does the rest of the world think of Aus because of that fukwit reporter. As good ole Derryn Hinch would have said....Shame Shame Shame

very nice ace...very nice.

...,maybe she should sue herself for failing to provide duty of care. Yet if I were to shoot her and her lawyer in the head (the world a favor I think)...I would be the one to go to jail...hrmph hot digitty shaggy there really is no justice!

Happy B'day FM

..i think spider mites are worse, have lost two beautiful brugs and a couple of square stems, but mealies are attacking my cacti...go figure? But I have learnt the hard way....dont use white oil is fu*king evil stuff.

...but jono sorry to put the wind up ya sarong, but I'm afraid Santa says you've been a naughty, naughty boy this year and you not on his nice list, and he wants to know what have you done for him lately?...he's a bit of a karma bitch Santa!...probably sarong envy.